Go back to Searching for a Partner
Table of contents:
Skip reading this section until you see a topic marked with "GAMIFIED".
The topics which are marked with "GAMIFIED" (and contain a list of choices) can be optionally gamified. You can gamify a topic either the first time you answer it, or at a later time (when you can reanswer it).
When a topic is gamified, it means that on top of the number of choices that each person may freely select for the topic, number which is specified in the topic, each person may select more choices when paying a closeness cost (described below).
A topic which can be gamified is designed not only to be fun, but also to show people's ability to allocate scarce resources. If your person of interest defies the instructions of the topic and freely selects more choices than the topic specifies, it means that they are willing to use trickery to go around obstacles, and are unable to prioritize and allocate scarce resources.
Here are the available closeness costs:
You may say "I want 1 more choice" to request to select 1 more choice from the list. If you give a compliment to the other person and he / she says "I accept" to accept it, you may make 1 more choice. You can repeat this multiple times. A compliment is anything said that gives the other person pleasure.
You may say "I want 2 more choices" to request to select 2 more choices from the list. If the other person says "I accept" to accept it, he / she must indicate where he / she wants to touch or caress you (with only one of his / her palm and its fingers), and you must say either "Yes" to allow it, or "No" to forbid it. If you allow it then you can make the choices, but if you forbid it then you can't make the choices. At any moment you may back away or ask for the touch to end and the other person must stop. You can repeat this multiple times.
You may say "I want 3 more choices" to request to select 3 more choices from the list. If the other person says "I accept" to accept it, he / she must indicate where he / she wants to kiss you (with only his / her lips, not tongue), and you must say either "Yes" to allow it, or "No" to forbid it. If you allow it then you can make the choices, but if you forbid it then you can't make the choices. At any moment you may back away or ask for the kiss to end and the other person must stop. You can repeat this multiple times. It's strongly recommended to start kissing with a non-sexual area (like a hand).
If you forbid the touches and kisses, but the other person insists that you should accept, make it clear that "It's too early for physical contact". If the other person still insists, walk away because that person is from the wrong pool of potential partners.
A gamified topic may have some choices from the list marked with the words "GAMIFIED CHOICE". Such a choice can be selected only by someone who is paying a closeness cost to select more choices for that topic, that is, it can be selected only when a compliment, touch / caress or kiss is involved.
Tell me about you. Your life story. (If he / she says "It's a long story" you should say "I like hearing your voice.")
Something interesting about yourself, something that you are proud of, like your greatest (physical or mental) accomplishments.
What makes you special. Compliment yourself about something other than your physical appearance. (Isn't it interesting how difficult it is for people to say what makes them special?)
What you care about, what you feel passion for, your hobbies and activities. (It's a fallacy of the modern, educated world to think that partners should feel passion for the same things. Rejecting the people who don't share your passions will make it virtually impossible to find a partner. When he / she tells you his / her passions, you can continue the conversation by asking "How did you get into that?")
The happiest moments of your life. (If he / she takes too much to think, you can tease him / her by saying "So, this must be the happiest moment of your life.")
What makes you happy, or what would make you happy. What stands between you and your happiness?
Describe yourself with short attributes, like: lazy, energetic, messy, ordered, going with the flow, determined, creative, logical, open book, mysterious.
Eating style, diet, weight control. Describe what you usually eat during a day. Walking versus going by car. What you eat in general. Your favorite foods. Your favorite deserts.
What you drink (and how much): water, tea, coffee, alcohol, vegetable and fruit juices, sweetened beverages.
Show some photos of yourself, or photos that you've taken.
Show some photos of your home, something that you're proud of.
Very weird, funny, amazing or embarrassing things that have happened to you or that you have seen.
If you could do anything you wanted right now, what would you do?
If you would not have to work for money, what would you do with your life?
Types of videoclips that you are watching online, like documentaries, personal development, movies, music. Could also be articles or books. You could search for them online, on your phone, to show what you're interested in.
Teach me (about) something. Keep the lesson within a few minutes.
What you think a lot about, other than goals in life, hobbies or job.
Your current priorities in life.
What do you value most?
Goals in life and what you are doing to achieve them. What do you expect from life, in the long term? What dreams do you have for the future? What do you expect the future to bring you? Are you trying to build the future that you dream of?
Type of relationship that you want to have next. Examples: conversational friendship (sex is excluded), intimate friendship (sex is unlikely, but not impossible), long-term and sexually monogamous relationship (could lead to marriage), short-term relationship, non-monogamous relationship, casual sex, one-night stand. (This topic is about the next relationship, not about what happens between you two.)
If you're looking for a long-term relationship, do you still see yourself together with the same person after 10 years? If the answer is "no", does it mean that you want more than one long-term relationship?
In your next relationship, are you looking for realistic expectations and friendship, or for magic, fate and a soulmate? How would you recognize your soulmate?
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your current partner to have conversations with other people, which could result in a romantic relationship with those people (after breaking the relationship between you two)? Examples: until you two have your first sex together, until you two agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship.
What's the funniest, weirdest or craziest idea for a date that you would like to go on?
Physical or mental traits that attract you to men / women.
Physical or mental traits that you dislike about yourself.
What was your first impression of me? What were your concerns about me? Has anything changed now?
Do I have anything that you would not normally choose a partner for?
What makes you a good partner?
Most annoying (but not bad) things that your partner could do.
How much do you want other people to respect your opinion, and tell you that you are beautiful and / or smart? How would you feel if virtually everyone ignored your opinion, and nobody told you that you are beautiful and / or smart?
What does the Universe owe you?
If you're wearing makeup or jewelry, or you have dyed hair or long nails, how would you feel if you could never do that again? If you think that would never leave your house, what if you had to leave your house?
If you're carrying a large handbag, how would you feel if you could never do that again and you were forced to use a tiny handbag?
Who should pay for your first meal together, you or your person of interest? Who should pay for the second meal?
Are you annoyed by men who open doors for women?
Should a hardcore feminist take out the trash?
How often would you like to spend time with someone, before you live together? Examples: every day, twice per week, once per week.
How often would you like to communicate with someone, before you live together? Would you prefer to communicate mostly through (online) messaging, phone calls or SMS?
Warning: sexual content included.
These topics can create a tensed atmosphere, so they should be discussed toward the end of a date.
Tell this to your person of interest, to prepare him / her for the subject: "Let's talk about the way people regard / view sexual behavior; this isn't about the way people have sex."
If at the end of this section the sexual lifestyle, indulgent or controlled, of your person of interest is still not clear but you're interested in knowing, explain what indulgent and controlled mean and ask for an explicit answer.
If at the end of this section you see an unacceptable incompatibility, you can say "We have (very) different personalities" in order to subtly indicate that you will not pursue a relationship with your person of interest.
How many sexual partners would be normal for you to have during your lifetime? Examples: as few as possible, less than 10, less than 20, less than 40, as many as possible.
How many sexual partners is acceptable for your partner to have? Examples: as few as possible, less than 10, less than 20, less than 40, as many as possible, I don't care.
Is it necessary for you to have sex with your partner before you two agree to be into a long-term relationship?
When is it acceptable to start having sex with a new partner? Examples: after the first / second / third successful date, after a few weeks, after you two agree to be in a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship, after engagement, after marriage.
If you think that it's acceptable to start having sex with a new partner only after you two agree to be in a long-term and sexually monogamous relationship (/ engagement / marriage), you should first be sure (with a reasonable doubt) that you two are compatible for a long-term relationship. How will you make sure of that? Will you abstain from having sex before that moment?
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your partner to have sex with other people? Examples: until getting the first / second / third date, until you two have your first sex together, until you two declare love to each other, until you two agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship, until engagement, until marriage.
How much does each of the following apply to what you think of sex?
Sex is a biological need, like eating, which is fulfilled when it appears, with whoever is available at the time.
Having sex for the first time with a new partner is a serious decision, like the answer to a big philosophical question. Having sex with a partner and separating later feels like losing a part of who I am, feels like I'm dissolving emotionally.
Did you have sex outside of a long-term relationship?
Have you had sex with someone the first time you physically meet him / her? What about the second time?
Would you have sex with a virgin? (It it matters, here, virgin means someone who has never had vaginal, oral or anal sex.)
GAMIFIED. What are the 3 most important personality traits that you would like your partner to have? Choices (specify when a choice is extremely important to you; you can add your own):
Is relaxed about life and doesn't put pressure on me.
Enjoys watching movies and TV shows with me.
Uses makeup, or dyes her hair or nails in order to change her appearance and look smashing every day.
Accepts that my makeup, dyed hair, dyed nails make me look smashing every day.
Treats me like a prince / princess.
Wants to have children at some point in the future.
When upset, argues because that's how normal people work things out.
When upset, reasons instead of arguing because that's how people who want to be compatible work things out.
Enjoys a formal dressing style, social behavior and events.
Enjoys a casual dressing style, social behavior and events.
Enjoys intense physical activity, like bicycle riding, hiking, sports.
Works to keep his / her body healthy and weight in the fit category.
Works to build financial security for the family.
Is a thinker and challenges me intellectually.
Is spiritual. Examples: believes in my god.
Doesn't believe in magic, spirits and gods.
GAMIFIED. What are the 3 most important ways in which you would like your partner to often express his / her attraction, passion and love for you, to make you feel special? Choices (specify when a choice is extremely important to you; you can add your own):
Provides me rich financial security. Give some examples.
Provides me moderate financial security. Give some examples.
Gives me expensive physical gifts. Give some examples.
Gives me inexpensive physical gifts.
Does chores for me. What kind of chores?
Does chores together with me. What kind of chores?
Cooks for me. How often?
Compliments me for my physical appearance.
Compliments me for something other than my physical appearance.
Says words of support and encouragement, like that he / she appreciates or is proud of me and my actions. Makes me feel important.
Listens to me, my feelings, my problems, and provides nurturing support for my development.
Verbalizes his / her feelings for me.
Remembers minor things that I did or said.
Notices (new) things about me.
Surprises me from time to time, with small things. A surprise requires the lack of repetition.
Seduces me from time to time, takes me out to dinner, laughs with me, makes out with me like we're teenagers, has sex with me like I'm his / her new sex toy. I want to matter! I want to see on his / her face the pleasure that my body gives him / her.
Spends time with me indoors, in close proximity.
Spends time with me out of the home, in the city (at restaurants, bars, cinema, theater, museums, gym, couple sports). How often should this happen?
Spends time with me in vacations.
Is fine spending a lot of time away from each other, each busy with his / her own hobbies, activities and friends.
Casually touches my body, for a few moments. How should this happen mostly? Examples: fingers through hair, palm on a non-sexual part of the body (shoulder, forearm, hip, back / spine), palm on a sexual part of the body (buttocks, breasts, genitals), thighs on buttocks, buttocks on buttocks, genitals on buttocks.
Holds my hand in public. Maybe also kisses me in public.
Hugs, kisses and massages me.
Flirts with me.
Has sex with me. How often?
GAMIFIED CHOICE. Has sex with me and gives me unspeakable pleasures. How often?
Initiates sex. How often?
Would you like for you and your partner to tightly embrace each other for a long time (like 10 minutes), every day or once every few days? Maybe instead of the embrace you prefer to look in each other's eyes.
What do you like about me, what attracts you to me?
What body perfumes do you like? Can you feel each other's perfume? You could go to a shop and try to find something that you both like.
If you could switch bodies with your partner for a day, what would you do that day?
Look in each other's eyes for a few minutes; 2 minutes is fine. Focus on a single eye, don't switch between the eyes.
What would you need your partner to do in order to make you feel the desire to throw yourself in his / her arms, abandoning yourself, while saying "You can do anything you want with me!"
When is a good moment for the first hug? (If your person of interest takes too long to answer, you could say "Now seems a good moment." If he / she looks unable to decide, you could say "Let's see if it is" and lean toward him / her for the hug, but don't go all the way and allow him / her to complete the hug.)
When is a good moment for the first kiss?
Obtain a verbal agreement, like "I agree", from both of you, that the answers to this topic will be treated with absolute confidence, and will not be shared with others. If this agreement is not happening, or if an answer refers to something unlawful, skip this topic. Something deeply intimate about you. Something that makes you feel very vulnerable. Something that makes you feel like you're undressing your soul and say "Accept me as I am or leave!"
Travel, vacation locations, business trips, camping. Where would you like to travel? Where have you already traveled? Where did you go during your last vacation? Where would you like to go during your next vacation? Would you go on a vacation without your partner when it's not possible to go together? Would you go on a vacation without your partner so that when you are back together you have something interesting to talk about?
Search online for visual art, like photographs, paintings, or sculptures; try to find something out of the ordinary, maybe even controversial. Comment on the art. What do you think about someone who displays that art in his / her home? For example, what do you think about a man who displays in his home a photo of a nude woman? Form your search terms by combining words like "controversial", "surreal", "outstanding" with "photographs", "paintings", "sculptures", "fine art", "art".
Something that pushed your mental capacity to the limit.
Something that pushed your physical capacity to the limit.
The most valuable life lesson you’ve ever learned.
Something that would be useful to know in life but isn't taught in school.
What do you feel when you hear of someone who is very successful financially, professionally or romantically?
How do you usually spend your evenings and nights? Do you work night shifts?
At what time do you usually go to sleep?
Do you nap during the day?
How heavy or light do you usually sleep?
At what time do you usually wake up? Energy in the morning, after you wake up. Are you noisy when you wake up? Do you want to talk to someone, or do you need some quiet time to go through the morning rituals?
What do you usually do during the weekends?
Noise that you make at home, which could disturb the neighbors. Parties and loud music.
Slippers. How do you walk around the house? Examples: barefoot, with slippers, with shoes.
Pets. Do you need to have pets when living with your partner?
How much time do you watch streaming services (YouTube, Netflix)? How much time do you watch classical / broadcast television?
Do you watch soap operas?
A home for you and your partner. House or apartment? Where should it be located? Your dream house and location.
Your perfect day. How would it be for you?
What things would you like to be able to do more?
What do you feel most grateful for, in life?
Ability or quality that you don't have but desire.
What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
As a child, what did you want to be when growing up?
What was your favorite childhood toy?
What was your favorite activity as a child?
What do you remember most vividly from your childhood?
Do you remember, perhaps from your childhood, a moment when you thought that magic was real, or when you thought that you were special and invincible?
What was your favorite activity as a teenager?
What would you like to change in the way you grew up? What decision from your past would you change?
Role models. Did you have any?
Dressing style, clothes. Examples: formal, casual, sporty.
Favorite books, movies, TV shows, music, art.
Do you like horror movies?
Physical activity, sports?
Usage of online social media. Which ones? How often do you use them?
On what websites and apps do you spend most time online?
Websites you use most for online purchases. How much time do you spend researching and comparing products?
What do you usually do to relax?
What parts of the city (in which you live) do you like most?
Do you like dancing?
Would you live on Mars for 6 months?
How prepared would you be for an apocalypse? Scenarios: an asteroid hitting Earth, catastrophic weather, Sun burning out, vampires, zombies.
The world is about to end in a few days. What would you do until that moment?
Would you want to rule the world? If yes, what would you do as the absolute ruler?
If you could time travel at any moment in history, what would you want to see?
What do you do for work?
Current family. Place of birth, where you've moved.
Who do you talk to the most? Yourself, parents, friends?
Warning: sexual content included.
Discussing about sex requires a certain familiarity and attraction that develops in time, so it should be avoided during the first date.
Safety tips for sex:
If you role play a fantasy of domination or aggression, choose a safe word which when you say it, it specifies that the role play must end and anything which is being done to you must stop. At that point, if you are restrained / tied up and you request to be released, you must be released.
If you engage in light choking, do not keep the tips of the fingers on the neck, especially not on the front part, because the tips could produce a fatal pressure if you slip; instead, put your fingers around the neck.
If you are interested in learning about sexuality, see Sexual Education.
Let's talk about sex. Here are some conversation guidelines:
This conversation doesn't impose any obligations for either of us.
We must both answer based on what we want, not on what we think the other person wants.
We must both agree to not judge, mock or shame the other's choices.
We can pass on answering any topic, or we can change our answers later.
To express our level of interest for an act, we can use expressions like: it's arousing, it's fine, it's acceptable (but I prefer not to), it's unacceptable.
At the end, we must both either acknowledge or deny that we would be happy in a relationship where we are denied the acts that we've discussed would be denied.
If we get there, we'll do only things that we both agree on.
If you don't want to talk about a certain topic, or you don't know how to refuse a certain act, tell me what you feel so we can see together what to do. You are safe with me.
Pubic hair preference for both partners; includes the hair on and around the genital organs and anus. Options: removed (shaved, lasered off, waxed), removed but with a decorative patch preserved, trimmed, hairy. If there is disagreement, try to reach an agreement. What would you say makes a man / woman: pubic hair or mental maturity? Pubic hair traps perspiration, and therefore smell, especially in the summer.
Personal hygiene. How often do you shower? How often do you wash your: hands, teeth (flossing, electrical toothbrush), genital organs, anus. How often do you change your underwear and socks. Do you put your dirty clothes in the hamper?
When talking about sex, do you prefer to use a formal or a slang type of language? Any custom mix? Formal: sex, penis, vulva, vagina, semen. Slang: fuck, cock, cunt / pussy, cum.
What do you usually call / name your own genital organs, in a non-sexual context? Use the actual word! Don't replace it with something that you think is more appropriate for the conversation! What do you usually call them in a sexual context?
How important is sex for you? How important should sex be for your partner?
During sex, which statement represents you more accurately: getting pleasure from my partner, giving pleasure to my partner?
Make an argument in favor of the brain being a sexual organ.
During sex, the man has an orgasm, but the woman doesn't have hers. What should each of them do? Should the woman satisfy herself? Should the man satisfy her, and how? (The vast majority of women need to have their clitoris stimulated in order to have an orgasm; vaginal penetration is not enough. An orgasm always includes pelvic contractions; very few women report having an orgasm without contractions, and no men.)
What do you find arousing, erotic?
How much would you enjoy sex?
How would sex with you be? How would you try to make your partner ecstatic?
When and where would you like to usually have sex? Examples: in the bedroom before going to sleep.
How long should (a session of) sex usually last?
How often should sex happen? Examples: daily, 5 times per week, 3 times per week, 2 times per week, 1 time per week, 1 time per month?
How often would you like to initiate sex? How often would you like your partner to initiate sex? Examples: never, sometimes, half of the time, most of the time.
How would you initiate sex? How should your partner initiate sex? Examples: verbally ask for it, touch partner's body in a suggestive way.
When sex is initiated but the other person doesn't want it, how should the initiator be refused? Examples to say: "Not today", "I'm not in the mood", "I'm too tired", "I have a headache".
Sex after arguing with your partner. Would you usually refuse sex to your partner after arguing? Would you like to forget arguing by having sex?
Would you like your partner to look into your eyes during sex? How much time should such a look last? How often should this happen during a session of sex? Would you like to ask for it to happen? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
Would you enjoy seeing your partner's orgasm? (Usual visible signs of orgasm: body-wide rigidity and spasms, contracted face, contracted or opened mouth, firm or fast pelvic movements. The internal pelvic contractions are not necessarily visible; the perineum, vulva and vagina can show these contractions directly, while the penis shows them through ejaculation.)
How do you feel about having sex in front of a mirror? Would you like to be prominently visible and admired by your partner in the mirror? Would you like your partner to be prominently visible and admired by you in the mirror?
Noise during sex: quiet or noisy? Examples of quiet noises: as quiet as possible, heavy breathing, whimpers (short sounds), quiet moans (long sounds), whispering. Examples of loud noises: loud moans, talking, screaming.
Do you prefer to be active or sit still and let your partner work on you?
Positions during sex. Any unacceptable positions? In what positions would you prefer to have sex most of the time? What positions are the most arousing for you? What positions are the least arousing for you?
During sex, do you like to have pauses without thrusting, and sit still while embraced (with penetration), or should thrusting be continuous until orgasm? How long can the pauses be at most: tens of seconds, minutes, tens of minutes? How often should this happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
During sex, would you like to tell and be told how good the sex is? How often should this happen during a session of sex? Examples of frequency: never, rarely, sometimes, often.
During sex, would you like to tell your partner what he / she should do, especially when you start with a new partner? If you are told what to do, would you change accordingly?
After sex, would you like to tell your partner what he / she should change in the future, especially when you start with a new partner? If you are told what to change, would you change accordingly?
After sex activity. Examples: stay embraced (with penetration), cuddle (without penetration), go to sleep, talk, go do the dishes, smoke.
Multiple orgasms. Can you have at least 2 orgasms in less than 10 minutes?
GAMIFIED. What are the 3 most important things that you like sex for? Choices (specify when a choice is extremely important to you; you can add your own):
My naked body, the geometry of it.
Partner's naked body, the geometry of it.
Partner's tightly squeezed body. Examples: his / her knees to the chest and ankles to the ears.
Feeling my pleasure.
Seeing my partner's pleasure.
Getting pleasure from my partner.
Giving pleasure to my partner.
Emotional closeness, sharing deep and intimate feelings.
Feeling of losing control.
Feeling of having my body controlled by someone else.
Physical closeness, tight body contact (without penetration).
Physical closeness, tight body contact (with penetration).
Penetration, the actual entry of the penis.
Being filled by a penis.
Seeing the erect penis disappear in the body.
Thrusting in dominating positions.
Ejaculation on or in partner's body.
My multiple orgasms.
Partner's multiple orgasms.
GAMIFIED. What are the 3 most important things that you dislike sex for? Choices (specify when a choice is extremely important to you; you can add your own):
Being demanded sex as if it's an obligation.
Being pressed for sex after refusing.
Being asked for sex when I'm tired.
Partner's lack of (genital) hygiene.
Partner who doesn't care about my pleasure.
My lack of orgasm.
Partner's lack of orgasm.
Lack of physical closeness, especially after sex.
Partner's lack of emotional involvement.
Partner's lack of respect.
Lack of foreplay.
Thrusting too hard (fast and deep).
Session lasting too little.
Partner wanting only vaginal sex.
Ejaculated fluids (like semen) in my mouth.
Ejaculated fluids (like semen) on my face.
"Accidental" anal penetration.
Requires cleaning before.
Requires cleaning after.
Being abandoned / ditched after sex.
How much are you for or against improvised sex, whenever your partner simply takes you, even if you're doing something else? Improvised sex means quick sex in uncomfortable positions and in the nearest available location, so not in bed, but somewhere like on a table / desk, standing (maybe leaning against some furniture or wall), or crammed into a couch. (While the surprise element of improvised sex can keep the sex life interesting, women are usually not interested in sex without prelude because the vagina requires time to lubricate, else the sex is painful for them, so you may have to use artificial lubrication.)
If your partner asks you for something that you find unacceptable (but not sick), would you try it once or twice before you deny it to your partner?
Submissive and dominant roles. How much submissive, how much dominant?
Being used as a sex toy rather than a person, and having your body used for the exclusive pleasure of your partner. Using your partner as a sex toy.
Delicate and rough sex. How much delicate, how much rough?
Do you have to be punished or disciplined sexually for your naughtiness, disobedience, lewdness or even for being too nice / good?
What should rough sex be made of? Examples: hair pulling, tossing and flipping the body around, explicit talking (saying out loud what you do, feel and see), offensive talking (saying "slut", "whore", "cunt"), dominating grip (applying great pressure on the body, usually with hands), spanking (the buttocks), slapping (the face, the body), light choking (not asphyxiation), being restrained / tied up (a topic about this is below), penetration with thick objects, forced deep-throat, physical pain (explain what kind).
Rough sex safety. What intensity should rough sex normally have? Examples: light, medium, tough (marks may remain on the body for a few minutes), extreme (bruising allowed), next level (unspeakable for the vast majority of people).
Rough sex safety. If the intensity of rough sex escalates over the normal level, like mutual slapping turning into hitting, agree on a maximum allowed intensity. If the maximum is exceeded, you agree to stop without further action and pause for a few minutes; go do something else. Examples: not acceptable to escalate, tough, extreme, next level.
Rough sex safety. Is crying the equivalent of the safe word? Crying means more than the eyes getting a bit wet, it means the presence of dripping tears or sobbing. Should role playing stop if tears start dripping from the eyes of one of the partners? Should role playing stop if one of the partners starts sobbing?
What do you think about being restrained / tied up? What about being blindfolded? What about wearing earplugs? If you were tied up, blindfolded and wearing earplugs, you would not know who is having sex with you. How would you feel about not knowing? In theory, your partner could bring someone else to have sex with you, and you would not know.
Sex toys: vibrators, dildos, others. Is it fine to use them during sex? Is it fine if your partner uses them separately from the sex with you?
Is it interesting for you to be penetrated at the same time by a penis and a sex toy or two? (Normally, multiple penetration amplifies the pleasure of the receiver because the stimulation is multiplied. Normally, each penetration should be done in a different organ / hole.)
What do you think about oral sex? Deep-throat? Face sitting? Answer separately as receiver and giver.
What do you think about anal sex? Answer separately as receiver and giver. Read this before categorically denying anal sex.
How do you feel about semen? Considering that the man is required to avoid ejaculating in the eyes, nose, ears and hair of his partner, on which or in which other parts of his partner's body is the man required to avoid ejaculating?
What kind of sex is acceptable during the days with menstruation? Examples: none, fellatio, clitoral stimulation, anal, vaginal.
Sexual fantasies. A fantasy is a scenario to think about, a story to immerse yourself into, not necessarily something to do in real life, due to safety concerns, shame or feeling that fulfilling it would spoil you (/ your innocence). Describe some fantasies that make you feel pleasure, or are present in your mind even if they don't make you feel pleasure. How much would you like to make these fantasies happen in reality, and in what role: only as an observer, as an active participant? See some examples. (You should take turns telling one fantasy at a time.)
Sex between you, your partner and another man. How does it feel as a fantasy? Would you like to make it a reality?
Sex between you, your partner and another woman. How does it feel as a fantasy? Would you like to make it a reality?
If your partner asks you for sex but you don't want, are you fine with your partner masturbating? Are you fine with him / her watching pornography? Are you fine if your partner does these things in the room where you are, provided that he / she doesn't disturb you (directly), or should he / she do it in another room?
Masturbation. Have you ever done it and how often? Would you do it in front of your partner, if asked? Is it fine if your partner continues to masturbate? If it's not fine, would you fulfill your partner's sexual needs whenever he / she asks, so that he / she doesn't have to masturbate? Don't take the last question as a demand to feel obligated to fulfill your partner's sexual needs, answer what you want to do.
Pornography. Have you ever watched? Are you still watching? What categories do you like? Are you upset if your partner has watched before you've met? Is it fine if your partner continues to watch? If it's not fine, would you fulfill your partner's sexual needs and fantasies whenever he / she asks, so that he / she doesn't have to watch pornography? Don't take the last question as a demand to feel obligated to fulfill your partner's sexual needs and fantasies, answer what you want to do.
How would you feel about your partner taking photos and videos of you during sex? Would it be acceptable and under what conditions? Would it be fine to take such photos and videos, watch them after sex and then delete them immediately? Would it be fine to take such photos and videos if your face were not visible in them? (See safety tips.)
Do other people have photos or videos of you nude or while you were having sex?
Your past relationships. Why did they end?
Number of sexual partners until now.
If you are still virgin, what is the reason? Examples: too young, no interest in sex so far, haven't found the right partner, waiting for the right long-term partner, waiting until marriage due to religious reasons.
What age were you when you've lost your virginity? Here, losing virginity means any form of sex (including any of: vaginal, oral or anal sex).
How did you feel when you've lost your virginity?
In a long-term relationship, should condoms be used at all times, for all kinds of sex, including oral sex? Is there a period, from the start of a relationship, after which you no longer want a condom between you and your partner, in particular for oral sex?
Contraceptives: condoms, pills, implants. What kind should be used by the man, what kind by the woman?
As a woman, how do you feel during the days with menstruation? Is there anything else that you would like to tell the man about menstruation? Tip: men may care about your body and health, but most aren't interested in graphic details about menstruation.
Why do men like breasts? Hints: It's not because it reminds men of being breast-fed, since women went through the same experience yet they don't share the same interest for breasts. It's not because they are hidden, since there are other hidden body parts which don't present the same interest, like the armpits. Could it be because they are playful (large, soft and wobbly)?
Is it acceptable for you and your long-term partner to look at and admire other people, like strangers passing by, that you / he / she finds attractive? This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like kissing, petting or sex) with the other people. Can this happen when you are nearby?
Is it acceptable for you and your long-term partner to fantasize about having sex with other people? This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like kissing, petting or sex) with the other people.
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your partner to give compliments to other people, but without flirting further. This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like kissing, petting or sex) with the other people. Can this happen when you two are nearby? Examples: until you two have your first sex together, until you two agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship.
Until what moment is it acceptable for you and your partner to flirt with other people? This presumes that no significant physical contact occurs (like kissing, petting or sex) with the other people. Can this happen when you two are nearby? Examples: until you two have your first sex together, until you two agree to be in a sexually monogamous relationship.
In a sexually monogamous relationship, is it allowed to occasionally have short sexual affairs with someone that you find irresistible?
When is it acceptable to lie to your partner about things that you know (or suspect) matter a lot to him / her?
When is it acceptable to (sexually) cheat on your partner? Is it acceptable when your partner has cheated you first? Is it acceptable when your partner almost never has sex with you?
How would you react if you were to find out that your partner (sexually) cheated on you?
If your partner has to go for a genital medical checkup, what gender would you prefer the physician to have? Examples: not important, male, female. How much does it matter? It's understood that there are serious medical cases when it's not possible to choose the gender of the physician.
Touching people that you're not sexually involved with. Talk separately about embracing, dancing, pecking, kissing and petting. Specify your expectations and boundaries.
Exhibitionism. How exhibitionist would you say you are? Do you use skimpy outfits to show off your body in public? Do you use a tiny swimsuit or a covering one? Are your buttocks mostly exposed or mostly covered by the swimsuit? Describe your swimsuit. Do you have sheer / translucent curtains and opaque curtains on windows? Do you walk naked in front of the videocameras from laptops, phones, TVs, surveillance systems and other devices? Have you covered such videocameras with adhesive tape?
Checking each other's devices (like phone, tablet, computer) from time to time, out of jealousy. Is it acceptable? Is it required? Is it acceptable to do this without the knowledge of your partner?
Knowing the passwords for each other's devices and online accounts (like email and social networks). Is it acceptable? For security reasons, it's strongly recommended to not give any of your passwords to other people, especially those that allow access to your computers.
Would you trust me to spend a few hours alone with someone that I find sexually attractive?
Talk about jealousy for any topic which was not already discussed. State your expectations from and boundaries for a relationship. State the intensity of your needs.
If you are interested in learning more about these topics, see What is Reality, Free will and Consciousness.
What is the origin of the Universe? Examples: infinity (everything possible already exists), laws of physics popping randomly out of nothingness (and forming a deterministic progression of change), a simulation started in another Universe, a god.
What is time? Examples: the progression of change, there is no time because everything already exists, a dimension in which everything moves (and might be able to go back into).
What is the origin of the human species? Examples: natural evolution, a god.
Do people have free will? Can a person make a choice without being causally bound to the Universe, or is everything a deterministic progression of change that has started from the beginning of the Universe? Do people actually have free will, or do they believe that they have free will because they can't see the entire chain of causality that has started from the beginning of the Universe, chain which determines their choices?
Do souls exist? If they do, they must be immaterial, made from something other than matter, since no matter has been observed to make them. Is consciousness a fundamental property of the Universe? Are souls immortal? Where were your soul and consciousness before you were born?
Teleportation is a process through which information can be transmitted over great distances. Matter can be teleported by: scanning the molecules at the origin, destroying the original (so that you don't get a duplicate), transmitting the scanned information through a communication channel, and reconstructing the molecules at the destination. Only atoms have so far been teleported. If a person were to be teleported, how would the soul and consciousness be also teleported, considering that they are not made of matter (so the teleporting machine would be unable to access these)?
These topics can create a tensed atmosphere, so, they should be avoided during the first few dates.
Are you annoyed by people who are: ordered or messy, logical or illogical, who take hygiene very seriously or ignore it? How ordered or messy are you? How logical or illogical are you?
What are you obsessive-compulsive about? Examples: buying stuff, saving money, hygiene, logic.
What responsibilities you wish you didn’t have? What are your least favorite chores?
Home chores. Distribute the chores between you two: cooking, washing dishes, washing (and ironing) clothes, cleaning, toilet cleaning, taking out the trash.
Could you let the dishes unwashed over night?
Do you need to have clothes ironed? What about bed sheets?
Toilet seat position: up or down. When flushing, many toilets will splash some water from the bowl onto the rim, so on the seat, if it's down.
Self control, delayed gratification. Are you usually aiming to get a (partial) result as quickly as possible, or are you waiting more time to get the best result possible?
What is the / a difference between successful and unsuccessful people?
Handling of money. Wasting it versus hoarding it; give some examples of how you do either. Do you have savings for a few months of living without an income?
How do you feel about debt? Example purposes: home purchase / construction, home renovation, vacations, small purchases.
Expensive habits, priced in money but also in time spent engaged with them.
How much money do you (realistically) expect your partner to have?
Risk taking, both physical and financial. Do you like danger? Are you attracted to dangerous situations?
Privacy and security in the online world. Do you run or install, on your computer, programs from your friends or from unknown sources? Do you open email attachments from unknown sources?
Handling of private information like financial information, home and work addresses. Do you publish such information online, on social networks? In what context?
Joint bank account.
Prenuptial agreement. A prenuptial agreement normally covers only what each partner owns from before marriage, and can't lawfully apply to what becomes property after marriage.
If your partner had to move to a different city for his / her job, would you follow him / her?
Insisting on what you think is right versus having a peaceful relationship. How would you try to converge these divergent paths?
When you're upset about something that your partner did, and he / she asks you what's wrong, do you expect that he / she should know the reason (without you saying it)?
How do you react when someone makes you angry? Do you think it's healthier for conflict to be resolved by releasing repressed emotions (for example, through screaming), or by talking calmly? If there is a conflict between you and your partner, do you criticize, mock, raise your voice or scream? What do you think about people who have a different perspective than yours?
Handling the negatives and mistakes of others. Do you often reproach things to other people, like why they did or didn't do certain things?
Handling your mistakes. Do you acknowledge your mistakes? Remember some recent mistakes (the bigger, the better) and how you've handled them.
Handling of refusal, rejection, denial, accepting "no" for an answer.
Are you used to drawing the attention of someone who is in another room, by raising your voice?
What annoys you the most in people, in life, in the world. The answer doesn't need to be serious, this is a good opportunity to make fun of something bad in life.
What your quirks are.
What you are afraid of.
Long time dream which you have abandoned. Why did you abandon it?
Your biggest failure to seize an opportunity.
What do you most regret doing or not doing in your life?
The biggest challenges and obstacles in your life. How did you overcome them?
Frustrating or tormenting moments. How did you overcome them?
The last time you cried by yourself (or in front of others, if that's more relevant).
What you're offended by. What should not be joked about.
Charity work, donations, activism.
Respect for authority.
Political and environmental views, firearms.
Punishments for criminals. Merciful or vengeful?
Plastic surgery, breast implants. As you grow older, do you intend to use plastic surgery to make your body look younger?
Astrology, superstition, religion. Do you think that astrology can predict the course of human relationships or of the future? Is religion a good thing for you personally?
Children. Do you ever want to have children? How many? If it's not possible to conceive, what would you do? Adopting children. Children from previous relationships.