Warning! This document contains sections about the human sexuality. These sections are specifically marked. Educational or not, you might not want to read sexual content.
If you go through the topics below in order, top to bottom, each person should alternatively read the next topic. If a single person were to read the topics, he / she would expose all his / her personality while the other person could change his / her answers in order to pretend that he / she is a good match.
The text in italic font, and text within parenthesis, contains instructions and tips, not topics.
The conversation topics (about sex) are available in a desktop friendly format and in a smartphone friendly format.
The list of topics below is a limited list of possible actions to do during sex. You might want to add your own topics.
If you have to keep notes of your agreements about sex, you might want to print the sex menu.
For each topic from the list below, each person should state his / her preferences. Then, an agreement has to be reached on who the subject of the action is supposed to be, and with what frequency should the action be done. The agreement is valid only until one person changes his / her mind. Write down the result as follows:
Topic / Subject and Frequency / Disagreement result
The Subject indicates who should be the "Subject" from the action; if the word "Subject" is missing, this can be ignored:
X: both the man and the woman should be the subject.
M: only the man should be the subject.
W: only the woman should be the subject.
The Frequency indicates how often the action should be done, at the request of the person who wants to do the action:
H (hot): the action is hot, so it should be done often.
R (regular): the action is normal, so it should be done with average frequency.
L (limited): the action may be interesting sometimes, so it should be done on occasion.
D (sex menu day): the action is acceptable on sex menu day. The sex menu day should occur regularly, as agreed: every day, twice a week, once a week, twice a month, once a month, twice a year, once a year.
* (fantasy): the action may be interesting as a fantasy, but should not be done in the real world.
- (abnormal): the action is abnormal, so it must never be done.
The disagreement result indicates how to handle an action that one person doesn't want to do:
If XXX: the person who doesn't want to do the action accepts to do the action only if XXX happens.
Never: the person who wants to do the action accepts to not do the action with anyone.
Elsewhere: the person who wants to do the action will do the action with someone else.
Unacceptable: the disagreement is unacceptable, no relationship can exist.
Examples of answered topics:
Foreplay and non-sexual: Subject's body is washed (by partner). / XR - Both partners should be washed by the other, regularly
Teasing and domination: We have sex in front of a mirror. / D - The partners may have sex in front of a mirror on sex menu day
Recording, Video: We videorecord the sexual act. / - / Never - Videorecording is considered abnormal and should never be done
After sex activity: We stay in tight body contact with penetration.
After sex activity: We stay in tight body contact without penetration.
Facesitting:
Subject sits with butt on partner's face.
Subject sits with genitals on partner's face, no thrusting.
Subject sits with genitals on partner's face, with thrusting.
Fingering:
Subject thrusts fingers in partner's anus.
Subject thrusts fingers in partner's vagina.
Fisting: Subject thrusts fist inside partner's vagina.
Foreplay and non-sexual:
Subject receives a full body massage (from partner).
Subject's genitals are shaved (by partner).
Subject's body is washed (by partner).
We cuddle and spoon, no penetration.
We cuddle and spoon, with penetration.
Licking:
Subject's anus is licked (by partner).
Subject's external genitals are licked and sucked (by partner) (fellatio and cunnilingus).
The man licks (inside) the woman's vagina.
Masturbating:
Subject watches partner masturbating.
We masturbate each other.
We masturbate together (each his / her own genitals).
Multiple partners:
Swinging: We swap partners with another couple.
Threesome: The man and two women.
Threesome: The woman and two men.
Watching: Subject watches partner having sex with another person.
Novelty:
Subject initiates sex.
Role play: Subject acts like someone else during sex. (Explain the acted role.)
Role play: We make out like we're teenagers. Scenario: we're hungry for physical contact, we don't know what to do, what to ask, what to expect, we don't have our own place, we take any opportunity we have and play in improper places, we're pressed for time because we might get caught, we may behave with restraint because we don't know how far the partner is willing to go, we explore our boundaries through touching and rubbing, we're opportunistic and steal kisses and touches, we engage in petting through clothes rather than penetration, our minds don't have the opportunity to settle in a comfortable place.
Penetration, Anal: The penis in the woman's anus.
Penetration, Oral:
The penis in the woman's mouth, no thrusting, deep-throat.
The penis in the woman's mouth, with thrusting.
Penetration, Vaginal: The penis in the vagina.
Position for oral sex: 69 (man on his back in bed, woman on top facing the man's penis).
Position for oral sex: Pecker (woman on her back in bed, with head over the edge of the bed, man standing next to her head).
Position for clitoral stimulation: Rolling waves (man on his back in bed, woman on her back on top of the man; optional anal penetration; the man can put his legs over and between her legs and spread them apart; the man can stimulate her clitoris and vagina).
Position for vaginal or anal penetration:
Backpack (woman on her back in bed with knees to the chest / shoulders, man on top).
Cowgirl (man on his back in bed, woman on top facing the man).
Cowgirl reverse (man on his back in bed, woman on top facing the man's feet).
Doggy (woman on her knees and hands in bed, man from behind).
Eagle (woman on her back in bed with legs spread wide, man on top).
Missionary (woman on her back in bed, man on top).
Recording:
Photography: Subject is photographed naked.
Video: Subject is videorecorded naked.
Video: We videorecord the sexual act.
Setting and location:
We have sex at night, lights off, in front of the open window.
We have sex in a secluded public location. (Locations: forest, corn field, back room.)
We have sex in the bedroom.
We have sex in the shower.
We have sex on the kitchen table.
We have sex on the livingroom couch.
Lighting:
We turn the lights off (in a dark room).
We turn the lights on (dim).
We have sex in daylight.
Teasing and domination:
Delayed orgasm (edging):
Subject is denied orgasm and made to repeatedly beg for orgasm.
We repeatedly delay the orgasm (for long sex session).
Duration: We have a long foreplay.
The man ejaculates:
In the woman's mouth.
On the woman's abdomen.
On the woman's breasts.
On the woman's butt.
On the woman's face.
Subject has multiple areas of the body simultaneously stimulated.
Subject is made to watch his / her body being used for sex.
Subject is teased with a feather.
Subject's external genitals are teased, no penetration.
Subject's orgasm is watched by partner.
Subject must be the active one, while the partner is passive during sex.
We have improvised sex whenever and wherever Subject wants.
We have sex in front of a mirror.
We look in each other's eyes.
We play with food during sex.
We watch pornography together.
Toys:
Anal penetration: Subject's anus is penetrated with a sex toy.
Oral penetration: Subject's mouth is penetrated with a sex toy.
Vaginal penetration: Woman's vagina is penetrated with a sex toy.
Tying up:
Subject is blindfolded.
Subject's ears are plugged with earplugs.
Subject's mouth is gagged (with a gag ball).
Subject's movements are restrained, heavy tying, bondage.
Subject's movements are restrained, light tying.
Rough sex:
Subject has hair pulled by partner.
Subject is lightly choked (not asphyxiated) by partner.
Subject is pinned down.
Subject is used as a sex toy.
Subject is subjected to explicit talk ("I do this to you").
Subject is subjected to offensive talk ("you're my whore").
Subject must be disciplined / punished for his / her naughtiness / disobedience / lewdness.
Subject is subjected to physical pain by partner. (Explain what kind of pain.)
Subject's body is lightly bitten by partner.
Subject's butt is spanked.
Subject's chin may be forcefully pushed up to expose the neck.
Subject's face is slapped.
Subject's holes are penetrated with thick objects.
The woman is subjected to forced deep-throat.