Warning! This document contains sections about the human sexuality. These sections are specifically marked. Educational or not, you might not want to read sexual content.
The conversation topics may contain either questions or statements. Questions are clearly meant to elicit an answer. Statements may sometimes appear to state facts, but they are meant to elicit opinions and comments, not simply be accepted as absolute facts.
The text in italic font, and text within brackets, contains instructions and tips, not conversation topics. Each indentation of the bullet points (to the right side) is a dialog switch between the people talking.
When choosing an answer from a list of options, you're free to choose one or more, or choose a combination, depending on what fits you best, and add your own options. Each person could try to guess what option fits the other person.
If you go through the topics in order, top to bottom, each person should alternatively read the next topic. If a single person were to read the topics, he / she would expose all his / her personality while the other person could change his / her answers in order to pretend that he / she is a good match.
There are over 530 very detailed conversation topics.
If at the end of a date you see an unacceptable incompatibility, you can say "We have (very) different personalities" in order to indicate that you will not pursue a relationship (with your person of interest).
For tips on how to go through the conversation topics, see this.
The conversation topics are also available in a desktop friendly format.
Sexual lifestyle (Warning: mild sexual content in all subsections)
Sex (Warning: strong sexual content in all subsections)
Explicit talking (dirty talking)
Diffuse arguments sexually (Warning: sexual content)
Initiate and negotiate sex silently (Warning: sexual content)
Settle sexual differences (Warning: sexual content)
Read this section only when you see a conversation topic marked with "GAMIFY". Until then, jump to this section.
The topics which are marked with "GAMIFY" can be optionally gamified. You can gamify a topic either the first time you answer it, or at a later time (when you can answer it again).
A topic which can be gamified contains a list of statements which can be used as answers for the topic.
When a topic is gamified, it means that on top of the number of statements that each person may freely specify as being important, number which is indicated in the topic (usually 3), each person may specify more statements when paying a closeness cost (described below).
A topic which can be gamified is designed not only to be fun, but also to show people's ability to allocate scarce resources. If your person of interest defies the instructions and freely specifies more statements as being important than the topic indicates, it means that they are willing to use trickery to go around obstacles, and are unable to allocate scarce resources, patterns that will repeat later in life.
Here are the available closeness costs (each can be repeated multiple times):
You may say "I want 1 more choice" to request to specify 1 more statement from the list. If you give a compliment to the other person and he / she says "I accept", you may specify 1 more statement. A compliment is anything said that gives the other person pleasure.
You may say "I want 2 more choices" to request to specify 2 more statements from the list. If the other person says "I accept", he / she must indicate where he / she wants to touch or caress you (with only one of his / her hands), and you must say either "Yes" to allow it, or "No" to forbid it. If you allow it then you can specify the statements, but if you forbid it then you can't specify the statements. At any moment you may back away or ask for the touch to end and the other person must stop. It's recommended to avoid touching sexual areas.
You may say "I want 3 more choices" to request to specify 3 more statements from the list. If the other person says "I accept", he / she must indicate where he / she wants to kiss you (with only his / her lips, not tongue), and you must say either "Yes" to allow it, or "No" to forbid it. If you allow it then you can specify the statements, but if you forbid it then you can't specify the statements. At any moment you may back away or ask for the kiss to end and the other person must stop. It's recommended to avoid kissing sexual areas.
If you forbid the touches and kisses, but the other person insists that you should accept, make it clear that "It's too early for physical contact". If the other person still insists, walk away because that person is from the wrong pool of potential partners.
What were you doing / thinking about before we met? What were your plans before we met? What plans did you have for the next hour or two? What plans did you have for the rest of the day?
Tell me something interesting about yourself. It can be about anything you want. [You can repeat this topic a few times. If he / she takes too much to think, you can tease him / her by saying "So, this conversation is the most interesting time of your life."]
Tell me about you. What's your life story? How did you become the person that you are now? [If he / she says "It's a long story", you could say "I like hearing your voice."]
Tell me something that you are proud of about yourself, your greatest (physical or mental) accomplishments.
Compliment yourself about something other than your physical appearance. [Few people can compliment themselves about something else, at least with a non-generic compliment. Women, in particular, want to appear physically attractive, but are bored by men who compliment them for their physical appearance. But do women actually know what makes them more than just a pretty face and body? If he / she says that it's your job to compliment him / her, say "If you can't compliment yourself, knowing everything about yourself, how can anyone else compliment you?"]
How much do you care about things in life? Examples:
Life is care free.
I care about many things.
What you are doing with your life? Examples:
Having fun, living my life.
Asking questions, exploring the world.
Describe yourself with maximum 3 short attributes. GAMIFY. Examples:
The Prize, princess, valuable, hard to get.
Messy, lazy.
Beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, pretty.
Strong and independent.
Extroverted, open book, easy going, going with the flow.
Introverted, private, shy / timid, mysterious.
Delicate, fragile, innocent, elegant, refined.
Trustworthy, proud.
Rebel.
Confident, creative, curious, determined, driven, energetic, focused, logical, ordered, passionate, resilient.
What do you care about in life, what do you feel passion for, what are your hobbies and activities? Any project that you're currently working on? [When he / she tells you his / her passions, you can continue the conversation by asking "What made you interested in [activity]?" It's a fallacy of the modern, educated world to think that partners should feel passion for the same things. Compatibility is about the day-to-day life, not about shared passions.]
What do you do when you are bored? Examples: I look at my nails, I look in a mirror / phone at my makeup or hair, I check social media (on my phone), I expect my partner to entertain me, I look at other people, I look at things around me, I work on my hobbies.
Physical, mental or behavioral traits that you don't like at yourself, that other people might not like at you, that you could improve at yourself (mentally and physically). Things that your partner should be more patient with.
Your obsessions, quirks. What are you obsessive-compulsive about? What things have to be very exact / structured / ordered / determined? Examples: buying things, saving money, hygiene, folding clothes, logic.
The first thing you're noticing or trying to see at a person of interest, when seeing him / her for the first time? Examples: clothes, weight, height, breasts, ass, hips, thighs, genital organs, face, eyes, silhouette, intelligence.
What was your first impression of me? What were your concerns about me? Has anything changed now? What are your concerns now? Concerns refer to things that make you feel uncertain whether we should continue talking.
Do I have anything that you would not normally choose a partner for?
What do you find interesting in me?
What makes you happy, or what would make you happy. What stands between you and your happiness?
Things you do to relax, to calm down. Examples: listen to music, clean the house, iron clothing, cook, go out for a walk, walk in a peaceful place (like a garden), read a book.
What things would you like to be able to do more?
If you could do anything you wanted right now, what would you do? Your perfect day.
The happiest moments of your life. [If he / she takes too much to think, you can tease him / her by saying "So, this conversation is the happiest time of your life."]
What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
If you would not have to work for money, what would you do with your life?
If right now you had the equivalent of the national average wage for 6 months, what would you spend it on?
What do you feel most grateful for, in life?
Magical ability that you don't have but desire.
Would you live on Mars for 3 months?
What's the funniest, weirdest or craziest idea for a date that you would like to go on?
Were you ever naughty?
Very weird, funny, amazing or embarrassing things that have happened to you or that you have seen happening to others.
If a person that you are attracted to were to walk by you in the street, naked, how would you react, what would you say?
Let's say that your clothes vanish suddenly, leaving you completely naked. What would you feel? What would you do? Examples: run away, die of embarrassment, cover myself with your clothes, ask you to close your eyes, let you watch, stand up and show you everything.
If you could time travel at any moment in history, what would you want to see?
What would you do if the world were about to end in a few days?
How prepared would you be for an apocalypse? Example scenarios: an asteroid hitting Earth, catastrophic weather, Sun burning out, vampires, zombies.
What's the most dangerous situation you've ever been into?
What would you do as the absolute ruler of the world?
If you could switch bodies with your partner for a day, what would you do that day?
What was your favorite activity as a teenager? Exclude masturbation.
When you were a child, what did you want to be / do as an adult?
Some moments that you remember most vividly from your childhood.
Do you remember a moment from your childhood when you thought that magic was real, or when you thought that you were very special or invincible?
Physical activity. Examples: walking, fitness, bike riding. Walking versus going by car. The last time when you've walked for an hour.
Eating style, diet, weight control. Describe what you usually eat during a day. What you eat in general. Your favorite foods. Your favorite deserts. How often do you eat at restaurants?
What you drink and how much: water, tea, coffee, alcohol, vegetable and fruit juices, sweetened beverages. Have you ever been drunk?
Habits when deciding to buy things. Do you buy things on a whim? Do you obsess over analyzing and comparing details? When you buy something, do you often regret buying it because you later see something more interesting? If you regret buying, do you replace what you've bought, or do you try to find new interesting things about it? Answer separately for cheap things, and for expensive things. Examples: yes, there are so many choices out there, sometimes, I research a lot before buying, I research things so much before buying that I'm sometimes paralyzed and I even end up not buying.
Products you've bought online recently.
Show some photos of the place in which you currently live. Show only the inside.
Show some photos that you've taken, maybe from your trips.
Travel. Vacation locations and business trips. What kind of places do you prefer to visit in your vacations: cities, quaint villages, resorts, rugged nature, mountains, beaches. Do you like hiking, camping? Where did you go in your last vacation? Where else have you traveled? Where would you like to go in your next vacation? Would you want to go in a vacation without your partner? What if it weren't possible to go together?
Search online for reviews for restaurants or hotels, be they from places where you would like to travel, or from your city. Comment on the reviews. Review websites: Booking, TripAdvisor.
Search online for visual art, like photographs, paintings, or sculptures; try to find something out of the ordinary, maybe even controversial. You can look at AI art in the public galleries of AI generators like Midjourney. You can also search online by combining words like "surreal", "outstanding", "controversial" with "photographs", "paintings", "sculptures", "fine art", "NFT art", "art". Look at the found images and comment on the art. What do you think about someone who displays that art in his / her home? What do you think about a man who displays in his home a photo of a nude woman, or about a woman who displays in her home a photo of a nude man?
Reality is:
Manifested by the mind. The mind creates Reality.
Preceding the mind. Reality creates the mind.
Best way to handle Reality. Examples:
If something feels good, I go for it because it means that it's a good thing.
Feeling in tune with the positive vibrations of the Universe. Reality is changed by positive thoughts.
Feeling good about yourself, having only good vibes about the world, being lied pretty. The way Reality works sounds negative, so it can't be true.
If something feels good, it may very well be a bad thing.
Confronting the hard, cold truth.
Types of videoclips that you are watching online, like documentaries, personal development, movies, music. Articles or books. You could search for them online, on your smartphone, to show what you're interested in.
Are you interested in improving your body or mind? If the answer is "Yes", how do you do that?
Teach me (about) something. Keep the lesson within a few minutes.
What annoys you the most in people, in life, in the world.
What are questions for you? Examples:
Something that keeps me away from having fun.
A way to understand the world.
What do you think about asking and being asked hundreds of questions about your personality? Examples:
A waste of time, an interrogatory, an inquisition. Spending time with my partner is enough to show us if we are compatible, and we'll gain life experience.
A nightmare that has to end.
A way to understand myself and my partner, so that we can avoid conflict and wasting time on an incompatible relationship.
If a conversation topic is about a subject that is awkward or unpleasant for you, like some sex topics are for many people, what do you think your person of interest should do next? Examples:
Skip the topic and accept me as I am.
Move on to another person of interest. I want to be with a partner who thinks like me, I don't want to do what my partner wants.
Continue the conversation on that topic, but be more patient with me, and take more care about my feelings. If he / she doesn't like the result, he / she should:
Accept me as I am.
Move on to another person of interest. I want to be with a partner who thinks like me, I don't want to do what my partner wants.
Awkward moments must be overcome by continuing the conversation.
What is ignorance for you? Examples:
Bliss.
A path to pain.
Type of relationship that you want to have next, for the foreseeable future. Examples:
One-night stands. Only for sex.
Casual sex, short-term relationships. Mostly for sex.
Non-monogamous relationship. Sex is included.
Intimate friendship. Sex is possible, but not a priority.
Conversational friendship. Sex is excluded.
Long-term relationship, but short-term relationships and casual sex are fine until I find a good partner.
Long-term and sexually monogamous relationship. Sex is included. Could lead to marriage.
If you're looking for a long-term relationship, do you still see yourself together with the same person after 5...10 years? If the answer is "No", does it mean that you want several long-term relationships?
In the foreseeable future, like the next 2 years, is it likely for you change your mind about the type of relationship that you want?
Are you currently involved in a sexual or romantic relationship?
Do you see any difference between deciding to buy things and deciding to get into a relationship? Do you put similar effort into both things?
In your next relationship, are you looking for realistic expectations and friendship, or for magic, fate and a soulmate? How would your soulmate differ in behavior from a person who is a good match (but not a soulmate)?
Would you prefer to be miserable because you don't have a partner, or miserable because of your partner but together with that partner?
In your arguments with your partner, is it better to be right, or to be happy?
Happy wife, happy life.
Happy, even if I have to concede arguments when I'm right.
Right, even if my partner isn't happy that I don't follow emotions.
Reason must drive the (direction of the) relationship, while emotions create the nest where the woman can manifest herself and be happy.
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your current partner to have conversations with other people, which could result in a romantic relationship with those people (after breaking the relationship between you two)? This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like embracing, kissing, petting or sex) with the other people, following the principle "look but don't touch". Examples: until getting the second / third / fourth date, until we discuss all these conversation topics, until we have our first sex together, until we declare love to each other, until we agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship, until engagement, until marriage.
Whatever your expectations from your partner are, would you spend the time, energy and effort to give him / her the exact same things that you expect him / her to give you, or would you give something in exchange? An example of the same thing: I expect him / her to listen to my problems and offer me support, and I do the same for him / her. An example of exchange: I expect him / her to bring the money, while I do the cooking and cleaning.
How do you view the start of your life together? Examples:
I want the fairy tale marriage proposal. I want the man kneeling in front of the woman to propose.
I want to be a part of my partner's life.
I want the man / woman to be a part of my life.
[For the man to say] I have my path in life and I'm going that way, giving it everything possible. If the woman wants to join me, I welcome her, I want her in my life. But if she wants a nice guy who kneels, declares his undying adoration and says he wants an equal partner, there are plenty of soft men out there.
What makes you a good partner? How would you make your partner's life better? What do you bring in a relationship that your partner can't do by himself / herself or can't find in most other people? Examples: my very fit body, beauty, fun, good vibes, giving birth to children, cooking and cleaning, financial security, companionship and friendship, dedication, (sexual) faithfulness, sex, sex with complete abandonment, passion for my partner and his / her presence.
Romantic things that don't involve sex and don't involve either partner paying money for anything (except for some pocket change), things that you could do for your partner, or that your partner could do for you.
Physical or mental traits that attract you to men / women. From the list of statements below, specify maximum 3 that are most important to you; you can add your own statements. GAMIFY. Examples:
Accepts that my makeup, dyed hair, dyed nails make me look smashing every day.
Uses makeup, or dyes her hair or nails in order to change her appearance and look smashing every day.
Is relaxed about life and doesn't put pressure on me.
Enjoys watching movies and TV shows with me.
Wants to have children at some point in the future.
When upset, argues because that's how normal people work things out.
When upset, reasons logically because that's how people who want to be compatible work things out.
Enjoys a formal dressing style, social behavior and events.
Enjoys a casual dressing style, social behavior and events.
Enjoys intense physical activity, like bicycle riding, hiking, sports.
Works to keep his / her body healthy and weight fit.
Works to build financial security for the family.
Believes in spiritual things like: manifestation, cosmic energies, vibrations, frequencies, astrology, crystals, pyramid energies, magic, superstition, spirits.
Is religious.
Has the same political view that I have.
Is funny.
Has an elegant / refined behavior. Displays a refined masculinity / femininity.
Is passionate about his hobbies.
Is a thinker and challenges me intellectually.
Is intelligent.
The ways in which you would like your partner to often express his / her attraction, passion and love for you, to make you feel special. From the list of statements below, specify maximum 3 that are most important to you; you can add your own statements. GAMIFY. Examples:
Puts me on a pedestal and treats me like a prince / princess.
Pays all the bills.
Provides me rich financial security. Give some examples.
Provides me moderate financial security. Give some examples.
Gives me expensive physical gifts. Give some examples.
Gives me inexpensive physical gifts.
Does chores for me. [What kind of chores?]
Does chores together with me. [What kind of chores?]
Cooks great food for me.
Compliments me for my physical appearance.
Compliments me for something other than my physical appearance.
Says words of support and encouragement, like that he / she appreciates or is proud of me and my actions. Makes me feel important and that I bring something valuable in the relationship.
Listens to me, my feelings, my problems, and provides nurturing support for my development.
Verbalizes his / her feelings for me.
Remembers minor things that I did or said.
Notices (new) things about me.
Plans date nights with me.
Plans vacations with me.
Surprises me from time to time, with small things. A surprise requires the lack of repetition.
Seduces me from time to time, takes me out to dinner, laughs with me, makes out with me like we're teenagers, has sex with me like I'm his / her new sex toy. I want to matter! I want to see on his / her face the pleasure that my personality and body give him / her.
Spends time with me indoors, in close proximity.
Spends time with me out of the home, in the city (at restaurants, bars, cinema, theater, museums, gym, couple sports). [How often should this happen?]
Spends time with me in vacations.
Has hobbies similar with mine.
Is fine spending time away from each other, each busy with his / her own hobbies, activities and friends.
Casually touches and rubs my body, for a few moments. How should this happen mostly? Examples: fingers through my hair, hand on a non-sexual part of my body (shoulder, forearm, hip, back / spine), hand on a sexual part of my body (buttocks, breasts, genital organs), his / her body parts (thighs, buttocks, genital organs) on my buttocks.
Holds my hand in public. Maybe also kisses me in public.
Hugs, kisses and massages me.
Flirts with me.
I want to see in his / her eyes the passion for me, for my presence. I want to see softness and delicacy in his / her behavior, I want to see a spark in his / her eyes when he / she sees me. I want to see his / her instinctual passion for me, not negotiation of physical attraction.
Initiates sex.
Has sex with me.
Gives himself / herself passionately to me, physically.
Completely abandon himself / herself sexually and gives me unspeakable pleasures. I want to own his / her soul and body!
What is the crucial one thing that you need from your partner, without which you would say "If I don't get this from you, I'm walking away"? Examples:
Save me from my problems.
Give me children (at some point).
Physical protection.
Equally splitting all the chores, and pooling all the money together.
Cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children.
Financial security.
Companionship and friendship.
Hobbies similar with mine.
Spend time in each other's presence.
Stay embraced for long periods of time.
Physical passion for me and my presence.
Be happy long-term together.
Sex.
My partner's complete sexual abandonment to me. I want to own his / her soul and body!
Most annoying, but not bad, traits in a partner. Examples: feminine man, masculine woman, too aseptic / hygienic, ignores hygiene, is rude with other people, chews loudly, sips hot beverages loudly, gets drunk, farts in my presence, too ordered, too messy, too stoic / emotionless, too logical, ignores logic, is mocking, rolls his / her eyes when I say something, is too exhibitionist in public (wears a deep cleavage, shows too much skin, wears body-tight clothes and shows too much body shapes).
How messy or ordered are you? How chaotic or logical are you? How emotional or stoic are you?
What do you think is the key for a long lasting romantic relationship? Examples:
Not arguing, not mocking your partner.
Not pestering your partner to do something.
Not being overly jealous.
Not being desperate about your partner, not fearing that your partner can be happy without you.
Not expecting your partner to your read your mind.
Sleeping in separate rooms.
Frequent (and good quality) sex.
Feeling passion for the physical presence of your partner. Feeling sexual passion for your partner, not merely allowing your partner sexual access to your body.
Explicitly expressing passion for the physical presence of your partner, like a strong, wild and passionate being, not like a weak and desperate one.
Physical and mental intimacy, closeness.
Being delicate and attentive with your partner.
Looking up to your partner.
Maintaining some privacy.
Exceptional personal hygiene.
Keeping private some of the unappealing parts of life (like bathroom time).
How do you feel about you and your partner manifesting your affection for each other in public? Examples of manifestation: distant, holding hands, hugging, pecking, kissing, kissing passionately, climb on one another while kissing passionately.
When meeting your partner somewhere, do you prefer to kiss then hug, or to hug then kiss? Hugging before kissing builds anticipation for the kiss, but some people don't want to waste time before kissing.
How often would you like to spend time with someone, before you live together? Examples: every day, twice per week, once per week.
How often would you like to communicate with someone, before you live together? Would you prefer to communicate mostly through text messages, phone calls or face to face? Should the messaging be done through online messengers or SMS?
What kind of text messages do you like more? Examples:
Short, just to remind each other that we exist, and to keep in touch.
Messages like "Hi!", "What's up?", "What are you doing?" are awful. Anyone who wants to find out what his / her partner is doing, should start by saying what he / she is doing, not put the pressure of the conversation on the partner and then pretend that he / she wants to keep the relationship alive.
Funny images and videoclips, from time to time, are fine.
Long. If the first message of a conversation doesn't say anything of substance, it's a waste of time.
In case your partner doesn't answer immediately, how much time is it acceptable to pass until he / she returns your call? What about until responding to a message of yours? If your partner doesn't answer within the acceptable time, how would you react?
If your partner were to cancel a date that was supposed to last the entire next day, what would your reaction be? What activities would you do instead?
What's the longest time you would wait for someone who is late for the first date? Examples: 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours.
Are you annoyed by men who open doors for women?
Who should pay for the entire first date (including the partner's share)? Who should pay for the second and third dates? Examples:
The man.
The woman.
Each person for what they order.
The person who invited the other to the date. Since women almost never approach men, it means that men almost always pay.
What qualifies as an expensive first date for you?
If you were to pay for the entire first date, and you don't clarify before the date what you want in return, does the other person owe you something in return? What if the date were expensive? What about the second and third dates? Examples:
I expect physical contact. Examples: kissing, petting, sex.
I would tell my partner before the date that I expect physical contact in exchange for paying for his / her share of the bill.
People who expect physical contact in exchange for paying for his / her partner's share should hire a sex worker who already knows what he / she has to do in exchange for money.
I wouldn't pay for my partner's share of the bill and I expect nothing in return.
I would pay for my partner's share of the bill and I expect nothing in return, but I would choose an inexpensive date activity.
[For the man to say] If I were to follow the role of a traditional man who pays for the entire first date, I would expect the woman to follow the role of a traditional woman who, in particular, has had very few sexual partners so far. Otherwise, I would have no reason to pay for everything. I'm not a money dispenser for queens who want all the advantages but offer nothing in return.
Which partner should generally take control of planning to do things together? Examples: the man, the woman, equally the man and the woman. Answer separately for the following things:
Go out in the city for dinner, a movie or other activities.
Vacations.
If a woman is asked, for the first time, by a man to do something together, like talk or have sex, and the woman explicitly says something like "No", "Not interested" or "I don't want to", what do you think she means and what should the man do next? What if the woman says "Maybe (you can convince me)"? What if the woman doesn't explicitly refuse the man and instead claims that she is polite and the man should "read" her body language? What if the woman doesn't explicitly refuse the man, and then claims that she was pressured to do things that she didn't want to?
What do you think about a man who gets into a relationship with an adult woman who is at least 15 years younger than him? Examples:
Pervert. He's exploiting her lack of life experience. He should get together with a woman of his age.
A woman's life experience doesn't change according to the man's age, so why does his (much older) age matter? Also, if you're saying that an adult woman can't make decisions on her own, does this means that her father should make all decisions for her because he has more experience than her?
An older woman has more experience, is more mature, can carry a serious conversation, and has been through things that she now knows to avoid.
Men will be men.
A man who has options. Women have lived their entire lives believing that they are the ones who get to pick their partner, because, for evolutionary reasons (= bearing children), they believe that they are the prize in a relationship. A man who gets to be with a younger woman clearly has options to choose from, so he's doing the picking. Women panic when they aren't the ones doing the picking.
Everybody chooses the best options they have. He realized that he can do better than a woman of his age, so he chose a younger woman. It's his choice, it's his decision.
A younger woman has her beauty for longer, will learn and become experienced (just like the older one did), and, by virtue of less time lived, is more likely to have had fewer sexual partners.
Older men are more mature, more knowledgeable, more emotionally and financially stable, have achieved more in life and you can see how well they can take care of themselves as they get older. If they took good care of themselves, since biology is more forgiving with men's bodies, you know pretty well what you are getting.
What differences are there between men and women? What makes a man? What makes a woman? Examples:
Biological sex, either man or woman. [Biological sex will be discussed later.]
Dominance, bossing people around.
Body hair, leg hair, pubic hair, thick eyebrows.
Swearin', sweatin', chewin' tobacco and spittin' on the street.
Feelings, emotions, delicacy, softness, vulnerability, weakness.
Has emotional outbursts.
Is the head / leader of the family.
Is a provider of resources for the family, for the children.
Feels physical passion for the partner.
Has physical and mental maturity.
Has resilience, determination.
Men don't have to be encouraged and cuddled to get into technical, engineering and scientific domains, they are instinctually driven to do it.
Sheer fucking determination to succeed against all odds and against all vicissitudes of life. Without men's drive to confront the hard, cold reality, humans would be living in trees (because much fewer women have the same drive with the same intensity).
Someone who can say "No" to a woman.
[For the woman to answer first] How do you perceive a strong and independent woman?
Powerful, provocative, challenging, determined, inspiring, intimidating.
Bossy, argumentative, irritating, nagging, obnoxious, emotionally explosive. Men don't care how she is in her job, they care how she is in her personal relationships. Such women believe that men need a bro or a political opponent to argue with. Men want a sexual partner, not a board meeting or competition brought into the bedroom.
[For the woman to answer first] Should a woman lead in a relationship? Examples:
Yes.
Yes, if the man doesn't take the lead.
No.
No. A woman who takes the lead in a relationship has no respect for the man, will constantly question and resist the man, and the sex would be of the type "fine, you're allowed" instead of "do anything you want with me". Why would a confident man be with such a woman?
[For the woman to answer] If a man (stranger) looks at you for what feels to be a too long time, maybe while passing by you in the street, what do you feel? Examples:
It's stressful. Creep!
He's stalking pray.
He's sexually objectifying me. That's toxic masculinity. He's a threat to women in general.
I adopt an expression of exasperation. Another loser desperate for a woman's attention.
I frown. What does he want from my life?
I stare annoyed at him. How does he dare to look at me?
He's a dominant jerk. He's part of the patriarchy.
I'm the prize. Take a long look because that's all you can get!
He's a playboy.
His look shows his sexual interest in me.
Yeees, admire me! Do you see how pretty I am?
If I like him, his look shows his admiration for me. Otherwise, he's a loser who gets no women because he's too desperate.
It appears threatening, but that's probably because he's very focused on his point of interest. Some women have the same look.
If a woman says that a man (stranger) that she saw several times, in a public space, man who looked at her every time while passing by, is a creep or a bad man, do you believe her and why? Examples:
Yes. Women are weak and have to be protected. Men are bad.
No. I can't possibly know what actually happened. What she says is what she feels has happened.
No. Clearly the man likes her, and she fantasizes about being a victim. It's good that she stays away from him. It's good for him because she will live her entire life as a victim waiting to explode emotionally.
No. I have no idea if what she says has actually happened in reality or only in her imagination. I would ask her to describe exactly what happened and explain step by step how she reached that conclusion. If all she describes is that he looked at her, her feelings, how she felt, how he made her feel, it's clear that she doesn't understand the world outside of her mind, and that all she describes is (most likely) only in her mind, not outside. If you let people who are fearful, desperate or chaotic tell you what is real, without showing that they have the logical ability to understand Reality, they will destroy the world.
When role playing a hero character from a movie / game / novel, a man usually wants to become that character, whereas a woman usually wants to change that character into the her. Do you agree or not? Do you think that this difference permeates men's and women's behaviors?
Visit stores that interest you, like fragrance stores, clothing stores, grocery stores, decoration and furniture stores. See what you both like, how it feels to shop together, how much time and money you (would) spend. [DO NOT offer to buy a fragrance for the other person. You can buy a fragrance that your person of interest likes, and keep it at your home so that he / she can use it when he / she visits you.]
When you ask your partner "Do you love me?" what parts of you make the "you" from the question? What precisely do you want your partner to love? Examples: my body, my legs, my ass, my breasts, my genital organs, my face, my eyes, my amazing personality, my chaotic mind, my logical mind.
Would you like for you and your partner to tightly embrace each other for a long time (like 10 minutes), every day or once every few days? See Preventing conflict for details.
What (type of) body fragrance do you like? Examples: sweet, powdery, velvety, aquatic, citrus, floral, fresh, herbal, leather, tobacco, spicy. Let me smell your fragrance. [Women usually like sweeter fragrances on men, than men like on themselves.]
Look at each other's face, or in each other's eyes for a few minutes; 2 minutes is fine. When you look in someone's eyes, focus on a single eye, on a single point. Don't switch your focus between his / her eyes.
What would you need your partner to do in order to make you feel the desire to throw yourself in his / her arms, abandoning yourself mentally and physically, while saying "You can do anything you want with me"? It's implicitly agreed that your partner has to protect your body and mind (not do something that hurts you).
When is a good moment for the first hug? [If your person of interest takes too long to answer, you could say "This looks like a good moment" and open your arms to allow him / her to hug you.]
When is a good moment for the first kiss?
Warning: sexual content included.
You should also read about sexual lifestyles.
[For the woman to answer first] Should your partner know and care about the details of your sexual past? This question isn't asking whether you care about your partner's past. Examples:
No. It's the past, no matter what happened.
No. Since sex and my past don't change me physically, so long as my partner doesn't know about my past, I can do anything I want (in the past and future).
No. My partner only needs to know is that I am a good person and I want to be with him / her now.
No. My body is free of disease and with no visible signs of my sexual past. My partner only needs to know is that I am a good person and I want to be with him / her now.
No. My rich sexual past made me very good at satisfying my sexual partner. If you're trying to build a house, you go to an architect who designed a lot of homes. If you're sick, you go to a doctor who treated a lot of people. If you want good sex, you go to someone who had sex with a lot of people.
[Counterargument] While a rich past professional experience indicates success in that profession, and a rich sexual past indicates success in sex, it also indicates failure in romantic relationships (else you would still be with your first partner). For casual sex, you are clearly the better choice. But, I want a romantic partner for a long-term relationship, not only a sexual partner, not only a friend, certainly not a business partner, so someone with a limited sexual past is the better choice.
Yes. Some people want a sexually experienced partner and want to know that from the beginning.
Yes. People aren't rocks, they care about a partner's past and future behavior, be it sexual or non-sexual.
Yes. The past shows personality differences. Nobody wakes up one day with a sexual past assigned to them. Some people won't risk their future with someone whose past choices and experiences, be they sexual or non-sexual, they don't like.
Yes. Some people won't have a relationship with someone who didn't do the work to control himself / herself, was sexually loose, and now wants a good partner as a prize.
Yes. Some people feel an instinctual revulsion toward people who had many / other sexual partners. [This revulsion is the result of a biological imperative where a person wants to have sex with a partner who is free of sexually transmissible diseases, in order to possibly have a long-term relationship with a partner who can make the necessary effort and investment to raise children, person who also needs a guarantee that the partner (that he / she intends to have children with) didn't have children with someone else. This revulsion is instinctual and verbal guarantees have no effect on it.]
Do you want to know your partner's sexual past? Examples:
No. I don't care.
No. I don't want to know. If he / she were to tell me that he / she had sex with a low number of partners then I would think "That's pathetic", and if the number were too high then I would think "That's disgusting!"
No. I don't want to know, unless he / she had few sexual partners.
Yes.
Yes. If I don't like my partner's sexual past, I can do better elsewhere. Even if I can't find someone better, I'm fine on my own. A partner whose claiming to have changed doesn't change my mind. Words don't show someone's personality, actions do and I will not stick around to find out which is true.
What do you mean when you use the word "sex"? Examples:
Genital sex (= penis in vagina). Everything else is sex play, similar to holding a penis in the hand, or to rubbing the penis on the breasts.
Genital, oral and anal sex. Everything else is sex play.
Any kind of physical sex and physical sex play.
What do you mean when you use the expression "sexual partner"? A person with whom you did what? Examples:
Genital sex (= penis in vagina), but not other forms of physical sex or physical sex play.
Genital, oral or anal sex, but not physical sex play.
Any kind of physical sex and physical sex play.
Approximate number of sexual partners that would be normal for you to have during your entire lifetime, past and future. This number must refer to what you want in real life, not to what you fantasize with no intention of making happen, and not to what you think is normal for other people. Examples: as few as possible, under 5, under 10, under 15, as many as possible.
Number of sexual partners you had in the last 12 months.
Approximate number of sexual partners you ever had until now, for any kind of sex. Examples: under 5, under 10, under 15, more than I want to admit, more than I can remember. If you are virgin and want to avoid saying that, use the lowest example number; there will be more opportunities to discuss virginity, especially during the topics about sex.
Would you have sex with a virgin? If the answer is "No", what's the reason? Should your partner have had sex in his / her entire life, until you met, with a minimum number of people in order to gain sexual experience and not regret the lack of multiple sexual partners? Examples: 1, 2, 3, none required.
Number of sexual partners that would be normal for your partner to have had before you. Examples: as few as possible, under 5, under 10, under 15, I don't want to know, I don't care.
Do you feel any kind of pleasure or are you aroused by the thought that your partner had other sexual partners before you (regardless of whether he / she actually had other sexual partners)? If the answer is "Yes", why do you feel that? Examples:
Yes. It means that he / she is desired by other people, so he / she must be doing something well.
Yes. It means that he / she has sexual experience and either I don't have to waste time and energy teaching him / her how to have sex, or he / she can teach me. It also means that he / she is less likely to leave me a few years later due to regretting not experiencing sex with multiple partners.
Yes. It's a twisted pleasure. It feels better if he / she has already lost his / her innocence, because it means that I don't have to invest that much effort into a virgin, and if we were to break up, I could easily move to another relationship, without regretting much losing all the time and energy invested in him / her.
Yes. It's a sexual fantasy that I have for some time.
No. I feel no such pleasure.
What was the shortest time you've spent with a person with whom you had sex? Examples: a one-night stand, a few days, a few weeks, a few months, a few years.
Have you had sex with someone the first time you physically met him / her? What about the second time?
Have you ever had sex with more than one person during the same session of sex?
Have you ever had sex and then regretted doing it?
Is it necessary for you to have sex with your partner before you agree to be in a long-term relationship, perhaps because that's how you ensure that you are sexually compatible for the long-term?
When is it acceptable to start having sex with a new partner? Examples: when I see that he / she is fun, when it feels good / right, after the first / second / third successful date, after a few weeks, after we agree to be in a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship, after engagement, after marriage.
If you think that it's acceptable to start having sex with a new partner only after you agree to be in a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship (/ engagement / marriage), then:
You should first be sure (with a reasonable doubt) that you two are compatible for such a relationship. How will you make sure of that? Examples: we have to be together at least a few months, we have conversations.
Will you abstain from having sex (with anyone) before you're sure that you're compatible with the new partner?
Why do you want to wait until then to have sex? You could have sex from the beginning and, if you were to later see that you're incompatible, you could separate.
Will the sex with you be worth the long wait? Examples: no, I'm not that interested in sex, the sex is never worth the wait, not sure, absolutely, I'll do anything you want during sex, you'll find out during the conversation about sex.
If you have sex with someone and you don't clarify before the sex what you expect after sex, does the other person owe you a relationship, be it short-term or long-term?
Have you ever had sex before you clarified what kind of relationship you want afterwards? If you've said "Let's see what happens (after sex)", it counts as a clarification because your partner knew that your decision, to either stay or walk away, depended on something not yet clear.
If your person of interest would rather walk away than have a conversation about your relationship together, what would you do? Examples:
Have sex with him / her so that we can be together for long enough for him / her to change.
Let him / her walk away. I would do this even if every single person of interest walks away from me.
Have you ever felt that you were pressured to have sex?
If you are single and you feel the need to have sex, do you find someone to have sex with, or do you wait for a long-term partner?
How do you think about sex?
Sex is a biological need, like eating, which is fulfilled when it appears, with whoever is available at the time. Having sex with a partner and separating later feels like I've gained sexual and life experience.
Having sex for the first time with a new partner is a serious decision, a huge investment in that partner, like trying to answer a big philosophical question. Having sex with a partner and separating later feels like losing a big part of who I am.
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your partner to have sex with other people? Examples: until getting the first / second / third / fourth date, until we have our first sex together, until we declare love to each other, until we agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship, until engagement, until marriage.
When would you consider a person to be sexually promiscuous, and avoid having a long-term relationship with that person? Examples:
Never.
When he / she had a large number of sexual partners. Promiscuity is a behavior of tainted or bad people.
When he / she had a large number of sexual partners. As far as I'm concern, he / she can do whatever he / she wants and have sex with as many partners as possible, so long as he / she understands that there are consequences, visible or not at that moment. If he / she understands that, I'd watch the videos, but I will not have a long-term relationship with him / her.
When a woman, but not a man, had a large number of sexual partners. Imagine an average-looking woman who asks men around "I want to have a foursome with three men. Are you in?" Many men would accept the invitation. Now imagine an average-looking man asking women the same. Women would think "How does this loser believe he deserves three women?" So, a woman who had a large number of sexual partners shows that she has little self control and has a risky behavior, whereas a man who had a large number of sexual partners shows that he is worth more than the average.
When he / she did certain types of sex, like anal sex, even with a single partner.
When he / she had sex outside of long-term relationships.
What do you think about a person who says that he / she wants to be in a long-term relationship, but until that moment has sex with many partners? Is that person promiscuous?
If a woman complains that she attracts only men who treat her badly and vanish when she asks for a more serious relationship, who is responsible for the result? Examples:
Those men. They are taking advantage of that woman.
Those men. Women can't make decisions on their own, their family has to decide for them, so that strangers don't take advantage of the women.
The woman. She chose to let all those men have sex with her before she clarified what kind of relationship she wanted. Men have no obligation to stay with a woman who changes her willingness to have a casual relationship, to a desire to have a serious relationship.
Is there a double standard in the fact that men care about women's (sexual) past, but women don't care about men's past? Examples:
Obviously. If women don't care, men shouldn't care either.
There is no such thing as a double standard when people are free to choose. Everyone is free to have their own requirements from a partner. It's each person's responsibility to enforce his / her own requirements, to understand his / her potential partners and choose only a partner who meets the desired criteria. Evolution produced a selfish reproduction process, so a man generally cares about his wife's sexual past in order to ensure the paternity of the children he raises, whereas a woman generally cares about her husband's ability to provide the resources to raise children.
How do you know a person? Examples:
You find out what he / she thinks is right and wrong, in the present.
You find out what his / her past actions were. Many times people say something idealized and generic about right and wrong, but act (or at least have acted in the past) in the opposite way. If I believe that I can do better than a partner with a past that I don't like, I will go elsewhere.
What do you think of the saying "Nice guys always end up with the woman"?
It eventually pays off to be a nice guy, to build your life and career and, when you're older and accomplished, to receive as prize the type of woman you've always wanted. It's a dream come true to finally have everything.
A nice guy is not the spare tire of women who realized that time doesn't stop for anyone, so the bad boys from their youth have to be replaced with a nice guy who can provide them with the financial and emotional stability that they feel entitled to have.
If you desire something sexual, like a fantasy, do you have to make it happen in real life? Examples:
Yes. Why wouldn't you follow your heart? What's the point of frustrating yourself by not doing it?
No. A fantasy can remain only in my mind. Some sexual desires can remain unfulfilled.
If you fantasize about having sex with people other than your long-term partner, do you do act on this desire, or can this desire remain unfulfilled?
Would you ever lie to your person of interest about your sexual past? Have you ever lied to your person of interest about your sexual past? Examples:
Yes.
No.
No. I think that people who lie about their sexual past and get away with it, don't realize that they've doomed the relationship from the beginning because their personality is to deceive and manipulate the people around them, especially their partners. Their pattern of thinking is to try to make things work in their favor without taking accountability for their actions.
If you were to ever find out that your partner has significantly lied to you about his / her sexual past, what would you do?
What do you think about open relationships, in which each partner is free to have sex with other people:
I would like that.
Sounds interesting, but I'm not sure.
It's interesting as a fantasy, but I don't want to do this in reality.
Not interested in any way. An open relationship is for casual sex, a monogamous relationship is for the long-term.
You're insecure if you don't accept. These are modern times.
Here's how secure I am: get lost! [You can say this when someone believes that you're desperate to be with him / her, and tries to manipulate you through shaming.]
Women benefit overwhelmingly because they can find sexual partners easily, while men can't. Would a woman still want an open relationship if she knew that her man already knows another woman who is interested in having sex with him?
The people who want open relationships claim that the divorce rate is high because people are unhappy when they can't have sex outside of their monogamous relationships. In reality, the divorce rate is high because many people have incompatible personalities, and this is true with or without monogamy or open relationships.
[For the woman to answer first] Can you accept your partner to have sex with other people if he / she guarantees that he / she will return to you, won't have children with the other people, and that condoms will always be used to protect against sexually transmissible diseases. Answer separately for this happening occasionally or regularly. Examples: yes, only if that partner is wealthy (and provides me a luxurious life style), only if the other people are paid sex workers, no.
In a sexually monogamous relationship, is it acceptable for you to have occasional and short sexual affairs with someone who you find irresistible? Is it acceptable for your partner to have them?
Do you intend to be monogamous and faithful to your partner?
Do you want your partner to be monogamous and faithful to you?
In a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship, after how much time of having no (quality) sex with your partner would you say that either the relationship should end, or the partners may have sex with other people? Answer separately when temporary medical causes are involved, like after giving birth. Examples: 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, never (sex isn't worth a separation).
There is one biological element that determines human sexual behavior: propagation of genetic material. This element has two parts: maximizing survival (through genetic diversity) and ensuring that the cost of raising children is worth the effort (through selfishness).
Genetic propagation uses genetic diversity as a way to maximize the possibility of (beings) surviving the environment. Most animals, humans included, generally have multiple sexual partners in order to spread their genetic material in order to create very diverse combinations.
On the other side, genetic propagation is selfish. This selfishness exists due to the huge investment that people make in their children, children who are usually raised for decades by their parents. This is why the overwhelming majority of people make and raise their own children, not someone else's children.
The desire for monogamy, faithfulness and virginity stems from a biological imperative to have sex with a partner: who can make a huge investment in children (proved by being together with a partner for a very long time), who can participate with resources to raise children, who guarantees that resources aren't spent on someone else's children, and who is free of sexually transmissible diseases.
A man has one more reason to want a monogamous woman: if he were sure that she's monogamous, if the woman were to get pregnant, the man would be sure that the child is his and therefore worthy of investing resources in; the woman always knows that the child is hers. This desire is instinctual and verbal guarantees have no effect on it.
When is it acceptable to (sexually) cheat on a partner? Is it acceptable when the partner has cheated first? Is it acceptable when the partner (almost) never wants sex, and months have passed since the last time you had sex?
If you were to (sexually) cheat, or to seriously consider cheating, why would you do it? Saying "I would not cheat" or "I don't know" are not acceptable answers. You have to think about what is it that you may be missing most in a monogamous relationship. Examples:
If someone offered me enough money.
Sexual diversity.
Bored to be with a single partner.
Partner doesn't give me enough attention.
Partner doesn't listen to what I'm trying to communicate.
Partner is too weak, with no will of his / her own (like a nice guy).
Not attracted to the partner anymore.
The relationship is over, as far as I see.
Partner cheated on me first.
Almost no sex with the partner.
If your partner were to (sexually) cheat on you, what would you prefer to happen? Examples:
He / she should not tell me.
He / she should tell me.
He / she should terminate our relationship without saying why.
Have you ever (sexually) cheated on a partner?
If your partner were to (sexually) cheat on you and you were to find out after a while, which of the following statements represents more the way you would feel?
The cheating is in the past and the past doesn't matter.
I should never find out about the cheating.
The cheating would hurt me emotionally.
We must terminate our relationship.
He / she better not cheat on me because I will not be in control of my actions.
What is virginity? Examples:
A social construct that's not real, can't be detected in me by my partner, so it's pointless.
A fairytale told by some people to stop everyone from having fun.
An annoyance because it stops people from having fun.
A lack of opportunity to have sex.
An opportunity to wait for the right partner.
A precious gift for a precious person.
Would you say that a virgin is a person who never had genital sex (= penis into vagina)? Is that person still virgin if he / she had oral sex, anal sex or other forms of physical sex play?
If your partner were virgin at a late age, what would you think? Examples:
I wouldn't have a relationship with a late virgin. That just screams weakness and clinginess. I'm out of there.
I wouldn't have a relationship with a late virgin. They're too inexperienced and awkward. I'm out of there.
He / she needs to have some experience before getting into a long-term relationship. He / she doesn't even know what he / she wants. I'm out of there.
He / she is probably waiting until marriage. That's too much trouble. What if we don't match sexually? Is he / she going to follow me forever because I was his / her first partner? I'm out of there.
He / she probably wants to make a huge investment in his / her partner. That's too clingy. I'm out of there.
That's sweet. Virgins are inexperienced and awkward, but maybe he / she will learn and be worthwhile. I'm willing to take that risk.
He / she probably wants to make a huge investment in his / her partner. I admire that kind of focus and dedication of a person for another. Virgins can learn from books and videos how to have sex, so maybe he / she is already has experience and knows how to give pleasure, or is willing to learn with me. I'm willing to take that risk.
Warning: sexual content included.
If you want to avoid talking about sex, go through this section first.
Discussing about sex requires mutual attraction but also a certain familiarity that develops in time, so it should be avoided during the first date.
It's recommended for you and your person of interest to be intimate enough to stay embraced, or in any close physical contact, while talking about sex.
If you are interested in learning about sexuality, see Sexual Education.
If the physical passion for one another doesn't become visible during the conversation about sex, there will never be such passion, and, if you do get sexually involved, your sexual interaction will continuously deteriorate in quality.
If the other person tries to shame you, your sexuality, walk away on the spot.
Tell to your person of interest the guidelines for a conversation about sex:
This conversation doesn't impose any obligations for either of us.
Sex for pleasure doesn't come naturally to people because it's behavior, not instinct, so what produces pleasure during sex is learned and changes throughout life, as people experiment. Sex for reproduction is an instinct.
If we feel awkward during sex, our fearful body language is awkward, not the sexual act. This happens when people aren't confident and determined enough to enjoy sexual pleasure at its fullest potential. Sex is not to blame for something that we can improve.
To express our level of interest for an act, we could use words like: hot, fine / normal, maybe (you can convince me), unacceptable / gross.
We must both answer based on what we want, not based on what we think the other person wants, and not based on what we think that other people want or believe is normal.
We must both agree to not judge, mock or shame the other's choices.
We can pass on answering any topic, or we can change our answers later.
If one of us is ashamed to talk about something, we can turn back to back, or face to back, and talk.
If one of us doesn't want to talk about a certain topic, or doesn't know how to refuse a certain act, we should talk about it so we can see together what to do.
If we get to have sex, we'll do only things that we both agree on. If either of us doesn't want to do something during sex, we don't have to do it.
If one of us has any concerns, we should clarify them together. Concerns that are kept hidden will lead to frustration and unhappiness.
At the end of the conversation about sex, we must both state whether we are happy or unhappy with our agreements.
Any objections?
Do you want to avoid talking about sex? Examples:
Yes. I've been raised in a home / culture where sex is taboo.
Yes. I'm ashamed to talk about sex.
Yes. It would spoil the mystery and desire.
Yes. I would prefer to abandon myself and do what my partner asks. I would say when something should change.
Yes. I would prefer to watch porn with my partner and talk about what's interesting to do.
No. I would like to talk about sex with my partner, to experience the emotional dance that's needed to understand someone on a deep level, and to experience the making of decisions together. It's less important what those decisions are, but it's very important to feel how we connect and choose what we do together, even if that means that we see how different we are and we walk away form one another.
Do you feel guilt or shame when you imagine yourself having sex, or when you are actually having sex?
Chest hair on men. Examples: hairy, shaved.
Pubic hair preference for both partners; this refers to the hair on and around the genital organs and anus. Examples:
Removed (shaved, lasered off, waxed) because:
Pubic hair traps perspiration, and therefore smell, especially in the summer.
I like to see the skin and the shapes.
I don't want hair in my mouth.
Removed but with a decorative patch preserved.
Removed only between the legs (perineum and anus).
Stubble, trimmed.
Hairy.
Do you have any infection or disease that can be transmitted during sex?
If you want to avoid talking about sex, jump to this section.
How often do you wash your genital organs?
Do you wipe and wash your anus after you do number 2?
[For the man to answer] After you pee, do you wipe the tip of the penis with toilet paper?
Your knowledge about sex, how to have sex, how to get and give pleasure. Are you interested in learning more about sex? How did you learn most about sex? Examples:
I don't know anything about sex.
I've heard a few things around, from friends or the Internet.
By having sex.
My sexual partners taught me.
From biology lessons, from sex educators.
Watching sexual education videos.
Reading sexual education articles.
Reading sexual education books.
Spending countless hours thinking deeply, and researching, about how to give sexual pleasure to my partner.
When talking about sex, do you prefer to use a formal or a slang type of language? Something mixed? Formal: sex, penis, vulva, vagina, semen. Slang: fuck, cock, pussy, cunt, cum.
What value do you assign to your genital organs? What are they for you? Examples: a cruel joke of Nature, a hygiene nightmare, an annoyance, the path to financial stability, tools for pleasure, a precious gift for a precious partner.
What do you usually call / name your own genital organs, in a non-sexual context? Use the actual word, don't replace it with something that you think is more appropriate for the conversation. Examples: junk, penis, cock, vulva, vagina, pussy, cunt. What do you usually call them in a sexual context?
[For the woman to answer] What do you call your breasts? Examples: breasts, boobs, tits, rack, the girls.
What do you feel when you imagine a man climbing on top of his woman partner, penetrating her with his penis (making her feel how his penis spreads her flesh apart, making its own space inside her, filling her body up to his testicles), and thrusting vigorously inside her body? Is there any difference if the penetration is vaginal, oral or anal? Examples:
It's inherently bad.
I hate it that men can do that. I hate it that women are powerless and are taken advantage of. I hate biology! I hate Reality! It's men's fault!
It's men exploiting women.
It's a domineering act of men over women.
It's acceptable, but I don't feel sexual pleasure.
It's fine, I have no problem with it.
It's intimate.
It's intensely intimate, passionate and extremely hot.
Where do I sign up for this?
[For the woman to answer] Have you ever seen a man who made you feel an almost uncontrollable desire to have his penis deep inside you?
[For the man to answer] Have you ever seen a woman who made you feel an almost uncontrollable desire to have your penis deep inside her?
How important is sex for you? How important should sex be for your partner? What is sex for you? Examples:
An obligation.
A chore.
Something to explore with my partner.
A gift that I and my partner can enjoy together.
An extremely intimate and passionate act that I want to enjoy to its fullest with my partner.
Who should get pleasure from sex? Examples:
I don't like sex for pleasure.
I prefer getting pleasure from my partner, during sex.
I prefer giving pleasure to my partner, during sex.
Feeling pleasure while you're having sex. Examples:
Pleasure during sex is fine but isn't that important, so it's fine if I don't feel it. There are plenty of other things in life to occupy my time and energy with.
Pleasure during sex is important and if I were to not feel it, I would try to change my sexual behavior, try to talk to my partner about what he / she thinks the problem could be.
Pleasure during sex is important and if I were to not feel it, I would invest a lot of time and energy to improve the possibility that I would eventually feel pleasure, by learning more about sex.
Do you feel pleasure or are you sexually aroused when you think about giving or receiving sexual pleasure to or from your partner, when you think about your partner getting pleasure from using your body, or when you actively produce pleasure to your partner?
Would you need to have sex in order to relax, or would you need to relax in order to have sex?
Some people must feel the desire to have sex in order to start having sex, while other people must start having sex in order to feel the desire to have sex and enjoy it. Which of the two types represents you more?
Are you sexually aroused if you see that your partner feels pleasure that you give him / her?
Are you sexually aroused if you see that your partner feels sexual passion for you?
Men and women are almost just as interested in sex (that satisfies them), but women have more conditions attached to engaging in sex, due to the power play between men and women, cyclic biological variations, and their slower biological response to arousal. Do you agree?
Men are usually ready to have sex in seconds of being asked, whereas women need more time for the desire to build in their minds and bodies. A man should first start having sex with a woman's mind, by teasing her through talking and body language that shows that the woman can't get the man's body just because she's pretty, but that she has to work for it in order to get something valuable. Do you agree?
What could stop you from enjoying sex? Examples: noise, cold, unfamiliar location, stress at work, chores that have to be done, partner focusing only on his / her pleasure, fear that I won't have an orgasm, fear that I won't meet my partner's requirements.
What would you need in order to enjoy having sex, not merely accept to have sex?
How much would you enjoy sex, in general?
How would sex with you be? How would you try to make your partner (sexually) ecstatic?
If you don't know what you like during sex, are you willing to experiment? If your partner asks you to experiment with something that you don't like, will you accept to do it, dislike it, then claim that your partner has exploited you?
If your partner asks you for something that you find unacceptable (but not sick), would you try it once or twice before you deny it to your partner? Don't take this question as a demand to feel obligated to fulfill your partner's sexual needs and fantasies, answer what you want to do.
If you desire something sexual but your partner doesn't want to do that, do you have to do it in the real world with someone else, or can it remain only in your imagination?
Let's say that you and your partner both agree to do a certain kind of sex, but after some time (even months or years), one of you no longer wants to do that. How do you handle the difference and why do you handle it like that? Examples:
My partner may have that kind of sex with someone else.
My partner has to accept to no longer have that kind of sex.
If that kind of sex clearly affects my physical health or general well-being, my partner has to accept to no longer have that kind of sex.
If that kind of sex doesn't affect my physical health or general well-being, I have to accept it because I've already agreed to do it.
We have to separate.
Consider a handsome, carefree, confident, bad boy with a fit body and a "go suck a lemon" attitude, who doesn't validate a woman's beauty with compliments. Would most women let him fold them like an origami and use their body in any way he wants?
Would you stay in a relationship if your sexual needs are not satisfied by your partner?
Can you imagine a scenario in which you would abandon yourself to a man / woman? Would you like to abandon yourself, to let go of control (over your body) and do what that man / woman asks? Examples:
No. It's awkward.
No. I'm afraid.
Yes. I'm submissive during sex.
Yes. This makes me feel a combination between danger, fear, arousal, pleasure and relaxation.
Do you want your partner to abandon himself / herself to you? Examples:
No. It's awkward.
Yes. I want to fuck his / her brains out!
Yes. I want to own his / her soul and body!
What could stop you from abandoning yourself to your partner? Examples:
Nothing. I wouldn't deny anything to my partner.
Shame because other people might know what I'm doing.
Fear that my partner could think that I'm sexually promiscuous.
I'm afraid that my partner might hurt my body.
I'm afraid of the types of sex that my partner wants.
I'm afraid that my partner would use me like a sex toy and continue to treat me the same when we're not having sex.
I'm not afraid of the types of sex that my partner wants, but I'm afraid of being used for sex and then abandoned.
Fear of being cheated.
Dirty body parts.
Yucky stuff that comes out of men and women during sex.
Not trusting my partner to that level.
Not feeling enough passion for my partner.
What would you need your partner to do in order to make you feel the desire to unleash your sexuality, to make you feel the desire to throw yourself in his / her arms, abandoning yourself sexually, while saying "You can do anything you want with me"? It's implicitly agreed that your partner has to protect your body and mind (not do something that hurts you), and that everything not related to human sexuality is excluded. Examples:
I will not be unleashing my sexuality.
I need a mentally and physically safe and private space.
I don't need anything extra to unleash my sexuality.
My passion for my partner is enough.
Something deeply intimate and sexual about you. Something that makes you feel very vulnerable, something that you are afraid of telling your partner. Something that makes you feel like you're undressing your soul and say "Accept me like this or leave!" [You can delay talking about this until you finish talking about sex.]
What would you need your partner to do in order for you to deny him / her as few actions as possible? Examples:
I will deny whatever I will deny.
Nothing.
We have to be in a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship.
We have to be married.
Is there anything that you want to deny to your partner from the start? It's implicitly agreed that your partner has to protect your body and mind (not do something that hurts you), and that everything not related to human sexuality is excluded. Say explicitly what you deny, and try to provide a reason. Examples:
Everything. Only sex in the missionary position is acceptable.
Photographs and videorecordings.
Involving other people.
Intense domination or rough sex. Some domination and some rough sex may be allowed.
Significant pain.
If you were to not feel sexual passion for your partner, would you still want to be with him / her, and for what reason? Examples: for children, for financial stability, for a safe relationship, for sex (with limits).
Do you know that the vast majority of women need to have their clitoris stimulated in order to have an orgasm, and that very few women can have an orgasm only through vaginal penetration? [An orgasm always includes pelvic contractions; very few women report having an orgasm without contractions, and no men.]
[For the woman to answer] Can you orgasm without your clitoris being constantly stimulated?
[For the woman to answer] If your clitoris isn't stimulated, do you feel pleasure during vaginal stimulation / penetration with fingers, a penis or a dildo? If the answer is "Yes", should the stimulation / penetration be shallow (= at the vaginal entrance) or deep (= toward the cervix)?
Who should be responsible for your sexual satisfaction and orgasm? Examples:
Myself. Come to think of it, why, then, do I need a partner?
Myself. I can take charge of the situation and use my partner's body to satisfy myself.
My partner.
During sex, the man has an orgasm, but the woman doesn't have hers. What should each of them do? Should the woman satisfy herself? Should the man satisfy her, and how? [Read this for tips.] Examples:
The woman is free to do what she wants to satisfy herself.
Thrusting is hard work. If the man wants sex this much, let him do the work to satisfy both himself and the woman.
If the man has satisfied himself using the woman's body, then the woman should similarly satisfy herself using the man's body.
If the woman has actively satisfied the man then the man should actively satisfy the woman.
The role of the woman is to arouse the man with her presence, and the role of the man is to show her how arouse he is by her presence and to do the work to satisfy both of them.
Clitoris stimulation. Who should do it, how, when and for how long should this happen?
[For the woman to answer] If you regularly don't orgasm during sex, would you masturbate in front of your partner, with or without a vibrator, to allow the partner to watch and learn what spots you like stimulated, what kind of stimulation, and for how long? If you refuse to masturbate, do you feel the need to have sex, and do you enjoy having sex?
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Would you, and why would you, ever fake an orgasm?
Who should have an orgasm first, the man or the woman? [It's recommended to make the woman orgasm first.]
[For the woman to answer] How big should a penis be? Examples:
Big enough to fill me up to my belly button.
Big enough to have a hard time trying to squeeze it inside me... while my legs are wide open.
If my eyes get wet wondering if it can fit in, that sounds about right.
Your forearm looks about the right size.
If it can't rearrange my insides, it's not big enough.
If I can still speak, it's not big enough.
If I don't choke in it, it's not big enough.
Thick enough to make me feel my vagina being pushed wide open.
Short but skillful like a chef's knife.
Short because I tickle inside.
Average because I like boring.
Who needs a penis? Can the man find my clitoris?
How would you prefer the location where you have sex to be usually lit? Examples: daylight, well lit, dim lit, dim lit with colorful lightbulbs (reddish is best), bedside lamps with dimmable lightbulbs, candle lit, moonlit, dark. Why do you like it lit like this?
When and where would you like to usually have sex? Examples: in the bedroom before going to sleep, on the livingroom couch in the evening, on the kitchen table, in the shower, in the broom closet (at full moon).
How many times do you feel sexually aroused during a day? Examples: none, once, twice, several times, many times.
How often should sex happen? Examples: once per day, 5 times per week, 3 times per week, 2 times per week, 1 time per week, 1 time per month. Do you feel the need to have sex with this frequency, or do you accept to have sex with this frequency?
Do you prefer to be passive (= sit still) and let your partner work on you, or active and work on your partner?
Which partner should be active during sex, and work on his / her partner?
Both.
The man.
The woman.
Positions during sex. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom? In what positions would you prefer to have sex most of the time? What positions are the most arousing for you? What positions are the least arousing for you? Any unacceptable positions? Examples:
Starfish: Woman on her back, staying still. Man on top.
Missionary: Woman on her back. Man on top.
Backpack: Woman on her back, her knees to the chest. Man on top.
Eagle: Woman on her back, her legs spread wide. Man on top.
Doggy: Woman on her knees and hands. Man from behind.
Submissive doggy: Woman on her knees; her forearms, chest and head on the bed; her bottom high up in the air. Man from behind.
Cowgirl: Man on his back. Woman on top, facing the man.
Reverse cowgirl: Man on his back. Woman on top, facing the man's feet.
Waves: Man on his back. Woman on her back, on top of the man. The man can put his legs over and between her legs, spreading them apart.
Pecker: Woman on her back, with her head on a pillow. Man kneeling next to her mouth.
Submissive pecker: Woman on her back, with her head over the edge of the bed. Man standing next to her mouth.
69: Man on his back. Woman on top, facing the man's penis.
How long should sex usually last, including foreplay, thrusting and postlude? Examples: under 15 minutes, up to 30 minutes, up to an hour, more than an hour.
How long should foreplay usually last, including massaging, petting, kissing and oral stimulation? Examples:
Just say the word and I'm ready to go.
I'm quick.
I'm a slow man. / I'm an average woman. (10...15 minutes.)
I'm analog, so you have to push a lot of buttons.
I need to receive a body massage that includes the erogenous areas.
We should experiment how long is too much.
How long should thrusting last, during a session of sex? Examples:
I'm quick.
I'm average. (5...10 minutes.)
I'm a bit slow.
I like to enjoy myself.
Overindulgence is the key to happiness.
What's sex without divine ecstasy?
Why stop before you can sip the nectar of gods?
We are gods of sex. Gods always refer to themselves in plural.
We should experiment how long is too much.
Thrusting could last for a long time if it's mixed with other kinds of stimulation (like oral or massaging), or with pauses.
How would you tell / encourage your partner to end a session of sex which is taking too long for you? Examples:
Get it over with!
Are you done yet?
Can you finish already?
It's taking too long.
Did you get lost in there?
I'm bored.
Can you take me from behind so I can watch a movie?
Can you not push so hard? The text of the book is jumping up and down.
I'm counting sheep already.
I wouldn't say anything, and let him / her continue.
I want to see / feel you finish (inside me)! Show me how you finish!
That's it honey! Take as much time as you want!
How often would you like to initiate sex? How often would you like your partner to initiate sex? Examples: never, sometimes, half of the time, most of the time.
How would you initiate sex? How should your partner initiate sex? Give some details about the words that you would use, or about how you would touch the partner's body. Do not touch the body of the other person, just explain! [See Preventing conflict for details.] Examples:
Verbally ask for sex (like "I want you") and wait for an explicit verbal confirmation to start the sex.
Caress his / her body in a suggestive way and wait for him / her to caress me as an implicit confirmation to start the sex.
Silently but firmly take the partner by the hand, lead him / her to the bed and start having sex. I would stop only if he / she verbally denies the sex.
When sex is initiated by one partner but the other doesn't want it, how should the initiator be refused? Examples to say: "Not today", "I'm not in the mood", "I'm too tired", "I have a headache".
If sex is refused by one partner, what alternative activity is acceptable? Examples: none, looking in each other's eyes, spooning (= with almost no hand movement, and no rubbing), cuddling (= with some hand movement on the body, and a bit of rubbing), putting the fingers inside the vagina (and keeping them inside, without rubbing), separate masturbation.
[For the woman to answer first] Do you want to make love, or to fuck? Do you want to be made love to, or to be fucked? [If the woman hesitates, the man should ask "You don't have the courage to admit? ... Do you want to be fucked?"]
How should sex usually be? Answer separately for it should start and for it should be after that. Examples: limited to reproduction, restricted, refrained, tame, delicate, romantic, passionate, dominant, rough, wild, primitive, unleashed, with abandonment (= I'll fully give myself to my partner, or want my partner to fully abandon to me).
Would you like your partner to look into your eyes during sex? How much time should such a look last? How often should this happen during a session of sex? Would you like to ask for it to happen? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often. [When you look in someone's eyes, focus on a single eye, on a single point. Don't switch your focus between his / her eyes.]
Would you enjoy seeing your partner's orgasm? [Usual visible signs of orgasm: body-wide rigidity and spasms, contracted face, contracted or opened mouth, firm or fast pelvic movements. The internal pelvic contractions are not necessarily visible; the perineum, vulva and vagina can show these contractions directly, while the penis shows them through ejaculation.]
Noise during sex: quiet or noisy? Answer separately what you prefer to do, and what you prefer your partner to do. Examples of quiet noises: as quiet as possible, only body sounds, puffing air out through the nose or mouth, heavy breathing, occasional whimpers (short and soft sounds) or moans (long and soft sounds), many whimpers, many moans, arousing whispers that can't be understood, arousing whispers that can be understood. Examples of loud noises: loud moans, talking.
Noise during orgasm.
During sex, do you like to have pauses without thrusting, stay embraced with penetration, or engage in other kinds of stimulation (like oral or massaging), or should thrusting be continuous until orgasm? How long can the pauses be at most: tens of seconds, minutes, tens of minutes? How often should this happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
Having sex in front of a mirror. Would you like to be prominently visible and admired by your partner in the mirror, during sex? Would you like your partner to be prominently visible and admired by you in the mirror?
What do you think about having improvised sex, whenever your partner simply takes you, even if you're doing something else? Improvised sex means quick sex in uncomfortable positions and in the nearest available location, so not in bed, but somewhere like on a table / desk, standing (maybe leaning against some furniture or wall), or crammed into a couch. [While the surprise element of improvised sex can keep the sex life interesting, women are usually not interested in sex without foreplay because the vagina requires time to lubricate, else the sex is painful for them, so you may have to use artificial lubrication. The man should keep a condom in his pocket, for such occasions.]
Do you like teasing, be it through words or gestures?
Desired physical teasing without penetration. Examples: body massage, genital organs massage, penis rubbed on vulva and vaginal entrance, breasts and nipple stimulation (with mouth, fingers, penis), feather over skin, soft textile material (like silk) over skin, soft whipping.
What do you think about getting naked whenever your partner asks you to undress, even if you're doing something else, in order to look at your body for a few minutes?
What do you think about getting naked and staying where your partner puts you, in whatever position your partner wants, in order to look at your body for a few minutes?
Do you feel it's interesting to amplify your pleasure by having several body areas stimulated at the same time? For example, a woman could have 6 areas stimulated by her partner, through: oral penetration with the penis, vaginal penetration with a vibrator which has an extension that can stimulate the clitoris at the same time, anal penetration with another vibrator, and rubbing her breasts with the man's hands.
Sex toys: vibrators, dildos, others. Is it fine to use them during sex? Is it fine if your partner uses them separately from the sex with you?
Multiple orgasms. For how long after an orgasm is your penis / clitoris too sensitive to be stimulated? After an orgasm, can you have another one within 10 minutes?
[For the woman to answer] Do you squirt / ejaculate during orgasm? If the answer is "No", would you like to be able to do it?
After sex activity. Examples: tight body contact with penetration, tight body contact without penetration, looking in each other's eyes, spooning (= with almost no hand movement, and no rubbing), cuddling (= with some hand movement on the body, and a bit of rubbing), putting the fingers in the vagina (and keeping them inside), sleep, talk, do the dishes, smoke.
If you would like to fall asleep spooning your partner, what part of your his / her body would you like to hold? Examples: chest / breasts, abdomen, hip, genital organs.
What do you find arousing? What do you find erotic?
When would you prefer to talk with your partner about what should change in the way you two will have sex in the future? Examples: never, before sex, during sex, after sex, while making dinner, during a stroll (so there is no eye contact). If you are asked to change certain things, would you change accordingly? [See questions to ask after a session of sex.]
The things that you like sex for. From the list of statements below, specify maximum 3 that are most important to you; you can add your own statements. GAMIFY. Examples:
Partner's naked body, the geometry of it.
Partner's tightly packed / squeezed body. Examples: his / her knees to the chest and ankles to the ears.
Seeing and feeling my partner's pleasure.
Getting pleasure from my partner.
Emotional closeness, intimacy, sharing deep and intimate feelings.
Feeling of relaxation resulted from abandoning control over my body.
Feeling of having my body controlled by someone else.
Physical closeness, tight body contact without penetration.
Physical closeness, tight body contact with penetration.
Penetration, the actual entry of the penis.
Seeing the erect penis disappear in the body and feeling it how it makes its space inside the body.
Being filled by a penis.
Having several holes filled by a penis and vibrators / dildos, at the same time.
Seeing and feeling partner thrusting.
Thrusting in dominating positions.
Seeing my partner beg for orgasm while I repeatedly stop stimulating him / her just before he / she reaches the orgasm, and then I start stimulating him / her again.
Seeing and feeling my holes getting pounded.
Seeing and feeling partner using my body like a sex toy, to satisfy all his / her sexual pleasures.
Breasts bouncing / jiggling around.
Foreplay.
Clitoral stimulation.
Vaginal sex.
Fellatio (= oral stimulation of the penis).
Cunnilingus (= oral stimulation of the vulva and clitoris).
Facesitting (= sitting with the genital organs on partner's face).
Anal sex.
Ejaculation on or in body.
Seeing and feeling partner's orgasm.
Seeing and feeling partner's multiple orgasms.
Role play, where my partner acts like someone else during sex.
The things that you dislike sex for. From the list of statements below, specify maximum 3 that are most important to you; you can add your own statements. GAMIFY. Examples:
Being demanded sex as if it's an obligation.
Being pressed for sex after refusing.
Being asked for sex when I'm tired.
Partner who doesn't care about my pleasure.
My lack of orgasm.
Lack of physical closeness, especially after sex.
Partner's lack of emotional involvement.
Partner's lack of respect.
Feeling of losing control.
Lack of foreplay.
Partner thrusting too hard (= fast or deep).
Session of sex too short.
Partner wanting only vaginal sex.
Fellatio (= oral stimulation of the penis).
Cunnilingus (= oral stimulation of the vulva and clitoris).
Ejaculated fluids (like semen) in my mouth.
Ejaculated fluids (like semen) on my face.
"Accidental" anal penetration.
Anal sex.
Cleaning body before sex.
Cleaning body and other things after sex.
Partner's lack of (oral, genital or anal) hygiene.
Farting during sex.
Being abandoned / ditched after sex.
Do you agree that the giver of sex (= the one who thrusts, licks) should:
Start slowly and softly, to test how the receiver feels.
Continue with his / her current action until instructed otherwise by the receiver, or until he / she gets tired.
Not ask whether his / her actions are good, or whether the receiver feels good.
Expect the receiver to direct him / her with short expressions. Directions should be from the point of view of the receiver, so the giver should adjust from his / her perspective. [See the expressions below.]
Expressions:
Actions: Thrust, suck, lick, rub (to stimulate with fingers), eyes (to look at each other), fast(er), slow(er), hard(er), soft(er), deep(er), shallow(er), left, right, top / higher, bottom / lower.
Body parts to stimulate: Vulva, (big / small) labia, clitoris, tip (of penis / clitoris), frenum, vagina (inside), shaft (of penis), testicles / balls, breasts.
Explicit talking (commonly known as dirty talking) means saying out loud, in great detail, what you do, feel, see and want during sex, how good the sex is for you and with you, how much you like what is happening, and how much your partner should like what is happening.
Do you like explicit talking? Answer separately for saying the words and for hearing the words.
How often should explicit talking happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
If there any word or expression that you really dislike and think that your partner might say to you during sex?
Use a confident and bold attitude which shows that you know how to give and take pleasure through your words and actions.
Explicit talking should involve prolonged eye contact, especially by requesting it from the partner, should be whispered, should be said with conviction, and should include references to both the speaker and the listener, like "I'm doing [action] to you."
From time to time, the speaker should request the listener to repeat from his / her point of view what was said, like "You're doing [action] to me."
Referring to the speaker and to the listener in the third person, detached from the actual couple, as if they are other people, is very useful during dominant - submissive sex. Various forms of addressing can be used, like "man", "woman", "sir", "lady", "gentleman", "madam", and even insulting words. For example, "A man is doing [action] to this woman." In particular, by referring to the submissive person in the third person, he / she will feel like he / she is not the target of the action, but as if he / she is watching the action being done to another person. This relieves some of the guilt that many people feel for liking sex passionately, let's them feel safe from danger (similar to people watching a storm from the safety of a home), and allows pleasure to intensify and become predominant.
The short expressions that are in brackets have to be replaced with something, by the person who reads the topic. For example, [body part] should be replaced with a body part. [insult] and [self-deprecation] should be replaced with something meant to refer to a promiscuous person.
Examples of explicit talking:
You make me so hot.
You're all blushed and your eyes are wet.
Do you feel how intimate this is?
Look in my eyes.
Moan so I can hear your pleasure.
Show me your orgasm.
Squeeze my thighs / ass with all the passion you feel for me.
Belong to me / a man / woman.
Lose yourself.
Give yourself completely to a man / woman.
Abandon your body.
Do you (want to) belong to me / a man / woman? [Follow this with instructions about what you're partner has to do.]
Are you saving yourself for someone else?
Show (me) your [body part].
Spread / open your legs.
Open your pussy.
Do you like it when a man / woman looks at your [body part] and is aroused.
Ask me if I like what I see.
Dominant talking, a form of explicit talking, means telling the partner how weak and submissive he / she is, and instructing him / her what to do as a submissive person or sex toy, in detail.
Do you like dominant talking?
How often should dominant talking happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
Dominant talking should be done with a confident and bold attitude which shows that you know how to take pleasure (from your partner) through your actions, and should have a low sound volume (even whispered).
Examples of dominant talking:
Are you ashamed of what a man / woman is doing to your body? That's very good.
Are you worthy of giving pleasure to a man / woman?
Are you worthy of getting pleasure from a man / woman?
I'll use your body and all your holes to satisfy all my sexual needs.
Look at what a man / woman is doing to you. (What does this say about your character?)
Look at what a man / woman who picked you up in the street is doing to you. What does this say about your character? [Say this if you were two strangers who met in public, like in the street or in a shop.]
Look at how a man / woman is using your [body part].
Look at yourself in the mirror.
Say / describe what a man / woman is doing to you.
Say / describe what you see.
Are you a good boy / girl or a bad boy / girl? [Follow this with instructions about what he / she has to do.]
What did you do to deserve how a man / woman is using your [body part]?
What did you do good to deserve what a man / woman is doing to you? What do you have to be rewarded for?
What did you do bad to deserve what a man / woman is doing to you? What do you have to be punished for?
Who is in control of this / your body?
Do you understand that this / your [body part] belongs to me / a man / woman?
Who owns this / your [body part]? Who does it belong to? [The correct answer is "You".]
You will be punished you if you don't do what I say.
You will lick / suck / eat my cock / pussy every day. Do you understand?
Thank me for what I'm doing to you. Say it with details.
Thank the man / woman who is fucking you, for what he / she is doing to you. Say it with details.
[For the man to say] Remain like this. There are other men waiting their turn / in the queue.
What would your friends say if they found out that a man / woman is doing this to you? What would they say if they saw you like this in a photo or a videoclip?
Beg for attention.
Beg for my [body part] / semen / cum.
Examples of (strong) detached talking:
[For the man to say. Requires a mirror.] Look in this [insult]'s eyes! Do you want me to fuck her?
Watch me how I fuck this man / woman.
Hold this woman while I fuck her [body part]. Hold her for me.
Do you think that this woman deserves me to finish on / in her [body part]?
[For the man to say. Best to have a mirror.] Do you want to see the woman that I'm fucking instead of you? Look in the mirror, look in her eyes! Do you know why I'm fucking her? Because I can satisfy all my sexual needs with her, while you're not abandoning yourself to me. She gives me everything. Look at what a [insult] she is!
[For the man to say] If you were the man, how would you fuck this woman? [Point at her body.]
[For the woman to say] If you were the woman, how would you fuck this man? [Point at his body.]
[For the man to say] I wonder what my wife would say if she just came in and saw me fucking you?! I wonder if she would be aroused seeing how her man can fuck a (beautiful) woman / [insult] like you?!
[For the man to say] I wonder what your husband would say if he just came in and saw me fucking you?! I wonder if he would be aroused seeing how a strong man fucks his (beautiful) ([insult] of a) wife?!
Insulting / offensive talking, a form of explicit talking, means saying to, or hearing from, your partner insulting words that are meant to refer to a promiscuous person or an uninteresting sexual partner, like "slut", "whore", "bitch", "cunt".
Should be discussed together with the "Self-deprecating talking" section below.
Do you like insulting talking? Answer separately for wanting to say the words, and for wanting to hear them.
How often should insulting talking happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
Use a confident and bold attitude which shows that you know how to take pleasure (from your partner) through your actions.
Insulting talking should involve prolonged eye contact, especially by requesting it from the partner, should be whispered, and should be said with conviction, like "You're my [insult]."
From time to time, the speaker should request the listener to repeat what was said, from his / her point of view, in the form of self-deprecation.
Examples of insulting talking:
Do you want to be my (little) [insult]? [Follow this with instructions about what you're partner has to do.]
Whose [insult] are you?
Are you my [insult]?
Are you the village [insult], or are you my [insult]?
You're my (little) [insult].
Free / unleash the [insult] inside you.
Let the [insult] inside you get out (/ take control).
Show me the [insult] inside you.
Keep the [insult] still while I fuck her.
Do you like to see how I fuck this [insult]?
I had better sex.
You have a small dick.
Self-deprecating talking, a form of explicit talking, means saying to, or hearing from, your partner self-deprecating words like "slut", "whore", "cunt".
Do you like self-deprecating talking? Answer separately for wanting to say the words, and for wanting to hear them.
How often should self-deprecating talking happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
Self-deprecating talking can include expressions showing that the submissive partner is submissive, but also has control over what is happening.
Use a shy but lusty attitude which shows your willingness to give pleasure (to your partner) through your words and actions.
Self-deprecating talking should be whispered, and should include a reference to the speaker, like "I'm your [self-deprecation]."
Examples of self-deprecating talking:
I am a [self-deprecation].
Treat me as if I am a [self-deprecation].
Fuck this [self-deprecation] of a man / woman.
Fuck the [self-deprecation] who's in front of you.
Fuck the / this / your [self-deprecation] in his / her [body part].
Use / fuck this / my [body part].
Submissive talking, a form of explicit talking, means telling the partner how weak and submissive you are.
Do you like submissive talking?
How often should submissive talking happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
Use a shy but lusty attitude which shows your willingness to give pleasure (to your partner) through your actions. Submissive talking should be whispered.
Examples of submissive talking:
Fuck me.
Use me for sex.
I (want so much to) belong to you.
My [body part] belongs to you.
I have to be punished because [reason].
Punish me because [reason].
Fill my [body part] with your (big / thick) [body part].
You're honoring me by shoving your (big / thick) [body part] in / up / down my [body part].
You would make me worthy (of your attention) by [action].
You would honor me by [action].
Thank you for fucking me the way you wanted, and for using all my holes.
In general, domination is a destructive behavior whose goal is to control someone else, and which is achieved using intimidation, either physical or mental. However, during sex, domination can be role played, that is, can be faked with the agreement of both partners, as it can amplify pleasure.
At the end of this section, there is an explanation about why women like to be dominated during sex.
Domination should always be combined with teasing and explicit talking in order to build tension and desire in the partner who is being dominated.
[For the woman to answer first] Would you like to be mostly submissive or dominant during sex? Would you like your partner to be mostly submissive or dominant during sex? Examples:
Very submissive.
Somewhat submissive.
Just a bit submissive.
Just a bit dominant.
Somewhat dominant.
Very dominant.
Do you feel pleasure thinking that your partner feels pleasure while being submissive to you? Do you feel pleasure thinking that your partner feels pleasure while dominating you?
Do you feel pleasure thinking that you would be submissive to your partner? Do you feel pleasure thinking that you would dominate your partner?
[For the man to answer] Think about a dominating sexual act that you want to do to your partner, something that your partner may have to think carefully before accepting. Examples: anal sex, deep-throat. Normally, you are the giver and your partner is the receiver. Now think that your minds swap bodies. Would you want your partner to do that act to you, in your new body? What would you feel as the receiver? Examples:
I'm too manly to think of this kind of stuff.
I wouldn't deny anything to my partner.
Shame because other people might know what I'm doing.
Fear of being used for sex and then abandoned.
Fear of being cheated.
Fear that my partner could think that I'm sexually promiscuous.
[For the woman to answer] Are you a good girl? A good girl must follow authority, so she must do what she's instructed by the man. If she follows authority and completes the instructions, she may be rewarded as the man wishes, or she may be allowed to ask for a reward.
[For the woman to answer] Are you a bad girl? A bad girl must be punished, so she must do what she's instructed by the man. If the punishment is complete, she may be rewarded as the man wishes, or she may be allowed to ask for a reward (but she must say "May I ask for ... ?")
[For the woman to answer first] Do you have to be disciplined / punished / dominated / insulted / humiliated sexually for your naughtiness, disobedience, lewdness or even for being too nice / good? Say the reason why you have to be punished. Would you like to punish your partner? Say the reason why your partner has to be punished.
[For the woman to answer first] Would you like to be used as a sex toy rather than a person, and your partner to possess and use your body to exclusively satisfy all his / her sexual pleasures, even if he / she is rough to your body (but not hurtful)? Would this make you feel a combination of fear, arousal, abandonment and relaxation? Would you like to use your partner as a sex toy?
[For the woman to answer first] Would you like to watch how your body is being used for sex? Would you like to feel like you're outside of your body and have no control over it, while your partner is using it to satisfy all his / her sexual desires? What if you were being "forced" to look at how your body is being used for sex?
[For the woman to answer] Do you have to be trained hard for sex in order to become better for your partner? Should you be trained for all types of sex (vaginal, oral, deep-throat, anal), or are you already expert in any? Would you thank your partner for training you, while you're being trained?
[For the man to answer] Do you want to train your partner for sex until she becomes good enough for you?
Being restrained / tied up. Would you want to be tied up, with what (cuffs, rope) and in what position (spread on the bed, ankles behind your ears)? Would you want to tie up your partner?
Being blindfolded and wearing earplugs. If you were tied up, blindfolded and wearing earplugs, you would not know who is having sex with you. If your partner were to spray on a piece of paper a fragrance that he / she doesn't otherwise use, and place it so that you can smell it, you could really think it's someone else. In theory, your partner could really bring someone else to have sex with you, and you wouldn't know. How do you feel about not knowing?
Slapping the woman's face with the penis.
Following a session of domination, the partner who was dominant must slowly reintroduce the partner who was submissive back to the normal world. What should the dominant partner do (and how long should this process take)? Examples:
Be rough with the submissive partner.
Be cold and arrogant with the submissive partner, with only hints of being rough.
Ignore the submissive partner, as if he / she doesn't exist at all.
Delicately care for the submissive partner.
Pamper the submissive partner.
Change from one moment to another between being rough, cold, arrogant, ignorant and delicate with the submissive partner.
Why do many women like to be dominated by their men partners during sex, even though they otherwise hate being powerless in front of men?
This conflicting emotion is equivalent to a pattern of safe danger, a mix of trust and fear, something similar to people watching a storm from the safety of a home, or pups and kittens playing by simulating enemies and fighting.
The elements that create the emotional conflict are:
The instinct to reproduce, through sex.
The instinct to reproduce with a strong man, one showing strength and resilience, a man who can increase the probability of children to survive against the vicissitudes of life. This produces pleasure.
The instinct to live around a strong man who is capable of violence against external threats, with the goal of feeling protected (from the external threats). At the same time, this man must show self control even if she appears to be a small threat to the man, especially since his goal is to reproduce with her, not hurt her. Her goal is to be with a man who can gather resources, and be protected, whether from external threats or from him, not to admire his senseless violence against other people. This produces pleasure.
The potentially short time available with a strong man, and the fear of losing such a man and his reproductive potential, and his potential as a resource provider. This produces instinctual fear, clinginess, and its behaviorally evolved counterpart: passion.
The instinct to reject anything potentially unsafe from entering or controlling the body. This produces fear.
The interaction of these elements creates an uncertainty about the behavior of a man who could potentially physically hurt or leave the woman at any moment. She wants to reproduce with that man, so she wants to trust him enough, but isn't sure what he'll do during sex and afterwards (when she needs the resources to raise the children). This uncertainty produces emotions ranging from fear to pleasure.
The trust part of the mix has to be present in order to get the woman into a context where she cognitively understands that she will not get hurt, and that the man would provide the resources necessary to raise the children. What comes next defies common sense and is the reason why nice guys aren't successful with women: they think that trust is the way to sexually arouse a woman.
In a completely trusted environment, in the absence of even a slight fear, where the woman has the guaranteed commitment of the man, she doesn't feel the need to be clingy. A slight fear has to be present in order to make the woman clingy, because this fear makes her default to her instinctual reactions where all evolved behavior is (temporarily) suspended. For most women, clinginess leads to a slight desperation (of potentially losing the partner), which leads to a slightly manipulative behavior, which leads to passion meant to show the man that he has a strong reason to stay with the woman. If the fear is low, the survival instinct remains a low priority because the man is safe enough; this low level of fear makes the difference between a partner and an aggressor.
The fear must be high enough to trigger the defaulting, but low enough to keep the survival instinct inactive. By ensuring that fear stays present to some extent, domination provides a glimpse into the raw nature of a human, a glimpse of the edge between the biological machine and the evolved human.
If the man can keep an optimum balance between trust and fear, the woman's mind will stop trying to instinctually protect the body, as if the body belongs to someone else, and as if it's that person's responsibility to protect it. That's when the woman's abandonment starts / occurs because she's relieved of the pressure to protect her body.
Like a receding tide exposing land, all that remains active is the reproductive instinct. That is the point where the biological machine doesn't know what to do: stay because it's safe, or run to feel safe; instead, it tries to reproduce because reproduction guarantees a future. That's when the woman feels relieved of the responsibility to defend her body (from men), especially if the man refers to her body as if it belongs to another woman (because she feels that her body is another woman), and she fully relinquishes all opposition to what the man does to her body because now it's the man's responsibility to protect it. That's when she starts whimpering unconsciously and uncontrollably, feeling like clay in the man's hands.
Ironically, women become their own enemies because they instinctually want to feel safer, and want the guaranteed commitment of men to provide resources, so they manipulate men in that direction, but at the same time they lose any reason to be clingy, and therefore lose their passion. Women feel safer around men they can manipulate, but they aren't aroused by those men.
Any man who wants to make a woman feel pleasure this way must be very careful with the balance between trust and fear. The fear must be subtle, like the uncertainty produced by a bad boy (a man who chooses the woman, and isn't waiting for the woman to choose him), not like the fear produced by an aggressor (through intimidation). The reason why bad boys are successful is that they are not safe... but are safe enough.
In order to make the woman return safely from that point where she felt that her body was fully used by the man, as he wanted, one thing that the man can do is to lie on the bed on his back, put the woman on top of him, envelop her (with his arms or with a cover) and let her whimper until she quiets down. This body language will show her that she's not alone (loneliness which women may feel when they see their body being used during sex) and she's free to choose, so she enters back in the world of behaviorally evolved humans.
The source of any awkwardness present during sex is the fearful body language of the person who should be in control, lead and dominate, which is usually the man. It's the man's responsibility to build his confidence to the level where it doesn't feel awkward for either partner to engage in dominant sex. If the man were to lead with confidence, care and attention to details, making the woman feel safe to abandon herself to the sexual passion she feels for the man, she would follow him on paths she never imagined would be acceptable.
Delicate and rough sex. How much delicate, how much rough? If you don't know whether you like rough sex, should the roughness start from a light intensity and increase progressively until you discover your limits?
Would you like your partner to behave like a brute with your body, without actually hurting you?
How rough or delicate should talking be? Should gestures and talking be in contrast (one rough, one delicate)?
Hair pulling.
Forcefully pushing the chin up to expose the front of the neck, or down to expose the back of the neck.
Tossing and flipping the body around.
Dominating grip (applying significant pressure on the body, usually with the hands), pinning down (by holding the hands or wrists).
Slapping with the hand the: buttocks, face, other body parts.
Holding firmly the neck with a hand, light choking (not asphyxiation). SAFETY TIPS: Hold the upper part of the neck, right under the jaw. Never push on the neck because that could accidentally produce a fatal pressure! Avoid especially pushing on the front part and on Adam's apple. Never lean with your body weight over the neck, while your hand is on the neck! When you are both horizontal, keep your arm on the chest of your partner! Be very careful not to slip with your body weight toward the neck, while your hand is over the neck!
Penetration with thick objects.
Forced deep-throat.
Physical pain.
Engaging in rough sex requires the existence of a safety language which allows the dominated partner to direct how the domination must change, by saying simple words. Here are simple words that you can use:
Red: The role play must end and anything which is being done to you must stop. If you are restrained / tied up, you must also be released. This is known as the safeword.
Purple: The role play must end and anything which is being done to you must stop, but you can remain restrained / tied up.
Yellow: Anything which is being done to you must have its intensity decreased visibly.
Green: Anything which is being done to you must continue in the same manner.
Stars / Diamonds: Anything which is being done to you must have its intensity increased visibly.
What intensity should rough sex normally have? Examples:
Light: pinning down, slapping, light biting.
Medium: tying up (especially hands and feet).
Tough: marks may remain on the body for a few minutes (from slapping, biting).
Unspeakable for the overwhelming majority of people.
If the intensity of rough sex escalates over the agreed level, like mutual slapping turning into hitting, agree on a maximum allowed intensity. If the maximum is exceeded, you agree to stop without further action and pause for a few minutes; go do something else. Examples: not acceptable to escalate, medium, tough, unspeakable.
Is crying the equivalent of the safeword? Crying means more than the eyes getting a bit wet, it means the presence of dripping tears or sobbing. Should rough sex stop if tears start dripping from the eyes of one of the partners? Should rough sex stop if one of the partners starts sobbing? It's highly recommended to stop.
A sexual fantasy is a scenario to think about, a story to immerse yourself into, not necessarily something to do in real life, due to safety concerns, shame or feeling that fulfilling it would spoil you, your innocence.
A sexual fantasy is about something that you don't have or can't have in your real life. For most people, romance is not a sexual fantasy, but is a romantic fantasy because they can have it without feeling shame. For people who had past experiences that left them unable to ever experience romance again, romance can become a sexual fantasy.
A fantasy brings diversity / variety and novelty to the mind, mind which otherwise gets bored quickly, but without the potential risks of actually fulfilling the fantasy.
Sexual fantasies and rough sex are like watching a storm from the safety of a solid home, that is, they are pleasurable because they let you observe the roughness of Nature from a safe place. For most people, storm watching and sexual fantasies exist because they want to feel explicitly safe, not because they want to feel in danger. However, people who want to get out in the storm and people who want to fulfill some sexual fantasies, do feel some need to be in danger.
Role playing is simulating a fantasy, that is, only you and your partner are physically involved in the role play, even if the fantasy includes other imaginary people. The stories used during role play don't have to be real, and should be exaggerated to create the maximum effect.
You should take turns telling one fantasy at a time.
See fantasy examples below.
What do you think about sexual fantasies? Examples:
I'd like to live (some of) them in real life.
I like thinking about them because they provide a release of the sexual tension, but I don't want to live them in real life.
I don't want to think about them. Examples why not: they are immoral, I'm too ashamed of them, they may be too tempting.
Detail your sexual fantasies. How much pleasure do you feel when you think about them? Some fantasies are present in the mind but don't produce pleasure.
Role play. Would you like your partner to act like someone else during sex? Examples: a stranger, neighbor, coworker, delivery person, teacher, nurse. How often?
Which fantasies would you like to role play? Describe how you imagine role playing happening; perhaps keep some details to yourself, to maintain some element of surprise.
How much would you like to make these fantasies happen in real life, and in what role? Examples: only as an observer, as an active participant.
Sex in a secluded public location, like a forest, a corn field, a back hallway or room where people don't normally go into.
Sex in a secluded private location, like a cabin in the mountains.
Sex in a friend's or stranger's house.
Sex at night, in a room with the lights turned on / off, in front of the open window.
Sex for the first time, in a romantic way.
Sex for the first time, in a rough way.
Sex for the first time, with a much older partner.
Having sex at a resort, with the balcony door open, when a person from the adjacent room leans over into our balcony to watch us. Alternatives: that person jumps into our balcony and enters our room to watch closer, that person and his / her the partner jump into our balcony and we swap partners.
My partner telling me that I'm good for sex, but that he / she loves someone else.
Being used by a partner who then abandons me. Alternative: this happens when I have sex for the first time.
My partner talking how good it was when he / she had sex with other people (before the two of us got in a relationship), and implying that it was better with them.
Being tied up, blindfolded, wearing earplugs, not knowing who is having sex with me.
Having several holes filled by penises, at the same time. [Which holes? What positions?]
Seeing several of my partner's holes filled by penises. [Which holes? What positions?]
Being watched while I'm having sex with my partner.
Being looked in the eyes by someone other than my partner, while I'm having sex with my partner. [Do you have someone specific in mind? Should that person be a man or a woman?]
Walking through a remote train depot, among empty trains, when a strongly tanned worker, half-dressed because of the torrid summer, stops me and asks what I am doing there. I say something only half coherent about going to see a friend, not wanting to expose that I wanted this kind of encounter to happen. He starts making lewd propositions to me. I want to say words that politely decline his propositions, but also insinuate that he should continue, all while trying to not be too obvious that I'm looking at the sweat dripping down his skin and muscular body. Eventually, we get in a train and find a dusty compartment where he does what he wants to me. Light rays become visible through the dust particles raised by his vigorous thrusting. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3... He uses my body in the rhythm of a moving train. I can hear the same rhythm in his skin slamming onto mine. He makes me feel like I'm desired with virile passion. He finishes all over me, like the brute that he is. After admiring his work, he ties me up and leaves. As he walks away, he says that he'll come back later to do me another round, and that I should mind the vagrants that sometimes walk around. I am powerless and exposed to him and to anyone else who would walk by.
Being caught by a train conductor when I have no ticket. Scenarios: there are no other people in the train, the train is full of people but the conductor has a private compartment.
Being stranded in a place with no rules and no laws, like a post-apocalyptic world, and either having to have sex to survive, or being forced to have sex because I am powerless.
Being captured as a spy and forced to have sex in order to make me confess.
Auditioning for the first time to be a porn actor / actress, being rejected for not being good enough, and being told that I could be accepted if I went through training (with the same person).
Watching my partner having sex with someone else.
Being watched by my partner while I'm having sex with someone else.
Sex with my partner and another man.
Sex with my partner and another woman.
Sex with other people, like a stranger, neighbor, coworker, delivery person, teacher, nurse.
Swapping partners with one or more couples.
Having sex at a sex party. This includes having sex with several people, watching other people having sex, and being watched by other people while I'm having sex.
Being watched by a large audience when I'm having sex with one or several people at the same time. Alternative: someone dominates / overpowers me and makes me have sex. The audience could be made by: strangers (at a party, in the street, construction workers), coworkers (in the office), college students (in a dorm, in a classroom, during a lesson about anatomy and sexuality).
Being physically controlled by someone, like a stranger or an authority figure, and being unable to make decisions myself. The controller doesn't care about my pleasure and treats me like an object to be used either by himself / herself or by others (like strangers, my colleagues, or his / her friends). Alternative: I resist being controlled (so the controller has to become more dominant).
Being physically controlled by several people who don't care about my pleasure and treat me like an object to be used for the pleasure of others. Those people could be: strangers (at a party, in the street, construction workers), coworkers (in the office), college students (in a dorm, in a classroom, during a lesson about anatomy and sexuality).
Swapping bodies: the man becomes the woman, the woman becomes the man.
Having sex with someone of the same gender.
[For the woman to answer first] What do you think about fellatio (= oral stimulation of the penis) and cunnilingus (= oral stimulation of the vulva and clitoris)? Deep-throat? Facesitting (= sitting with the genital organs on partner's face)? Answer separately as receiver and giver. Examples:
Porn has corrupted men's minds to want to do this.
This implies something bad. Why is it bad? Because the biological purpose of semen is to be ejaculated in the vagina? But in this case it would be bad to ejaculate even on the ground. What does this have to do with corrupted minds? Or is it bad because some women don't want to do this? But in this case it would be a matter of a simple choice that women can make, not a bad thing.
I'm afraid that my partner could think that I'm sexually promiscuous.
A man likes his woman to be promiscuous with him, not with other men.
Is shameful because other people might know what I'm doing.
Sex is a private act, ignore what other people think.
Is humiliating / degrading / disgusting.
Choose a trustworthy partner.
If I were to give fellatio to a man and we would later separate, I would have to be with another man and explain to him how there was another man's penis in the mouth that he kisses.
I dread that a man could have oral sex with me, use me for his pleasure and then discard me like I'm the village whore. This makes me feel like I'm about to:
Freak out.
Go cry into a corner.
Go ballistic on all men.
I don't want a man to ejaculate in my mouth or on my face because:
Semen is disgusting.
I feel no pleasure and needs a lot of cleaning.
If we were to later separate, I would have to be with another man and explain to him how there was another man's semen in the mouth, or on the face, that he kisses.
I'm indifferent. I can't say I either like it or dislike it.
I think it's extremely hot and shows the woman's abandonment to and passion for her partner.
I think it's extremely hot and shows the man's abandonment to and passion for his partner.
[For the man to answer first] Why does a man like to ejaculate in the mouth and on the face of a woman? Examples:
No risk of pregnancy.
Cleaning is easier after sex.
To dominate the woman.
It shows the man's passion for the woman.
It requires more passion from the woman, so it's more intimate.
It shows the woman's abandonment to and passion for the man. Her passion is even more clear is she wouldn't do this with anyone else.
The instinct is to ejaculate inside the woman but it probably doesn't know where exactly it should do so.
[For the woman to answer] If the man has an orgasm in your mouth, what would you do with the semen? Examples:
Not in my mouth.
Spit it.
Accept it only on my tongue and then wipe it off with the fingers or penis.
Swallow it (because it's very intimate).
Push it out of my mouth and let it drip over my lower lip and chin, because it's extremely hot when the man gets aroused seeing the woman like that.
[For the woman to answer] Considering that the man is required to avoid ejaculating in your eyes (semen is irritating for the eyes), nose, ears and hair, on which or in which other body parts is the man required to avoid ejaculating?
[For the woman to answer first] What do you think about anal sex? Answer separately as receiver and as giver. [Read this before categorically denying anal sex.] Examples:
Porn has corrupted men's minds to want to do this.
This implies something bad. Why is it bad? Because the biological purpose of penetration is to be in the vagina? But in this case it would be bad to even masturbate or have oral sex. What does this have to do with corrupted minds? Or is it bad because some women don't want to do this? But in this case it would be a matter of a simple choice that women can make, not a bad thing.
I'm afraid that my partner could think that I'm sexually promiscuous.
A man likes his women to be promiscuous with him, not others.
Is shameful because other people might know what I'm doing.
Sex is a private act, ignore what other people think.
Is humiliating / degrading / disgusting.
Choose a trustworthy partner.
I dread that a man could have anal sex with me, use me for his pleasure and then discard me like I'm the village whore. This makes me feel like I'm about to:
Freak out.
Go cry into a corner.
Go ballistic on the asshole.
Is dirty.
The rectum is normally empty. Condoms can and should be used. Thorough anal hygiene is easy in the modern world.
Is painful.
Use plenty of lubricant. The penetration of a beginner should take minutes. Understanding the anatomy and penetration angles is critical; see the article mentioned above.
I feel no pleasure, it's uncomfortable and needs a lot of cleaning.
I'm indifferent. I can't say I either like it or dislike it.
I think it's extremely hot and shows the woman's abandonment to and passion for her partner.
I think it's extremely hot and shows the man's abandonment to and passion for his partner.
[For the man to answer first] Why does a man like to have anal sex with a woman? Examples:
No risk of pregnancy.
To dominate the woman.
It's right next to the vagina.
It's tighter, so more stimulating.
It shows the man's passion for the woman.
It requires more passion from the woman, so it's more intimate.
It shows the woman's abandonment to and passion for the man. Her passion is even more clear is she wouldn't do this with anyone else.
This section contains possible actions, not conversation topics.
By definition, surprises can happen only when the surprised person doesn't expect them, so they must be random in time. Most of them should happen a few days or weeks apart, but they can sometimes happen in consecutive days (as a surprising change in the frequency of the actual surprise.)
Surprises should tease the surprised partner, in order to amplify the effect. One way to do this is for the person making the surprise to act as if there is no surprise, as if nothing is unusual, perhaps not even acknowledging the presence of the surprised partner (so not saying anything, not looking at what the surprised partner does, and maybe even remaining still).
Men are willing to have sex at pretty much any moment, whereas women may have to be brought in the necessary mental state, which is a reason why they don't usually initiate sex. A woman can easily surprise a man by showing her availability for sex when he doesn't expect it.
When the man goes to another room for a short time, the woman should get naked and do what? Examples:
I don't like such surprises.
Walk around, minding her own business, as if nothing is unusual.
Become one with a piece of furniture. For example, she could bend over a table or a sofa and stay like that as if nothing is unusual.
[Works in the bedroom, before going to sleep] Lie naked in the middle of the bed, legs spread wide, either on her abdomen or on her back, and read a book as if nothing is unusual.
A man who is surprised like this can tease the woman by ignoring her. The man could:
No man can ignore a woman who surprises him like that.
Look at her and say "There is something different about you, but I'm not sure what. Did you cut your hair?"
Look at her and say "Excuse me, miss, but this place is a bit crowded" while he rubs against her body.
Play lost-and-found and say "Look at what I've just found!"
Do the same as her and say "What are we looking at?" or "Will somebody come to punish us?"
Sit somewhere where she can see him, doing whatever, and ignore her.
Condoms should be used during sex because they have the highest contraceptive efficacy (similar with hormonal implants), don't affect the hormonal balance of either partner, make hygiene easier, and protect from sexually transmissible diseases.
The condom size should be about the penis girth (in the middle) multiplied with 0.42. See the details about choosing the correct condom size.
After sex with a condom, fill it with water and check if it's leaking. A leak indicates that the condom has a puncture, so the partners are exposed to sexually transmissible diseases, and the woman could get pregnant. In such a case, to avoid pregnancy, during the next few days you can contact a medical doctor to get emergency contraception.
Men should always use condoms, unless they are willing to become fathers. Some women intentionally skip their own birth control method, like the pill, usually around 30 years old, in order to get pregnant and force the men to marry them and pay for raising the children.
Some women retrieve condoms from the trash bin and try to impregnate themselves with the semen that is still inside. To mitigate this, wash the condom inside, after finishing; if you are paranoid enough, you could spray some disinfectant in the condom; the disinfectant should be colored or stinky to be evident. Don't flush condoms in the toilet.
Condoms should always be used during sex, with very few exceptions. Which are those exceptions? Examples:
When planning to have children.
During a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship, for oral sex only.
During a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship.
During marriage.
In the past 12 months, did you have any type of sex without using condoms? Did you ever have any type of sex without a condom?
[For the woman to answer] If you tell a man that he's the father of your child, do you agree for him to get a DNA test in order to be sure?
Preferred type of sex. Answer separately for what you prefer to do often, and for what it feels to be very passionate and intimate to you. Is there a type of sex that you would like to have much more than all the other types? Examples: vaginal, fellatio (= oral stimulation of the penis), cunnilingus (= oral stimulation of the vulva and clitoris), anal.
What you like and dislike for every type of sex: vaginal, fellatio, cunnilingus, anal. Discuss other types of sex, if desired to have or avoid.
What kind of sex is acceptable during the days with menstruation? Examples: none, fellatio (= oral stimulation of the penis), clitoral stimulation, anal, vaginal.
How do you feel about being very gently woken up by your partner, or waking up your partner, to (agree to) have sex in the middle of the night?
While you sleep, is it acceptable for your partner to start stimulating you sexually, especially your genital organs and breasts? Is it acceptable for your partner to insert fingers / penis in your vagina or anus? Would you like to sexually stimulate your partner while he / she is sleeping?
Sex when you're tired. Examples: none, only oral sex, the usual type but slow.
Sex when you're stressed. Examples: none, only oral sex, the usual type but slow, the usual type in order to release the stress.
Masturbation. Have you ever done it and how often? Did you use toys, like vibrators or dildos? Is it fine if your partner continues to masturbate during the relationship with you? If it's not fine, would you fulfill your partner's sexual needs whenever he / she asks, so that he / she doesn't need to masturbate? Don't take the last question as a demand to feel obligated to fulfill your partner's sexual needs and fantasies, answer what you want to do.
If your partner asks, would you masturbate in front of him / her until orgasm, to show him / her the spectacle of your body, and to show what makes you feel pleasure (so that he / she can learn what to do to you)?
What do you think about mutual / reciprocal masturbation, where each partner masturbates the other (not at the same time)?
Pornography. Have you ever watched pornography? Are you still watching? What categories do you find interesting? What do you think about the pornography where independent amateur couples publicly share their sexual activities, in a do-it-yourself manner? What did you learn from watching pornography? What do you dislike about pornography?
Are you upset if your partner has watched pornography before you've met? Is it fine if your partner continues to watch? If it's not fine, would you fulfill your partner's sexual needs and fantasies whenever he / she asks, so that he / she doesn't need to watch pornography? Don't take the last question as a demand to feel obligated to fulfill your partner's sexual needs and fantasies, answer what you want to do.
If your partner asks you for sex but you don't want, are you fine with your partner masturbating? Are you fine with him / her watching pornography? Are you fine if your partner does these things in the room where you are, provided that he / she doesn't disturb you directly, or should he / she do it in another room?
Do you have a fetish? A fetish is usually something non-sexual that has to happen in order for someone to become sexually aroused, something other than thinking about having sex and physical stimulation of the erogenous areas (like the genital organs and breasts).
Do other people have, or are there on the Internet, photos or videos of you nude or while you were having sex?
Nude during a videochat. Have you done this? Would you do it?
How would you feel about your partner taking photos and videos of you during sex? Would it be acceptable and under what conditions? Would it be fine to take such photos and videos, watch them after sex and then delete them immediately? Would it be fine to take such photos and videos if your face were not visible in them? [It's strongly recommended to avoid doing this at the beginning of a relationship. It's strongly recommended to keep such photos and videos on a computer which is not connected to the Internet, preferably in an encrypted form. See safety tips.] Examples:
I've done it but I would never do it again.
I've never done it and would never do it.
It sounds interesting, but it makes me feel unsafe and I would rather not do it.
It arouses me, but it's too complicated to keep the photos and videos secure.
I'm willing to try it.
Telling your friends details about your sex life. To which friends would you tell such details? How detailed would you be? Would you talk about what your partner does during sex? Would you talk about your partner's sexual fantasies?
Why do men like to see women holding and caressing their breasts? Examples: it shows her sensuality and desire, it feels like an offer to the man watching.
Why do men like breasts? If you think that it's because it reminds men of being breast-fed, why don't women share the same interest for breasts, even though they had the same experience. Also, while they are hidden, there are other hidden body parts which don't present the same interest, like the armpits. Could it be because breasts are playful (large, soft and wobbly)?
Farting during sex, when you can't just go to the bathroom. Examples: not acceptable, is acceptable, is acceptable but the person doing it must be punished sexually.
[For the woman to answer] How do you feel during the days with menstruation? Do you use internal tampons or external pads? Is there anything else that you would like to tell the man about menstruation? Tip: men may care about your body and health, but most aren't interested in graphic details about menstruation.
This section is about you two, not about generic partners.
Tell me something interesting about your genital organs.
Are you sexually aroused by my presence?
[For the woman to answer] Let's say that in the next moment we suddenly find ourselves on a small island, in the middle of nowhere, alone. We are forever lost in time and space. You are lying on the ground, tied up and naked. Your legs are spread wide and everything is visible. You are powerless. What do you feel that I would do next, and why would I do it? You may not ask for clarifications, you may not say "It depends", you may not say "I'm not sure." What do you feel?
[For the man to answer] In the above scenario, seeing me like that, what would you do? The answer may depend on my response for the above topic.
[For the woman to answer first. The man should rephrase the examples form his point of view, if necessary.] Describe the sexual passion that you feel for me. From the list of statements below, specify maximum 2 that are most important to you; you can add your own statements. GAMIFY. Examples:
I'll have sex with you.
I'll have sex only with you.
Let's watch porn together and see where we go from there. While watching, saying nothing means that the viewed action is fine, saying "Hot" means that the action is very pleasurable, "Maybe (you can convince me)" means that the action might be acceptable, and "Unacceptable / gross" means that the action must not be done.
I feel the need to give myself to you.
My eyes are wet and sparkly with passion for you.
I'll give you unspeakable pleasures.
I'll you do everything you tell me... but I have some worries.
I'm yours, with complete abandonment.
Take me and do anything you want with me.
Use me like a sex toy. Do anything you want with me.
Use my body to satisfy all your sexual needs / desires.
Use my body like I don't matter.
I will be your whore.
I'm aroused by merely thinking that you'll tell me what to do, and that I'll follow all your instructions.
I want to feel your virile passion inside me.
Climb on top of me and penetrate me deep and hard. Make me feel how your cock spreads my flesh apart and makes its own space inside me, filling my body up to your testicles. Thrust vigorously inside my body.
Fuck my mouth / ass deep and hard. Just use my body.
If you don't make me choke in your cock, it means you don't feel passion for me.
Finish in my mouth and all over my face, you brute / beast.
I want to use your body and all your holes to satisfy all my sexual needs with you. I want you to belong to me, I want your soul to be mine.
How would you like sex to usually happen between us? Describe what's mostly present in your mind. There is no need to be precise.
What's the most important thing that you would like me to do for you, during sex?
The most intimate thing that you're willing to do for me during sex.
Skip this topic if you didn't agreed to do cunnilingus (= oral stimulation of the vulva and clitoris).
While a clean penis has no smell, a vagina shouldn't be cleaned to the same degree because it would become exposed to infections.
The scent and taste of a vagina may range from arousing to repulsive, depending on the man, woman, state of arousal, moment during the menstrual cycle, eaten food, alcohol ingestion and medication.
The scent should be most attractive around ovulation, and least attractive during menstruation. The same is true for the woman's perspiration. The difference is usually unnoticeable, but can be dramatic. This is the body's way to indicate a woman's most and least fertile times.
An incompatibility in the form of a regular perception of an unpleasant scent or taste would usually be discovered only during sex, and may lead to breakups without the man specifying the reason, although this may be rare, especially because cunnilingus can be avoided.
Some men can sometimes smell the vaginal scent of dressed women, especially if a shared bathroom is used.
It's possible to choose to smell the vaginal scent before sex. Because of the variations of the scent and taste, this should be done several times over a menstrual cycle, preferably just before ovulation. Before doing this, the woman should be as clean as she would be for cunnilingus.
Should the man smell the vaginal scent before sex? Does this idea make you fearful and aroused at the same time? Examples:
We should do this only during sex, and if there is a problem, we can avoid cunnilingus.
We should do this only during sex, especially because the passion of the moment can affect the perception of the scent and taste.
We should do this before sex by inserting the fingers in the vagina, and smelling them. [Don't insert them deep inside since neither the nose, nor the tongue can get in deep.]
[For the man to say] If I'm going to smell your vagina, I have to have sex with you.
[For the man to say] I have to smell your scent directly from the vagina, before we have sex. The fingers can't capture and convey all the particularities.
[For the man to say] I've already felt your scent and I'm still here.
[For the woman to say] If I'm going to let you smell my vagina, I have to have sex with you.
Are you still virgin? If the answer is "Yes", why are you still virgin? Examples:
I am a born-again virgin.
I didn't have the opportunity to have sex.
I had no interest in sex so far.
A few more years have to pass in order for me to have sex.
I'm waiting until marriage.
I didn't find the right partner.
I'm waiting for a long-term partner because sex is a huge investment that I make in my partner.
If you are still virgin, what was the closest you have been to having sex? Examples: kissing, cuddling, petting, naked in front of a person of interest, I've ejaculated on / in a woman, a man has ejaculated on / in me.
If you are still virgin, would you like me to be your first sexual partner?
What age were you when you've lost your virginity?
How did you feel when you've lost your virginity?
Jealousy stems from a biological imperative to guarantee that the jealous person is the one making children with his / her partner, so that his / her genes are surviving, not someone else's.
Is it acceptable for you and your long-term partner to look at and admire other people, like strangers passing by, that you / he / she finds attractive? Is it acceptable to follow such stranger with the eyes, maybe even turn the head, as they pass by? This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like embracing, kissing, petting or sex) with the other people, following the principle "look but don't touch". Can this happen when you are nearby? All people who are in relationships will be physically attracted to strangers, at various times, and denying them the pleasure of admiring others will result in frustration and even pain. So long as they have self control, is it acceptable for them to let their fantasy run wild for a bit?
Is it acceptable for you and your long-term partner to fantasize about having sex with other people? This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like embracing, kissing, petting or sex) with the other people, following the principle "look but don't touch". If you're afraid that such fantasizing would lead to cheating, ask the other person if he / she has ever fantasized this way, and whether he / she was able to remain faithful or abstinent. If he / she did either then there is no reason for you to fear such fantasizing.
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your partner to give compliments to other people, but without flirting further. This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like embracing, kissing, petting or sex) with the other people, following the principle "look but don't touch". Can this happen when you two are nearby? Examples: until we have our first sex together, until we agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship.
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your partner to flirt with other people? This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like embracing, kissing, petting or sex) with the other people, following the principle "look but don't touch". Can this happen when you two are nearby? Examples: until we have our first sex together, until we agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship.
If your partner has to go for a genital or breasts medical checkup, what gender would you prefer the physician to have? Examples: not important, man, woman. It's understood that there are serious medical cases when it's not possible to choose the gender of the physician. How much does it matter? Have you been to such a medical consultation? What was the gender of the physician?
Touching people that you're not sexually involved with, people of the gender you're attracted to, people like friends, relatives and acquaintances. Talk separately about embracing / hugging, pecking, kissing, petting and dancing. Specify your expectations and boundaries.
What would you do if, at a party, a person of the gender you're attracted to were to ask you to dance with him / her? Examples: accept, accept only if I'm extremely attracted to that person, accept only close relatives and close friends, accept only if my partner is fine with this, refuse.
Exhibitionism. How exhibitionist would you say you are? How would a potential partner have to dress in order for you to say he / she is too exhibitionist? Do you use skimpy outfits to show off your body in public? What kind of cleavage on a woman is too exhibitionist for you? Do you use a tiny swimsuit or a covering one? Are your buttocks mostly exposed or mostly covered by the swimsuit? Describe your swimsuit.
How would you react if you were to see your partner talking alone with someone that he / she may be attracted to, someone that you don't know? What would you feel and how would you react if you were to see them touching (except for a handshake)?
Would you call your partner often to check where he / she is, who he / she is with and what he / she is doing? Have you ever or would you ever ask your partner to send you photos taken with his / her smartphone, as proof of what he / she says?
Checking each other's devices (like phone, tablet, computer) from time to time, out of jealousy. Is it acceptable? Examples: no, yes, only if he / she is sexually submissive while he / she is looking through the device. Is it required? Is it acceptable to do this without the knowledge of your partner?
Knowing the passwords for each other's devices and online accounts (like email and social networks). Is it acceptable? For security reasons, it's strongly recommended to not give any of your passwords to other people, especially those passwords that allow access to your computers; it's less important for online accounts.
If for privacy and security reasons the partners don't have access to each other's smartphone, would you accept to always put your phone face up and allow the notifications and incoming messages to be visible on the lockscreen, at least when you are at home?
After what hour of the day should texting (and calling) with other people (even family members) stop? Examples: 10 at night, midnight, just before getting into bed.
Talk about jealousy for any topic which was not already discussed. State your expectations from and boundaries for a relationship. State the intensity of your needs.
Your past relationships. How long did each last and why did it end? If one relationship was bad for a long time, why did you stay in it for that long?
From what you now know about me, would you trust me to spend several hours alone, in public, with someone that I find sexually attractive?
Do you have sheer / translucent curtains and opaque curtains on your home's windows?
Do you walk naked in front of the videocameras from laptops, phones, TVs, surveillance systems and other devices? Have you covered such videocameras with adhesive tape? [If you don't know why you should cover such videocameras, read what happened in the case of Miss Teen USA.]
How do you feel about having videocameras in the home, in devices like laptops, TVs, indoor security cameras? Answer separately for different areas of the home, like bedroom, livingroom, yard.
How do you feel about having microphones in the home, in devices like TVs, speakers, remote controls? Phones also have microphones, but can be placed outside of living areas (or in boxes).
Do you work during the day? Do you work night shifts?
At what time do you usually go to sleep? Is it different in the weekends?
What do you like to do before you go to sleep alone? Examples: go directly to sleep, use the computer, watch TV, read a book.
How heavy or light do you usually sleep? Do you wake up because of various noises you hear from neighbors? Do you sleep with earplugs?
Do you like to have opaque curtains on the windows, to block the early sunlight?
At what time do you usually wake up? Is it different in the weekends?
Energy in the morning, after you wake up. Are you noisy when you wake up? Do you want to talk to someone, or do you need some quiet time to go through the morning rituals?
Do you nap during the day?
Type of mattress and pillow that you like to sleep on.
Slippers. How do you walk around the house? Examples: barefoot, with slippers, with shoes.
What kind of clothes do you wear when you're at home?
Where do you change in and out of your outdoor clothes? Examples: bathroom, bedroom, walk-in wardrobe.
Do you need to have the clothes ironed? What about the bed sheets?
Could you let the dishes unwashed over night?
Toothpaste tube cap: on or off?
Toilet seat position: up or down. When flushing, some toilets splash water from the bowl onto the rim, so on the seat (if it's down).
Toilet paper position: must roll from the top (facing the person), must roll from the bottom (facing the wall).
When you and your partner are watching a movie that you've both never seen, are you asking questions like "What is happening?" or "What will happen?" If the answer is "Yes", do you realize that since your partner hasn't seen the movie, he / she can't answer your question?
When during the day, and for how long, do you need to use the bathroom most, for things like showering or number 2?
Do you close the bathroom door when you shower or do number 2?
When you are in the bathroom, with the door closed, is it acceptable for your partner to come in?
Noise that you make at home, which could disturb the neighbors. Loud music and parties.
Smoking, including electronic cigarettes.
Pets. Do you need to have pets when living with your partner?
Home chores. Distribute the chores between partners. What would you do? What should your partner do? What are your least favorite chores? Examples of chores: taking care of the children, cooking, washing dishes, washing (and ironing) clothes, cleaning, toilet cleaning, taking out the trash.
What do you usually do to relax?
What parts of the city (in which you live) do you like most?
How do you usually spend your evenings and nights?
What do you usually do during the weekends?
Favorite physical activity, sports.
Favorite boardgames, videogames.
Do you like to read books? Favorite books.
Favorite movies, TV shows, music, art.
How much time do you watch streaming services (YouTube, Netflix)? How much time do you watch classical / broadcast television?
Do you like soap operas?
Do you like horror movies?
Do you like to dance?
How often do you go clubbing or parties to see people or to dance?
Do you make comments while watching movies or TV shows?
Usage of online social media. Which ones? How often do you use them?
On what websites and apps do you spend most time online?
Websites you use most for online purchases. How much time do you spend researching and comparing products?
If you drop (unpackaged) food on the floor, what do you do? Examples: give it to someone who didn't see that happening, dust it off and eat it, wash it (if possible) and eat it, throw it away.
Brushing your teeth, flossing, using mouthwash, using an electrical toothbrush. Do you floss and brush your teeth before you go to sleep?
After you wipe or wash dirty objects (like the floor, sink, toilet), do you wash your hands with soap before touching with your hands objects like faucet handles, door knobs, light switches, clothes?
What do you clean with disinfectant? Examples: kitchen countertop, tables, faucet handles, door knobs, light switches, sinks, toilet, wallet, smartphone, keys, remote control, mouse and keyboard.
When you arrive home, do you wash your hands before touching things?
How often do you wash your hands?
How often do you shower?
How often do you change your underwear and socks.
Do you put your dirty clothes in the hamper?
When you buy new clothes or bed linen, do you wash them before you wear them or sleep in them?
When you take the trash to the bin outside the home, do you wear disposable gloves?
How do you sit on a foreign but private toilet, like when you're visiting someone? How do you sit on a public toilet, like at the office?
Do you sit on public benches, like those from bus stops and parks?
Who should make more money, you or your partner?
How much money should each partner bring to the relationship, to pay all the bills? Examples (man - woman): 100% - 0%, 70% - 30%, 60% - 40%, 50% - 50%.
How much monthly income do you realistically expect your partner to have? What about savings and real estate? You can specify a range instead of an exact value.
Who should pay for the house, car(s), vacations?
Handling of money. Wasting it versus hoarding it; give some examples of how you do either. Do you have savings for a few months of living without an income?
What do you think about debt? Example purposes: home purchase / construction, home renovation, vacations, small purchases, credit cards.
What debt do you have?
Expensive habits (including hobbies), priced in money but also in time spent engaged with them.
Financial risk taking. Do you like to risk money? Do you like betting?
Joint bank account. What would be the maximum value of such an account? Should each partner have a separate bank account?
If your partner were to lose his / her job and not find another job for 12...24 months, would that be a good time to find a better partner?
What would you if you had a lot of money?
What is the / a difference between successful and unsuccessful people? Examples:
Money.
Rich parents.
Luck, opportunities.
Unsuccessful people want success, successful people build it.
Would you marry someone who has no college / education degree?
Do you think that a man who has a successful career and makes a lot of money appears to be more attractive to a woman? Do you think that a woman who has a successful career and makes a lot of money appears to be more attractive to a man? Do you think that men aren't interested enough in women who have successful careers and make a lot of money?
Do you think that a career woman who's trying to become accomplished by the time she's 30...40 years old, believes that accomplished men are waiting in line in order to marry her? Examples:
Yes. Who wouldn't want to be with a woman who makes a lot of money?
No. Accomplished men aren't attracted by how much money a woman makes, they are attracted by sensual women, and by younger women.
[For the woman to answer first] On average, women marry men who make 60% more money than them. The gender pay gap is much smaller in favor of men, or is even in favor of women, yet women still want men who make a lot more money than them. What do you think that a man who makes that kind of money would get by marrying a woman who behaves in many of the following ways?
Doesn't act as the family binder.
Doesn't have time to spend with the children and her husband.
Doesn't cook for the family.
Doesn't clean the house.
Wants things like chores (cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children) to be equally distributed between spouses, but wants the man to pay (more of) the bills (since he makes more money).
Is bossy with her husband.
Can divorce at any time, without justification. The overall divorce rate, for all marriages, is about 50%. The legal system:
Gives the woman half of her husband's wealth (since he makes more money), even if she cheated sexually, or had a child with another man.
Overwhelmingly gives the custody of children to the woman.
Requires the man to pay alimony and child support, proportional with his income. However, the time that he's allowed to spend with the children isn't proportional with his income.
In some locations, forces the man to pay for the woman's legal fees.
Has had many sexual partners before her husband.
Has had wild sex with her past sexual partners, but doesn't do the same with her husband.
After a while, rarely accepts to have sex with her husband and doesn't enjoy having it, both because she doesn't feel physical passion for him and because she perceives sex as men dominating women.
Wants a husband who is close to her age, not significantly older.
Examples of what the man would get in the scenario above:
To worship a queen.
To provide a good life for his queen.
To experience the mysterious nature of women.
To split in half the problems he never had.
To give her children.
What he deserves for not understanding psychological manipulation.
A miserable life.
All chores and money should be split equally. If the man makes more money, he should accept full equality because a woman is worth it.
A woman who wants gender equality should marry a man who makes the same amount of money.
A woman who doesn't have a job and receives money from her husband should do all home chores for the family.
A woman who has a job should split chores with her husband, but she should do something in exchange for the extra income that the man brings into the relationship.
All chores should be split equally, but the man can keep the extra money (that he makes) for himself, in a bank account which isn't accessible to the woman, and the man can also keep it in case of a divorce (legally this isn't possible, so this is just a thought exercise).
Do you want to receive gifts from your partner, on special days like your birthday, Valentine and Christmas? Examples: flowers, chocolate, wine, jewelry, a car, we should to buy things together so we can interact more, I don't like gifts. What is a memorable gift that you've given or received?
If you're wearing makeup or jewelry, or you have dyed hair or long nails, how would you feel if you could never do that again? If you think that would never leave your house, how would you feel if you had to leave your house?
If you're carrying a large handbag, how would you feel if you could never do that again and you were forced to use a tiny handbag? What objects would you absolutely have to put in the tiny handbag?
How much do you want other people to respect your opinion, and tell you that you are beautiful and / or smart? How would you feel if virtually everyone ignored your opinion, and nobody told you that you are beautiful and / or smart?
Do you want your partner to put you on a pedestal and treat you like a prince / princess (/ king / queen / god / goddess), in order to feel happy and satisfied? Be very serious when answering this question.
Do you see your partner as a knight in a shinning armor who comes to rescue you? If the answer is "Yes", what do you have to be saved from?
Is life fair? Should life be fair? If the answer is "Yes", what magic will make that happen?
What do you feel when you see someone who is seem to be more successful than you, who seems to be better than you? Examples:
Who does he / she think he / she is? Jackass!
I'm envious. I'm not inferior.
I don't care.
I'm curious how he / she got where he / she is. I'd like to do the same.
What do you feel when you hear of someone who is very successful financially, professionally or romantically? Do you want to have the same things as the successful person because you're just as good as he / she is? Do you want to have those things right now, or would you spend decades of your free time and life trying to build those things yourself?
Is it acceptable for a man to hit his woman? Is it acceptable for a woman to hit her man?
Have you ever damaged the property (physical or digital) of a partner or ex-partner, in particular because you were angry? If the answer is "Yes", what was the context?
Have you ever been verbally abusive toward a partner or ex-partner? If the answer is "Yes", what was the context?
Have you ever been physically abusive toward a partner or ex-partner? If the answer is "Yes", what was the context?
How much do you believe in conspiracy theories? For example, do you believe that there are well known diseases which were created by some people in order to be unleashed into the world for nefarious reasons? How would things be different if such a disease were to have occurred naturally? Why does it matter for you personally whether the disease is natural or artificial?
What does life owe you?
When is it acceptable to lie to your partner? Examples:
It's acceptable regularly.
It's acceptable in rare cases.
White lies are acceptable.
Lying destroys morality, but it's acceptable when the truth would put people in physical danger and could harm their health.
When is it acceptable to lie to your partner about things that you know or suspect that matter a lot to him / her?
If you ask your partner whether you look pretty or not, and he / she says something that you don't like, what do you think next? Examples:
He / she is a jerk.
That was rude, I was expecting a compliment.
I've asked for his / her opinion and got the truth.
Is it acceptable for a woman to get pregnant without her partner's knowledge, in any of the following ways:
Stop using her contraceptives (like the pill).
Take semen of out her partner's condoms (and insert it in her vagina).
Puncture her partner's condoms.
Get pregnant by another man.
Is it acceptable for someone to lie to his / her partner about being a transgender person, before they have sex?
Patterns that lead to a miserable relationship: disgust, insults and sarcasm, contempt (= lack of respect) and mockery, criticism, escalating arguments, stonewalling (= refusing to talk through arguments). Which of these patterns have you used before with a romantic partner, parent, child, or business partner?
Do you clearly tell your partner, in words, what you want and need from him / her? If you don't tell your partner what you want, do you expect him / her to know what you want? Do you say one thing but expect you partner to do the opposite? Do you expect your partner to be able to read your mind?
If you feel that you and your partner are not spending enough quality time together, and you tell him / her that, what is most likely that you would do next? Examples:
I would expect him / her to do something about it.
I would tell him / her what specific actions I would like to happen in the real world.
I wouldn't tell him / her anything. I would just get more and more frustrated.
I wouldn't tell him / her anything. I would cheat on him / her.
When you're upset about something that your partner did, and he / she asks you what's wrong, do you expect that he / she should know the reason (without you saying it)?
Would you refuse to do what your partner wants, when what you want matters to you?
Handling your mistakes. Do you acknowledge (to yourself) your mistakes? Remember some recent mistakes (the bigger, the better) and how you've handled them. Remember an argument when you realized that you were (or could have been) wrong; did you continue to argue, or did you stop?
Handling the negatives and mistakes of others. Do you often reproach things to other people, like why they did or didn't do certain things?
Handling of refusal, rejection, denial, accepting "No" for an answer.
If you argue with someone, do you expect your partner to take your side or the logical / rational side?
How do you react when someone makes you angry? Do you think it's healthier for conflict to be resolved by releasing repressed emotions through emotional outbursts and yelling, or by talking calmly? If there is a conflict between you and your partner, do you criticize, mock, raise your voice or yell? Do you try to understand the point of view of your partner, and why he / she thinks like that?
How do you prefer to handle an issue that you see in the behavior of your partner? Examples:
Ignore it.
Point out the issue since I know better how things should be, even if I have to do it angrily.
Gently say what I would like to happen / change, even if I have to repeat myself several times, with a soft and neutral voice.
When your partner points out an issue in your behavior, how do you react? Examples:
Ignore it since I know myself better.
Argue since I know myself better.
Try to understand the issue in depth by asking for details. Since my own behavior is the neutral state to which I compare everything around, I may be oblivious to certain things that I do wrong, so my partner may know me better than I do myself in such cases.
What do you do if you're partner hurts your feelings? Examples: plan to get my sweet revenge some other time, argue with him / her and forget about it after sleep, work hard to improve myself but leave this partner if this happens too much.
During an argument with your partner, would you accept your partner's point of view even though you think that you are right, or would you insist on what you think is right? How would you try to convince your partner that you are right?
Are you used to drawing the attention of someone who is in another room, by raising your voice?
When you see something that you don't like, do you give instructions to your partner about how to fix it, or do you take action and fix it yourself?
If you and your partner were to get into a huge argument, who would you share your plight with? Describe the personalities of those people. Whose side would they be on, how would they make such a decision?
Warning: sexual content included.
Having desired physical contact builds and maintains emotional closeness, which helps to reduce conflict frequency and intensity. Physical contact is critical for the development of happiness.
This kind of physical contact:
Includes strongly pressing large body parts against each other, like: chest on chest, abdomen on abdomen, chest on back, chest on buttocks, abdomen on buttocks.
Includes light touching or caressing, with the hands, of various body parts, like: back, chest, abdomen, buttocks, nape, thighs, arms.
May include penetration.
Excludes sexual thrusting and dominating sexual positions.
Would you like for you and your partner to tightly embrace each other for 5...10 minutes every day or once every few days? Would you like to look at each other's face, or in each other's eyes for several minutes? [When you look in someone's eyes, focus on a single eye, on a single point. Don't switch your focus between his / her eyes.]
Arguments usually start with an emotional outburst (like mockery or yelling), and from there each partner can say things that amplify the emotionally charged situation.
To try to stop this progression, you can replace the first emotional outburst with a visual indication: put in front of your partner an object which is designated to indicate the start of the argument, but don't say anything, no matter how angry you are. If you slam the object in front of your partner, it's clear that you are very angry.
Let your partner ask you, calmly, even if it's a few minutes later, what the problem is.
The object should be soft, like a plush toy.
What do you think about initiating arguments silently rather than with an emotional outburst?
If during an argument your partner asks you to get naked (for the rest of the argument), when you are in a private location, do you agree to either get naked or walk away from the argument? If you agree now, but later refuse to do it, do you acknowledge that would be breaking a promise?
What would you do after an argument with your partner? Examples:
I would refuse to have sex with my partner in that day.
I would have sex to forget the arguing.
One of us must be disciplined / punished / dominated / insulted / humiliated sexually, decided as follows:
The person who is wrong; we have to clarify who.
The person who is correct; we have to clarify who.
The person who has the last word in support of their argument.
The man.
The woman.
Coin flip.
Both of us must be disciplined / punished / dominated / insulted / humiliated sexually.
What do you think about initiating and negotiating sex silently, as described below?
Negotiation steps:
Choose a flat surface (like a furniture) in a location by which you pass on your way to the bedroom, like a hallway, bathroom or the bedroom itself.
To initiate and negotiate sex in a day, put an object on that surface.
Before you go to bed, look at that surface to see if your partner has also put an object on it. If he / she did, you know that you'll be having sex that night, but if that surface has on it only your object, you know that you'll not be having sex that night, so don't ask your partner further.
You can use different types of objects, and multiple objects, to negotiate the type of sex that you would like to have. Your partner could put on that surface an object that is:
Specifically designated to indicate the acceptance of what you requested.
A different type of object, which indicates that your partner wants that other type of sex, so you have to either accept that or have no sex.
Example objects: teaspoon = spooning / cuddling (no sex), lipstick or lipbalm = vaginal sex, ring = oral sex, lubricant = anal sex, (sewing) thread = tying up.
What do you think about using the sex menu day to settle the sexual differences (regarding the acceptable frequency of sex and the actions to do during sex)?
What do you think about the gamification of the settlement of sexual differences (regarding the acceptable frequency of sex and the actions to do during sex), as described below?
Gamification steps:
Let each partner have a number called available points.
Every week, add 7 points to the available points of each partner. The available points are never reset, but can't exceed the number of points added in 2 weeks (so 14 points).
A partner can, at any time, request the other partner to accept one or more actions, actions which are not necessarily limited to sex.
Each action is valued with a number of points. Examples: vaginal sex = 1, oral sex = 2, anal sex = 4, being tied up = 2, being blindfolded = 2, ejaculation in sensitive areas = 2, get naked for 15 minutes = 1, let's go out in the city = 2, get naked for the duration of the argument we're having = 2.
When an action is requested but is refused by the other partner, nothing happens.
When an action is requested and accepted by the other partner, its associated number of points is deducted from the available points of the partner who made the request, unless the remaining available points would be below 0, in which case nothing happens, including the requested action.
Based on your preferences, you should customize the number of points given every week, and the number of points associated to the possible actions.
Handling of private information like financial information, home and work addresses. Do you publish such information online, on social networks? In what context?
Do you run or install, on your computer, programs from your friends or from unknown sources? Do you open email attachments from unknown sources?
Something that pushed your physical capacity to the limit.
Something that pushed your mental capacity to the limit.
The most valuable life lesson you’ve learned.
What should school prepare people for, what should be the goal? Examples: a job, life, entrepreneurship.
Something that would be useful to know in life but isn't taught in school. Examples: financial education, dating education.
Goals in life and what you are doing to achieve them. What do you expect from life, in the long term? What dreams do you have for the future? What do you expect the future to bring you? Are you trying to build the future that you dream of?
The longest projects that you've been focused / working on, the ones that needed the most energy and attention.
What you think a lot about, other than goals in life, hobbies or job.
Your current priorities in life.
What do you value most in life?
Your desired home. House or apartment? Type of design examples: modern, minimalistic, classic, contemporary. Where should it be located?
Should people be equal in terms of opportunities to work, to express themselves?
If people have equal opportunities, but the outcomes of their work are wildly different, it means that:
All people, including both men and women, have the same abilities, so different outcomes means that there is no equality in society. Men and the patriarchy want to keep everyone else down.
People have different abilities, physically and mentally. If a man and a woman run in a race, they both have the same opportunity, but the winner is the one who has the better ability to run. The fact the men are generally faster and have more muscle power doesn't mean that in the name of equality they should be slowed down, it means that women should get to the same level of ability, if they want to reach the finish line at the same time. [The world's fastest man is 10% faster than the world's fastest woman, in a 100 meter race.]
Are men and women equal? Examples:
Yes.
No. Men and women should have equal opportunities so that those who do the same work can, potentially, have the same benefit.
No. Men and women should never be equal.
How should equal pay look like? Examples:
Everyone should be payed equally.
Everyone should be payed a universal basic income. If many people were to stop working, companies would have to pay them a lot more money, so they would have to increase their prices.
Everyone should be payed equally if they do equal work.
What represents feminism for you more? Examples:
Men are pigs.
Men are pigs, but I want one (to pay the bills).
Girl power.
Equal opportunities and outcomes. Since men and women are the same, the outcome has to be the same, which is why all jobs have to be distributed between men and women based on percentages (even if it's not 50-50), and wages have to be equal for the same job (even when people don't produce the same profit).
Equal opportunities, but the outcomes depend on personal abilities.
Do you think that today's feminists are no longer interested in equality of opportunity (from a legal point of view), but instead want any of the following?
Preferential treatment for women, as compensation for women were treated in the past, something that they interpret as bad behavior of most men.
Manipulate men to provide resources for women. They justify their actions by identifying themselves with women in the past who were treated badly by some men. In reality, these women treat all men as enemies that have to be exploited before those men can exploit women.
Many sexual partners.
To not be held accountable for their decisions that they later realize have bad consequences.
In places where women are generally paid less money than men, why do you think this gender pay gap exists? Examples:
Because men and the patriarchy want to keep women down.
Women are discriminated because of their gender.
An average doesn't tell you why it exists, so you have to look separately at the people who do the same amount of work. The pay gap exists because women choose jobs that pay less (social jobs pay less than trade jobs and technology jobs), work fewer hours, and men are more direct and less agreeable in their communication and more determined to negotiate higher wages. If women were to work in the same job, in the same position, for the same number of hours, with the same productive outcomes, and have the same negotiating skills, they should be payed the same, that is, there should be equality of opportunity (from a legal point of view).
Do you think that society puts obstacles in front of the women who want to be successful, so women have to work twice as hard as men to get the same recognition?
Yes. It's so difficult for women to be successful in a patriarchal society.
No. That's how much work successful men put in, but they know what's required to be successful and don't complain about how difficult it is. Welcome to the club of high achievers, where people care about results, not about how though it was to get there.
Should feminists do the following?
Marry men who make the same amount of money.
Initiate sex as often as men do.
Pay for the entire first date.
Pay half of the bills, including food, rent / mortgage, home renovations, furniture, home appliances.
Carry the groceries.
Take out the trash.
Paint the (yard's) fence.
Mow the lawn.
Change the lightbulbs.
Deal with the spiders.
Approach men for a potential romantic or sexual relationship, instead of waiting for men to approach them.
Be drafted for military service and be required to meet the physical standards that men can meet.
[For the woman to answer] If you think that today's women are socially disadvantaged compared to men, how are you personally disadvantaged? Give exact examples. How should the law be changed to eliminate those disadvantages?
If women have sole choice on whether to carry pregnancies to term, while men have no choice but to accept that, would it be normal for men to be able to choose whether they are financially responsible for those children?
What you're offended by and society has to fix. What should not be joked about.
Who do you think is responsible for most of the bad things in the world? Examples:
Men.
How many men do you think bear this responsibility? Examples: all, the majority, half, maybe 1 in 20.
Women.
Bad people.
[For the woman to answer] Do you hate men in general? Do you think that most men want to harm women in general, either sexually or non-sexually? If the answer is "Yes", how many men do you think bear this responsibility? Examples: all, the majority, half, maybe 1 in 20.
[For the man to answer] Do you hate women in general? Do you think that most women want to harm men in general? If the answer is "Yes", how many women do you think bear this responsibility? Examples: all, the majority, half, maybe 1 in 20.
Do you think that women are less aggressive than men, or that it only appears so because men are direct in their conflicts (known as "stab you in the front") whereas women are indirect (known as "stab you in the back")?
There is a significant trend to define sexual assault as touching or grabbing a women's hand (without consent), and rape as pushing the man's body against the woman's body (without consent), in order to make the official statistics show larger numbers, statistics which don't list the separate levels of intensity of the actions that they refer to. What do you think of these definitions?
When a woman (who you don't know) accuses a man (who you don't know) of harassment or assault, sexual or not, but there is no evidence of that happening, is it right for the man to be fired from his job and to be harassed by the public? Is it right to believe the woman only based on her claims? Examples:
I never believe women.
I believe all women.
I believe only the women I know personally for a long time.
I believe only the women who prove their cases in a court of law. Look at how the public accusations are usually made: made by anonymous women, made only when journalists approach those women (not on the free will of those women), made only when a celebrity is going against the trendy political narrative, those women claim to have text messages from the accused celebrity. So, how do they prove to the public that the messages are from that celebrity? They don't and they can't. Plus, accusations are stories, not proof / evidence. Such accusations are obviously planned by attackers who only want to spread a vile rumor about a celebrity and have just that rumor remain in the public memory, and to force various companies to sever their financial ties with the accused celebrity. The attackers have no interest in proving anything in a court of law. It's all about harming the public perception, that is, it's all about political vileness.
Considering that there is no evidence, if a woman (who you don't know) accuses a man (who you don't know) of hitting her, the man responds that the woman has hit him first, and the woman denies his claim, who do you believe and why?
Do you think that the expressions "toxic masculinity" and "traditional masculinity" are being used to manipulate the public opinion in order to induce the idea that masculinity as a whole is vile? Some criteria that are used to define these expressions in a negative sense are:
Men who rely on themselves and are too independent (to obey the manipulators who scream "toxic masculinity").
Men who are competitive.
Men who are stoic, that is, men who handle pain without expressing emotionally what they go through.
Do you subscribe to the view that masculinity is toxic, or to the view that specific behaviors, like violence, are toxic (regardless of the gender of the perpetrator)?
If you think that masculinity as a whole is toxic, what is the difference between normal and toxic masculinity?
In order to not be labeled as being toxic, should men become submissive, docile, emotional and obey the instructions of the people who scream "toxic masculinity"?
Do you agree that cancel culture, woke culture and gender identity activism are destroying free speech and the perception of reality by recreating the Inquisition in the 21st century, and that the effects are so severe that the clinically insane people are now allowed to run the certain societies? Things that made this possible:
The forced norm / outcome based equality (among people) instead of merit / opportunity based equality. This has reached the point where the woke culture activists are literally stating that people should not prove themselves (about who they are and what they can do) and should not be analyzed based on impersonal and emotionless criteria like standards and biology, but believed based on their claims. This emotional hard view of society has also led to some people denying the objective reality of biological sex outside of the human mind.
The weakening of men and their elimination from many positions of decision where they have the capacity to say "No" to deranged demands that were masquerading as equality. Men have lost the mental fortitude that is necessary to call out people's manipulation in their face; women are more inclined to diffuse conflict by accepting random and even conflicting claims to be objectively true, as in "my truth" and "your truth" are both true. This eliminated many obstacles that the lunatics previously faced in their attempts to gain power and dictate how society should work. If you let people who are fearful, desperate or chaotic lead and tell you what to do, they will destroy you, just like a person who is about to drown will try to drown the people who are trying to help them. It turns out that if there are no guards at the village, it's not that everyone lives happily ever after, but that the lunatics come out of the woodwork.
The creation of diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) departments in companies, departments that infiltrated norm based equality in companies, which in turn affected hiring and employment.
The large scale psychological therapy (including medication, like antidepressants) that made the treated people softer, numb to what's happening around them, more susceptible to being manipulated, and incapable to say "No" to norm based equality.
What genital organs did you have at birth? What genital organs do you have now? Examples: penis, vagina, unclear, something else.
What genital organs must your partner have had at birth? What genital organs must your partner have now? Examples: penis, vagina, unclear, something else.
If your partner were to ask you to have a medical test to confirm whether your body produces sperm or ova, matching your biological sex, would you agree? An alternative is a DNA test that shows either the XX sex chromosome pair for women, or the XY sex chromosome pair for men.
Do you agree that people have a biological sex that is determined by biology, not determined by what people identify as, and that biological sex represents the objective reality that exists outside of the human mind? Criteria:
The biological sex is observed and recorded at birth by visually examining the genital organs of the newborn. Biological sex is observed, not assigned. A person born with a penis is called a biological man, a person born with a vulva and vagina is called a biological woman. In extremely few cases, biology fails and people are born without either a penis or a vagina, or are born with a combination.
The genetic sex is determined by the genetic code, and causes some human bodies (called men) to produce sperm, and some human bodies (called women) to produce ova. For almost all people, their biological and genetic sexes match.
Some people assume (for themselves) a personality trait called gender identity that is different than their biological sex. These people are known as transgender men / women / people.
People can reproduce only in the single combination made by sperm (men) and ova (women), and only if their biological sexes match their genetic sexes (so that their genital organs can be used for fertilization). Within the human species, any sperm that can fertilize an ovum, can do so with any ovum that can be fertilized; there is only one fertilization category with two elements / sexes, not multiple categories, not more elements.
Two men can't reproduce together if one of them identifies as a woman. Two women can't reproduce together if one of them identifies as a man. One man and one woman can reproduce even if both of them identify as men or as women. This means that self identification has no relevance in the biological reality that people live in.
The biological and genetic sexes are binary, man and woman, because of biology, not because of self identification and personality traits. The very few cases where the genetic sex and biological sex don't match, don't invalidate the rule of two biologically determined sexes. This is similar to someone being born with a single hand or four fingers in a hand, cases that don't invalidate the rules of two hands and five fingers in a hand. Here is a drawing that shows the difference between biological diversity and a biological rule.
If artificial insemination were used to create a child, that would be the result of science, not of a change in the biological rule of the two sexes that can reproduce humans. Whether a child would be carried to term by a biological man or a medical pod is irrelevant to the binary nature of human biological reproduction. In the case of people who can't reproduce even though they have the required genetic and biological sexes, their inability to reproduce is the result of their biology failing in some detail.
Would you knowingly and willingly have sex with a transgender person? If you unknowingly have sex with a transgender person, do you consider that it was an unwilling act on your side?
Do you agree with the following?
The attempt to use a single word, "woman", to describe both biological women and transgender women is denying the unique differences between their biology and personality, therefore denying and obliterating the existence of both biological women and transgender women. Same for the word "man".
The words "man" and "woman" don't exist because they identify roles, energies, feelings, personalities, temperaments or behaviors. They exist only to mirror the binary biological reality, reality without which these words would not exist because the biological concepts they identify would not exist.
If gender identity isn't binary, why are gender identity activists trying to force the use of the binary representation of men and women? If gender identity isn't binary, then the options are: biological man, biological woman, other options. Why, then, does gender reassignment surgery have only two options?
The legal rights of men and women are slightly different because of differences in their biology, not in their personality, and biology starts at genetics. The legal rights are different because of what people are biologically, not because of what they identify as. The separation of shower rooms, locker rooms, bathrooms, spas, airport pat-downs and prisons are based on biology, not on what people feel. This is the reason why there are no separate bathrooms for people who feel happy and for those who feel sad. Biological differences are important enough, for people, to warrant the cost of separation.
If the words "man" and "woman" were to be used to refer to both biological and transgender men and women, what words should be used to refer to men and women who are not transgender? Let's say that these words exist. But if such words exist, why would anyone continue to use the words "man" and "woman" which would conflate transgender and non-transgender men and women? The only logical reason is that not making a distinction is an attempt to erase the objective reality of transgender and non-transgender men and women, as if they aren't distinct biological and psychological categories.
The words "man" and "woman" refer to what people are biologically, not to what people identify as (which names are for).
The words "man" and "woman" refer to the biological sex of people, male and female. This use arises from an instinctual biological need to evaluate people as potential reproductive (and therefore sexual) partners. This instinct has nothing to do with what people identify as, or with what people look like, but with what people's sexual biology is. The expressions "transgender man" and "transgender woman" refer to transgender people, a biological and psychological category that is objectively distinct from people who are not transgender.
Nobody is free to hijack the long established language of others. Language doesn't evolve unilaterally. Any dictionary that defines the words "man", "woman", "male" or "female" as a person that merely identifies as such, is denying and erasing the distinction between biological and transgender men and women (which have distinct biological existence outside of human thought). This shows that any such dictionary is irrelevant in understanding and communicating about the nature of reality, and therefore linguistic definitions, vocabulary, grammar and spelling are useless. Henceforth, such a dictionary is canceled from use.
The use of preferred pronouns is not analogous to identification with names. Names strictly identify people, don't describe what people are (biologically), while pronouns and the words "man" and "woman" describe what people are biologically, they mirror the binary reality of biological sex, reality without which these pronouns and words would not exist. The preferred pronouns are designed to deny people's ability to recognize the biological reality.
Anyone who has preferred pronouns must know that my preferred pronouns are "my king" and "your majesty". This isn't mockery, it's a way to show the relevance of self-identification in the interaction with other people, it's a way to point out the lunacy of gender identity activism, lunacy that, if hidden, spreads like a virus to sane people.
What happens if a man who is about to get divorced and lose his children to his wife, identifies as a woman and as the mother of the children?
Some concepts are irrelevant because they are social constructs? You know who doesn't have social constructs? Animals. Evolved behavior and social constructs separate humans from other animals.
The people who are saying that the association between the biological sex and gender identity is a social construct, are manipulators saying "Yours is a social construct, therefore we'll replace it with our social construct."
Gender identity activists have created the concept of gender as separate from biological sex, and now claim that gender is fake, all while transgender people try to be of one of the two biological sexes, man or woman. Their construct may be fake, but biological sex is the objective reality outside of the human mind.
The response to "You're denying trans rights" should be "There is no right to deny the reality and biology that are outside of the human mind, or to demand others to deny them. Nobody's is denying a right that doesn't exist in the first place. Societies that grant such legal rights will collapse." or "What about the rights of biological women, rights that transgender identity activists are destroying?"
The response to "You are transphobic" should be "I identify as a non-transphobic person, therefore I'm a non-transphobic person. How dare you question my deeply felt personal identification that I'm a non-transphobic person?" or "It's my deeply felt personal identification that I am correct."
The overwhelming majority of people have sex with only one biological sex (be it the opposite sex, or the same sex), and is revulsive to them to have sex with the other biological sex. This instinct arises from the objective existence of the binary biological sex.
The overwhelming majority of people would not have sex with a transgender person.
Biological sex is the objective reality external to humans that is used to identify the parts needed for human reproduction, which is binary. Gender identity is a personality trait that doesn't affect the way the biological sex works. Claiming otherwise is done for manipulative reasons by the people who want to use a single word to try to conflate different things, and is the equivalent of claiming that a person who self-identifies as a dog is a dog because he / she feels that. In the biological reality, that person is a human, and actually believing that he / she is a biological dog, is a mental disorder. Self-identification and the biological reality are fundamentally different things, which is why it's important to use different words to identify biological sex and gender identity, and the word "transgender" makes that distinction.
Let's say that the entire world uses the word "woman" to identify a transgender woman, and the word "female" to identify a biological woman. The entire world has just abandoned one word for another. The word "woman" has just lost its original meaning, and the entire world now knows that it means "transgender woman". You're back to the starting point. What's the point of doing this? The point is that the gender identity activists don't want to use the word "woman" to merely identify a transgender woman, they want the world to completely behave as if a transgender woman is a biological woman, so that eventually all people would accept to have sex with transgender women as if they are biological women. This is what madness looks like from the inside.
If bathrooms were to be shared by all people then it must be required by law that the bathroom stalls are to be completely enclosed by walls and doors, the doors must have locks, and there may be no hole through which people from the outside of the stall can see inside, not even a keyhole through which people can see.
The goal of gender identity activists is to subvert people's sense of reality by pretending that there is no difference between biological men / women and transgender men / women, so that eventually all people would accept to have sex with transgender people.
Some people ask "Why do you fight against it? Why do you want to say that transgender women are not biological women?"
Because it's the biological Truth, the objective reality. People use different words to identify things that are objectively different, regardless of anyone's mental state and feelings.
Because the woke Inquisition destroys the careers of the people who say this Truth.
Because biological women want to feel safe in shower rooms, locker rooms, bathrooms, spas, airport pat-downs, prisons, and want to win in sports against their physical equals. These are their legal rights as people with the female biological sex, a category separate from people with the male biological sex.
Is it fair for transgender women to participate in sports of biological women? Some people say that sports is unfair from the start since people's physical abilities are so varied. That's true, but fairness in sports is not limited to the opportunity to participate, it includes the opportunity to win. That's why there are categories based on skill (professional and amateur), age (adults and children), biological sex (men and women), weight (in contact sports), and physical capacity (disabled people have their own category). Without categories, only the strongest biological men would win. This means that if biological men were to participate in biological women's sports, biological women would never win. That lack of the opportunity to win from the start is what's unfair. Because transgender women have a strength between biological men and biological women, to be fair to all people, they should compete in their own category.
Some scientists make a logical fallacy by comparing the small percentage of non-binary people with the small percentages of the wildly diverse things that made most of the complexity of this Universe. But the small percentages of things that made the Universe, did exactly that, they made the Universe, whereas the small minority of non-binary people did not make this civilization, are not responsible for its highest achievements, and each single non-binary person did not participate more than any other single person to the construction of this civilization. It was the acceptance of the objective Reality discovered by science and biology, the ones that gave us an understanding of how the world and life work, that brought us all the advantages of modern life. The woke activists claim that this biology is wrong, and these lunatics want to dictate how the world should work.
If you know that the woke Inquisition would destroy your career for telling the Truth, don't say anything and let others deal with this.
Truth is not an offense, and offending someone is not a crime.
Why would you want to marry? Examples: childhood dream, it's what people do, better financial status, legal rights to split in half all wealth made during marriage, children have to be raised by two parents, regular sex, to split in half the problems I never had.
Children. Do you ever want to have children? How many? When do you want to have one? If it's not possible to conceive, what would you do? Adopting children. Children from previous relationships.
How would you think to the children that you give birth to, or whose biological parent you are?
The woman's children.
The man's children.
My children.
Our children (mine and my spouse's).
Who would pay for the wedding?
If you want to marry, what kind of ceremony would you like to have? Examples: none, with only the immediate family, with the extended family and friends, with over 100 guests.
The overall divorce rate, for all marriages, is about 50%, and in many countries the partner who came into the marriage (or makes during the marriage) with a lot less money can divorce at any time, without justification (even if that person cheated sexually, or had a child with someone else), and lawfully get half of the money of the wealthier partner.
On top of this, many of the people who remain married long-term are not happy, but don't divorce because they would be worse / poorer separately, or they want to stay together for the children.
A prenuptial agreement is useful for someone who is about to marry a partner who has a lot less money (or less potential to make money in the future).
A prenuptial agreement normally covers only what each partner owned before marriage, and can't lawfully apply to what becomes property after marriage.
If you have a bank account with a lot of money saved from before the marriage, after marriage do not under any circumstances put more money in that account, else all the money from that account becomes common property. Put the new money in a separate account that you know contains common property.
If you own a house (or any property) from before the marriage, do not under any circumstances put your spouse's name on the property deeds, else that property becomes common property. Declaring that you live there with a spouse is a different matter.
Make sure to have a prenuptial agreement made by a lawyer. A non-professional prenuptial agreement which is signed by someone who later claims to have signed it in distress, may be thrown out by a court of law.
If you want a prenuptial agreement, make sure your partner signs it before marriage.
In some countries, if two people live together for a certain number of years, the partners may have a legal claim over the assets of the other partner, as if they are married.
Signing a prenuptial agreement is not the equivalent of planning to make the marriage fail, it's planning in case the marriage fails. Any successful rational person knows that any good plan can fail, so backup plans are necessary to recover from failure.
If one partner doesn't want to sign a prenuptial agreement and says "Don't you trust me?" the response should be "But, don't you trust me enough to sign it?"
Would you agree to talk to a lawyer in order to see whether the law grants both spouses what they want during marriage and in the event of a divorce?
If the conversation with the lawyer shows a lack of balance in the law, mostly in favor of a single partner, would you agree to sign a prenuptial agreement that protects both partners equally in case something goes wrong in the relationship? Examples: no, yes, I wouldn't marry someone who asks me to sign one, I wouldn't marry someone who refuses to sign one.
Before entering in a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship, there are many things to talk about, and some important decisions to be made together. It's possible that some of these decisions will be broken later by one partner. Do you agree that if any such decision is broken, the relationship should end either because a fundamental incompatibility has arisen, or because one partner has deceived the other (perhaps even from the start of the relationship)? Do you agree that if the reason was deceit, or there is a massive difference in the frequency of sex (from what was initially agreed), the partner who did the deceiving, or changed the frequency of sex, may not ask (in a divorce) for a share of the wealth of the other partner? Example scenarios: not having children versus having them, having sex often versus having sex rarely, living in the suburbs versus living in the city, making the effort to maintain the body look versus not making the effort (for example, the ability to remove the body hair is not affected by age, so it can be done at any age).
If you marry and divorce after having children (with the ex-spouse), how would you split custody (= spending the time with the minor children)? Examples: 100% with me, most time with me, 50% with each of us, most time with my ex-spouse, 100% with my ex-spouse.
Self control, delayed gratification. Are you usually aiming to get a (partial) result as quickly as possible, or are you waiting more time to get the best result possible?
Risk taking. Do you like danger? Are you attracted to dangerous situations?
What responsibilities you wish you didn’t have?
If your partner had to move to a different city for his / her job, would you follow him / her?
Charity work, donations, activism.
Respect for authority.
Political and environmental views, firearms.
Narcotics.
Getting older.
Plastic surgery, breast implants. As you grow older, do you intend to use plastic surgery to make your body look younger?
Do you think that astrology can predict the course of relationships or of the future?
Religion. Is religion a good thing for you personally?
What you are afraid of.
Long time dream which you have abandoned. Why did you abandon it?
Your biggest failure to seize an opportunity.
Biggest mistakes you've made in your life. What do you most regret doing or not doing?
What would you like to change in the way you grew up? What decision from your past would you change?
The biggest challenges, obstacles and adversity that you have faced in life. How did you overcome them?
Frustrating or tormenting moments. How did you overcome them?
The last time you cried by yourself (or in front of others, if that's more relevant).
Do you regularly take any medication?
Punishments for criminals. Merciful or vengeful?
What do you care about in people?
Role models. Did you have any?
Who do you talk to the most? Examples: myself, parents, friends.
What do you do for work?
Current family. Place of birth, where you've moved.
Dressing style, clothes, out in the city and at office. Examples: formal, casual, sporty.
Tattoos and piercings.
If you are interested in learning more about these topics, see: Mathematics making Reality, What is Reality, Free will, Consciousness.
What is the origin of the Universe? Examples: a mathematical progression, laws of physics popping out of nothingness (and forming a deterministic progression of change), a simulation started in another Universe, infinity (everything possible already exists), a god.
What is time? Examples: the progression of change, there is no time because everything already exists, a dimension in which everything moves (and might be able to go back into).
What is the origin of the human species? Examples: natural evolution, a god.
Do people have free will? Can a person make a choice without being causally bound to the beginning of the Universe, therefore breaking the laws of physics, or is everything a deterministic progression of change that has started from the beginning of the Universe? Do people actually have free will, or do they believe that they have free will because they can't see the entire chain of causality that has started from the beginning of the Universe, chain which determines their choices?
Do souls exist? If they do, they must be immaterial, made from something other than matter, since no matter has been observed to make them. Is consciousness a fundamental property of the Universe? Are souls immortal? Where were your soul and consciousness before you were born?
Teleportation is a process through which information can be transmitted over great distances. Matter can be teleported by: scanning the molecules at the origin, destroying the original (so that you don't get a duplicate), transmitting the scanned information through a communication channel, and reconstructing the molecules at the destination. Only atoms have so far been teleported. If a person were to be teleported, how would the soul and consciousness be also teleported, considering that they are not made of matter (so the teleporting machine would be unable to access these)?
For conversations during the relationship.
Happiness together. Are you happy with me?
Things for which you want me to give you more support.
Things that I do, that you would like me to no longer do.
What thing(s) did you like the most and why? Did anything make you feel great pleasure?
What thing(s) did you like the least and why?
What would you like to change the next time we have sex?