Warning! This document contains sexually oriented text.
To avoid any confusion about gender and to make you feel like the opposite gender too (this is called empathy), the subject of the action will be referred to with "you", and the object of the action with "your partner". The masculine pronouns (he, him) and the feminine ones (she, her) will be used to identify only their associated gender, and "he / she" or "him / her" will be used to identify either gender.
"Vulva" will be used to specifically refer to the outer genital organs of a woman, but also the genital organs of a woman in their entirety.
To "give sex" means that you do it to somebody: you are giving. To "receive sex" means that somebody is doing it to you: you are receiving.
Introduction > What is sexuality?
Sexuality is behavior, is attitude, is personality, is who you are, with desires, pleasures, frustrations and actions, is the essence of humans and their connections. Deep human connections don't require sex, but sexuality isn't sex. Sexuality is how you look at things and how you see your interaction with other people. This book is meant to help create some essential building blocks for human personality.
Sexuality is not about a penis in a vagina, but about a variety of emotional experiences. The reproductive instinct of humans, the chase of men for women, the selection women make from men, the romance and love which bind a man and a woman, the physical closeness and touch between a man and a woman, the sexual act which actually reproduces humans, the birth of children, the raising of children, a parent caressing his / her child's cheek, the await for the children to reproduce themselves. All these form sexuality!
Sexuality is life, survival, reproduction, control, domination. The only way to have a balance is for the two partners to create it through mental evolution, during many years.
Do not ever believe that a sexual act equates sexuality! The goal of sexuality is connection among humans. A sexual act is merely a physiological act which facilitates reproduction, it's a tool which sexuality uses for the purpose of reproduction.
Pleasure is present throughout sexuality as a way to increase the chances of reproduction of humans who can otherwise choose to ignore their sexuality due to the costs of a pregnancy, of raising children, and the numerous conflicts that it creates between men and women during their fight for sexual domination or resignation.
Sexuality is primordial, it connects humans to their entire history, it connects them to the history of the Universe without which human life would not exist, it is the very reproduction of humans. Sexuality has its roots in the reproductive instinct, instinct which represents the survival instinct of the human species.
You might say that the survival instinct is the primordial part of humans, but when was the last time you've felt, not rationalized, that you have to survive? When was the last time you've felt inevitability staring in your face, when you felt that your life was in imminent danger? When was the last time you were hanging on clif, by a thread, at the top of the world? When was the last time you saw hundreds of kilograms of muscles, a bear, charging toward you, even in a movie? Primordiality is in there somewhere, but for humans it matters when they feel it, when they feel the imminence, not when they only know about it.
The survival instinct is the immediate primordial instinct, the one which keeps humans alive, the one which makes them be aware of the dangers to their lives, the one which makes them create ways to improve their lives and increase their life span.
With sexuality you can get to that primordial part of your mind, from the comfort of your home.
This is why sexuality is a state of mind. While reading this book, the most important thing to realize is how much it matters the way you think, who you are and who you want to become. Do you want to experience a refrained sexuality, or do you want to see if, maybe, there is and entire universe hidden in the pleasure that you could offer and receive?
Introduction > The meaning of "behavior"
While reading this book you might think that it's about positions, penises, vaginas and breasts, or about the author's sexual life, but it is in fact about the way the human mind works, about human behavior, about the specific aspects of the human perception of sexuality which can make the mind evolve, control itself, and expand its horizons. This book is not about how you should or may behave, but about how you can behave, should you so choose. This book isn't just knowledge, it's transformation of the mind. The book doesn't present things for you to copy, but rather tries to help you find yourself and understand what you want from your partner.
You should read the whole book, top to bottom, because there are many things that are written in different places but are connected, so if you don't read it in its entirety, you may miss important things.
The sexual lifestyle presented in this book is described from the point of view of a monogamous heterosexual couple (= a man and a woman), together for an indefinite amount of time, and faithful and honest to each other. Why "monogamous"? Because it's trying to show you how to concentrate on your... job and have a great time, not how to change partners.
But even though the book's point of view is that of a man and a woman, when trying to understand the sexual relationship between genders, you should never put biological or psychological barriers in your way. In fact, the gender has no relevance in obtaining pleasure from sexual behavior, or understanding this pleasure. Do not think that men should behave a certain way, and women another way, ways which are socially acceptable. Social acceptability distorts the understanding of sexuality, it doesn't improve it.
Both you and your partner should read this book because you should know the same things about sexuality, you should be able to share information, you should have a common ground.
The book is about freedom of mind, about sexual freedom, but not about being libertine. The book promotes the understanding and acceptance of sexuality, not hedonism (= devotion to physical pleasure). It is mostly about sexual attitude, rather than techniques. It tries to tell you about sexuality, it tries to remove the sexual taboos from your mind, it tries to break the communication barriers between you and your partner. It teaches you about the ways that improve your sexual life, and how to start it in the best possible way.
The book doesn't tell you what to do, but what you can do. It shows you what you can choose.
The book doesn't pour knowledge into your mind; you'll have to learn in time, year after year, as each taboo is washed away by the experience and stability that you gain.
The book is not a scientific dictionary, but scientific terms are used in hope that they will make you more responsible toward sex, that is, hopefully you'll see that sex is more than pure lust: it's Art!
This book is not for people who are ashamed of their own sexuality. When you start reading, if you feel embarrassed, stop, free your mind of shame and guilt, then continue to read! It is for people who want to learn about sexuality without fear, it is for people who have sexual fantasies, for those who know (or want to learn) that masturbation and sex with a partner are ways to feel better, to relax.
You might be disgusted by some of the things which are written here, but you should consider that your disgust is relevant only in the context of a relationship, that is, only if you have a partner who wants to do those things with you despite your negative response to such requests. Try not to be offended by questions whose goal is to find out what you think about one thing or another. Your partner is just exploring to see who you are, what you want, what you like and what you accept. He / she may be trying to pressure you into doing things which you consider perverse, but you can't see this from a few "dirty" / unusual questions about your sexual preferences.
All the things form this book are meant to make you get used with them, so that you can put shame and taboos aside because they limit your understanding of sexuality. Hygiene is the most important thing in breaking the chains of your mind: if you are and feel clean and healthy then you have no reason to be embarrassed by your own sexuality, because a man's and a woman's bodies are beautiful.
How can you know that you could follow what is written in this book instead of following what a puritanical preacher would tell you? It's simple: this book doesn't try to make you feel guilty or ashamed about who you are and what you do; we'll leave that to those who want to control your mind. If you want to feel guilty about something, that feeling has to come only from inside you, and must not be triggered by another person's convictions and words.
Sexuality is natural! There is nothing to be ashamed of! Still, don't go on the other side and not be careful about things! Don't become negligent! The less shame you have, the more responsible you have to become; you have to compensate the lack of shame (= the natural instinctual "protector" of your mind) with responsibility.
Mind and body link together and form a personality. Always have that in mind when reading this book. To have a deep understanding of sexuality it doesn't matter how intelligent you are, but it does matter how many and how strong your psychological barriers are. Some psychological barriers are: fear, shame, and denial (born from fear or shame). If you think sex is bad or ugly then these are your psychological barriers which you have to overcome in order to be able to have the best (long-term) sexual experience possible.
Psychological barriers break a person's dreams into pieces, they bring down his / her intelligence. To become a more balanced person you have to see the barriers, analyze them and ultimately overcome them. This doesn't mean that you have to destroy your psychological barriers, but only that you have to analyze and see which ones you have to overcome and up to which level to do that (to set new limits for your psychological barriers). Most psychological barriers are there for a reason, like fear which keeps you safe when crossing a street.
Everything around is perceived only because your brain processes information. If your brain would not process the sensorial information, it just wouldn't matter what is and what is not out there.
This is why it is crucial to teach your brain in the way you want it to develop. For example, if you say you would give an arm to have a beautiful life, your brain would be terrorized (but would not tell you this directly). You would be willing to trade something good for something good. Why not trade something bad for something good? Simply tell yourself that you would give your ignorance, stupidity, ugliness, whatever bad thing you can think of, all in exchange for a wonderful life.
Sounds weird? That is only because of the psychological barriers you have, because you believe that suffering means that you have a moral high ground. Do not give away something good you have! Always strip your mind of something bad, something ugly. Teach your mind to blossom by taking away from it the bad things and throwing them away. It doesn't matter if you can give or not to your mind good things, but it does matter if you can take from it the bad things and release it from their pressure.
Sexuality is one of the humans' basic needs, just like water, food, shelter, and care. Sex is how mature people play with their bodies and minds, and have a good time together. Sex is a significant part of life. It is not separate from everything else. It shapes you, it is you!
All people are sexual beings:
The brain plays the most important part in sexuality. It is the sexual organ, while the genital organs are just appendices used because of their mobility in the reproductive process.
This is not a metaphor, it's not a romantic thing to say, it is fact. Everything a person does in order to get a sexual partner, be it a life long search for a soulmate or a hook up in a nightclub, everything done during sex, is controlled by the brain, driven by personality. Thoughts, fears, insecurities, blushing, decisions, words, flirting, gestures, perfumes (and clothes, jewelry) worn, sexual positions, moans and whimpers, the blood trapped inside the erect organs. Everything is controlled by the brain, (semi)consciously or subconsciously.
Sexuality is not knowledge about positions, number of partners and wholes, penetration, or fluids. Sexuality is a state of mind, a state of mind which influences all the other aspects of your life. Why a state of mind? Because it is all about what you want and expect from life. Sexuality is about both sensibility and domination (of your partner). Sexuality is the personality of a human being.
Sexuality is not a sexual act, but a multitude of moments, of psychological and physical experiences, all connected in time! It's stability (or instability) throughout your entire life!
Sexuality starts with thinking, looks, gestures and talking. It starts with who you are. If that is just a penis entering a vagina, well, that's who you are, all that you are in matters of sexuality.
Here is how the mind shapes a relationship:
Here is where you can get if you take serious the fact that the brain is The sexual organ. Imagine the following conversation between a man and a woman who have met recently and are talking about sex, in particular about a (half) cylindrical cushion:
Here's another example, in stark contrast to the previous one, which shows how the brain starts sex way before the genital organs are used.
Look at the sexual experience from both points of view: theoretical and practical. This book will take care of the theoretical part, while you'll have to take care of the practical part. Don't rush with the practical part! Be sure to first understand the theoretical part! Also, don't rush your partner! Be sure you're both ready for a sexual experience! Patience!
Sex requires responsibility. Sexual partners need to share responsibility for birth control. They also have to protect each other from STDs.
The sexual understanding and behavior of single people are different than the ones of couples. For open-minded people, the sexual understanding is improved in couples because their fantasies are fulfilled by their partners, within the relationship. But if one of the partners is not open-minded, the sexual relation can end in disaster since the other one is constantly frustrated (and may also stress his / her partner, directly or indirectly).
Communication is very important. Sex can mean different things to different people, but it's not a good substitute for communication. Some people expect sex to bring them closer, but sex can get in the way of intimacy, especially if you and your partner aren't communicating. Sex can strengthen a relationship, but it won't bring two strangers closer.
Sometimes one partner is having sex just to have sex, while the other expects a long-term relationship, and this is because people perceive sexuality in different ways: men instinctively want to spread their genes, whereas women instinctively need to choose from the available men. You need to talk to your partner to be sure you're clear with each other about what each wants from the relationship.
Most people don't need to see their partner only physically naked, but also emotionally naked. Long-term physical intimacy can't exist without emotional intimacy and stability.
Talk with your partner about sexuality, before you have sex. Learn what each of you wants, likes, and accepts.
Give your partner as much as you want to receive, and the same things you want to receive! Think equality with your partner! Not an intrinsic equality, but rather one that you both have to constantly fight for.
Love the way sex brings you closer to your partner! Love the way it deepens your understanding and appreciation of your partner! Love the pleasure it brings into both your lives! Love the delightful altered state of consciousness, the happiness and trust it creates in both you and your partner!
Relationships suffer when partners ignore their own pleasure, or the pleasure of their partner. When both partners are interested in pleasing themselves as well as one another, communication improves between them, and this leads to a better psychological and physical relationship.
Understanding what gives you sexual pleasure can improve your sex with a partner. Every person has different feelings about sexual pleasure. Many people learn about what they like and don't like, through masturbation.
It is wrong for your partner to pressure you into having sex, ask you to take risks, or ignore your feelings. It is also not a good sign if your partner keeps secrets from you.
Avoid regrets! Trust your feelings about becoming sexually involved. Try to ignore the pressure that other people try to put on you to be sexually active or inactive.
Sex is something that has to exist only between you and your partner. Nobody else is involved unless you let someone else get involved (physically or mentally)! Forget what other people told you is morally good or bad. You and your partner are the only people who can decide this. Share with your partner what you feel is good or simply acceptable, and what is bad and unacceptable for you.
Good sex isn't about reaching orgasm, but about about "traveling" to and sharing each other's orgasm. Exploration of body and mind. The journey (= the prelude) is more important than the destination (= the orgasm). Educate your sexual instinct, don't let it rush you to its end: the orgasm!
Good sex is dirty: sweat, saliva, natural and artificial lubrication fluids, ejaculated fluids! If you try to avoid getting physically dirty (or thinking "dirty"), you miss its point: sex is a bunch of "weird things", things that you wouldn't normally do. Sex is the only time you can get physically and emotionally dirty without having regrets about doing so.
Much of what people learn about the opposite sex is acquired in the early teenage years, and much of it is inaccurate, or, at best, incomplete. This information rarely changes at maturity. Each gender behaves not only as they normally do, but also as they are expected to (that is, how the opposite gender thinks they should behave), and they are often happy to comply with these expectations though many are false. Communication is critical to break the myths about the other gender.
Introduction > Sexual lifestyle
Sexual lifestyle means the way people regard / view sexual behavior, not the way they have sex. There are two main sexual lifestyle types: indulgent and controlled.
People with an indulgent sexual lifestyle first have sex and then decide whether they are compatible for a (long-term) relationship with their partner. For them, sex is a biological need, like eating, which is fulfilled when it appears, with whoever is available at the time, so they go with the flow in their relationships and sexual life. Having sex with a partner and separating later feels like they've gained sexual and life experience. This results in indulgent people having sex with many partners during their lifetime.
People with a controlled sexual lifestyle first decide whether they are compatible for a long-term relationship with their partner, and only then have sex. For them, having sex for the first time with a new partner is a serious decision, a huge investment in their partner, like trying to answer a big philosophical question, so they try to control their relationships and sexual life. They want to feel that they make a big investment in a person, person who is worth the effort, and want to build a relationship that lasts a long time. Having sex with a partner and separating later feels like losing a big part of who they are, that is, it feels like the dissolution of their personality. This results in controlled people having sex with few partners during their lifetime.
A controlled sexual lifestyle is not related to religious beliefs. A controlled sexual lifestyle is an internal drive, not an external one. Nobody else is telling a controlled person to feel that way, nobody else is telling him / her to have sex with very few people. When a controlled person leaves the family where the controlled lifestyle started, he / she will continue to behave the same. In contrast, a person whose sexual lifestyle was repressed within a family with strong religious beliefs, has a significant probability to become indulgent when leaving the family, as he / she finds freedom outside of it.
The genital organs can be a blessing or a curse. If you want to see them as a blessing then it is not difficult to learn how, and see how gorgeous they are. Like any other part of your body, the more you know about them, the easier it is to stay healthy. It is also important to see what this part of your body looks like.
Love your body! It's the only one you'll ever have! Love your partner's body! Perfection is boring. Every person wants to change his / her partner's body. But if there is nothing more to change, what's left beside emptiness? Life is not a fantasy! In real life, emptiness does exist! So, a perfect partner would be boring because it leads to emptiness, to lack of change.
The body > At men and women
The color of the skin of the sexual organs usually differs from the color of skin of the rest of the body. The skin of the sexual organs is usually darker than for the rest of the body.
The genital organs are the organs humans use to reproduce themselves (= to make children), particularly the penis and the vulva. However, the genital organs also include the internal reproductive organs: testicles, ovaries, vagina, uterus. The genital organs can be used to produce pleasure, both directly (by stimulating / rubbing them) and indirectly (by looking at or thinking of them).
The sexual organs are the parts and organs of the body which have a significant role in the sexual behavior: the genital organs, the buttocks, the anus, the breasts (the chest, in the case of men). The buttocks and the breasts are sexual organs because their biological role and because their closeness to the genital organs. Their size and shape indicate the health and the ability of the person to reproduce. The anus is perceived by the brain as a sexual organ probably only because it's close to the genital organs and buttocks, and because it can be penetrated by a penis.
The pubis is a mound of fatty tissue that covers the pubic bone, below the abdomen and above the genital organs.
The pubic hair grows on the pubis. It continues down and around the external genital organs and even beyond the anus.
The shaft is the main part of the penis and clitoris. It is a cylindrical organ. In penises, the shaft is widest in the middle. At the outer end of the shaft is the glans (= the head) of the penis and clitoris, the most sensitive spot on a person's body. If the glans is stimulated, the sexual pleasure reaches its maximum.
See related topics:
The corpora cavernosa are two spongy bodies of the penis and clitoris, which traverse the length of the shaft, one on each side, and erect the organ when they become filled with blood.
The prepuce (= foreskin, hood) is the skin that covers the glans. It can be rolled back to expose the glans.
See related topics:
Just underneath the prepuce is a juncture called frenum. It is the junction of the prepuce and of the shaft. If the frenum breaks, the prepuce can be pulled back even more than normally. The frenum is one of the most sensitive spot on a person's body.
See related topics:
Smegma is a sebaceous (= fatty) secretion, with a jelly texture, white, and bad smell, usually found under the prepuce. At women it also occurs between labia. It is imperative that you wash it away! It has been associated with some genital diseases.
Erection is a physiological process when a part of the body becomes firmer and enlarged (like longer or thicker); the erectile tissue surrounding the body part becomes filled with blood. The parts of the body than can become erect are: the penis, the clitoris, the vestibular bulbs, the small labia, and the nipples. There are also some other parts of the body which change their size, shape and position during sexual stimulation: the breasts (become bigger), the vagina (becomes longer), and the uterus (moves up into the body).
See related topics:
The meatus is a small slit at the tip of the penis, and in the vaginal vestibule (below the clitoris), which allows urine and ejaculated fluid to exit outside the body. Its average length is 5 millimeters (1/5 of an inch).
Urine is the waste product produced by the kidneys, transparent or yellow to amber colored, slightly acid. Urine can be used as disinfectant, in life threatening situations, because it contains no harmful bacteria.
The bladder is the organ which stores urine until you pee. It is important that you pee when you need to, else (in time) the bladder and the urethral sphincters suffer.
A bashful bladder is a situation when a person has difficulty urinating (usually) in a public bathroom; this is called paruresis. The problem is exacerbated if the bathroom is silent or noisy, crowded, or there is almost no privacy. In addition, long trips (in a car, bus, airplane) make the problem worse. There is no solution for this because the muscles that control the flow of urine are not entirely under voluntary control. Over time, with aging, the problem tends to gradually reduce.
The urethra is the passage which allows urine and ejaculated fluid to move toward the meatus. It is a tube that extends from the bladder to the meatus. In men it is about 16 centimeters (a little more than 6 inches) long, and in women it is 3...5 centimeters (1...2 inches). Its diameter is 7...8 millimeters. The urethra of a woman is much more elastic than the urethra of a man, and can be dilated to a diameter up to 25 millimeters (1 inch); the area which is the least elastic, is the meatus.
The pubococcygeal muscle (or PC muscle) sustains the genital organs. When you pee, feel what muscle you use to stop urinating; that is a part of the PC muscle, but the PC muscle goes deeper into the body, also surrounding the anus.
The anus is the opening at the end of the digestive system; it includes the keratinized skin at the outside of the body, that's popularly known as anus. Through it, feces (= alimentary waste) are discharged from the body.
The anus contains a lot a nerves which make it sensitive to touch and may produce pleasure.
The anus continues inside with the anal canal, canal which is surrounded by the anal sphincters, and then continues with the rectum.
The length of the anal canal is about 3 centimeters (1.2 inches) in men, and about 2 centimeters (0.8 inches) in women. The (stretched) rectum (excluding the anal canal) is 12 to 15 centimeters (5 to 6 inches) long. At the inner end, the rectum bends sharply into the sigmoid colon.
The anal canal and the rectum are not in a straight line, but at a significant angle relative to one another, close to perpendicular for both men and women.
The puborectalis muscle wraps around the inner end of the anal canal and pulls it toward the pubis, away from the spine. A tighter puborectalis muscle may increase the the angle between the anal canal and the rectum.
The anal canal contains some blood vessels that may be subject to enlargement and rupture, condition which is commonly called hemorrhoids.
There are two sphincters (= muscle rings) surrounding the anus and anal canal: the external and the internal sphincters; the external sphincter surrounds the internal sphincter, except for the most outer part. Each sphincter functions independently. You can voluntarily control the external sphincter, squeezing it to close the anus. The internal sphincter is controlled by the involuntary (= autonomic) part of the nervous system.
The rectum is generally insensitive and responds mostly to pressure, and doesn't generate pleasure.
The rectum is normally empty: it is a passage for feces, not a storage place. The rectum cleans itself.
The rectum is an organ, not a hole!
In women, the tissue between the rectum and vagina is thin, and fingers can be felt from one side to the other.
Do not penetrate the rectum with a thin object because it could puncture the rectum! Fingers with short nails are fine because they feel what's happening.
The perineum is the region between the thighs, between the bottom of the genital organs, and the anus.
Adipose tissue (also called fatty tissue) is tissue that absorbs and stores fat, just as a sponge absorbs and stores water.
A hormone is a chemical substance secreted into the bloodstream by specialized glands. It carries instructions throughout the body.
A pheromone is a chemical substance secreted by the body, which acts as (an invisible) messenger for other people. The genital organs secrete the highest amount of pheromones; the anus also secrete them.
A taboo is a strong inhibition / rejection resulting from social custom or emotional aversion.
The body > Concerns
People have various concerns and problems about their body or about the body of the opposite gender.
Men and women have concerns about the length and size of their penises and breasts. Penises and breasts come in different shapes and sizes. Some people like them bigger, others smaller, but most in between, just as they usually are.
Sometimes men just can't pee into the toilet! This happens because the penis is always moving. It is constantly changing its status from being flaccid to being erect, and that makes it change its position in the pants, curl and bend and twist and push through the underwear. The prepuce is being pulled off the glans when the penis goes into erection, then cover the glans when the penis goes flaccid (here, the underwear can get caught between the glans and the prepuce), and again and again and again...
All these things make, sometimes, the two sides of the meatus stick together in various positions. When the man pees, for one second the urine is directed by the meatus in any other direction than straight forward, until the sides of the meatus are split apart by the pressure of the urine. Thus, the man misses the toilet!
The body > Men's genital organs
The body > Men's genital organs > Penis
The penis is the most important part of the genital organs of men. It is located between the man's legs.
The penis doesn't contain any bone. It is composed of 3 cylinders of spongy erectile tissue that have the capacity to expand when they are filled with blood (which is what makes an erection).
The shaft is not just the visible part (outside the body), but continues inside the body as well. The perineum bulges out because of the internal part of the shaft which goes through it. You can feel that when a man has an erection the perineum is firmer.
See common topic: Shaft
The shaft of the penis is not too sensitive to touch, but pain occurs if it is pressured too much.
The glans of the penis is slightly larger in diameter than the shaft (to which it connects). Its length is around 1/3 of the total length of the (flaccid) penis. It is extremely sensitive to touch; it's so sensitive that it's uncomfortable or even painful to touch it directly with a finger. In order to generate pleasure, it has to be touched indirectly (by rubbing it through the prepuce, or rolling the prepuce up and down fast, during masturbation), or with something wet (like the tongue, or wet fingers).
See common topic: Glans
The ridge where the glans joins with the shaft is called corona.
The groove between the glans and the shaft is called sulcus. Pull back (as much as the frenum allows it) the prepuce to see it.
The prepuce is an extension of the skin that covers the shaft, and starts just below the sulcus, and normally covers the glans when the penis is flaccid. The prepuce can be pulled back to expose both the glans, the corona and the sulcus.
See common topic: Prepuce
Just underneath the corona, on the lower side of the sulcus, is the frenum. If the frenum breaks, the prepuce can be pulled back even more than normally.
See common topic: Frenum
Sometimes it may be necessary to squeeze the penis, for example when you want to get all the semen out after an ejaculation. Don't press your fingers on the penis, but hold it tight from before the glans (with the thumb on the upper side of the shaft of the penis, and two fingers on the under side) and then gently move your hand (and the prepuce with it) toward the tip of the glans.
The body > Men's genital organs > Penis > Erection
The normal status of a penis is flaccid (= soft, floppy). The average length in this state is 7...10 centimeters (3...4 inches). The measurement is performed on the shortest line, when the penis is perpendicular on the body, on the upper side of the penis, from abdomen (the pubis) to the tip of the glans. In extreme cold (like freezing water), the length of a penis can shrink to even 4 centimeters (1.5 inches).
The length of a penis when it is erect has little to do with its length when it is flaccid: they are not proportional.
A penis becomes erect when blood is trapped inside it. An erect penis is rigid and mostly straight.
Erections are not under voluntary control, and sometimes they happen when they aren't wanted, embarrassing the man.
The average length of an erect penis varies (by geographical region) around 10...17 centimeters (about 4...7 inches); even when the length is measured by medical staff, some do it by pressing the ruler against the pubic bone, some do not, which results in large variations. Its average circumference (in the middle) is 10...13 centimeters, its width is about 3.5...4.5 centimeters (about 1.5...2 inches), and its height about 3.5 centimeters (about 1.5 inches).
The only advantage of a bigger (erect) penis is that it looks impressive, but functionally it's not that good because it can hurt a woman's cervix. A short penis can very well satisfy a woman because a woman is usually pleasured through the stimulation of the clitoris, and since the penis is inside the vagina, only the thrust of the bodies actually stimulates the clitoris.
In fact, a thicker (rather than a longer) penis is more satisfying for a woman because it exerts a stronger pressure / friction on the vaginal walls, whereas a longer one is more likely to hit the cervix and thus make the woman feel pain. At the same time, a penis whose erect length is smaller than 10 centimeters (4 inches) may have difficulties staying inside the vagina during genital thrusting, so special care must be taken.
An erect penis changes in size according to the degree of sexual arousal: the more aroused a man is, the stronger the erection gets, that is, the penis gets firmer and slightly bigger. In some cases the erection can be painful. However, it should be noted that a weak erection doesn't last for more than a few tens of seconds, after which a penis is either fully erect or goes flaccid.
The erection varies during arousal: it gets weaker and stronger in turns. This is necessary for the good health of the penis (actually for the erectile mechanism). If the penis would be in erection for too long, it would eventually be damaged (particularly the valves that shut to keep the blood trapped inside the penis) and thus unable to become erect when needed later.
Penises have some greater or lesser degree of curve longitudinally / vertically (but also laterally / horizontally) when they are erect. In most men, the shaft is curved with its middle part downward (or away from the abdomen).
The nocturnal erection is the erection of the penis, during sleep, and occurs throughout a man's life. It is associated with erotic and wet dreams.
See common topic: Erection
The body > Men's genital organs > Scrotum
The scrotum is a sac of wrinkled skin, which hangs behind and below the penis, and contains the testicles. The scrotum's primary function is to maintain the testicles at approximately 34 Celsius (93 Fahrenheit), the temperature at which the testicles produce sperm most effectively.
The two halves of the scrotum are divided by a wall of muscle, and they each contain a testicle. Externally you can see a line, called raphe, which divides the scrotum on the center. The raphe extends from the frenum, going on the underside of the penis, to the middle of the scrotum and then through the perineum to the anus.
The body > Men's genital organs > Scrotum > Testicles
The two plum-like testicles which hang within the scrotum produce sperm and testosterone (a hormone). Within each testicle is a kilometer of ducts called the seminiferous tubules, the organs which generate sperm. Each testicle produces 60...150 million sperms in each cubic centimeter, every 24 hours.
Their length is 4...5 centimeters (about two inches). Their diameter is about 3 centimeters (a little more than one inch) on one axis, and 2.5 centimeters (one inch) on the other axis.
Their weight is 20...30 grams (0.7 to 1 ounce).
Testicles vary in size from man to man. Usually, one testicle is slightly larger than the other, and also one (usually the left one) hangs slightly lower than the other with 1 centimeter (half of inch).
Testicles are sensitive to temperature and pressure. They don't like to get too hot or too cold. When they get too cold (or when the man is near orgasm), the scrotum shrinks and pulls them up against the body, almost under the skin of the pubis, while the scrotum contracts tight on the testicles. When they get too warm, the scrotum extends, just hanging loose.
Though the testicles are sensitive to pain, men usually (especially during arousal) enjoy the feeling of squeezing or pulling up or down their scrotum, and so indirectly touching (possibly with some pressure), rubbing and moving around the testicles. However, if you hit them, you will feel pain later (even if only after a few hours).
The epididymis is a tube-like structure found at the top edge and along the back of the testicle, where semen produced by the seminiferous tubules matures; the semen stays here until ejaculation. They collect semen from the testicles and carry it to the vas deferens. You can feel the vas deferens and blood vessels above the epididymis. The epididymis and testicles are anchored to the body by the spermatic cord (a bundle of nerves and blood vessels).
The vas deferens are the ducts leading from the epididymis to the seminal vesicles, which carry semen to the prostate and into the urethra (during ejaculation). This is the where sperm get mixed up with some of the other ingredients that make semen. Sperm themselves are only about 2% to 5% of the volume of the semen; the rest is formed by other fluids produced by several different glands.
The seminal vesicles produce seminal fluid.
The ejaculatory glands are the paths through the seminal vesicles, which semen travels during ejaculation.
The body > Men's genital organs > Prostate
The prostate is a donut-like gland wrapped around the urethra. It produces a fluid which is included in the semen, fluid which form about 30% of the total volume of semen. The prostate also shuts the urethral duct to the bladder, thus preventing urine from mixing with the semen.
The average dimensions of the prostate are 4, 3, and 2.5 centimeters.
Its weight is 20...25 grams (almost one ounce).
The prostate is immediately behind the rectal wall, about 5 centimeters (2 inches) inside the rectum. It can be felt by inserting a finger through the anus and feeling along the anterior (toward the abdomen) rectal wall for a round bulb.
The prostate is very sensitive to pressure and touch. For most men, touching or rubbing it makes them feel as if they need to urinate and is not pleasurable. However, some men feel pleasure during its stimulation.
The Cowper's glands secrete a small amount of fluid prior to ejaculation, all the time the man is sexually stimulated. This fluid neutralizes the acidity within the urethra and lubricates the glans of the penis during sex. It's transparent, oily and has almost no taste.
The body > Men's genital organs > Semen
The semen is the fluid which men (normally) ejaculate when they have an orgasm. It is warm immediately after it is ejaculated. It protects the sperm after it has left the body. It has a texture similar to the white of a raw egg, but has a white or yellow-white color (it's not transparent).
The normal quantity of semen, in an adult man, is 2...5 milliliters - a teaspoon.
If it stays in the open air for a few minutes (for example, 15 minutes), it becomes more fluid and semitransparent.
Among other things, semen contains: ammonia, ascorbic acid, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, citric acid, creatine, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, sorbitol, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12, water, and zinc. The caloric content of an average ejaculate is 5...15 calories.
When semen is fresh, it smells somewhat like fish; it smells rather bad after it dries.
The semen has a fade taste. If tastes (like): bitter, salty, bleach. When you swallow it, it feels like when you swallow the white of a raw egg. Depending on what the man eats, his semen may taste differently.
You may also want to see: Vaginal fluids smell and taste.
The semen contains sperm. A sperm is what fertilizes an ovum, thus leading to pregnancy.
Sperm may be present in pre-ejaculatory fluid (= the lubricant) of the man, and is even more likely to exist if the sexual act is repeated within a few hours.
Sperm which isn't ejaculated, live in the epididymis for 4 to 6 weeks before they are reabsorbed into the body. This is why it's impossible (even if you never ejaculate) to have excess of sperm in your body. Outside the body, sperm can only survive in warm and moist areas; sperm die after it dries.
The time when sperm is first produced (in the entire life of a man) is called spermache.
See common topic: Ejaculation
The body > Men's genital organs > Andropause
Andropause is like menopause, but has far less visible influence over men than menopause has over women.
The body > Men's genital organs > Hygiene for penis
Every time after you pee, wipe (with toilet-paper) the entire glans (especially the meatus and the underside) of your penis, so that there would be no wetness on it. Don't slide the paper over the skin, just press it where the skin is wet, to absorb the wetness (whether urine or sweat).
You have to be thorough when washing your penis.
Wash your hands with soap, and then shower your penis with warm water. Pull back (as much as you can, but don't force it) the prepuce to expose the whole glans of the penis (including the sulcus).
Shower your penis and rub soap on the entire penis. Rinse the penis and your hands.
Rinse again the entire penis, rubbing well everywhere. How do you know you're clean enough? Well, would you... lick it? You are clean enough when the answer is yes! (No, you don't have to actually do it!)
Make sure you wash the scrotum too!
Cold (but not freezing) water helps firm up the tissue.
See common topic: Hygiene
The body > Men's genital organs > Genital self-examination
Men should perform a testicular self-examination monthly.
The best time to examine your testicles is during or after a hot shower. The heat causes the testicles to descend, and relaxes the scrotum. This makes it easier for you to find any abnormalities.
Examine the whole surface of each testicle with the fingers of one hand. With the other hand hold the testicle. Feel for any irregularity or lumps on the surface of the testicles. Also feel for swellings, pain or significant difference in size between the testicles (remember that one is usually larger than the other one). Report any abnormality to your physician.
Do not confuse the epididymis with an abnormality!
The body > Men's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician
A man's genital examination by a physician is called andrological examination.
Every year or two men should get a physical examination.
The examination will start with a conversation. The physician will ask you questions about your health, and you can ask about anything that's on your mind.
The examination involves examining your testicles, penis, and prostate. The physician will look for any signs of abnormality by gently touching your testicles. These signs include bumps or lumps, or having one testicle significantly larger than the other.
A rectal examination is performed to see if the prostate is enlarged. This rarely happens in adolescents, so a rectal examination is not usually needed at that age.
The body > Woman's genital organs
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vulva
The vulva is the external genital organ of a woman, and is formed by all visible parts. It is located between the woman's legs. However, the external and internal genital organs, as an entity, of a woman are also called vulva.
The pubis is also called Mons Veneris (= mountain of Venus).
Between labia minora, and between the clitoris and the bottom of the vaginal entrance, is the vaginal vestibule. The urethra and vagina open into the vaginal vestibule.
The vulva of the vast majority of women is visible from the front when the woman stands. The average length, from clitoris to the end of the labia majora, is about 8 centimeters (a little more than 3 inches).
The vulva has a distinctive odor, but if it's clean and healthy the smell should not be unpleasant.
Cold (but not freezing) water helps firm up the tissue.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vulva > Labia majora
Labia majora are also called big / outer labia.
The labia majora are the two vertical luscious, thick, wrinkled folds of adipose tissue that lie on either side of the vulva, forming its lateral boundaries. They begin at the pubis (above the clitoral hood) and end at the perineum (at the bottom of the vulva). They blend into the body at each end, but are pretty well formed at the top, while they just fade at the bottom.
Their normal length is 7...10 centimeters (3...4 inches), and their width 1...1.5 centimeters (about half of inch).
The distance between their lower side and the anus is about 2.5 centimeters (1 inch).
At some women they are closed while at others are opened, exposing the labia minora. They generally let the clitoral hood protrude through them, at the top.
Labia majora are prominent in some women and minimal in others. For most, the skin is darker than the surrounding skin.
Labia majora are normally covered with hair, and contain numerous sweat and oil glands.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vulva > Labia minora
Labia minora are also called small / inner labia.
Labia minora are soft, thin and hairless flaps of skin, surrounded by labia majora. They begin from the clitoris, go down around the vaginal entrance, and join at the perineum; at some women they don't join at the bottom, they just fade into the body. At some women they almost miss.
The labia minora vary in size, shape and color. One labium may be larger than the other. They can be from tiny ones that hide between the labia majora, to large ones that protrude between labia majora.
Their average length is 3 centimeters (a little more than 1 inch), and their width 1 centimeter (about half of inch).
During sexual stimulation, they swell and turn red as they get filled with blood.
Above the meatus, right below the pubis, the labia minora join to form a soft fold of skin called the clitoral hood, which covers the clitoris. It can be rolled back to expose the clitoris.
See common topic: Prepuce
Just under the clitoris they join again to form the frenum.
See common topic: Frenum
They tend to exit between the big labia, sometimes near the top otherwise near the bottom, though sometimes they are completely covered.
Both labia majora and minora are sensitive to touch and pressure; the labia minora are much more sensitive.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vulva > Clitoris
Covered by the clitoral hood is the clitoris. Like the penis, it is made of erectile tissue that swells during sexual arousal.
The clitoris is formed from a glans, shaft, (vestibular) bulbs, corpus cavernosum and crura. Only the glans and a small part of the shaft are outside the woman's body. The corpus cavernosum of the clitoris start from the shaft and stretch on both sides of the vagina, each ending with a crus. The bulbs of the clitoris start from the shaft and stretch on both sides of the vagina, and are much thicker than the corpus cavernosum and crura.
See related topic: Vestibular bulb
See common topics:
The size of the clitoris varies a lot from woman to woman, from very small which is difficult to expose from under the clitoral hood, to that which protrudes the clitoral hood even without being erect.
It is extremely sensitive to touch; it's so sensitive that it's uncomfortable or even painful to touch it directly with a finger. In order to generate pleasure, it has to be touched indirectly (by rubbing it through the prepuce, or rolling the prepuce up and down fast, during masturbation), or with something wet (like the tongue, or wet fingers).
During a sexual act, the bulbs squeeze the penis.
In fetuses, the clitoris and the penis start as the same tissue and develop separately while in the uterus.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vulva > Clitoris > Erection
The clitoris, like the penis, is an erectile organ: it swells (being filled with blood) during sexual arousal. The glans of the clitoris is not formed from erectile tissue.
Usually, in women that are not sexually stimulated, the clitoris is completely covered by the clitoral hood. During sexual stimulation, the clitoris erects and extends through the clitoral hood, becoming visible, in order to make it more accessible for stimulation.
In some women, even the erect clitoris doesn't protrude the clitoral hood.
The total length of a flaccid clitoris, from tip of glans to tip of crura, is about 10 centimeters (4 inches). The length of the glans is 2...10 mm (1/12...1/2.5 in), while its width and height are 4...5 millimeters (1/6...1/5 in). Normally, the glans is either hidden by the clitoral hood, or barely protrudes through it.
The average distance between the tip of the clitoral hood and the meatus is 2.5 centimeters (1 inch).
See common topic: Erection
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vagina
The vagina connects the vulva to the uterus. It opens to the outside of the body, below the meatus, in what is called the vaginal entrance. This is where menstrual blood and vaginal discharge come out, and where the penis goes in during genital sex.
The vagina is an organ, a muscle, not a hole. Its walls are less than 3 millimeters (about a tenth of an inch) thick. It is linked to the body by ligaments. This is why you have to take great care with it!
Do not penetrate the vagina with a thin object because it could puncture the vagina! Fingers with short nails are fine because they feel what's happening.
If nothing is inside the vagina, the vaginal walls touch each other. The walls of the vagina have 3 layers. The visible layer is called mucosa, and is similar to the inside of the mouth. Under the mucosa is a layer of tissue that can fill with blood; this tissue swells when a woman is sexually aroused. The deepest layer is a coat of muscle.
The inside of the vagina is corrugated (it has rugae), that is, it has folds, ridges, bumps. The rugae meet in the middle in a ridge called columna rugarum. This texture allows the vagina to expand during arousal, to accommodate various sizes of penises and for child birth.
The vagina extends from the vaginal entrance to the cervix. The average vagina is 8...9 centimeters (3...4 inches) long / deep, but is normal 4...14 centimeters (about 2 and 6 inches), possibly a little longer in women who have given birth. The wall toward the rectum is 1...2 centimeters (about half of inch) longer due to its position relative to the uterus.
This may seem short in relation to an erect penis, but during sexual arousal it elongates (= increases in length, and the cervix lifts upward) to about 12 centimeters (5 inches).
The average length of a vagina, on the axis from the clitoris toward the anus, is 2.5 centimeters (1 inch).
The normal color of the vagina is pink, and red-violet during menstruation.
At either side of the vaginal entrance are the Bartholin's glands, which produce small amounts of lubricating fluid, to keep the labia minora moist during sex.
You may also want to see: Vaginal dryness.
The urethral sponge surrounds the urethra. It fills with blood during sexual arousal; this results in the tissue becoming firm to the touch.
It is thought to store the fluid that women ejaculate (see Ejaculated fluid at women).
For more information on this subject go to: G-spot.
The paraurethral glands are thought to produce the fluid that women ejaculate (see Ejaculated fluid at women). The most outer two glands are called Skene's glands; they open around the meatus. The paraurethral glands are inside the urethral sponge. They surround and drain into the urethra, near the meatus. The paraurethral glands vary in size from one woman to another, and are even missing in some women. They are the equivalent of the prostate.
Healthy vaginas have bacteria inside, but they don't normally cause any harm. However, sometimes they can cause a vaginal infection.
The fornix is the recess formed by the protrusion of the cervix into the vagina.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vagina > Vaginal fluids
The vaginal fluids are made of various fluids: vaginal discharge, lubrication fluids, ejaculated fluids, other fluids.
The vaginal fluids smell and taste (like): semen, tangy, spicy, battery, lemony, musty, honey, coffee, cinnamon. This varies during the menstrual cycle.
You may also want to see: Semen smell and taste.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vagina > Vaginal fluids > Vaginal discharge
Women can notice a vaginal discharge on their underwear; this is normal. Just as a mouth is always wet with saliva, a vagina is always wet with some fluid. This fluid is important because it destroys germs. It should be clear or (yellow-)white, and have very little smell. It may be watery or thick. The appearance and amount of this fluid change at different times in a woman's cycle. It is usually more abundant at ovulation and during stressful times.
If the discharge has a strong or bad smell, if it itches, or if it has a strange color, it could be a sign of a vaginal infection or an STD. This should be checked by a physician, because some of these problems are serious and spread easily.
Many women are disturbed by this, but trying to get rid of it is not healthy because this is what keeps the vagina clean of bacteria, and maintains a careful acid balance, vital to the vagina's health.
In general, the discharge is normal unless it is spotted with blood (and you aren't menstruating), or it itches, or is greenish in color.
An exaggerated vaginal discharge is called leukorrhea.
When ovulating or aroused, a vagina produces a different fluid, clear and slippery.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Vagina > Vaginal fluids > Ejaculated fluid at women
For more information on this subject go to: Female ejaculation.
See common topic: Ejaculation
The body > Woman's genital organs > Hymen
The hymen is a soft, thin membrane, with a hole (or holes) for the menstrual blood to flow through, which partially blocks the entrance into the vagina. The hymen is inside the vaginal opening, at about 1 centimeter (half of an inch) deep.
Hymens may look any number of ways. The hymen can even miss from birth. The usual shape of a hymen has a single perforation and is either annular (= circular) or crescentic (it looks like the Moon in its quarter). Other shapes are cribriform (where the hymen has many small perforations) and septate (where there are two adjacent perforations).
A cribriform hymen may be the cause of significant pain during defloration due to the fact that the penis can't enter through any whole in order to tear it.
The hymen can be elastic, in a small percentage of women, meaning that it doesn't break even when a penis enters into the vagina. This type of hymen either breaks or has to be surgically cut when the woman gives birth.
The hymen can imperforated, with no wholes. This is a bad thing because the menstrual blood has no way out of the vagina. When the girl has her menarche, the blood accumulates into the vagina and forms an abdominal swelling associated with severe abdominal pain. In this case, the girl must be taken immediately to a physician so that a small incision could be made to the hymen, for the menstrual blood to flow out.
The hymen can be torn during the first vaginal penetration by a penis, using a tampon, having hard physical activity (like riding a bicycle or a horse, or gymnastics), masturbation (if the women puts her fingers, or some similar object, into her vagina). After the hymen is torn, little folds of tissue remain in the shape of an irregular ring.
You may also want to see: Defloration.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Uterus
The uterus is the main reproductive organ of a woman. The inner lining of the uterus, called endometrium, grows and changes during the menstrual cycle to prepare to receive a fertilized ovum, and eliminates a layer at the end of every menstrual cycle if fertilization doesn't happen. The uterus is lined with powerful muscles to push the child out during birth.
The size of the uterus of a woman who has never given birth is about: 6.5 centimeters (2.5 inches) long, 4 centimeters (1.5 inches) width (where it is widest), and 2 centimeters (about 1 inch) thick. Its internal volume is 3...4 cubic centimeters.
Its weight is 50...70 grams (about 2 ounces).
The uterus has two main parts: the body cavity and the cervix. The body cavity is triangular. The tip is downward and makes up the internal os, which opens into the cervical canal. The external os is the cervical canal constricted on its lower end (toward the vagina). The external os opens into the vagina. The uterus has three coats / layers: mucous, muscle, and serous.
If a man ejaculates his semen into a woman's vagina, sperm travel up the vagina, through the cervical canal, into the uterus and then in the fallopian tubes. If they meet and fertilize an ovum, a pregnancy may begin.
The uterus in a non-pregnant woman is about the size of an orange. It has thick muscular walls. If nothing is inside, the walls of the uterus touch each other.
The cervix is a neck-like part of the uterus which is inside the vagina, and looks like a dome. The oriffice that allows access into / out of the uterus is called external os.
The cervical canal passes through the cervix and links the vagina with the inside of the uterus. Its opening in the vagina varies in diameter from 1 to 3 millimeters, depending to what moment of the menstrual cycle the measurement is taken. Its length is about 3 centimeters (a little more than one inch). The cervical canal is plugged with cervical mucus (a gel-like substance) to protect the uterus from infections. During ovulation the cervical canal opens a little, and its mucus becomes a thin, transparent fluid in order to allow semen to pass inside.
The placenta is a thick plaque of tissue that forms when an embryo attaches itself to the inner wall of the uterus, and which is joined to the fetus by the umbilical cord.
The fallopian tubes are the left and right tubes of the uterus that connect the uppermost part of the uterine cavity, laterally, with the ovaries. Their length is 10 to 12 centimeters (4 to 5 inches). The tubes serve as ducts for ovaries even though they are not connected to them. Fertilization occurs in the tubes.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Ovaries
The ovaries are about the size and shape of plumes. The ovaries perform two functions: the production of estrogen and progesterone, and the production of mature ova. At birth, the ovaries contain 200'000...400'000 ova, and those are all there will ever be. However, that is far more than need, since during an average lifespan a woman "uses" 300...400 ova (one for each menstrual cycles).
Their average dimensions are 4, 3, and 1 centimeters.
Their average weight is 7 grams (about a quarter ounce).
After maturing, an ovum travels through the fallopian tube, in 3 to 4 days, from the ovary to the uterus; this is called ovulation. This is the period during which a woman is fertile and pregnancy may occur. An ovum which is not fertilized is expelled during menstruation, but if it is fertilized by a sperm (from the semen of a man) it transforms into a zygote. A zygote will travel into the uterus and develop into a fetus.
Sometimes there may be some blood spotting for a day or two after ovulation; this is normal.
Corpus luteum is a yellow mass in the ovary formed after an ovum is released. It produces progesterone (= the pregnancy hormone), and grows and lasts for several months if the ovum is fertilized and pregnancy occurs.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Menstruation
Menstruation is a periodic bloody discharge from the uterus, through the vagina, around 14 days after ovulation.
Menstruation is a sign of good health and fertility (the ability to get pregnant). It is a biological process: there is nothing wrong with it. A woman is as healthy during her menstruation as she is at any time. She can shower or bathe, swim or exercise, have sex, or do anything she would normally do.
During a menstrual cycle there are some changes into the woman's body: fluctuations in hormones levels, changes in cervical mucus secretion, breast vascularization changes, ovulation, and menstruation (if pregnancy doesn't occur). The menstrual cycle is also called estrus.
Menstrual cycles usually start between the ages 11 and 15; however, menstruations can begin as early as 9 and as late as 17. They end at menopause. It is common for menstruations to be very irregular for the first year or so. Some women have a very regular menstrual cycle, every 28 days, for instance; others have an irregular cycle. The cycle may be longer one month than another. This is also normal. Most cycles are from 21 to 34 days. The average period of a menstrual cycle is 28 days.
About once a month, a woman's body gets ready for pregnancy. The lining of the uterus starts to thicken. About 2 weeks later, one of the ovaries releases an ovum. If sperm from a man doesn't fertilize the ovum, the thick lining of the uterus is not needed. Two other weeks later, the woman's body eliminates the lining through the vagina; this is the menstruation.
The flow usually starts light. It can get heavy for two or three days then get light again until it stops. It often starts with a rusty color and then gets redder. It hen turns to a rust color again until it stops. Usually, there are 4 to 6 tablespoonfuls of blood in the flow - a small amount. The rest of the flow is bits of the unused lining and other fluids. The blood may or may not contain clots of blood.
Menstruations usually last 3...7 days. Menstruations may be longer or shorter, and bleeding may be heavier in some months than in others, especially when the woman starts having has her first menstrual cycles (this is called menarche).
Many things can affect menstruation, such as stress, sickness or fast weight loss. A while after menarche, most women find that their menstruations become regular.
Many women are uncomfortable or have cramps during menstruation. This is called PMS.
A woman may feel tired during her menstruation. Though menstruation doesn't weaken a woman's body, heavy bleeding may cause anemia - feeling tired because of a loss of red blood cells. In this case the woman should see a physician.
You may want to keep a calendar to help you predict when the next menstruation will occur (and so, when you need to wear pads / tampons).
Women who live together, in a large number, often experience menstruation at the same time because their pheromones trigger similar physiological reactions until they actually synchronize.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Menstruation > How to look at your menstruation
Many women are taught to feel dirty at menstruation, "trained" to feel inhibited about it. Some people, either men or women, tell to both men and women that (or they behave like) it's a bad thing. But you shouldn't accept that. You should try to feel as well as you can! You can't change your body and you shouldn't try that; it's like that because it needs to be like that (for the reproduction of humans). If you create psychological pressure on your body to stop menstruating that may destroy the natural balance of the body, and multiple psychological or physiological problems will occur.
If you think you're dirty, you'll always have a problem with menstruation and the problem will never decrease in intensity. So, the best way to cope with it is to make an effort to look at your body and to menstruation like it's a natural thing, because that's exactly what it is. Still, don't go on the other side and become negligent about it!
If you want to feel clean you'll just have to make it happen. Keep your vulva clean: use pads / tampons and wash it when you feel the need. Don't worry: even if you'll wash it 10 times a day it's not going to get washed away . So: pads / tampons, water, soap and fingers! Again, you must not wash (the inside of) your vagina with soap.
So, keep it clean and if somebody is trying to make you feel bad about it, just walk away with elegance and ignore that person. If you're not comfortable with a man seeing your vulva when you're menstruating, say that to him with elegance, don't keep the psychological pressure inside you: you have to communicate with that man, let him know what you think and feel. If the man cares about you, he will understand and back off with elegance too.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Menstruation > What do men feel about menstruation
Men may be curious about it and may want to known / see how it is.
You should carefully consider that just because you want to make your man share your pain, doesn't mean that you should show him your vulva during menstruation. Just as you may not want to show him your menstruation, he may not want to see it. Sure, he may not have the courage to ask you to show him your menstruation, but don't risk it. Outside some initial curiosity or fetish, no man would be interested to see it.
When you live together, both you and your man tend to become too intimate about some things, and that's just not good. You (and obviously him too) have to keep some aura of elegance. Too much physical intimacy leads to a feeling like you have just one body, that you know everything about each other, so there is no more mystery, no more interest.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Menstruation > Premenstrual syndrome
PMS is short for "premenstrual syndrome".
Premenstrual syndrome consists of the changes that women may experience during the days before each of their menstruations begin.
The most common psychological changes are: feeling depressed or sad, anxious, irritable, mood changes, difficulty to concentrate.
Not all women have PMS. Some women find that they have much more energy in the days before their menstruation.
Some women who have PMS notice only some of these changes. For some, however, the symptoms are so severe that their ability to function is affected.
Dysmenorrhea is the syndrome of painful menstruation; the symptoms may precede menstruation with a few days. Many women suffer of dysmenorrhea. In many cases, dysmenorrhea is so severe that it forces women to miss from work and school.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Menstruation > Reflexology
One way to regain your health is reflexology. Reflexology deals mainly with sole massage, using finger pressure. The modern promoter of reflexology was William Fitzgerald.
I am telling you about reflexology because of some personal experiences:
For more information on this subject go here.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Menstruation > Menopause
Menopause is the period of time in which the menstruation ends (permanently) and means the end of fertility (= the end of the ability to get pregnant).
Menopause offers a woman new freedom from menstruation and from the need to use contraceptives because of fear of pregnancy.
Just like in the beginning, the last menstruations are irregular. Menopause takes a while (= years) to complete. Until it is complete, a woman can still become pregnant.
Menopause occurs because the ovaries produce fewer hormones. It takes a while for the body to adjust to this. Most women notice some changes in their bodies, but aren't bothered by them.
A common discomfort of menopause is having hot flashes (= a short sensation of intense heat which travels from the chest to the head), heavy sweating followed by coldness, emotional upsets (such as depression or anxiety), sleeplessness. The vagina gradually becomes drier and thinner, and the sexual act may therefore become uncomfortable. Artificial lubricant will prevent this discomfort.
You may also want to see: Andropause.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Hygiene for vulva
Every time after you pee, wipe (with toilet-paper) the vaginal vestibule and especially the meatus, so that there would be no wetness on it.
After a bowel movement, a woman should first wipe her vulva, then her anus. The other way around may accidentally contaminate the vulva, which would increase the probability for an infection.
You have to be thorough when washing your vulva.
Wash your hands with soap, and then shower your vulva with warm water. Cold (but not freezing) water helps firm up the tissue.
Women should not wash their vagina with soap or bathe (in the tub) in soapy water. The soap destroys the vaginal flora thus making the vagina more sensitive to infections. You must not eliminate the vaginal flora, or otherwise the probability to get a vaginal infection increases.
A healthy vulvo-vaginal pH is around 3.8...4.5, which is acidic. Anything with a higher pH than this, which comes in contact with the vulvo-vaginal area, negatively affects the vulvo-vaginal health. The skin's pH is 4.7. The pH of normal shampoo is around 6...7, of pure water is 7, of surface water is around 6.5...8.5, of semen is around 7...8, of normal hand soap (including homemade) is around 9...10. Other chemicals from normal soaps, like fragrance, also negatively affect the vulvo-vaginal health.
Don't try to remove the smell or fluid of your vagina! Don't try to scrub it, even if you use just water! At most, slide two fingers from one hand (the index and middle fingers) put close together, inside your vagina. Move your fingers on all sides of the vagina, making a continuous, circular movement with your fingers, just like washing the inside of a tall and narrow glass.
If you have a hymen then you shouldn't try to wash your vagina. But if you are courageous enough then you can use a finger to wash inside: keep your palm toward the vulva and bend the middle finger so that you can reach behind the hymen, where some "things" may get stuck. Don't force the hymen (well, unless you're really trying to deflower yourself)!
Wash your hands.
Shower your vulva and rub soap on a hand. Roll the clitoral hood backward so that the clitoris would become exposed as much as possible, but don't force it. Now shower the area and then gently slide your soapy fingers on it. You have to be gentle because the clitoris is very sensitive to direct touch. Finally, rinse the soap very well.
Shower your vulva and rub soap on a hand. Slide a soapy finger (the middle finger) between your small labium and big labium on one side of the vulva, then on the other side; rub well on each side, up and down. Then keep your small labium and big labium alternatively spread apart from each other on each side, and rinse the soap very well.
Shower your vulva. Slide a hand (without the big thumb) between the small labia, into the vestibule. Rub well, up and down (and even in circular motions).
Wash your hands. Rinse again the entire vulva, rubbing very well everywhere. How do you know you're clean enough? Well, would you... lick it? You are clean enough when the answer is yes! (No, you don't have to actually do it!)
Though all these things will become mechanical at some point, if you focus on what you're doing, you'll find out how pleasurable washing your vulva is.
See common topic: Hygiene
The body > Woman's genital organs > Hygiene for vulva > Hygiene during menstruation
Use cold water and soap to remove any blood stains that get on your clothes.
Use sanitary pads / tampons to absorb the flow and keep it from staining your clothes.
Keep your vulva clean: use pads / tampons and wash it when you feel the need. Wash your hands! Use warm water, not water which is too cold or too hot!
Don't flush pads / tampons in the toilet!
You may also want to see: TSS.
See common topic: Hygiene
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital self-examination
Women should perform vulvar self-examination each month, between menstruations. It is important for women to learn early what a normal vulva looks like for them personally, as vulvas can look very different from one woman to the another.
You can do it yourself or have someone help you (which would be much easier).
You need the following objects: a mirror, a flashlight, a (plastic) speculum if possible (speculums are available at pharmacies that sell medical supplies), lubricant for the speculum. Be sure to have intimacy!
Get naked and lie on your back on the bed, with your legs spread wide open and bent from the knee. Look at what you can see and feel in the genital area.
Put the mirror at your feet, supported by something so that you can look at your vulva and inside your vagina. Expose your vulva: spread apart the labia. Check each part for changes: changes in skin color, sores, inflammations, or lumps. It's important to feel for changes as well as look for them - sometimes a bump can be below the surface of the skin, and you won't be able to see it. Examine all of the parts of the vulva, then do the same with your vagina. If you have a speculum, it will be easier do the vaginal examination.
Lubricate the speculum. Close it. Insert it gently in your vagina and open it in order to push apart the vaginal walls. Shine the flashlight (into the mirror) so you can see your cervix and the vaginal walls into the mirror. Note the colors of the cervix and of the vaginal secretions. The normal cervix appears wet, pinkish, has a dome-like shape, and has a small orifice in the middle which looks like a bigger meatus; the cervix of pregnant women has a bluish tint. Close the speculum and remove it from your vagina. Wash the speculum thoroughly.
If you have a hymen, you'll not be able to look inside your vagina, but, still, look at everything else. All you see there is yours for your whole life. You'll feel great if you love it all, if you like to look at it, if you like to touch it, if you keep it clean and healthy for you and for your lover.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician
Agnodice (lived around 350 BC, Greece) is believed (according to Gaius Julius Hyginus, 1st century) to be the first female gynecologist in recorded history. She disguised herself as a man to study medicine and continued to do so in her practice. She was later charged with corrupting young women, and her true gender was revealed at the trial. Because she was a woman, the charge was reduced to conspiring to work in a field restricted to men. Agnodice was acquitted because the wives of prominent citizens intervened. Also, Athenians amended the law so that freeborn women could study medicine. It is believed that the original charge was made by other physicians jealous of her large clientele, and because women refused to be treated by men.
In some countries, if the gynecologist is a man, there must be a woman-nurse in the room.
Don't worry if you're nervous about going to the gynecologist! Don't listen to those who tell you should feel nothing because everything is like going for a walk! It is not that simple. When you go to the dentist you're not happy about it (though in the case of the gynecologist it doesn't, usually, hurt), you are nervous. You can surely imagine that going to a gynecologist is by no means any easier. So, feel free to be nervous, but control this feeling, don't let it control you! Stress is an enemy, but hiding it is much more hurting, because, in the future, you'll never see it coming and you'll not know why you have other (stress related) problems. So, make jokes about your nervousness ! Be an open person!
Hopefully, in the future, technology will allow medicine to use some sort of scanning machines to perform a gynecological examination, instead of the current invasive methods. But until then, women have to accept this way ...
Just think positive!
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Choosing your physician
It is up to you to choose the physician you go to. You have to feel relaxed. The examination would be much easier this way. Don't rush into choosing, or you may find out how stressful is to change your gynecologist later! You may not want to undress in front of many physicians because you would feel like a patient or an object, instead of feeling like a woman. You choose! Don't let others choose for you, don't let others use your shame and fear to make you do things you don't actually want to do!
Physicians must respect their client's privacy. The best thing to do is ask about "client confidentiality" when you make an appointment. If you are a minor, the physician may need to contact a parent in case of a medical emergency.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Reasons
Gynecologists recommend that a woman has a yearly gynecologic examination, after she begins her sexual life or after the age of 18. You also have to see a gynecologist if you feel any abnormal pain in your genital organs or pelvic area.
Learn what is normal for your body and what is not! Watch for changes in your body that may signal problems. Good gynecological care is a matter of teamwork, you and your physician working together and maintaining good communication.
You may need to have checkups even more often if you have:
You should visit your physician, no matter how old you are, if you have:
During the examination, the physician can find problems that you don't even know you have, and when treated early, most problems can be cured.
Routine gynecological care can:
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Preparation
Make sure to schedule the appointment to the gynecologist when you won't have your menstruation (preferably a few days after your menstruation ends), so that the physician can get accurate test results. It's recommend not to have sex in the day before the examination.
You should write down all the questions you have about your health, and any issues that make you nervous, and ask the physician all that.
You should be ready to answer some questions:
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Examination
Be sure to go to the bathroom (to empty your bladder, bowels) before you go to the gynecologist.
On your first visit to the gynecologist, be sure to tell the physician it is your first visit, and feel free to communicate that you are nervous about the whole thing. Ask the physician to tell you what he / she is doing and why, as he / she does it. If you are uncomfortable then you should have a friend stay with you during the whole examination.
Remember to relax, breathe deeply, and ask plenty of questions. It's your physician's job to make sure your genital organs are in good shape, and to help you learn how to take care of your body between visits.
Communicate with the physician. If for any reason he / she seems rushed or uncooperative with your needs, find another physician.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Examination > Talking
The first part of the appointment will be a talk with your physician, about your personal and family sexual and medical history. It's important to be honest, so he / she can give you the right kind of examination based on your lifestyle at that time, because each year things change: your body, your lifestyle, your attitudes.
If you have concerns about your body, sex, birth control, or anything else, just ask the physician.
Here are some things about birth control you may want to discuss with your gynecologist:
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Examination > Basic physical examination
The examination includes your eyes and ears, heart and lungs, blood pressure, and weight. You may need to give blood and urine samples.
At this point, you'll have to undressed completely and get into a hospital gown.
Some women find that it helps relieve the stress they feel, with small talk: about the weather, a pair of new shoes, whatever keeps the mind busy.
The tests your physician chooses to perform are based on your age, medical history, and your family's medical history, so every gynecological examination is a bit different. Depending on the test which is being performed, you'll be standing, sitting or lying on the examination table.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Examination > Breasts examination
First, there is the breasts examination. The examination resembles with breasts self-examination.
Your breasts are checked for lumps or discharge from the nipples. You are asked you if you have noticed anything unusual or experienced any pain. You will probably be shown how to perform breast self-examination.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Examination > Pelvic examination
Pelvic examination means genital and rectal examination.
The physician must wear gloves during this procedure.
There are two important positions:
Your will be asked to lie down on the examination table and put your feet in the footrests (stirrups), then to move your body down on the table so that your bottom is sitting on the edge of the table. The physician will sit on a chair next to the table, in front of your vulva, and will wear a light on the head, to see clearly inside your vagina.
Take a deep breath and relax! The more relaxed you are, the more comfortable you'll be, mentally and physically. You may want to ask the physician to explain to you what he / she is doing.
The pelvic examination starts with an abdominal examination when he / she massages your abdomen area, and will ask if any spots are tender or painful.
Next there is check of the outer side of your genital organs. You are checked for signs of irritation in the vaginal area, discharge, or other conditions.
The walls of the vagina touch each other, so in order for the physician to see your cervix and the vagina, he / she will gently open your vagina using a tool called speculum. The speculum is a metal or plastic clamp device, used to hold open the vaginal walls.
Most physicians will warm and lubricate the speculum before inserting it inside you. You should anticipate some pressure when the speculum is inserted, and you may hear a clicking sound - the sound of the speculum opening. If it causes pain, speak up so that the speculum can be adjusted or substituted with a different size. You may feel some pressure on your bladder (it may feel like you have to urinate, even if you don't) when the speculum is inside, and if you feel this, let the physician know so that he / she can make adjustments.
If your hymen is intact, a pelvic examination with a speculum is unnecessary unless there is an unexplained vaginal bleeding (or some infection). If the speculum examination is necessary, then the physician will have to make an incision (with a scalpel) on the hymen to make room for the speculum, basically he / she will deflower you. But if there is no need for this (and it usually isn't), the physician will not make it.
He / she will look at the appearance of your vagina, looking for any lumps or bumps, swellings, unusual colors or discharge, or other signs of infection. He / she may press with a finger in your vagina to see if your vaginal glands have any secretion when touched.
With the speculum inside your vagina, the physician will check your cervix. If you're curious, you can ask the physician to show you in a mirror what your cervix looks like.
Some tissue and fluid is collected for a test, to see if the cervix is healthy. To do this, the physician will collect the cells first with a brush and then with a long curved (not sharp) piece of wood. You may feel uncomfortable for a moment when the brush touches your cervix, but it will take just a few seconds. The cells will be checked at a laboratory for evidence of cancer.
This test is called Pap smear or cervical smear, and was named after George Papanicolaou (though Aurel Babes described it before). The Pap test is one of the most effective cervical cancer screening mechanisms because it can detect cell changes before they progress to cancer. It is important to know that an abnormal Pap smear doesn't necessarily mean that cancer is present, it could simply mean that there is an infection.
You might also be tested for STDs. You usually have to ask for these tests specifically, before the examination.
In the bimanual examination, the physician will insert one or two fingers in your vagina, and place the other hand on your abdomen. By gently moving both hands together, your internal organs (uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries) are checked to make sure they're free of fibroids, cysts, and tumors. Also their size, shape, and position are checked. You'll feel some pressure during this part of the examination, but if you feel pain, tell your physician (this could indicate infection).
Finally, the physician will do a rectal examination by inserting a finger (the glove must be lubricated) into your rectum, and another finger in your vagina, to test the condition of the muscles and check for tumors in this area. It's normal to feel a bit of discomfort and pressure, but this should only last a few moments. During this procedure, you may feel like you are going to have a bowel movement, especially when the finger is removed from the rectum. This is normal and the feeling usually lasts only a few seconds.
The body > Woman's genital organs > Genital examination by a physician > Examination > Counseling
When it's all done, the physician will review the results of the examination and discuss with you any areas of concern.
The body > Breasts
Breasts come in all shapes and sizes, depending on the amount of fatty tissue contained within, and they are the organs that vary in size the most, at the human body. However, some average dimensions for the adult woman are: 12 centimeters (5 inches) width, 10 centimeters (4 inches) height, and 5 centimeters (2 inches) in depth. Each breast normally weights 200 grams (7 ounces), and 500 grams (18 ounces) during nursing. Please, always remember that breasts vary enormously in size, from woman to woman, with age, with body weight, and with nursing!
Breasts are usually asymmetrical. This means that one breast of a woman may have a different size and shape than her other breast. A woman's left breast is usually a little larger then her right breast.
The nipple is a small dimple, of a darker color than the breast's skin, at the center of the fullest part of the breast containing the outlets of the milk ducts through which babies can suck milk.
The areola is the area, of a darker color than the breast's skin, immediately surrounding the nipple.
Sometimes, a number of strings of hair grow from the outer border of the areola.
Under the skin, a breast is made up of fatty tissue, milk glands, and milk ducts that carry the milk from the milk glands to the nipple. Milk glands do not usually make milk unless the hormones of pregnancy trigger that. Therefore, during pregnancy and nursing, a woman's breasts become much larger than when not pregnant.
The breast is composed of fatty tissue, glandular epithelium, ducts, blood vessels, lymph glands, a stroma of supporting collagenous fibers, and the covering skin. All this stands upon the musculature of the chest. Exercise will tone-up and even increase the size of the muscles, but not the breasts.
The breasts are also subject to changes due to the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and lactation.
If you lose weight quickly, breasts are affected immediately and very visibly. This means that if you lose weight too quickly, your breasts will suffer from it.
The beginning of breast development, at puberty, is called thelarche.
The size of the breasts is not very important for men. Much more important is the shape of the breasts.
The position of the breasts, relative to the chest and to each other, is also important. The breasts shouldn't be too low or too high, and also not too far apart or too close to each other. Some say that for ideal breasts, the distance from the top of sternum (= breastbone) to each nipple, and the distance between the nipples, should all be equal, basically forming an equilateral triangle.
The nipples of a woman are especially erotic, generally when the nipples push through a tight (maybe even wet) shirt.
The correct body posture and bra are very important for the beauty of a woman's breasts. It is true that the breasts can't be shaped as desired, nor can the volume of the chest increase, however, women can change their body posture. To do that, you have to keep your back straight, push back your shoulders, and push forward your chest. This position is natural in all people, but is more evident in women than in men because it emphasizes the breasts. Still, in time, with fatigue, this position tends to disappear. Normal breathing also helps maintaining the correct body posture. Don't tire yourself by forcing an unnatural body posture.
The increased volume of the chest means that for many women their chest is naturally "more forward" (their thoracic cage is bigger toward front), thus making the breasts look... bolder.
Sitting or standing in the right position is also important: sit with your upper body straight, do not bend your body forward or backward. However, you'll probably want to push your chest forward (though this is not a good position for your back) to make your breasts more visible to other people. Your breasts depend on your back. If you keep your back the right way, then your breasts will have a better base to hang on.
A good thing to do for your back (and automatically your breasts) is to stretch your body like a cat does, after you wake up, before you get out of bed. Put your hands above your head. Push your chest up, curving your back up, and stretch your arms, neck, abdomen, and legs.
Love your breasts, even more than a man does! It's the only (natural) pair you'll ever have!
Normally, the breasts are subjected to impacts because of their unprotected position at the front of the body and in the way of the movement of the arms. Without proper support, the breasts and the skin of the chest are pulled down and stretched by the pull of gravity.
Both men and women unconsciously learn to protect some parts of their bodies (the penis, the testicles, the breasts), when they walk, go up or down the stairs, run, or have any other physical activity that makes those body parts move or be pressed upon. A man's testicles are pressed upon by his thighs. A woman's breasts move around in synchrony with inertia (in opposition with the current movement); for example, if you go down the stairs, you'll feel that your breasts "arrive" on the lower step later than your body does, and that they are forced to stop suddenly, so you'll feel some discomfort. Breasts are very sensitive to such movements, especially big breasts, and because of this, women should wear bras: to minimize the tension created within the tissue surrounding the breasts. The breasts have no muscles and therefore depend on outside support: the muscles above them and laterally (toward the armpit), and a bra.
Sporty girls should be particularly careful, as breasts need extra support while running.
Bras have to be functional and comfortable. They have to provide support for breasts. Don't wear pointy bras: the bra must sustain the breasts, not squeeze them. Also, don't wear half-cupped bras: the bra must sustain the whole breasts, not just a part of them: the breasts must not bulge out of the bra.
It's better to not wear a bra than wear an ill-fitting bra. An ill-fitting bra is one which displaces tissue, pushing it under the arm, flattening it around the chest, or allowing the shape to become drooping and pendulous.
There should be no tissue hanging from under the band, flowing over the top or pushing out the sides. Support must come from beneath the breasts, rather than from the shoulder straps. The support should be firm enough to stop most of the motion of the breasts during walking or exercising. There should be no pressure to flatten the breast and restrict blood circulation. It should not press into the breast tissue or cause bruises. The breasts should not hang loose, but stand supported.
When you want to buy a bra, there are two things you have to know:
These measurements have to be taken when you stand up.
The size of the bra depends on the measurement system used in your country.
Wash your breasts with thin streams (use a showerhead) of warm (not hot) or cold (not freezing) water. The streams will act like tiny massages.
Cold (but not freezing) water helps firm up the breasts tissue. Don't use freezing water because the breasts will have a (thermal) shock. If your breasts feel too hard then you can try wash them with warm water (don't make it too hot though, it would also cause a shock).
Do not hit your breasts! Do not push your breasts with sharp things, like an elbow! Small hits and sharp pushes add up and may cause, in time, problems to your breasts.
See common topic: Hygiene
Women should perform breast self-examination a few days after each menstruation ends, because at other times during the menstrual cycle the breasts may be more tender, lumpy, and bigger. Any changes in the structure of the breasts should be brought to the immediate attention of your physician.
The first time you examine yourself, you may be confused and even frightened because you're not familiar with the normal structure of your breasts. Lumps or bumps are present naturally in breasts. If you know what your breasts normally feel like, you will be able to identify changes in them.
You may find simple cysts, benign sacs of fluid that develop toward the end of the menstrual cycle. The cysts usually decrease in size after the menstruation. If you detect any lumps or changes in the breast, you should see a physician to have them evaluated; the vast majority of breast abnormalities are benign (= not cancerous). Usually, you can determine which lumps and bumps are always in the same spot and not growing, after you have done self-examinations for about 6 months in a row.
Women with benign breast cysts are recommended to reduce: fatty and fried foods, salt intake, all foods which contain caffeine (including beverages, particularly coffee).
Always examine your breasts the same way. Be sure to feel all parts of your breasts. Remember how your breasts felt the previous time you checked them. You have to become familiar with what lumps and bumps are usually there so that you can tell if a new one is forming or if one seems to get bigger.
In front of a mirror: Stand in front of a mirror with your arms relaxed at your sides. Look for any changes in the size or shape of your breasts, swellings, rashes or changes of the skin, changes of the nipples, or discharge from the nipples. Raise your arms high over your head, and look again at your breasts. Then move your arms up and down, looking to see if either breast doesn't move as easily as the other. No woman has identical breasts. However, if one breast looks significantly different from the other, have this checked by your physician.
Use the part just below the tips of two or three fingers to press your breast against your chest, and check for any lump, hard knot, or thickening. Gently move your fingers over every part of each breast. Use the right hand to examine the left breast, left hand for right breast. Also check your armpit.
Lying down: Lie down on a bed. Raise one arm and put it under your neck. With the other hand (use the middle three fingers), feel the breast on the side of the raised arm.
Move and press your fingers, gently, in little circles, starting at the outer side of your breast. After you make a complete circle around the breast, move your fingers closer to the nipple, and feel all around your breast again. Repeat this until you have covered your whole breast, down to the nipple. A ridge of firm tissue at the lower side of each breast is normal.
Gently squeeze the nipple; any discharge should be reported to your physician. Now put the other arm under your neck, and repeat everything with the other breast.
Be sure to check all the parts of the breasts: sides, bottom (lift your breasts if necessary), top (up to your armpit).
Physicians recommend women to have a mammogram each year, starting at the age of 40 (or earlier if they have other risk factors such as a family history of breast cancer).
A mammogram is a picture (taken with low-dose X-ray) of the inside of the breasts. Schedule a mammogram a few days after the end of a menstruation.
The first mammogram ever taken for a woman is known as a screening mammogram, and is used as a reference for future mammograms, to see changes.
To take the mammogram, you will be asked to undress from the waist up and put a gown on. The mammogram technician will place one of your breasts on a platform of the X-ray machine (which looks like a shelf positioned at chest height). The breast will be compressed between the platform and a clear plastic cover. This spreads the breast tissue so that the X-rays can penetrate and create an image of the entire thickness of the breast. The compression is uncomfortable but is necessary to obtain the most accurate mammogram. After both breasts have been X-rayed, the technician will check the clarity of the X-rays, and do "retakes" if you moved when the X-ray was taken.
Some women need follow-up mammograms to further investigate an abnormality that was found on the initial mammogram, but this doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem. These mammograms (known as diagnostic mammograms) focus on the area in which the abnormality was found.
The body > Bottom
A woman's bottom is wider than a man's bottom because the woman's body is designed for child birth. Because of this, the space between the two bones than make the bottom (= the pelvic bones) has to be larger, so that the child has room to pass from the uterus into the vagina and finally out through the vulva, through the pelvic bones. The pelvic bones also offer better support for the baby during pregnancy.
Because the pelvic bones of a woman push "farther" through the fat, her bottom is more prominent (than a man's bottom), and on their lower-outer sides form two small flaps / wings visible during walk.
The body > Erotic and erogenous areas
Erotic areas are those areas of the body that a person of the opposite sex especially likes to watch and touch.
Erogenous areas are those areas of the body that create intense pleasure when are touched.
Touching is the most important sense during sex because in order to reproduce, the bodies of the man and woman must physically touch. This is also why a sexual act is pleasurable in both light and darkness - because the visual stimuli are less important then touch.
Common (for men and women) erotic and erogenous areas are: genital organs, chest, areolas and nipples, buttocks, anus, neck, lips.
The body > Erotic and erogenous areas > At men
The sensitive areas of the penis are: the frenum, the corona, and the underside. The glans of the penis and the frenum are the most sensitive spots on a man's body.
The body > Erotic and erogenous areas > At women
The glans of the clitoris and the frenum are the most sensitive spots on a woman's body.
Men are particularly attracted by a naked woman's body viewed from behind. The woman has to be bent forward from the middle, with her legs close together. This posture exposes and generates many sexual signals:
The body > Sexual response
The sexual response is the way the human body reacts to sexual stimuli.
The growth of sexual tension is called arousal.
As sexual tension grows up, the erectile tissue throughout the body becomes engorged. This is accompanied by warmth throughout the body.
The first physical sign of men's arousal is the erection of the penis.
The first physical sign of women's arousal is the lubrication of the vagina. Clitoris erection comes after that, and then the vagina becomes longer.
Women's sexual response is usually different from men's sexual response in the following ways:
The body > Sexual response > Excitement phase
The body > Sexual response > Plateau phase
This phase is the intensification of all the changes which begun during the excitement phase. This is basically the sexual act itself, what couples try to prolong.
The body > Sexual response > Orgasmic phase
The body > Sexual response > Resolution phase
The body > Sexual response > Refractory phase
Women are often capable of enjoying orgasm repeatedly with minimal stimulation.
Men have to wait a few minutes (up to to several days) to have another orgasm, especially as they age, even though partial or full erection may occur. The duration of the refractory phase fluctuates greatly among men. The glans of the penis is particularly sensitive during this time, and rubbing it feels painful for the man.
Nobody is born with knowledge about personal hygiene. Everything is learned, usually during the teen years, but you can learn at any age and there is no shame in admitting (to yourself) that you don't do things that you could and should do. A clean body, especially the genital area, is the key to the best possible intimacy and to a fulfilling sexual life. Don't be ashamed if you just start with some of these things, but do start and apply it on your body.
As you'll see, details are very important because they make you be more familiar with what you should do.
You should wash your genital organs daily, and the anus after you have a bowel movement.
Wash your hands after you go to the toilet!
Even if you follow a strict hygiene, like described further, you should wash your genital organs before oral sex. Perspiration is not interesting to lick!
Note: Flushing the toilet when the toilet seat is down will splash dirty water from the toilet on the toilet seat. If the seat is up, only its bottom side is exposed to the splashing water.
See related topics:
Hygiene > Oral hygiene
A mouth must be clean and smell good. It is unpleasant to kiss someone with a bad breath!
You should brush your mouth at least 2 times a day (after having breakfast and dinner), but the most important is the time after dinner, before you go to sleep, because it has to last until morning.
Use dental floss to remove food which remains trapped between teeth; use about 50 centimeters (20 inches) each time. You can't do this by simply brushing your teeth. If you don't do this, food particles accumulate in time and rot, and you would feel the bad smell in your mouth (and you would mistakenly think that this comes from your intestines).
Wash your whole mouth, not just your teeth. Brush everywhere you can sneak the brush in: the teeth, on all sides of your mouth, the gums, the tongue (on both sides).
For the upper teeth, move the brush slowly from the gumline downward, and for the lower teeth, move the brush from the gumline upward.
An electrical toothbrush will clean your teeth much better than a manual one. Be careful because the gums are very sensitive to the long-term pressure and twist created by the toothbrush's head. Ignore the pressure sensor of the toothbrush; following it will destroy your gums and enamel! Don't press the electrical toothbrush on the teeth or gums, just hold it on the surface of the teeth and gums!
Rinse the toothpaste very well! Don't swallow any toothpaste!
After you wash with toothpaste, there are various other substances (like teeth cleaning powder and dental plaque remover) you can wash with, just ask your dentist if you should.
The entire process may take 10 minutes.
Another trick for oral hygiene is to use (sunflower) oil in the morning, just after you get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Simply take a sip of oil in your mouth and move it all around with your tongue for several minutes. The layer of bacteria which has formed during the night will stick to the oil; then simply spit the oil. You'll notice that your saliva then becomes much more fluid.
Hygiene > Anal hygiene
After a bowel movement, for best hygiene, you should wash your anus.
First, wipe the anus (/ outside area) with toilet paper. Then, prewash the inside area by either using lubricated toilet paper, and by inserting a finger (with paper on it) a bit inside the anus. If you do this several times (every time using clean paper), the washing will be simpler.
Wash your anus thoroughly with water, soap and fingers. Wash your genital organs before you wash your anus; make sure that you don't touch the perineum (because if this is dirty you would spread that on your genital organs).
Both the outer and inner parts of the anus must be washed.
To wash your anus, get into the shower / bathtub, naked. Crouch down, with legs apart.
Shower between your legs then rub soap on a hand. Put the soapy hand (palm up) between your legs, from the front, and slide it between your buttocks (from the back forward) toward the anus, and when the tip of your middle finger reaches the anus just slide it inside. This way, the finger is easier to insert through the anus than it would be if you would insert it perpendicularly. If the nail of the finger is not short, it can scratch the anal tissue and can also trap bacteria.
Insert your middle finger in the anus, just the tip of the finger, so that you clean inside too, and then pull your finger out. Wash that finger carefully, all over, around, by rubbing it against the thumb. Repeat all this.
Shower the perineum and wash it with soap, but don't stick your finger through the anus.
Be sure to have that middle finger (and all your palm) clean.
How do you know you're clean enough? Well, would you... lick it? You are clean enough when the answer is yes! (No, you don't have to actually do it!)
One other thing: water must not remain in your rectum because it would eventually come out (on your underwear) and it could contain diluted feces. This should never be a problem since you can't push water inside just by showering.
See common topic: Hygiene
Hygiene > Anal hygiene > Lubricated toilet paper
Lubricated toilet paper is normal toilet paper with a bit of (water-based) lubricant on its center.
The lubricant helps to prewash the anus, reduce the occurrence of hemorrhoids, and helps healing cuts near the anus.
Before you use lubricated toilet paper, wipe your anus with normal toilet paper in order to clean most of the feces.
To lubricate the toilet paper, spread a small amount of the lubricant on a piece of toilet paper. Spread the lubricant on the middle of the paper, not all over the paper. Don't use toilet paper with more than 2 layers because that's too soft and breaks when used, due to the lubricant's effect.
If you insert the paper inside the anus (as if you were washing it), you can both prepare your anus for washing, but also lubricate it (which helps reduce the occurrence of hemorrhoids, and helps healing cuts near the anus).
Use a water-based lubricant; the main ingredient has to be water / aqua (this is normally the first listed ingredient). A soft hand cream is a good lubricant. The Nivea Soft hand cream is an example.
Can you use intimate wet wipes instead of lubricated toilet paper? It's not a good idea because most wet wipes must not break apart (a very long time) from the effect of the added fluids, which means they don't dissolve in water like paper does, which means they stick together. Even though you can buy "flushable" wet wipes, virtually none really is. Lubricated toilet paper only needs to be strong for a few seconds until you wipe.
Hygiene > Shaving genitals
You should cut your pubic hair short, or shave it (once a week would be fine), or epilate it. While this way the hygiene can be better and easier to maintain, the most important practical reason for doing it is that the hair no longer keeps perspiration concentrated in a single spot, so there will be significantly less bad smell (especially during hot days).
Be careful what you cut! Cuts near the anus take a long time to heal.
For more information on this subject go to: Lubricated toilet paper.
Don't shave in a rush! Do it in the bathtub. Use hot water for a few minutes to soften and relax the pubic hair and skin. Massage the area to be shaved, to soften the hair. Use hot water for the whole process.
Use a scissor to trim the hair as short as possible. Rub soap (preferably liquid soap, because it's more oily) on your genital area.
Shave in the direction of hair's growth, or laterally, else the skin will be more irritated; on areas where the hair is thin, you can shave against the direction of growth. Don't press hard! Do it slowly! Rinse hair that gets stuck in the razor. Rinse your genitals with water and look for any hairs that may have been missed.
Dry your skin with a towel. Rub some skin-caring cream on the shaved area, and really... there is no need to limit yourself to that area . If the shaved hair which grows in the next days itches you, use the skin-caring cream again.
Shaving around the anus could harden the hair in that area and this could cause, through friction, small cuts. If this happens, either stop shaving there or apply (any) moisturizing cream around the anus whenever you feel that such cuts are about to appear. The best time to apply the cream is when you go to sleep.
As time passes, with some practice, you'll develop speed in your technique. Soon this habit will become natural and will require little effort to perform.
While you're at it, shave your armpits too. Again, the most important practical reason for doing it is that the hair no longer keeps perspiration concentrated in a single spot, so there will be significantly less bad smell (especially during hot days).
There are IPL (= Intense Pulsed Light) and laser epilators for home use, epilators which are far more comfortable and with a longer effect than anything else.
Some people may try to determine you keep your pubic hair, saying that without it "you would look like a child". Remember that women shave / epilate their legs and facial hair, and men shave their beard and mustache, effectively looking like children although not for the purpose of looking like children. So why would it be different when shaving the pubic hair? In fact, the same people who tell you to keep your pubic hair also shave their legs and facial hair, beard and mustache, and would say that the people who don't do it are a mess or even savages.
An orgasm is a physical and emotional sexual release. It is the peak of sexual arousal, when all the muscles that were tightened during sexual arousal contract spasmodically and then relax, causing a very pleasurable feeling that may involve the whole body. During orgasm, the heart beat rate increases, the blood pressure increases, the breathing quickens, muscles throughout the body spasm (but mostly those in the genital area).
During orgasm, the body responds with a series of involuntary muscle contractions (most of which are in the pelvic area, abdomen and thighs). There are 3 or 4 strong contractions (every 0.8 seconds), and then other 5 weaker contractions; during an orgasm there can be up to 15 contractions. The more contractions, the better the orgasm feels.
Orgasm intensity may depend on the body's position. For example, standing up tightens the PC muscle which produces stronger contractions, while laying down relaxes it which produces weaker contractions.
During orgasm, ejaculation normally occurs in men.
At the end of an orgasm, your body may shake.
The orgasm relieves the body from physical stress. An orgasm may be followed by a few minutes of disappointment or sadness. The sadness is determined by the fact that all chemicals that made you want to have an orgasm, have gone away, and also because your mind sees that there is no logical reason for all the "weird things" that just happened. But this is passion: when you do things you wouldn't normally do! So don't worry, just focus on the pleasure you have or just had. Relax! Remember! Don't think!
Many people feel tired after sex. This is normal and is not much different than the feeling you get after running for 15 minutes.
Most people feel the need to close their eyes when having an orgasm. This is because they have to concentrate to feel the most of the orgasm. There is no need for you to keep your eyes closed all the time; on the contrary, it is better if you look at your partner between your eyelids to show him / her how much you're enjoying all he / she does to you.
Physiologically speaking, an orgasm is the same whether it is obtained alone or in the presence of a partner, through self-masturbation or mutual-masturbation or any other kind of sex in two. But psychologically speaking, in general, an orgasm feels much better when obtained in the presence of a partner, usually during direct contact.
An orgasm does not always feel the same. The human body is not a machine, so sometimes an orgasm may feel great, other times it may feel very week, but usually is just a normal orgasm.
An orgasm feels different for each person, and one person can have any number of different kinds of orgasms. Some feel quick and ticklish, and others long and subtle. An orgasm may sometimes make you feel dizzy or exhilarated, and other times it can be like a quick jolt. You'll get to know what your own orgasms feel like and how to best bring yourself to them, with time and by experimenting. Meanwhile, getting close to it should be just as much fun and just as enjoyable as the orgasm itself.
After an orgasm, most people need to take a break (stop or reduce sex play) before the next orgasm. But some people, especially women, can have several orgasms in a row - a multiple orgasm. The period during which a person is unable to have an orgasm is called refractory phase.
Some people are unable to obtain sexual satisfaction through the sexual act. Satisfaction is not the same thing as orgasm: you can have an orgasm but not feel satisfied. These people can have an orgasm or reach sexual satisfaction only by watching other people having sex, or touch other people's clothes (or any non-sexual object). The first kind of people is called voyeur, the second fetishist.
All people are more or less voyeurs and fetishists, but these terms apply only to people who get most of their sexual satisfaction this way.
If you never had an orgasm then you should learn to have. The simplest way to do it is to masturbate.
Sometimes, a headache occurs during or after sex. It develops when the blood vessels of the brain dilate, and the muscles of the neck contract, as a result of excitement building near orgasm.
Orgasm > No orgasm
This may happen at any time. You just can't get an orgasm. Stress is the most probable cause.
Dim the lights or turn them off completely. Do it slowly and gently. Do it in bed. Arrange a time when you can devote a long time to having sex. Don't ask your partner for anything: just do it! It gets easier for him / her each time. If everything else fails, try masturbating together, either individually or reciprocally.
For women who feel that their vulvas are dirty or distasteful, the above methods may be helpful, but the underlying issue (= the fear) must also be resolved. Some women don't love (or they even hate) their vulvas, and they just can't believe a man would love a vulva. It's important to be clean, but clean means a daily shower of the vulva (see hygiene), it doesn't mean attempting to remove every trace of smell or taste of the vulva. When the woman learns to love her very own vulva, she will be truly comfortable with her partner loving it too.
Remember, you can't have an orgasm unless your body has reached a certain sexual (psychological and physiological) maturity.
Orgasm > Losing the orgasm
Sometimes, for various reasons, you can feel an orgasm coming, you have it, but you lose it just at the end and there is virtually no satisfaction left. Then you feel the need to have another orgasm but you can't have one because of the refractory phase that you're in now.
The main cause of this is stress, general physical or psychological stress, or sudden stress (like when somebody walks in on you while you're masturbating or having sex).
Other causes may be: extreme fatigue of the genital organs (like when you are masturbating or having sex too much), or if you have something inside your anus (this happens because the anus contracts while you're having an orgasm).
Orgasm > At men
Men get aroused fast, but also lose their arousal fast after an orgasm.
As the point of orgasm approaches, the scrotum becomes firm and the testicles are drawn up, near the body. Breathing becomes heavy. Finally, the psychological and physical tensions are released in spasmodic muscular contractions.
During arousal the testicles pull up, closer to the body. During orgasm the testicles can even get under the pubic tissue. If it gets uncomfortable just hold them from pulling up. After the orgasm is over, the testicles descend.
Orgasm > At women
Many women can have orgasm in several ways: through clitoral stimulation, through vaginal stimulation, and through G-spot stimulation. Women describe the orgasms achieved in these ways as feeling different, but abut as pleasurable. Many women describe the clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the vaginal and G-spot orgasms as "deeper".
During genital sex, most women achieve orgasm:
The indirect stimulation doesn't always work because the clitoris simply doesn't get rubbed on anything, so many women don't have orgasm during genital sex. Therefore, it's more important for a couple to concentrate on supplementing the clitoral stimulation in other ways:
Some women are very content to have one orgasm. Other would really like to have another right again, but need a few minutes to "get back online" (just like a man needs). Just like men, many women are so sensitive right after an orgasm that they push their men away. This doesn't necessarily mean they've had enough, only that the man needs to stop for a few (tens of) minutes.
Some women can have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues after the first one, especially with G-spot stimulation.
If you have a lover who can experience repeated orgasms from G-spot stimulation, but you can't go on forever, the best thing to do is to give her a clitoral orgasm. This works because clitoral orgasms make a woman very sensitive in the genital area (just like a man after an orgasm).
A woman should learn first to have a clitoral orgasm, not a G-spot orgasm. This is because the clitoral orgasm is usually the one which occurs while the woman has normal sex with a man (because the clitoris is easier to stimulate), so if the woman learns to have a G-spot orgasm instead, she may not be able to be fully satisfied while she is having sex with her partner.
After the woman gets used with the clitoral orgasm, she can learn the G-spot orgasm.
The G-spot is controversial in scientific circles. Some researches believe that it doesn't exist, some believe that it's the internal part of the clitoris, and some believe that it's the urethral sponge.
It is important that you don't get stressed if you can't find it on your body!
The "G" comes from the name of a physician, Ernest Grafenberg, who studied the area in modern times.
The G-spot is the best way to give a woman a "deep" and long orgasm, and is different than any other kind of orgasm women have. This spot is actually a small mound of tissue inside the vagina, which responds to pressure. It is 1...2 centimeters (half of inch) in diameter, and is about 2 centimeters (about 1 inch) inside the vagina (but it should be searched up to about 5 centimeters inside), on its upper wall (toward the abdomen). The G-spot is actually the urethral sponge. Orgasms obtained through its stimulation seem to be responsible for most cases of ejaculation at women.
The best way to find it is to have your woman lying on her back with her legs spread. Sit between her legs. First, arouse her, for example, by stimulating her clitoris or by giving her a vaginal massage.
After she is aroused, slide the middle finger from one hand, with the palm up, inside her vagina. Curve your finger toward yourself (toward her abdomen), gently, as if you tell someone to come to you. The vaginal area you press with the tip of your finger should be her G-Spot. You may feel a (slight) swelling where the G-spot is, which may increase as you stimulate that area.
Though it would be easier to use two or more fingers, this may not be comfortable for her, depending on how tight her vagina is at that moment. When you have your finger in the right area (= the swelling), gently press it in a circular or linear motion. The movement should be fairly rhythmic. If it seems that you can't find the right area, try licking her clitoris at the same time to make her not feel stressed that you can't find her G-spot. However, though the licking should seem to her to be your primary activity (and so release her from fear of disappointing you for not finding her G-spot), it should not be so for you!
When you find the right area, she should respond by getting more excited. Most of the vagina isn't really sensitive and most of the pleasure is more psychological than from the physiological stimulation, it is educated, it is just the woman's feedback showing the man how excited she is.
See G-spot masturbation.
You may also want to see: Female ejaculation.
Orgasm > Why does it exist?
There is some debate on why people, and especially women, have orgasms.
It has been hypothesized that the orgasm may have some evolutionary purpose, that is, it exists in order to increase the chances of reproduction.
But... In order to eat, is it necessary to feel pleasure while eating? In order to sleep, is it necessary to feel pleasure when going to sleep? No, it may be pleasurable, but it's not necessary since the instinct itself is strong enough to determine you to do it.
So, in order to reproduce, is it necessary to feel pleasure during sex? No. People do not think "Hey I am going to feel an orgasm and therefore I will reproduce." They reproduce because the reproductive instinct tells them to do it.
Pleasure is, for the entire human behavior, a reward, not a necessity. It is the topping of a cake, not the cake itself. It increases the chances of a behavior (/ instinct) to occur, but it's not necessary.
What we know for sure is that people have orgasms because it's pleasurable.
Orgasm > Why does it exist? > Do women moan when having sex / orgasm with a man to signal other man to come have sex? Is this an evolutionary advantage?
Saying that women moan to signal other man to come have sex is like saying that speaking is meant to attract the strangers around. Speaking has a purpose and that is to communicate information among a few select parties. The same is true for moaning. Involving strangers in this private communication is pure fantasy.
Research shows that women moan for various reasons, not necessarily related to their own pleasure, like encouraging their partner to reach orgasm.
Obtaining pleasure is behavior, and behavior changes behavior, and all the changes may lead to a desired outcome. In this case, the women who moan during sex are showing that they are getting pleasure and that the men should continue with whatever they are doing. No strangers required, but simply encouraging their partners to continue. Whether this is an evolutionary advantage remains to be seen in the far future, if the human species survives.
Orgasm > Simultaneous orgasms
The probability of a man and a woman to have simultaneous orgasms during sex is extremely low. Don't worry about this; enjoy yourself!
Having an orgasm simultaneously with your partner's, though an interesting thing, it's not desirable because you can't enjoy well either your orgasm or your partner's orgasm, and deprives both of you of the pleasure of seeing your partner having the orgasm. Orgasm is a great thing to have but also to see.
Orgasm > Delaying orgasm
During sex, the woman should have an orgasm before the man has. This is because a woman usually needs a longer time than the man to reach orgasm. Since after a man has an orgasm his penis loses its erection and becomes flaccid, and his glans becomes so sensitive that rubbing it (against the vagina) produces pain, the man can't continue to thrust with his penis inside the vagina until the woman reaches orgasm, so the woman can't reach orgasm this way, which means that she is likely to remain unsatisfied. Therefore, the man should ensure that the woman reaches orgasm before he does, by delaying his orgasm. Women come first.
Delaying the orgasm is popularly known as edging.
Delaying the orgasm can be used by both men and women to extend their own pleasure up to orgasm.
The orgasm is not the purpose of sex. All things that lead to it are! The orgasm is just the climax. Enjoy the sensations throughout your body, until orgasm! Don't rush to orgasm!
Learn (through masturbation) exactly how your body responds and feels just before you have an orgasm. When you get too excited slow down or stop the stimulation so you don't have an orgasm yet. After a while, continue as usually. Repeat this a few times. Doing so for a long time will make you need more time to get to the orgasm, and so you'll get more pleasure out of it. Also, this way a man can make his woman have orgasm before he has, so that she can be fully satisfied.
The biggest problem you'll encounter is to resist the temptation of letting go, of just having the orgasm. Resist this desire, and in time you'll be able to have pleasure for a longer time, and give pleasure to your partner for a longer time.
To last a long time, thrust slowly and stop when you feel that you are about to finish, then start to thrust again.
If you thrust slowly, you will prolong the time you need to reach orgasm. If you thrust quickly, you will finish quickly because the glans of the penis is overstimulated. If you can have sexual stimulation for one hour until you have an orgasm, you can say that you master delaying orgasm.
If you can masturbate for an entire hour until you have an orgasm, doesn't mean that you can have sex with your partner for just as long. When you have sex with a partner, you can no longer stop when you want, because your partner may want you to continue when you want to stop. So, first learn to delay the orgasm when you masturbate, then learn it again when you have sex with your partner.
If you have to stop thrusting but your partner wants you to continue, you should stimulate your partner differently, like with your fingers (or even mouth).
Men who expect genital sex to feel similar to what masturbation feels like, may be surprised. Direct stimulation of the frenum and glans (this is what happens during genital sex) is enough to cause an orgasm and ejaculation very quickly. In such cases, some experimentation with sexual positions may be needed.
Ejaculation is the expulsion of fluid from the urethra, usually at the time of orgasm. Generally, the more frequent ejaculation occurs, the less force the ejaculation will have and the less ejaculated fluid will be. Men ejaculate semen, but for women there is no word to define the ejaculated fluid.
In most men, the jet of ejaculated fluid is (very) short, just a few (tens of) centimeters.
After orgasm, whether you ejaculate or not, you should pee. There is no rush, but you should do it before half an hour passes.
Usually, a person wants to ejaculate onto / into his / her partner's face, mouth, chest, breasts, abdomen, genital organs, vagina, bottom, between buttocks, anus and rectum, thighs. All these areas are sexual symbols, that is, they are sexually appealing.
You should also consider that people who ejaculate don't want to stop until they have an orgasm. If you are the receiver of the ejaculated fluid then think when you're having genital sex: do you want your partner to stop (having sex with you) just when you're about to have an orgasm? No! The same way your partner wants to have an orgasm, and the orgasm normally includes ejaculation.
You can also look at ejaculation from a romantic point of view. If you have ever desired to hold your partner so close that the two of you would become one, and you wanted to feel every single cell of your partner's body, then think ejaculation (especially the one inside your body) is a way to satisfy that desire of intimacy: a part of the person that ejaculates gets as close as possible to you, and that is inside you.
Men usually want to ejaculate onto their partners' face or into their mouth in order to dominate them or to "mark the (reproductive) territory"; this is a subconscious desire. But the most important reason is reproduction. It's a subconscious impulse, an instinct. Though the normal impulse is for the man to ejaculate inside the woman's vagina, the man is conscious that he can't usually do it because the couple doesn't want to have a baby. And because there is also an impulse that tells the man to ejaculate, the man will want to ejaculate. Anywhere he can!
See related topics:
Ejaculation > At men
About a teaspoonful is the average quantity of ejaculated fluid (semen), in one day.
The involuntary discharge of semen, without orgasm, is called spermatorrhea.
Ejaculation > At women
Female ejaculation is controversial in scientific circles, but there are several studies which show that the fluid ejaculated by some women during orgasm is not urine. It is thought that the fluid is produced by the paraurethral glands and stored by the urethral sponge.
Don't get stressed if you don't ejaculate!
Ejaculation occurs in a woman especially when she is having a G-spot orgasm, but can also occur with a clitoral orgasm. The ejaculated fluid may be in such volume that it looks like she lost control of her bladder. This fear also occurs in a woman because the bladder and the urethra are above the G-spot, and the woman may feel that she needs to pee (even though she doesn't) when the G-spot is stimulated. The peeing sensation especially occurs for first-timers. Actually, in both men and women, enough sexual arousal prevents peeing, though for men this works better because of the prostate (which shuts the bladder).
It is not known if all women can ejaculate, but it is possible that many women don't even know they do or can, because the amount of fluid may be too small to be noticed, or it may be confused with other vaginal secretions or the man's semen. Many women can ejaculate, but they don't do it because they're afraid of people saying they have "wet the bed", or simply because they have never heard of such a thing and they think it's something weird that has to stop.
It is also possible that many women who do ejaculate, do so in retrograde direction, that is, into the bladder, not outside the body. The retrograde ejaculation also occurs in some men.
Relaxation (especially of the genital area) and emotional safety are crucial in order to become aroused and stimulated enough so that at orgasm a woman can ejaculate. However, for this to happen naturally, women and men have to abandon their taboos and see this event as a symbol of a woman fully enjoying bodily pleasures.
Women have to learn to simply "let go" when an orgasm comes, and not be afraid of the fluids that come out of their body. Put some towels under you to feel safe that you're not ejaculating on the bed.
You may also want to see: G-spot.
For more information on this subject go here.
An erotic dream is a dream with erotic content, which usually ends with orgasm or just ejaculation. An erotic dream that ends with ejaculation (or for women, if the genital area gets lubricated) is called a wet dream.
Wet dreams occur with greatest frequency in adolescents; almost everybody has them. They gradually fade away as adolescents grow older, and if masturbation or sexual acts are used.
Masturbation is an activity that people do alone or with a partner. Masturbation means rubbing or touching your body in a way that arouses sexual feelings and may produce an orgasm.
Masturbation is better known as the (self) stimulation of the sexual organs by hand or with an object. For men, the penis is usually masturbated, and for women, the clitoris, but women have more choices than men. The speed of the hand's movement varies a lot because variation is a key element in sexual activities, and because the hand gets tired. However, usually, the rubbing is vigorous and fast. Some people use both hands, with turns, so that they can maintain a strong sexual stimulation until orgasm.
Reciprocal / mutual masturbation means that you masturbate your partner, and your partner masturbates you.
Masturbation gives pleasure, it is relaxing, and it releases sexual tension. It is the best way of understanding how your body responds to sexual stimuli, it is the best way for a person to learn and experiment what an orgasm is. Masturbation educates the mind, it refines the sexual instinct, it gives finesse to the sexual desires. During this time you have to learn what your mind and body like to have done on them and like to do on others.
If a woman doesn't have orgasms easily, masturbation can help her learn how to have them more often and what exactly has to be done to have one.
Because masturbation usually involves friction and constant hand motion, there is the possibility of friction-burns, hand cramping and joints pain. The possibility of burns can be greatly reduced if you use lubricant.
Regularly masturbating the genital organs for too long (over 20...30 minutes) leads to loss of sensitivity (in the genital organs).
You might find that moaning or sighing increase the pleasure obtained from masturbation. Sliding your hands on your body, moving your hips rhythmically, squeezing your breasts or testicles can also make you feel better.
Any kind of sexual activity can induce changes in the sexual organs, mostly swellings due to tissue overheating. These are temporary changes. The organs will return to their usual appearance some time after the sexual activity stops. Masturbation will neither delay nor accelerate the growth of your genital organs; it will neither increase nor decrease the size of your genital organs.
You shouldn't worry about becoming obsessed with masturbation. You should worry only when it is interfering with your life, like when you stop eating or sleeping because of it. The real problem here is the very fact that you worry. If you think masturbation is right then you'll have no problem, but if you worry then you may develop some stress related problems, in time.
Masturbation is a complement for the sexual life with a partner. It is not meant to be a substitute for it, except temporarily, but just as well it's not meant to be entirely replaced.
Self-masturbation is uncomplicated, and you may prefer it at certain moments in your life, since you have complete control of the act and you don't have to worry about STDs or pregnancy.
Masturbation while being watched by a partner can be very erotic. Because masturbation is considered a very intimate act, most people are shy about masturbating in front of another person. Exactly because of this, the "watcher" feels special because he / she can see a very intimate act.
While some people may interpret their partner's interest in masturbation as a form of rejection, other may interpret this entirely different. By masturbating in front of somebody, you are sharing one of your most personal activities. So, masturbation can be an expression of love, not rejection.
If the person who masturbates is too shy to do it in front of his / her partner, the easiest way is to do it in a dark room. For example, during the night or during the day with the window blinds down, the room is dark. If you would wait a few minutes, your eyes would get used with the low quantity of light, and you'll be able to see the contours of your partner. In these conditions, anyone should be able to masturbate in front of their partner because they feel protected by the dark, especially because their face is invisible. Another method is to do it in normal light, but with a mask on the face.
One of the most difficult questions is "how many people masturbate?".
Normal frequency of masturbation, just like normal frequency of sex, varies a lot. It is normal to do it once a month, and it is normal to do it 3 times a day. It depends on each person's body and age. However, too much masturbation can cause physical injuries (like burns caused by extensive manipulation of dry skin) and chronic fatigue (at some point, the body, especially the hand used for masturbation, gets tired, and if this is done for too long, you won't get rid of the tiredness too easy).
A word of caution: an orgasm can be achieved in just a few minutes after the masturbation starts, but this would have a negative impact over the quality of all your future sexual acts (since a quick act isn't usually satisfying for the partner). To deal with this, you can learn to delay the orgasm.
Masturbation > At men
A man usually masturbates by wrapping the fingers from one hand around the middle of the erect penis (like holding a stick) and then pulling the prepuce up and down, usually fast, until orgasm.
Another method is to rub the erect penis against something: a mattress, a pillow, or a sex toy.
Though usually it is not pleasurable to press the testicles, during masturbation you can use the hand which you use to masturbate, to press the testicles. The testicles feel elastic and this is pleasurable, but be very gentle.
If you want to learn to delay the orgasm, you may see that sometimes your penis becomes very sensitive right when you're about to have an orgasm. In such cases you should hold your penis with just the tip of two (or three) fingers wrapped around its middle, and continue masturbating as usual.
Masturbation > At women
Most women masturbate by pressing a finger (the index or the middle finger) or two fingers (the index and the middle fingers) over their clitoral hood, and rubbing in a circular or back-and-forth direction, until orgasm. This stimulation is often accompanied by touching sensitive areas like the breasts and the labia, or inserting one or two fingers in the vagina.
Some women can't have orgasms during genital sex unless they masturbate or get their partner to masturbate them; this happens because the clitoris is not automatically stimulated (enough) during genital sex, because it's too small.
One way that works for women, but usually not for men, is water running on their vulva. You may feel better if the jet of water is directly hitting the clitoris, or you may feel better if the water is not hitting it (it only hits your labia). Also, you may like or not the jet of water hitting your vagina.
Another way is to insert a vibrator / dildo into the vagina, and masturbate the clitoris while rhythmically contracting and relaxing the vaginal muscles so that the fullness sensation (created by the vibrator / dildo) is increased.
Women often straddle and rub their vulva against a round-shaped object, like the hand support of a chair.
An interesting way to masturbate is to get a small balloon and fill it with warm water (not with air), and then put in your panties and move it around.
You may also want to try to masturbate by squeezing your thighs together and then relaxing them. The advantage of this method is that it can be done discretely, and frees up the hands for other things, but few women say that they can have an orgasm this way.
Masturbation > At women > G-spot
Before you learn how to masturbate your G-spot you have to learn how to masturbate. You must first learn what an orgasm is and how you can have one yourself.
The best way to learn to masturbate your G-spot is lying on your back. Put a big pillow (or two small ones) under your head. Put a big towel under your bottom and between your legs (if possible spreading it beyond your knees), so that you will not hold from having an orgasm because of fear of wetting the bed. Be prepared to take your time!
Start masturbating as you usually do when you masturbate your clitoris. After you reach orgasm, start again. If you are too sensitive, wait until it feels good to do it again. This time caress your entire vulva, and not just your clitoris. This way you may not be able to reach orgasm, which is why you should have one before you start!
Be aware of all sensations surrounding your clitoris as you masturbate. You can feel your entire vulva swelling not just your clitoris; you can also feel the swelling of the erectile tissue around your urethra, on the upper side of the vaginal vestibule and vagina.
Concentrate on the feeling of the erectile tissue around your urethra. As arousal increases you may feel the urethral sponge through the vaginal wall, as it swells. Slide a finger (the middle finger) or two (the index and middle fingers) inside your vagina, with your palm toward your clitoris, and the finger touching the upper wall of your vagina. Curve the finger upward and gently rub the vagina as if you tell someone to come to you. After some time you'll feel a swelling of the vaginal wall, in a specific spot, at about the length of your finger inside: the G-spot. Concentrate on this spot and continue to massage it. You can also try circular motions, and pressing directly on it.
Increase the speed and pressure of your hand until you are vigorously grinding the urethral sponge and the upper side of the vagina.
At some point you may feel that you're going to pee. Don't worry, you're not! Continue with whatever motions create that sensation; if you still worry, next time pee before you begin this. As you do so, contract your genital muscles, push your bottom and abdomen upward, and don't be static: try to "meet" your orgasm.
If it begins to feel too intense or uncomfortable, stop that, and slowly massage your entire vulva with your palm. After you feel it's alright to continue, do so, don't let it cool down.
Keep masturbating the G-spot to increase the sensations: build your orgasm, feel like you're going toward a point and from that point you're suddenly going to let go... to everything... and your body will ejaculate, will let go of that fluid inside you. Feel every orgasmic contraction, and with every contraction feel the ejaculation.
Don't expect to ejaculate right from the first time you're masturbating your G-spot. Remember how it was when you started masturbating: you needed some time to "do things right".
G-spot pleasuring can be a very deep and intense sexual experience, and if continued can be a source of multiple orgasms, but if it doesn't make you feel good, don't do it.
Love is more important than sex. Basically, love is what makes a sexual relation resist in time. Sure, you may not want to have a long relationship with a single partner, so you'll need no love.
In happy relationships, partners try not to hurt each other. Such relationships help people feel better about themselves, they make people feel safe.
There's a difference between sexual desire and love. Sexual desire is a strong physical excitement. Love is powerful sentimental caring for someone. Love can exist without sexual desire, and sexual desire can exist without love. Many people are happiest when the partners share both love and sexual desire.
Loving somebody means to share everything, reciprocally. It means to be friend, lover and partner in all.
Love is best expressed in the little things: being thoughtful, thinking about what your partner needs, keeping promises, calling when you're going to be late, telling when you realize something that you appreciate about your partner.
When you search for a partner, you analyze his / her body and mind (both intelligence and personality). When you find a desired minimum level for body and mind in a person, your mind sets on that person, and that may be love.
Self-confidence is very important when you fall in love with someone. If you are stressed / afraid about loving, your behavior changes and may become erratic. These changes may be invisible to other people, but the subconscious of the person whom you love can see them, and that person may move away from you. So, do not be afraid, have confidence in yourself! But remember: infatuation and arrogance are not confidence.
People can become good at having sex if they are willing to communicate with their partner about exactly what and how they want to be touched. Because of this, people who consider themselves to be less experienced, with more things to learn, may be better lovers than those who claim to already know everything there is to know about lovemaking, because they are willing to learn and change.
If you are searching for a partner or you're looking for conversation topics (including about sexuality) with a new partner, see this.
What makes love:
What doesn't make love:
Be a good partner:
How can you tell if you're in love:
Attract a new partner:
How can you tell if someone is interested in you:
How can you get closer to the person you like:
Love > Whose needs?
If you want to have a long-term relationship, how should you approach a potential partner, especially how should men approach women? Why are women a special case? Because they are more fearful than men, so they need to be convinced of men's intentions.
Perhaps you, as a man, think that you know what you want from life, from women, you are confident and you believe that (some) women reject you because they don't like you, or don't find you interesting.
But the one thing that would make the best possible partners interested in you is how you will treat them, how you will make them happy, how you will satisfy their needs (of any nature, including sexual), and they can't know that about a stranger.
Do you know what makes your partner happy? Do you know what makes him / her squirm of pleasure? Do you know what makes him / her say "I want more of this"?
So, ask yourself, how will you make a potential partner quickly understand that you want him / her to be happy and that you will do everything possible to do that. How will you tell him / her that? What will your words be? How will you show your passion for him / her, that you are really passionate about (being with) him / her and about his / her life and happiness?
He / she might ask you to clarify your how you intend to do these things, or he / she might be unable to voice such questions and you'll have to clarify them anyway.
So, how will you make your happy? You start by discovering his / her personality in order to understand what he / she wants and needs.
Love > Domination
Any intimate relationship, to a certain degree, is manipulative. While men usually manipulate women on a physical level, women usually manipulate on a psychological level. It's no mystery; it's not a bad thing if you know this instinct is there and if you know how to keep it under control.
Even people who are usually dominated, when they meet someone "weaker" they begin to dominate that someone.
Domination creates a lack of balance. Love is about equality, so study your behavior and see where you start dominating your partner. From this point you can learn to ignore this instinct and keep things equal with your partner.
You can become aware of your attempts to dominate when you tell your partner, for example, "I want to kiss you". Of course, there is no problem here since this is the truth and it also shows that you want to do something to your partner, it shows your interest. But try to think differently. For example, say to your partner "kiss me, please". Though both cases express your desire to do something with your partner, the second case clearly shows that you want your partner to have the freedom to choose, whereas in the first case you show that you want your partner to just do what you want (which is alright if you don't do it too often). Still, it must be clear that the first case is not a problem as long as you understand that it means domination, and you keep it under control.
This different way of thinking doesn't mean that you have to entirely change your behavior and become submissive, but only that you should carefully consider when you want to control your partner, or when you need to control yourself.
Love > Rejection
Everybody gets rejected once in a while. If you never risk being rejected, your intimate life basically ends.
The most important thing is to talk and make sure of the rejection because it has to be clear to you that there is nothing else which can be done; from this point, each of you can go his / her way.
The range of tastes in body type and personality type is enormous, so don't get fixated on someone who rejects you. If someone doesn't like you, someone else probably will.
Love gives people a positive view over life and sensibility. Love gives you many great things which are lost when you are rejected. Once rejected, that love will never be back! This feeling resembles death because the loss is permanent! This is it! It's over! Forever!
You feel like you are falling, you feel that all the emotions you have felt for the person you loved are trying desperately to catch on that person. But they can't catch on because there is no turning back. Panic sets in and you feel like you have no air! It's like in a nightmare in which you dream of falling in an abyss and you make desperate attempts to hold on something, but you can't because there isn't anything to hold on to.
The effects of the rejection shock are: feeling of lost, lack of appetite (particularly for food), troubled sleep, increased aggressiveness.
Don't despair! The energy you invested in that love is not lost. That energy contributed to the development of your personality, and made you more sensible to the opposite gender. You can use it to became better in your next relationship, more sensitive to the needs of your partner.
But for many people, this increased sensibility is too much to handle and it leads to the destruction of their mind. Do everything you can to let anger and revengeful thoughts pass by you! Love is a feeling which is pretty close to obsession, so your rejected love can easily turn in an obsessive hate. The more you think to the revengeful thoughts, the more they will take over your mind. Ignore them! They can only hurt, they can never improve anything in your or anyone else's life.
Rejection is very painful, and you suffer even more because the person who rejected you is happy (perhaps with someone else). But this is the way things have to be: everybody should be happy, particularly the person you love.
Remember that (almost) everybody goes through this and survives. Think that your next love will be just as beautiful and all the wonderful emotions which love showed you will be back!
Spend time with your friends and you'll see that life goes on. You will not want to step over your love and forget about it, but there is no need to do so. You can cherish the person you love forever! You can turn your love into a protective feeling, like a parent's caring for his / her children. It hurts, but you have to let the rejected love behind you and move on.
Most people don't want to let the pain go away because that pain is an effect of their love, so letting the pain go away would mean letting the love go and losing the sensibility which the love brought inside them. This sensibility is the source of the pain. Without sensibility there would be no pain, but also no love and no creation.
Because most people suffer from being rejected but can't hurt the person they love, they then hurt themselves, or more specifically, their feelings, their sensibility. They try to become though by discarding their sensibility.
If you reject someone and that someone becomes aggressive (toward you or anyone else), you have to avoid that person at all costs. People don't change in better in time, they become more and more rigid, they lose their ability to adapt. People change only when external factors act over them as strong physical or psychological shocks. Otherwise, people have no reason to change. Do everybody a favor and terminate a relationship at the earliest sign of violence.
The real character of a person is visible under pressure and when he / she is rejected, not when everything is alright for him / her and he / she is happy and loved by everybody.
Love > Time flies
Love > Time flies > After a few years
After a few years any relationship tends to get dull. The interest in the partner decreases, but also the self interest. It is necessary to constantly monitor a relationship and look for the tiny things that are the signs of the start of its degradation.
Just as when you stay in a closed room for many hours and don't feel that the air is getting bad, also when you take for granted the intimate connection between you and your partner, you end up drifting apart and not knowing why it happened.
People change during their entire life and usually not for the better, so from time to time you have to shake away the dullness and feel fresh again, you have to tighten the intimate connection.
You can see what happens in your relationship only when you look at it from the outside. This is the hardest part: to look from outside. Sometimes, small events can do the job for you, anything that makes you realize you no longer spend enough time with your partner and you no longer yearn for his / her body.
Love > Time flies > Surprise your partner
It's a good thing to surprise your partner, in a good way. A monotonous relationship isn't satisfying and may degrade to a convenience relationship.
It is indeed difficult to maintain a constant state of surprise, but it's not important to surprise your partner that often. Don't turn the need to surprise into a stressful life for you and a growing state of embarrassment for your partner.
Surprises are good here and there and you should both know that too much of it leads to both partners thinking that the other expects more and more. In reality, this kind of thinking escalates to a growing state of embarrassment where each partner acts rather because he / she thinks that his / her partner's expectations become greater over time, or that he / she should surprise more.
One thing that is really not a surprise, but is generally pleasant to a woman, is for her partner to offer her flowers. But what if a man can offer flowers with a twist and greatly increase his... karma with his partner?
A man might surprise his partner once or twice by getting three flowers and offering them to her one by one while saying: "one because you're beautiful", "one because you're a wonderful (/ intelligent) woman", "and one because you love me". Note that in some countries the living are customarily offered an odd number of flowers, while in others they are offered an even number of flowers.
Love > Time flies > Aging
In time, with aging, the libido decreases, so the frequency of sex decreases, and so does your attraction toward your partner.
Beside the fear of aging there is also the fear of losing physical intimacy with your partner because things are becoming... well... dull. Having sex for many years with the same partner has this effect. You can't "escape" this effect or this fear, but you can be conscious of it and let it pass by you instead of resisting it. Resisting fear will only give it more energy. Fear can only be defeated by watching it, studying it, analyzing the way it "moves" and tries to trap you.
With aging, sexuality has to change its content from the sexual act to simply being there for your partner, or to romance. The time for wild sex has passed, and there is no more (sexual) mystery for you to solve. Sexual interest can only be maintained if you do other things together, things that take your mind away from sex for many days, weeks, or even months.
Beside the slowing of the sexual functions with aging, constant repetition is the other big issue which makes you and your partner become bored of each other. The mind is easily bored by repetitive actions, by things which repeat over and over and over and over and over and over... (annoyed already? ). If it doesn't have the time to "forget" these repetitive (sexual) actions, it will become "full" and then start to resist (and reject) them.
Boredom can start when sexual activity begins. For example, having sex 3 times a day for a year makes both partners feel, in the end, like machines. There is no more mystery, there is no more joy in expecting a new sexual act since everything is the same (and you know how it is).
The brain likes novelty, likes to try new things with new people. In a monogamous relationship, novelty can't mean other sexual partners, so what could make novelty in such a case? Think at how teenagers generally engage in sexual behavior. They don't know what to do, what to ask, what to expect, but they are hungry for physical contact. They don't have their own place, so they take any opportunity they have, and end up playing in various improper places. If they do find a private place, they are pressed for time because they fear they might get caught. They behave with restraint because they are not sure how far their partner is willing to go. They are opportunistic, so they steal a kiss, a touch, an embrace. They engage in petting (a lot through clothes) rather than penetration. They tease. They explore their boundaries, touching and rubbing, until their partner says that "not there" or "it's too much / far". In simpler words, their mind doesn't settle in a comfortable place. Their mind thrives in all these improvised, opportunistic, novel situations. Be that, a teenager again!
First things first... wash your mouth. A clean, nice smelling mouth is the foundation for good kissing, both to give and receive.
You may also want to see: Oral hygiene.
Why do people kiss? They receive pleasure from the interaction that takes place during kissing. The mouth (lips and tongue) are some of the most erogenous areas of the body and are very active: you do something with them, you nibble, kiss, lick and suck various parts of the body.
Slow, sensual and mutual touching, tasting, nibbling, licking and sucking combine to make the best kissing.
If your partner holds back, is scared, or feels guilty, he / she is not ready to be kissed. If your gentle attempt to kiss your partner doesn't meet with (shy) acceptance, then your partner is not ready and you should stop. If that happens, tell your partner that you understand and ask if you can try again in a few weeks.
Kissing > Tongue kiss
A tongue kiss is a kiss during which the tongues of the partners interact. This can be compared with sex with tongues: you have sex with your partner's mouth, using your tongue.
Some people like this, some are disgusted.
Kissing > Wet kiss
A wet kiss is a kiss during which the tongues (and saliva) of the partners are involved.
Some people like this, some are disgusted.
Sex with a partner
A good sexual life is one that keeps in balance with everything else in your life: your health, education, career, relationships with other people, and your feelings about yourself. Whatever sexual decisions you make, choose the ones that help you feel good about yourself.
Have sex with all your partner, body and mind! Play with his / her mind just as you play with his / her body! Give him / her the same pleasure, both physically and mentally! While having sex, your goal should be to make your partner purr because of the physical and psychological pleasure you give to him / her.
Having sex could be simply about dominating your partner, or it could be about changing the dominating role between yourselves. What is most important to you: using your sexual partner to fulfill only your own lust, or pleasing your partner first? Do you obtain satisfaction from the fact that your partner is satisfied?
The purpose of having sex is not the orgasm itself, but to enjoy every single moment from start, until you can finally "crown" all that time with a great orgasm. All these moments are necessary for good sex.
Having sex is not for good boys and girls, but for naughty ones. Attempting to find innocence and purity, as they were taught to you by other people, in sex leads to losing the full potential of the sexual pleasure. You have to learn about innocence and purity on your own, not be told by others.
Intercourse means sexual interaction between (two) people. It mainly refers to the actual thrusting of the penis into the vagina (or the vagina onto the penis, if you like to say it like this).
Intromission means the insertion of the penis into the vagina.
Libido means sexual desire.
Petting means kissing, hugging, touching, basically everything that doesn't involve the genital organs. Passionate petting (even just kissing) can lead very quickly to sex. It is important that you and your partner discuss your limits before you start. Make sure each of you understands how far you're willing to go physically.
Outercourse means petting, masturbation, and sex between thighs or breasts, basically anything which doesn't involve penetration (like oral, genital, or anal sex does).
Many people dislike their bodies and therefore have trouble enjoying sex. This is a difficult issue, but consider this: after someone has already decided to have sex with you, is it any good for you to be upset about your appearance? Unless you have some specific reason to believe that your partner is lying when he / she tells you that you're attractive or beautiful, why not take his / her word? Also, consider this: would you rather have sex with someone (imperfect but) wildly enthusiastic to have sex with you, or would you have sex with someone (perfect but) so fixated about body perfection that he / she can't have a good time or enjoy pleasing you?
Sex has to be about what makes the two partners feel good. The good feelings should last past the sex itself.
When you have sex, take your time. It's not important when, during the day, you do it, but rather how much time you can spend with having sex.
Plan ahead about contraception and safe sex.
Sex with a partner > Performing sex
Sex is not just about a penis into a vagina, but also about kissing and licking, caressing and massaging, smelling and touching, viewing, and most important of all, taking the time to understand the sexual needs of your partner: desires, fantasies, but also fears, inhibitions and taboos.
When pleasuring your partner, imagine what he / she would like you to do to him / her. This will make you feel that pleasure, the pleasure of your partner. The goal of this way of thinking is to feel pleasure simply because your partner feels pleasure. Imagine that you are receiving oral sex from your partner, purely mechanically. Now imagine the same thing but with your partner obviously aroused, ecstatic with pleasure, and masturbating while he / she is pleasuring you. You can feel his / her pleasure yourself, don't you?
Take some time to set-up the sex space: intimacy, no outside noise (no phones ringing, no car alarms), warm temperature in the room, and a bottle of water (alcohol is not a good idea), condoms, lubricant, pillows, towels, toilet paper for cleaning stuff. Keep everything in your reach, so you don't have to stop the sex.
Lubricant should be (re)applied whenever necessary.
Before sex, eat lightly and don't drink (too much) alcohol.
Keep in mind that sex can be done in any number of positions. The penis and the vagina can be matched in many different ways, and each new position can bring new pleasures to you and to your partner.
Beginners usually want to have sex all the time. If you have sex too long, at some point you'll get bored. The mind needs variety, and if you don't let it recover, if you constantly bombard it with the same thing, it will get bored. So, in the beginning you can do it all the time if you want, but remember that most people do it less than once a day, and with age it can even decrease to less than once a month. For young people, the desire to have sex 3 times a day, or once a week, is normal (if they actually have the possibility to do it is another matter).
Don't let patterns take over your sexual life. Patterns are the start of boredom; breaking patterns is the start for new discoveries.
Don't lose your shame! Don't lose your sensibility! Try to keep a little shame always present in your mind. Usually, in time the shame disappears so you'll have to make a little effort to keep it there. Shame is necessary because it keeps you sensible to what's going on.
So long as the sexual act gets you and your partner closer, more intimate, more understanding of one another, whatever kind of sex you are making it's fine. Don't let get between you two whatever you think / know someone else would say about what you are doing, don't let others make you feel ashamed of what you are doing.
How long should sex last? Ideally, until both partners are satisfied and have an orgasm. There is no such thing as a time limit! It can last five minutes or five hours. You can do it for a while, then rest, then do it again, then rest again, and so on until you're fully satisfied (or one of you just can't do it anymore). In time, as you and your partner get used with each other, you will most probably get used to having sex for a similar amount of time, but watching the clock is not the way to have sex. You also should not try to force the act last for a specified time, because each time you have sex things are (and should be) somewhat different, and so your bodies need less or more time to enjoy the act.
There easiest place to have sex in is a bed. However, the location can become boring with repetition. Moving into a different room can be as much of a change as night and day. Try all rooms: bedroom, living room, bathroom, the lobby, and even a closet (you may get some nasty ideas in such small places ). Do it on your feet, on a couch or a chair, or put a blanket on the floor and do it there.
The shower has its disadvantages: lubricant doesn't last very long in water, and usually the only possible position is standing, plus the floor is very slippery (especially if you spill lubricant on it). But don't let problems stop you from trying what could become one of your favorite places to have sex in.
Having sex outdoors has its own challenges and rewards. The feeling of being seen by others gives you the shivers, especially in the woods (in open spaces it's sure you're going to be seen, but in the woods... maybe somebody is watching you two between the trees, or maybe not ). If you're going to have sex in any position other than standing, take a blanket with you.
Both partners should urinate before and after sex, as a habit. This reduces the possibility of a urinary infection.
Sex with a partner > Performing sex > Lubricant
Artificial lubricant may be needed during genital sex, and is surely needed during anal sex. It is especially necessary after a certain age, when the woman's vagina produces less natural lubricant.
Warning! Lubricant may have the undesirable effect of hiding the natural signs that your body gives you when you're hurting it. This doesn't mean that you should use no lubricant just to be able to see those signs, but that you should be very careful how much you strain your body.
For example, anal penetration may be extremely painful if done without lubricant because the penis / vibrator / dildo would simply not be able to go through the anus, and would thusly apply an extreme pressure on the anus. However, if it's done with lubricant, although it would allow the penis / vibrator / dildo to go easily through the anus, it would also hide from you (right at that moment) the strain which is applied to your anal muscles, and you would only later feel (severe) pain.
Another example is masturbation. If you masturbate a very long time (an hour or two) without lubricant, you would feel small skin burns. Persistently masturbating for so long will cause loss of sensitivity / numbness in the genital area.
The types of artificial lubricant are: water-based and silicone-based.
Never use oil-based lubricants if you are concerned about STDs or pregnancy, because they destroy the latex of condoms. Oil-based lubricants are also difficult to wash and could thusly become a ground for infections.
The meatus is highly sensitive and is easily irritated. Normal intercourse can irritate a woman's meatus, resulting in painful urination, because of the friction between the penis and the vulvar tissue. To avoid this, use as much lubricant as you need.
Never use food (like butter, cooking oil) as lubricant because they are incompatible with the vaginal and anal flora!
Sex with a partner > For men (women come first)
Sexual pleasure is not about penetration, but about mental and physical pleasure, no matter how it's achieved. To achieve physical pleasure, most women need to have their clitoris stimulated, and while the internal parts of the clitoris can be stimulated by the penis during vaginal penetration, this will work for few women.
During vaginal sex and without direct clitoral stimulation, very few women consistently orgasm. The reason for this is that most women need to have their clitoris, either the external or internal parts, directly stimulated in order to orgasm, and this doesn't usually happen during vaginal sex. The overwhelming majority of men consistently orgasm during vaginal sex because the glans of their penis is directly stimulated by the tightness of the vaginal walls.
After a man has an orgasm, his penis loses its erection and becomes flaccid, and his glans becomes so sensitive that rubbing it (against the vagina) produces pain. After this point, the man can't usually continue to satisfy the woman. Therefore, the man should ensure that the woman reaches orgasm before he does.
This can be achieved in several ways:
If it's too difficult for the woman to have an orgasm during vaginal sex, but she prefers to have an orgasm while the penis is inside her vagina, try the following:
If you thrust slowly, you will prolong the time you need to reach orgasm. If you thrust quickly, you will finish quickly because the glans of the penis is overstimulated.
As a man, if you learn to delay your orgasm, you'll find out how great it feels to have sex for a longer time and how much more satisfaction you'll get when she finishes right in front of your very eyes, maybe more than once. So, you're not doing this only for her, but for you too: you'll feel better doing it a longer time, and you'll also receive better sex from her because she is fully satisfied. If she sees that you're good at it, if she sees that sex is great with you, she may want to do things that she didn't want to do before, thinking that you're so good that she can trust you with all her body and soul and let you dive inside her, in every hole of hers you want.
Remember that in order to give the woman an orgasm you don't need your penis erect, but you need to learn how to use your eyes, hands, fingers, mouth, lips, tongue and even teeth to look, admire, push, pull, lift, twist, touch, pet, smell, lick, suck, swallow, kiss and "breathe" her and all her body, and finally model her in any position you want her to stay, because she is as soft as clay in your hands, sliding, slipping and dripping everywhere... out of your hands... really, for great sex you have to twirl her mind, not just her body. You have to give her good reasons to think that you're a wonderful man.
If your penis, which has worked great for years, suddenly goes on strike, take a deep breath. Do something else for a while with your hands, your lips and your tongue. It's only a temporary thing. Even if it doesn't respond, you can still satisfy your woman with everything else you have.
Sex with a partner > For women
Society teaches men to be active, and women to be passive. This is not a good thing when it comes to sex. Men and women should be both active and passive with turns. This way the couple's equilibrium becomes (much) better, and none of the two partners feels left out of making choices.
Passive women will never be fully satisfied. If you want to have a great sexual life, you have to take charge of things, at least from time to time. It is desirable to be just as equal with your partner in sex as in every other aspect of your life.
It is true that many men think they have a special right to be in charge, but in a durable relationship you to must be equal, and so you both have to be, with turns, active and passive.
Sex with a partner > Erotic stimuli
Erotic stimuli generate pleasure. They include: viewing, hearing, moving (your whole body, or just parts of it), smelling, tasting, touching, talking, whispering, moaning, and so on. They are all important, both to give and to receive them.
Sex with a partner > Erotic stimuli > Moaning
Some people want to have sex quietly while others want to scream. Moaning is a great way to blend with the action. You can moan in order to show to your partner how much you're enjoying what your partner is doing to you.
If you moan and whimper it means you care, you want to show to your partner you like having sex and that your partner should not stop. Also, it is great to hear your partner moaning. Just don't make any noise and listen to your partner moaning, screaming, sighing and whatever... You'll feel like a voyeur, you'll feel that your partner is in your "hands" doing what you want.
If your partner is quiet and you are moaning, it may be difficult for you to not feel shame. Obviously, both of you have to reach an agreement on how much each should moan.
Sex with a partner > Erotic stimuli > Erotic talk
Explicit talking means saying out loud, in great detail, what you do, feel, see and want during sex, how good the sex is for you and with you, and how much you like what is happening. Explicit talking should involve prolonged eye contact, especially by requesting it from the partner, should be whispered and should include a reference to the person talking, either in the first or third person, like "Look at what I'm doing to you" and "Look at what a man / woman is doing to you". From time to time, the person talking should request the other person to repeat what was said, from his / her point of view, like "You're doing XXX to me", "Do XXX to me" or "A man / woman is doing XXX to me".
Offensive talking means saying to your partner words like "whore", "slut", "cunt". Offensive talking should involve prolonged eye contact, especially by requesting it from the partner, should be whispered and should include a reference to the person talking, like "You're my XXX!" From time to time, the person talking should request the other person to repeat what was said, from his / her point of view, like "I'm your XXX." Offensive talking should be mixed with explicit talking.
The words are not that important, but the way you say them is. Usually, you have to talk softly, even only whispering. "Wrap" your words with many moans. Show to your partner that you want him / her.
Don't be afraid to use words like: cock, pussy, cunt, ass, fuck. Of course, you have to give them a pleasant sense, and avoid any vulgar context. These words can create a very vibrant interest in the sexual act, and generate a sudden, strong arousal in both partners.
Also add some words to express your interest and pleasure, like: beautiful, big, deeper, dripping, faster, flooding, flowing, gaze, gorgeous, great, gushing, honey, hot, huge, inside, kiss, lascivious, lick, love, luscious, lust, nectar, pulsating, sex, shallower, shove, sip, slower, spurting, squirting, swallow, sweet, tasteful, throbbing, tight, voluptuous, warm, wet, wonderful.
The words don't necessarily have to logically connect to the sentence. They just have to form... erotic talk.
Below, "body" can be replaced with: mouth, vagina, pussy, ass.
Tell your partner things like:
Or more complex things, like:
You might want to first train with this erotic talk when you're alone. Whisper the words.
Erotic talk is usually meaningless when used in a non-sexual context. So, if your partner is not interested in having sex, or is not aroused, this talk can hurt him / her.
Say your partner's (first) name often! Say it all, without abbreviation! Also say "you", "your" often.
Sex with a partner > Erotic stimuli > Teasing
Teasing is a cat-and-mouse game which people who like one another enjoy playing, game which is a form of mental foreplay.
Teasing is a great way to amplify pleasure by alternating, at random times, the direct stimulation with the lack of stimulation, in order to stop the brain from getting used to the same action and getting bored by that action.
An example of teasing is to bring your partner close to orgasm and then stop, take a short break and then continue with the stimulation, perhaps in a different way.
An example of rough teasing (= teasing combined with a bit of domination) is to bring your partner close to orgasm, stop and dress up. When your partner shows his / her confusion by asking "What are you doing?" you can say "Did you think that I would just give you an orgasm? You don't get to finish unless I say that you can finish." Could work even better if the partner is tied up and can't do anything, in which case you don't need to dress. You could simply watch your partner squirm. If he / she resigns and doesn't do any movement at all, you should continue with some light stimulation, just enough to keep him / her aroused or even get him / her again close to orgasm and stop again.
Sex with a partner > Prelude
If you want to have sex, you must choose the right time for it, the right place and partner to do it with. For the subject of sex to come up, one partner has to desire it. Then he / her has to build up the desire in the other partner.
Women need more time to become aroused than men. Having sex before full arousal rarely feels good for women. For most couples, the best approach is a lot of prelude, followed by cunnilingus until she has an orgasm (or until just before she has one), before sex. This way, during interlude, the woman will finish at about the same time the man does.
The prelude, which most people need in order to have enjoyable sex, includes: kissing, hugging, touching, massage, caressing, petting, sexual talk, fingering, light oral sex.
Before anything, consider showering together. Wash every part of your partner's body, especially that part your gone dive in with your tongue. This part is what you may call pre-prelude.
Sex with a partner > Interlude
After the prelude comes the interlude: the sexual act itself, usually genital sex.
Women should come first. The man should make the woman finish (have an orgasm) first. This is because after the man has an orgasm his penis goes flaccid and so the man can't continue to thrust into the woman's vagina, and that would not make the woman happy. She wants to finish too!
Another method would be for the woman to give oral sex to the man; after the man finishes, he gives oral sex to the woman until his penis is "back online", and finally he can bring her to orgasm the old fashion way: thrusting his penis inside her vagina. But remember: this method is for people who know the man will not go to sleep after he receives a fellatio.
There is one other method: the woman masturbates the man (or the man just does it himself while the woman watches him) until he finishes, then he gives her oral sex and finally thrusts inside her vagina until she finishes too.
The man has to learn to gently explore different areas of the vagina to see where the woman has a strong response. He has to give her a short massage then go away from that area to give it a chance to rest, then return to it and stimulate it again and again. The woman has to tell the man what makes her feel best as they slowly proceed from one area to another. This way, the man can discover how to best pleasure his woman.
When you have her from behind, or in any position that doesn't allow rubbing her clitoris against your body, reach down or around and rub the clitoris. It's a little distracting, but you should make this effort (if she doesn't want to make it herself).
One of the most intense things you can do to increase the sense of connection with your partner, is to have short moments of eye contact.
Many couples enjoy consensually restraining or pinning each other down, possibly blindfolding the restrainee. Being restrained and blindfolded for long periods of time can provoke altered states of consciousness (like extreme fear)! Be prepared to stop at any time!
Sex with a partner > Postlude
After you've made your partner have an orgasm, don't leave him / her alone. Maintain close physical contact. Lie close together, arms and legs intertwined, wet bodies pressed close together, the penis lying in the folds of her vulva. Talk to him / her, touch his / her body, caress her breasts. Keep having sex to him / her until he / she settles down.
The postlude is the best time to share thoughts with each other. Say things like:
While you might think that you're a great lover, if you want to improve then you should try to find out how much your performance was appreciated and what your partner may want you to change in the way you're doing things. But be careful, some people don't like being asked such things and they expect that you don't express your emotional / soft side.
Most people feel the need to rest or even sleep after sex. This happens because the body consumes a lot of energy during sex, and also because after orgasm the sexual tension disappears, so there is no more energy left to be active.
Sex with a partner > Positions
You can have sex in any position you want, although you should be very careful with acrobatic positions because you could injure your (or your partner's) back, or break a limb.
There are many variations to these positions, so be patient, in time you'll learn them all.
You can always use objects (like pillows, blankets, a mattress, or furniture) to lean over, or as support for your bodies.
Sex with a partner > Genital sex
Variety is the key for great sex: long pushes, slow and easy, fast and superficial or slow and deep, or with the penis almost completely out of the vagina, with just the tip still inside.
If you are the active part of the sexual act, when your partner's orgasm starts, maintain or increase the pressure and rhythm of your pushes, just don't slow down. After the orgasm you have to slow down because the genital area is very sensitive.
Sex with a partner > Genital sex > Noises
Don't worry, "slap-slop" noises are normal during genital sex. They occur because of the air being forced out of the vagina, by the penis. The same goes for fart-like noises.
Sex with a partner > Genital sex > For men
When having their vagina filled and thrusted upon, women feel pleasure more from a general state of well being rather than from a localized erogenous sensation (as men do).
The vagina is generally insensitive to touch. The clitoris is the woman's button to orgasm, it is the source of most sexual pleasure of a woman.
During genital sex, the clitoris may not receive enough sexual stimulation. In such cases, the woman or her partner must stimulate her clitoris by hand. Remember that the clitoris is not stimulated by the penis, but is stimulated indirectly by the movement of the vulva, and the rubbing of the man's pubis on the woman's clitoral hood. This is why women come first!
When a woman is stimulated, her vagina becomes moist. If this doesn't happen, then you have to use artificial lubricant.
Put the tip of the penis against the vaginal opening. Slowly push your penis inside the vagina. Don't push hard! Gently put your body weight on your partner, and begin thrusting. It's up to the woman to say how deep to go, and how fast to move.
If you thrust slowly, you will prolong the time you need to reach orgasm. If you thrust quickly, you will finish quickly because the glans of the penis is overstimulated.
A man has to be gentle when thrusting inside a vagina. If you want your woman to stay healthy then don't thrust with force.
Having their cervix touched during deep penetration by a penis may feel to women more like having their nose poked rather than as pleasurable as it is for men (to do this). So, jumping like a monkey inside of her is not going to win you any medals, but an indirect and vigorous rubbing (or licking) of the clitoris has all the chances of achieving that.
If the man has an orgasm before the woman, see Women come first.
It is important to play with as many of her erogenous areas as you can at the same time: constantly massaging her clitoris, while your penis is sliding in her vagina, your chest rubbing her nipples and breasts, your hands caressing her head and shoulders (or breasts), and your tongues in each others mouths, until she finishes.
Sex with a partner > Oral sex
Oral sex is a form of sex where the giver (of sex) uses his / her mouth to stimulate the genital organs of the receiver (of sex). Oral sex offers maximum control for giving sex with minimum physical effort.
Oral sex is regarded by many people with distaste (or even considered disgusting) due to existing taboos and existing or imagined poor hygiene of one or both partners. Another cause is a man's dread caused by the thought that he would stick his tongue in a vagina where another man's penis has been (and perhaps ejaculated), or a woman's dread that she would take in her mouth a penis which has been inside another woman's vagina.
These rejection factors have to be considered very carefully by those who want to have a fulfilling sexual life, and see which of them can be overcome.
Some people feel lonesome when they are giving oral sex, they want to be held and kissed. This is why you should consider having oral sex in position 69. Position 69 can be done woman on top of man, man on top of woman, and side by side. However, it should be women over men or side by side, because if the man is over the woman and he slips, he can either injure the woman's mouth / throat, or he can injure his penis in the woman's teeth.
Some men are able to suck their own penises, but most can't. If you want to try this, be extremely careful because you can injure yourself (= your backbone) easily.
See related topics:
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Ejaculation during oral sex
There is a problem when giving oral sex: what do you do with the fluid which is ejaculated? This can be a problem for both men and women, though it may be more of a problem for women. You can swallow it, spit it, or not take it in your mouth.
The ejaculated fluid is not meant to be swallowed, so there is no rational reason why to swallow, but in the heat of passion you may find out you're willing to do things you wouldn't otherwise do. You may find out that taking the fluid in your mouth and swallowing it can be an intensely intimate act for both of you, and it can be a significant gesture of love. But you may also find out it's disgusting, either before or after you do it.
You should not swallow the ejaculated fluids if you feel bad about doing it.
If you decide to swallow, remember that a second ejaculation (in the same day after the first one) contains much less fluid, so you'll have (almost) no problem swallowing it.
When someone tries to swallow something, the natural instinct dictates he / she holds that something in his / her mouth for a moment before swallowing. This is how you can taste food and fluids. But you will likely not want to taste semen, so swallow it quickly.
The taste of the fluid is actually not a problem. The real problem is the sensation you have in your mouth and in your throat when you swallow it, and the aftertaste (when there is no more semen in your mouth). You may want to drink some water to wash away the sensation that's left behind.
If you want your partner to swallow, be sure he / she wants to swallow, don't presume that, don't force him / her.
See common topic: Ejaculation
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Ejaculation during oral sex > Avoiding ejaculation
Some people will never want to swallow the ejaculated fluid; usually, women are asked to swallow. But what can a woman do if her man wants her to swallow?
Beside the fact that the man has to respect your will, so he should not insist if you don't want to swallow, there is one other thing you can do. You can ask him to either swallow your ejaculated fluid (if you can ejaculate), or to swallow his semen, before you swallow his. Now, most persistent men will refuse that, so you can say that if he doesn't do this to you, you will not do it to him. However, some man will accept that. So, if you use this method and your man accepts it, you have to accept it too. You should have no problems with it since there is equality between you two.
Some men might tell you that if you love them, you would unconditionally swallow their semen and not ask them to swallow the fluid you ejaculate. If your man says this to you then simply tell him that, indeed, he should unconditionally swallow the fluid you ejaculate, and also not ask you to swallow his because you simply don't like to do it.
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus means that a man gives oral sex to a woman.
Cunnilingus is having sex with a vulva using the mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill that requires patience, practice, and dedication to get it right, but most women will appreciate you for doing it to them.
You should not have oral sex if you feel bad about doing it.
Just as you can't give more pleasure to the mouth of a woman with anything other than your mouth, the best way to make a vulva happy is with your mouth. Giving oral sex to a woman is one of the most wonderful things you can do for her. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her have a great orgasm. If you give great oral sex, you'll be appreciated as a fabulous lover. You should also learn how to do this in the event you'll be unable to perform genital sex.
Many men and women think that the tastes and odors associated with the vagina of a woman are offensive. A man should taste and smell the vagina's natural fluids when it's clean and healthy, during oral sex.
Some women prefer to avoid having their vulvas and vaginas licked, perhaps out of fear that the vaginal fluids are unpleasant for the man. In such a case, proper vaginal hygiene should help.
Men have know what they stick their tongue into, so take a very good look at it.
Women must appreciate what they have, understand why a man would think their vulva is beautiful and want to put his face and tongue in it.
Puffing air into a woman's vagina, during oral sex, is fine, but blowing with force a large amount of air into a vagina may cause an air-embolism (= the abnormal presence of air in the circulatory system), which could lead to fatalities.
See common topic: Oral sex
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Cunnilingus > For men
You can give oral sex to a woman in any position. Good oral sex may last a long time if you do it right. This means that you, both, have to be in a comfortable position in order to enjoy it. This usually means a lying position. She has to be able to spread her legs comfortably and hold them in that position. She also needs to be able to put her hands on your head and pull it against her vulva. You need to be able to make eye contact with her, be able to press your mouth and stick (and hold deep inside) all your tongue in her vagina. You also have to be able to easily put your hands on her vulva and your fingers in her vagina.
She can sit comfortably on some pillows, and watch you work on her. You can lie on your abdomen between her legs. Put some pillows under her bottom to tilt her pelvis up.
Another position is for her to be on the edge of a bed and rest her legs on the floor or on two chairs that are spread apart enough for you to rest between them. You should sit on a pillow on the floor, with your head resting on her thighs, and you'll be able to suck and lick her clitoris and vagina for a long time.
She can also straddle your face, which can be a great position, but be prepared to get very wet. This position gives her good control over the act, but doesn't leave you the possibility to tease her.
Position 69 is great because none of you feels left alone. The woman has to be on top of you because if you would on top she might choke with your penis.
Don't forget the side by side position.
Imagine the beauty of her labia, like flower petals opening under your tongue, her soft moans and the dreamy and happy expression on her face as you explore her most intimate places.
Touch both the inner and outer part of her thighs, reach for her abdomen and breasts too. Use your imagination: push her legs apart to get a wider "view", or flex them on her abdomen.
Don't dive right in! First, warm her up with kisses and petting. Move on top of her and put your legs between hers. Don't lie on her. Slowly work your way down her body, caressing, licking, kissing and smelling her ears, eyes, neck, breasts and abdomen. Press your body against her vulva then move up and down.
Go slowly, explore her body and ask what she likes. Body language often tells what feels best, but she will appreciate if you talk to her. If she seems shy or doesn't want to talk, get her to guide your hands and mouth with her own hands, and pay attention. Women worry too much about how their bodies look like. Tell her what a beautiful body she has, how beautiful every part is, get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs. Women talk more than men. They respond more to verbal love, so, the more you talk to her the easier it will be for you two. All the time you're petting her beautiful vulva talk to her about it. There's nothing more exciting to a woman than to know her partner finds her delicious.
If the clitoris is not too sensitive, lick it. Lick around it, stimulating the hood, teasing her inner labia, tasting it. Take your time and listen to your woman. Some women make noises, and some do not. It will take some time for you learn what your lover prefers. Some women like simultaneous finger stimulation, on the clitoral hood, or into the vagina or even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up and play with her breasts, or she may want your fingers to play with her vulva, like holding her labia apart.
Slide your tongue on her thighs and down between her buttocks. Never forget to slide your tongue from her clitoris to her anus! Raise her legs over your shoulders and continue to lick and kiss her thighs. Lick the crease between her thigh and vulva. Lick her, kiss her, and "draw" shapes with your tongue on her thighs and abdomen. Come very close to her vulva then slowly drift away. In other words: tease her really well! Look up at her, make eye contact and smile while you rub your cheek on her vulva, showing her that you like licking her body.
You may want to masturbate her, or better, tell her to show you how she likes it done, how she does it. Make sure your fingers are well lubricated with her juices. There's nothing more uncomfortable (and even painful) than a dry finger on her clitoris.
Slide your face over her vulva. Brush your lips over, without pressing down.
Moisten your fingers in your mouth, slowly so she could see what you're doing, and open her outer labia. Examine them, feel the texture of their inner sides with your tongue. See if her clitoris is starting to show out from under its hood. Play with her inner labia using your lips and tongue. Open her inner labia and examine her vestibule. The entrance to her vulva looks like an open flower with its petals wide opened. Taste its juices: they should be flowing by now.
Keep your tongue relaxed while slowly licking, other times you'll have to harden your tongue. See if you can find her meatus and lick it. Slip your tongue farther in and feel the texture, move it around inside and feel her responding. Thrust your tongue in and out of her vagina, just like you would do with your penis. Now go up to her clitoris and lick all around it. Spend some time slowly licking all over of her vulva, savoring the various tastes, odors and textures. Feel free to wander around, but always go back to her clitoris. Open your mouth wide and close it down over her vulva taking in as much as you can, slowly and softly, without biting her.
Expose her clitoris and softly caress it with your tongue, or give it a quick flip with the tip of your tongue. Do it up and down (taking special care of her frenum), left and right, and circularly. This is a great thing to do if you feel like "torturing" her. Combine this with fingering.
Do all these things until she is pushing her vulva toward you trying to get you inside her, and she is constantly whimpering. When you see her face lit with anticipation, and you feel her push her vulva up, toward you, you know she is yours and you can start exploring with your tongue. Of course, if she is really whining, go for it: if you wait too much she may get frustrated and lose desire.
Sticking your fingers inside her vagina can be wonderful for both of you. How many fingers you use depends on the woman and her vulva. Some women don't want you to stick any finger in their vagina at all, some like only one (at least at first), some like their vagina to be full (so, the more fingers, the better). You can simply move them in and out, or in a circular motion (like washing a glass).
Don't think that if your tongue is all over her vulva, your fingers don't have room. You can either rub her clitoris, or you can slide them in her vagina. If you're sucking her clitoris and fingering her at the same time, you're giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your penis alone.
Licking, flicking and sucking the glans or the frenum, of the clitoris (or penis), might not provide enough stimulation for the receiver to reach orgasm, so rubbing the glans with the fingers (or a toy) may be needed.
Direct stimulation of the glans with an unlubricated body part or object can cause pain (to the owner of the glans), so the prepuce should be rubbed instead. Because the prepuce rolls over the glans, it doesn't require lubrication, and the lack of lubrication may provide increased pleasure because the nerves (of the glans) are stimulated more (since they are in direct contact with the prepuce, without lubrication in between).
By now she has grabbed your head and pressed your face into her vulva; she is practically suffocating you, she is screaming and moaning like crazy; you feel her vulva contracting wildly. Keep this going until she makes you stop. Some women may stop you after a few seconds from the start of their orgasm, while others may be able to have an orgasm after another. Remember to come up for air, but do it quickly. When she starts having an orgasm, don't let go of her clitoris: just hang in there!
Variety is crucial. Start slowly and let your woman guide the speed. As she gets more excited, pay more attention to her clitoris. As she gets closer to orgasm, don't leave her clitoris for more than a moment: moving your mouth away from her clitoris when she is almost having orgasm is a good way to torture her, so, unless you actually want that, don't do it! Still, teasing is great: bring her on the edge of orgasm then stop (this isn't easy unless you really know your woman). Lick around her clitoris. You'll have your woman squirming and moaning like she is dying. Finger her deep inside, enjoy the "torture", and finally, have pity: let the poor woman finish.
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Cunnilingus > For women
Ask for what you want, tell the man to stick his tongue between your legs, in your vagina. Undress, let him look at your vulva for a while, show him your clitoris and let him play with it. Promise him a good fellatio, and if he seems interested then push his head down there (remember that he needs to breathe from time to time ).
When he does something that you like, tell him. Hold his head gently with your hands and guide him, talk to him, moan.
If you want to surprise him, find a time when the two of you are in bed, naked, on your backs and he doesn't have an erection. Quietly straddle his face and slowly rub your vulva over his face, letting your moist labia slide over his lips. Look at his penis. If it gets up, and you feel his tongue in your vulva, then he likes it, so keep doing it.
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Fellatio
Fellatio means that a woman gives oral sex to a man.
Fellatio is having sex with a penis using the mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill that requires patience, practice, and dedication to get it right, but most men will appreciate you for doing it to them.
You should not have oral sex if you feel bad about doing it.
Just as you can't give more pleasure to the mouth of a man with anything other than your mouth, the best way to make a penis happy is with your mouth. Giving oral sex to a man is one of the most wonderful things you can do for him. It makes him feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes him have a great orgasm. Many men prefer it instead of genital sex. If you give great oral sex, you'll be appreciated as a fabulous lover.
You should not be worried about germs: your mouth has much more germs than a clean penis. Unlike a vagina, a washed penis is as clean as a washed finger (finger that you willingly put in your mouth): there is no fluid on it. If you think that urine may get in your mouth then know that he can't urinate when his penis is in erection.
A woman might want to suck a man's penis before he licks her vulva. This is because a man can be brought to orgasm faster than a woman, so he shouldn't have to wait for the woman to finish. After he is satisfied, he can take his time with the woman's vulva. But remember: this method is for people with experience, for those who know the man will not go to sleep after he receives a fellatio.
However, many women can't perform fellatio without strong prior sexual stimulation, so these women have to finish first. Also, a man who can resist temptation until the woman has an orgasm, can offer and have much more pleasure because he knows that the pleasure accumulates, so the more he waits, the more pleasure he feels.
A man is ecstatic when a woman's warm soft mouth and tongue licks his penis, when she looks up at him as her lips slide over penis and scrotum until her face is buried in his pubis.
Though fellatio is usually performed on an erect penis, most women are ecstatic when they take the flaccid penis of a man in their hand or mouth and feel and see it getting erect. But this is difficult to enjoy because men get easily excited and their penises get erect very fast.
See common topic: Oral sex
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Fellatio > For women
Before you start, choose a comfortable position for both of you; it is much easier for a woman to suck a penis than it is for a man to lick a vulva. You can make him enjoy it more by sitting between his legs; you can make eye contact and he can easily pull your head to him with his hands.
Another position is with him standing and you kneeling on a pillow in front of him.
Though you should usually use your hands to help you give your man a good fellatio, sometimes he may want you not to use your hands (just put them on his thighs). This feels great for him because you're like a slave and he is the master. Don't think this is bad: it's just a fantasy that becomes bad only if it takes over his (or your) mind.
Though the shaft of the penis is not too sensitive, a warm, wet mouth that's sucking, slipping and sliding all over feels great, and the deeper the penis goes in, the better.
Put him to lie on the bed. Kneel down between his legs and take his testicles in one hand and his penis in the other. Gently pull the prepuce of his penis toward the root of the shaft, to uncover the glans.
Study his penis, play with it and ask him what feels best.
Slide your tongue over your lips and look into his eyes. Men love to watch their penis disappearing into a woman. Now open your mouth just slightly to tease and excite him, and come very close to his penis. Stick your tongue out and reach for it, tease him well: he has to become "desperate" for your mouth. Make sure your tongue is wet. Begin from his scrotum and lick upward, slowly. Let him see your tongue (turn your head sideways if necessary). Meanwhile, gently massage his testicles.
Slide your tongue over the back of his penis, from the lower end of the scrotum to the tip of the glans. Feel the texture, watch his reactions as you lick various areas.
After you've licked the shaft lots of times and it's all wet and hard, he is going to start whining with frustration if you don't get serious. A quick look at his face will let you know when you're stretching things too long. Teasing is great for a while. If you were to do it his way, quickly, it would be over in a few minutes and what fun would that be? If you want to tease him more then lick his frenum; this will drive him crazy. Anyway, don't suck the glans of his penis yet, but do linger around.
After you get him seriously aroused, a few drops of lubrication fluid will exit the meatus, even if you don't squeeze his penis. Taste it; this fluid should not cause you any problems. Take some of the glans in your mouth and hold it there for a while for him to feel the warmth of your mouth. Watch his reactions. Feel the glans in your mouth, feel its warmth and shivering as his heart beats. Feel his pulse as he tightens his muscles.
Now take the entire glans into your mouth; don't just close your mouth over it, instead slide it inside until you have the entire glans in your mouth. Suck it gently. Sucking it feels great to him, so listen to him moan. Move your head down, taking as much of his penis into your mouth as you can.
The mouth is not meant to have a large object inserted in it, so having a penis in is uncomfortable. To avoid the discomfort during fellatio, take only the glans in the mouth and rub the shaft of the penis with a hand.
At some point you'll have to move your head fast, sliding your wet, warm mouth up and down on his penis. Press your tongue against the back side of the penis. Be careful with your teeth not to scratch his penis! Actually try to never touch his penis with your teeth, unless he tells you to. When he gets close to orgasm he may try to pull your head and mouth farther down over his penis, or try to push the penis as deep as he can into your mouth. He wants his whole penis inside you, inside your mouth. If he pushes too strong then put your hands on his thighs or abdomen and hold him, but be ready for the quick moves he makes in order to finish.
Don't always be gentle; sometimes you may need to suck strongly, like you're trying to get something out of it. It doesn't actually matter if you suck deep or shallow, just do it. He may have a preference however, so watch his reactions.
Change the moves you're making if you don't want his penis to go to sleep.
If your mouth is getting tired then pull back so that only the tip of his penis is in your mouth.
After he finishes, always remember to play with his testicles. Lick his scrotum; make the testicles bounce on your tongue. You may even try to take them in your mouth, one at a time, but be careful: they are very sensitive!
Never forget that sucking a penis should give you pleasure too, don't do it only because he wants you to. Never do it if you feel you're making him a favor: it's definitely not going to be good oral sex!
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Fellatio > For women > Ejaculation during fellatio
For many men it's important that women swallow their semen. They (like to) feel that by doing so the woman completes the act of lovemaking and accepts a part of them into her body. But many women don't like the taste of semen. You have to talk about this, before the act, let him know if you can or can't handle it.
Usually, for a man, if a woman swallows his semen feels very good. Beside that, it is a very intimate thing to do. Spitting the semen gives him a sense of rejection (conscious or subconscious). So, a woman should not spit the semen, but she should either swallow it, let it drool or simply not take it in her mouth.
There is a simple method to avoid swallowing the semen. The woman can let the man ejaculate his semen on her tongue, but instead of swallowing it she can let it drip down and push it off her tongue using the man's penis. Of course, for this method you need a little practice.
Another way to avoid swallowing the semen is to have the man lay on his back. When he ejaculates, during fellatio, most of the semen flows down by itself, out of the woman's mouth.
A man feels sad if you take his penis out of your warm and soft mouth as he reaches the orgasm, just like you would feel if he would stop licking your vulva when you start having an orgasm. Sad or jolly, a good lover will always think at his / her partner's desires first.
People do a lot of things when they are sexually aroused, things that they wouldn't do otherwise. So, when you're not aroused, don't think much about swallowing the semen because you'll most probably dislike the idea.
If you don't want to start with him ejaculating in your mouth then let him do it in your palm. Then lick a little and give him to taste it too; if he doesn't taste it, then you can refuse to do it either. Why would you swallow something that disgusts him? You could also dip your tongue in the semen and then give him a deep tongue kiss.
When you taste the semen for the first time, pull his penis out of your mouth before he finishes, and masturbate him until the end (let him ejaculate on your breasts, for example). Now squeeze the penis to get all the semen out, and finally take the penis in your mouth. Only a tiny amount of semen is now on the glans of the penis, and you can taste it without problems. Do this a number of times to get used to its taste, then try to swallow everything.
You can also condition yourself to shiver with anticipation of him passionately licking your vulva after he finishes, and so keep your mind off things such as the taste of the semen and it running down your chin and dripping on your breasts while his penis is sliding in and out of your mouth.
If you don't want to swallow it, you can just watch it spurt. If you don't want to taste it or can't get use with its taste then tell him this and make him understand that you would feel bad if you would take it into your mouth.
If you don't want to swallow it, during fellatio you can also keep your tongue out and downward, and the glans of his penis on it. Make sure the meatus is free so that the semen could get out; you need to have some practice with this so that you can direct the meatus in a way that the jet of semen wouldn't get in your mouth. Masturbate him until he finishes, and let the semen slip down your tongue and drip on your breasts; you should also move the semen downward using the glans of the penis, otherwise some semen may remain on your tongue. When it's all over, you can close your mouth and taste whatever (little) semen is left on your tongue. If you want to continue licking and sucking his penis, do it gently because the glans of his penis is very sensitive (just like your clitoris after you have an orgasm).
See common topic: Ejaculation
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Fellatio > For men
Never force your woman to suck your penis if she is reluctant to do it: it's definitely not going to be good oral sex!
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Fellatio > Deep-throat
Deep-throat is more acrobatics than pleasure.
Only about 5...7 cm (2...3 in) from the tip of the penis can fit comfortably in a mouth.
A few women can take the entire (normally sized) penis in the mouth and throat, up to the point where the woman's face is touching the man's abdomen. Some women do this by laying on their back at the edge of a bed / table and tilting their head downward so that the throat and mouth form a straight line. At this point the woman can no longer breath because the air has to go through the throat, but this is filled with the penis. At the same time, the throat (together with the tongue and uvula) starts to reject the foreign object through the gag reflex. Uvula is the small flesh hanging from the upper side of the back of the mouth. Swallowing the saliva is another difficulty.
Although most men will be fully satisfied with normal oral sex, you'll probably never meet one who would turn down a deep-throat.
If you want to try it, first practice with a dildo whose base is wider than its body, so that you don't swallow it (a dildo with a scrotum should work fine); for safety, lay on your side.
Open your mouth and slowly slide the dildo inside, as far as you can without choking. Hold it there, breathing normally, until you're comfortable with it in your mouth. You will begin to salivate; it's difficult to swallow the saliva with the dildo in your mouth. Then tilt you head backward and push the dildo inside even further; to make sure you don't drop it down your throat, lay on your side. While it's in there, try to move it in and out, very slowly. A lot of practice is required to be able to do it.
The best positions for deep-throat are:
Establish some signals with your partner. For example, if you place one of your hands on his abdomen, he should pull his penis out of your mouth.
Sex with a partner > Oral sex > Fellatio > Deep-throat > Throat sex
At some point, the man may want to start pushing his penis in and out of your throat. This is not good for you. The throat is extremely sensitive to foreign objects.
Remember how a man acts just before and during his orgasm: he will push deeper and harder. He will want to push his penis all the way down your throat. Don't let him get carried away.
Be very careful if he ejaculates. You could choke with the semen like when you breathe and drink at the same time.
Sex with a partner > Anal sex
You should first read about anal hygiene because it would make it much easier to understand how it's possible for some people to enjoy anal sex.
Some people love anal sex, others hate it, and others haven't tried it but are curious. For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Some people never like it, and if your partner is one of those people, respect his / her limits.
You should not have anal sex if you feel bad about doing it. You can be a good lover even without accepting anal sex.
The pleasure of anal sex is derived from doing something "bad", or from doing something different to spice up sex.
The physical sensations of anal sex are different from any other kind of sex, and for a man, an anus holding tight his penis can be a very pleasurable sensation. But even if the physical sensations are not pleasurable, you might find yourself wanting to receive it (again) because of the pleasurable psychological sensations.
Before you engage in anal sex for the first time, either as a giver or receiver, you should penetrate yourself anally with a vibrator / dildo; the largest width / diameter of the head and shaft of the vibrator / dildo should be at most 4 cm (1.6 in), which most are. This way, as a giver you will know what you'll have to do to the receiver, how slowly to do it, and what the receiver will feel. As a receiver you'll know when to ask the giver to stop pushing so that you body accommodates to the penetration.
Do not penetrate the rectum with a thin object because it could easily puncture the rectum! Fingers with short nails are fine because they feel what's happening.
Properly done anal sex doesn't hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. During properly performed anal sex, you should feel no pain, only some discomfort; for some people this discomfort is in a pleasant way. However, anal sex can be extremely painful if done wrong. The anus and the rectum aren't meant to be penetrated, so extreme care must be taken.
If you use a condom, you don't have to worry about getting the penis dirty. Even if you're sure that both you and your partner have no STDs, you should still use a condom. The rectum may host infectious bacteria that can cause urethritis to the penis. It would also be much easier to clean afterwards.
The anal tissue is very different from the vaginal tissue. It can't lubricate itself, and it's more prone to small tearing, so a lot of lubricant must be used during anal sex.
To start anal penetration, rub the entire penis / condom with lubricant. Also put lubricant on the anus itself, lubricant which the glans of the penis (/ vibrator / dildo) will push inside the rectum.
Anal sex is normally not messy, but most beginners fear that it will be. The rectum is a passage for feces, not a storage place, so there is very little unpleasant stuff on the rectal walls since the rectum cleans itself. However, a fluid lubricant will leak from the rectum and carry with it some of this unpleasant stuff, so use a viscous lubricant.
You want to avoid having to apply viscous lubricant several times because you would likely have to put your fingers in it, fingers which may be contaminated with the unpleasant stuff, so they would also contaminate the lubricant. Because of this, the amount of viscous lubricant that you have to put initially on the anus should be large, about the size of your thumb.
If you can't find any dedicated viscous lubricant, a water-based (viscous) hand cream would work. Hand creams are not designed for internal use and may contain ingredients which may cause irritation to the delicate vaginal and rectal tissue; however, even dedicated lubricants contain some of these ingredients, so it depends on specifics. Some ingredients that you should avoid in a lubricant, be it fluid or viscous, if it's possible: glycerin, paraben, (propylene) glycol, paraffin / mineral oil, oil, petroleum, vaseline, perfume / fragrance. Do not use any other moisturizing products (like generic lotions, soap, shampoo, oil, saliva) as lubricant.
Place some paper towels under the bottom of the receiver, so that the lubricant doesn't drip on the bed. If the lubricant is fluid, it will go through many, many layers of paper, reaching the bed sheets.
Have wet tissues around, to easily wipe the anus at the end and make cleaning much easier.
The receiver must relax his / her anus, and the giver must penetrate very slowly.
Stimulate the receiver by gently caressing his / her anus with the tip of the penis, spreading the lubricant around; push gently on the anus, but don't be quick to penetrate.
The receiver might want to keep the buttocks well spread so that the anus (and surrounding tissue) isn't pulled inside together with the tip of the penis, blocking the entry in the anal canal.
For the easiest penetration, push the penis straight / perpendicular on the anus. This is the instinctive way to penetrate. Due to the angle formed between the anal canal and the rectum, once the glans of the penis goes through the anal canal, so it's fully inside, it should be oriented toward the spine of the receiver in order to avoid the glans getting stuck in the rectal wall, right after the anal canal (and hit the prostate in men), and allow the penis to go deep into the rectum. If the penis were to enter the anus with the tip oriented upward, toward the pubis of the receiver, the penis would directly hit the prostate (in men).
A good position is for the receiver to be on his / her back, with knees flexed to his / her chest, maybe with a small pillow under his / her bottom and with the bottom oriented upward. This position helps relax the receiver's puborectalis muscle, so it helps reduce the angle formed between the anal canal and the rectum. Here is a diagram for details; it's a similar diagram for men and women, but the position of the prostate is shown here because you should avoid hitting it. Radiological data shows that the angle is within 60...120 degrees, with an average of 90 degrees. Experiment with an angle around 45 degrees, where the scrotum is above the anus and the glans is pushing downward (toward the spine).
The key for painless anal sex is getting through the anal canal, in particular, entering through the internal sphincter and passing beyond the blood vesels that can cause hemorrhoids. Once the anal canal is fully stretched, the anal sex is painless (unless the giver pushes too deep, too hard). If the anal canal is not allowed a few minutes to adapt to penetration, and the giver were to rather quickly push the penis through it, the pain could be excruciating for the receiver.
However, even after passing through the anal canal, the penis must be pushed in with care because the rectal walls are normally squeezed together, and, since they are thin, care must be taken to separate them.
Go in very slowly. Beginners should take minutes to get the penis inside the rectum. A thick penis should take even more time. After the giver pushes the penis a bit in the anus, he / she should wait for a while so that the receiver's body gets used with the penetration.
If at any point the receiver complains about pain, stop and withdraw the penis a bit. Wait for a while, then start to push again, slowly. If this happens when the glans of the penis is not yet fully inside the anus, so the penetration is still shallow, the giver should fully withdraw his penis, apply more lubricant on the anus and only then try again.
One unpleasant sensation that the receiver may have during penetration is the feeling that he / she is going to have a bowel movement. In such a case, the giver has to stop for a while, and even withdraw the penis a bit.
Because the anal sphincters are usually tensed, penetrating them could result in spasms later. This may happen especially when the anal sphincters are very tensed. Fear during anal sex may cause the internal sphincter to tense up automatically even if the receiver is trying to relax.
How deep can a penis get inside the rectum? It depends on the physiology of the receiver. When the receiver is on his / her back, with knees flexed to his / her chest, maybe with a small pillow under his / her bottom and with the bottom oriented upward, a penis can get in 10...15 centimeters (4...6 inches); after this the rectum bends sharply into the sigmoid colon.
When inside the rectum, don't pound, thrust gently. Don't thrust too fast, don't go to deep!
Women have to be very careful when pushing a vibrator / dildo inside a man's rectum because the vibrator / dildo would hit the prostate if the vibrator / dildo were not angled properly after passing through the anal canal. Softly massaging the prostate is fine, but constantly hitting it with the tip of the penis / vibrator / dildo during sex should be avoided.
Once the glans of the penis passes through the anal canal, the man may be surprised to realize that the rectum is not tight, like a vagina is, around the glans, fact which makes thrusting feel like thrusting into the void, with only the middle of the penis being squeezed tight. This may have the unfortunate effect of some men trying to thrust the penis much deeper in order for the glans to find stimulating support, which may end up hurting the rectum. Since the glans is not stimulated as much as inside a vagina, the man may take longer to reach orgasm, and this may be both good (since it prolongs pleasure) and bad (since the receiver would want any unpleasant discomfort to end).
The anus contracts while you're having an orgasm, so if you have something inside it, you may be unable to feel the (whole intensity of) the orgasm, and you may lose the orgasm. However, in time you may get used and have orgasms even when you're penetrated anally.
Care should be taken when removing the penis out of the rectum. Just like the penetration, the removal must also be done slowly, especially when the penis is almost out of the rectum (again, the anal sphincters are the trickiest part), because the receiver may feel like he / she is going to have a bowel movement.
The receiver should be aware that the lubricant that has entered his / her rectum during anal sex, may exit during and afterwards (on the underwear); after receiving anal sex, it's best to place some toilet paper between the buttocks and keep it there for a couple of hours. The first bowel movement of the receiver, after anal sex, may be watery, especially if a lot of lubricant was used, or if the giver has ejaculated inside the receiver's rectum.
If anal sex is done even slightly improperly, there may be some discomfort in the few hours afterwards, feeling like tender muscles after doing a lot of physical exercise, but this should be minimal. Beginners in receiving anal sex should be aware that it's possible for the anal sphincters to react with significant discomfort a few hours after anal sex, including spasms.
There are a few positions, which make it easier to access the anus for anal sex, anilingus, or fingering:
If anal sex is done often in a rough way (= less lubricant or heavy thrusting), the anal sphincters can become looser than normal. Studies have not shown this to be a danger of non-rough anal sex; this sounds like common sense when you consider that defecation happens daily (for most people), with a similar dilation of the anal canal, yet the sphincters remain in good condition for life.
You may find that anal sex just isn't for you. That's fine. Nothing says that you have to accept something that doesn't make you feel good.
Sex with a partner > Anal sex > Avoiding anal sex
Some people will never want to have anal sex. Usually, women are asked to accept to be anally penetrated. But what can a woman do if her man wants to have anal sex with her?
Beside the fact that the man has to respect her will, so he should not insist if she doesn't want have anal sex, there is one other thing the woman can do: ask him to let her give anal sex to him (before he does it to her), that is, to let her penetrate his anus and rectum with a vibrator / dildo.
Most persistent men will refuse that, however, some men will accept. So, if you use this method and he accepts, you have to accept it too. You should have no problems with it since there is balance between you two.
Some men might tell you that if you love them, you would unconditionally accept to receive anal sex from them and not ask them to accept to receive anal sex from you. If your man says this to you then simply tell him that he should unconditionally accept that you don't like anal sex, so you don't want to do it.
Sex with a partner > Anal sex > Anilingus
One part of the body that some people enjoy licking, or having licked, is the anus. The anus has many of the nerve endings from the pelvic region and many people find touching it to be sexually arousing. The highest concentration of nerve endings is around the anus itself.
Anilingus doesn't involve sticking your tongue inside the anus, but only licking its surface.
Anilingus should be performed as part of the oral sex. Also remember to lick the perineum, not just the anus.
Sex with a partner > Sex between breasts
Sex between breasts is possible in some cases, when the breasts are big enough to "hold" the penis between them. The biggest problem is that there is no natural lubrication, and the glans of the penis can't support that. So, you have use artificial lubrication.
The one way to have sex between breasts is for the woman to lay on her back on a bed, and the man to straddle her, putting his penis between her breasts. You can choose either for the man to move his penis between the breasts, or for the woman to move her breasts along the penis (but this is not recommend).
Sex with a partner > Sex between thighs
Sex between thighs is like sex between breasts: there is no natural lubrication, so you have use artificial lubrication.
One concern that you should have is that if the man ejaculates, you should make sure the semen doesn't get on the vulva (and in the vagina), unless you don't care if the woman gets pregnant.
Sex with a partner > Sex between buttocks
Sex between buttocks is like sex between thighs: there is no natural lubrication, so you have use artificial lubrication.
One concern that you should have is that if the man ejaculates, you should make sure the semen doesn't get on the vulva (and in the vagina), unless you don't care if the woman gets pregnant.
Sex with a partner > Fisting and fingering
Fisting is also known as probing.
Fisting and fingering can be done vaginally or anally.
Anal fisting uses the same basic hand technique as vaginal fisting, but with a lot of lubrication.
This is very difficult to perform, and it's more about how much the anus and rectum can be stretched, than about technique.
Stretching the anus (performed a long time, often) can have undesired consequences, like the incapacity to keep the feces inside.
Sex with a partner > Fisting and fingering > Vaginal
See vaginal massage for fingering.
Some women enjoy vaginal fisting, having all or most of their lover's hand in their vagina. You should proceed only with your partner's encouragement and within her comfort level.
The basic technique is as follows: with your palm up (and your lover on her back, or on her legs and arms) bring all your fingers close together. With massaging, and possibly gentle twisting motions, slowly insert your hand into her vagina. Once you're well inside, curve your hand to form a fist. Now you can fist her: push and pull your hand in and out (not all the way) of her vagina.
Don't forget to gently caress her cervix. You may even try to enter the cervical canal, with the tip of one of your fingers, inserting it like a penis. Leave her cervix alone if she is pregnant!
While reading this section, especially if you are a virgin, you might find it cold, analyzing virgity and the first sexual act as medical subjects. But you should also consider that because you think like this, if you don't prepare yourself for your first sexual act, things are likely to go wrong. If you want it to go well, you must have broad sexual knowledge before it happens.
Remember the Hygiene section: nobody is born with the knowledge, but you can learn! And you can learn about sex even if you are virgin, and actually become very good at it! An expert ! Just think at the Indian princess in the old times, princess who had to be virgin in the day they married, and also had to be experts in the ways of sex. Of course, those princess had someone to teach them all about sex, but this book is a pretty good step in the learning process.
Don't listen to people who tell you that if you do a certain thing (like stay virgin), you will not be able to do some other thing (like be good at sex). Just say "watch me" to these people and walk away because they will now only want to slow you down by wasting your time and energy, using their biased and personal arguments.
There is no precise definition of virginity because it is a psychological matter, not a physical one. It matters what you think "virgin" means, but in a couple it's important what both partners think about it.
You'll discover that there are many "firsts" that have the a similar importance, either physically or psychologically, or even socially, like: first masturbation, first kiss, first petting, first outercourse, first oral sex, first genital sex, first anal sex, first orgasm (alone or in the presence of someone else), and even the first time when you actually enjoy a sexual act as a whole.
The common / social definition of a virgin is someone who never had any kind sex.
From a medical point of view (and this only applies to women), a woman with an intact hymen is considered to be a virgin, although the meaning of the word is not linked with its social definition. However, some women are born without a hymen. Neither an intact nor a broken hymen indicates either that the woman did or did not have vaginal sex (or any other kind of sex, for that matter).
Virginity (or purity, if you want to use a word which has a more clear meaning for you) should be a time for sorting things out, it should be like any other time when you want to be alone and have the time to decide what to do.
Virginity should be something both you and partner define. It is not just about a penis (not being) inside a vagina, but about the way you both feel.
Your sexuality is something you will have with you all of your life. No one can give it to you. How much or how little value you give to it is only up to you.
Whatever way you choose to take, as long as it feels right to you physically and psychologically, and you make your choices thoughtfully, is the right way.
Some people fear losing their virginity, while many people don't really care. There are two reasons for this: sensibility and shame. Those who are ashamed of losing it, feel pressured by others, usually parents or religion, to keep it. Shame is never a good reason to stay virgin because it means weakness, not strength, and weak minds are easily manipulated by other people. Being sensible still doesn't mean strength, but such a person is one who can actually choose whether to be or not be virgin anymore. Sensible people can learn to strengthen their will, to do what they actually want, but so can those who feel shame.
Why be a virgin? Very simple: you can lose your virginity at any time, but you can never get it back! So, until you can say (for sure) what you want, you may want to wait to understand what you want. Surely you don't owe being a virgin to anyone, but if you want to receive, you certainly can't ask without giving first; of course, you could, but that would make you a duplicitous person... if you would care for that matter anyway. Thinking that you owe anything to anyone, keeps you from learning what you want. Still, as a virgin, there is one thing that you owe to your partner, and that is to be honest about your curiosities and reservations.
Your first time has to be when and if you feel ready and willing, and for no other reason. Some people (think they) are ready and willing when they are 15 years old. Others, are not until they are in their twenties.
People who can't make a choice (anymore), usually dismiss that choice as unimportant. This is the way their mind protects itself from pain. Basically, if they can't choose, what's the point of constantly suffering by thinking what would be if... and what would have been if...? But this way they limit their minds, they can never... dream! If you don't want to be in that position, you have to make sure that you choose when you can choose, so that later you don't regret it... much.
Virginity > Defloration
Defloration is the rupture / tear of the hymen, and it usually happens in a sexual context.
Woman on top of man is recommended for deflowering because it allows the woman to take control of her body and possible pain.
Still, another position is the man on top, and the woman lying on her back, with her legs flexed to her chest and spread apart wide; maybe put a small pillow under the bottom of the woman. In this position, the tissue surrounding the hymen is well stretched, thus allowing it to break easier, with fewer tears and less bleeding.
The women should be aroused before the defloration. Arousal would engorge / stretch the tissue surrounding the hymen (and therefore allow it to break easier), but would also increase the blood flow in the genital area and thus the bleeding after defloration. But the increased bleeding would be an insignificant disadvantage compared with the advantage of being prepared / aroused for defloration.
The arousal could be indirect, for example by petting the woman's entire body, or it could be direct, for example by giving oral sex to the woman, by caressing her entire genital area with either the tongue or the hands.
To reduce the discomfort (and the possible pain) during defloration, use lots of lubricant, regardless of whether the vagina produces enough lubricant or not for normal genital sex. The penis (particularly its glans), the vaginal vestibule and the external part of the vagina (from the vaginal vestibule down to the hymen, including it) must be very well lubricated.
If it hurts, stop; take a few minutes to hug and kiss. Then try again. You may have to do this a number of times, and since it should be enjoyable, there is absolutely no need to apologize for it, either of you. In fact, you may find that you, as a woman, don't want to be fully penetrated on your first time. That's just fine, as well. You have all your life in front of you. Anyone in a hurry to "get it over with", has completely missed the point of the "first time".
The torn hymen might bleed during the first sex (and even during the next few times, though this is rare). However, in the majority of cases the first genital sex is limited in discomfort and minor in bleeding. If the woman is well lubricated, and her partner goes slowly, that should be minimal, but the woman should wear a menstrual pad for the day after. Bleeding doesn't mean that anything has been damaged, but simply that the hymen has been torn. Because some women have thicker hymenal tissue than most, they may experience quite some pain and bleeding during defloration.
Every person has a different threshold for pain. For some women, first sex pain does not exist, but others feel a lot of pain. For most women, first sex pain is either nonexistent or is a fairly mild and short pain if the woman is aroused, relaxed, properly lubricated, and her partner is sensitive and patient. However, a significant number of women feel significant pain.
There is a very small number of women whose hymens are very resistant to tearing, and these women will feel tremendous pain while attempting to have genital sex. No matter what way you try to break the hymen it's just not going to work, and the only way out is to go to a gynecologist to have a tiny medical procedure: to cut the hymen surgically.
After defloration (or at least after the entire first sexual act), a woman should avoid any genital penetration for a few days, in order to allow the remaining hymenal tissue to heal so that no more bleeding would occur.
Virginity > Defloration > Do it on your own
Obviously, any woman can deflower herself. This way, the woman can make sure that nobody is responsible for any pain that she may feel (in this regard). However, you should know that some men like to deflower women. Of course, if you think that no men is worth it, then this is your way. But if you think that a man may be worth it, you should consider all facts before deciding which way to go, perhaps even talk to the man about it. If the defloration is important to you and you do it together with your partner, the intensity of the feelings would be much higher (than it would be if you were to do it on your own), and it could also be a much more pleasurable experience to remember later in life.
You can plan the defloration ahead. With some time before the first genital sex (yes, it's likely you will not know when it's going to happen), you can stretch your hymen yourself, to prepare it for the future defloration. But be aware that this way you could deflower yourself before you actually have sex.
Place a lubricated finger into your vagina, through the hole of the hymen, if this is possible, and easily apply pressure downward (toward the anus). Keep the pressure on for some time, and then release it. Change (in a circle) the direction of the pressure. Repeat this procedure several times, each time with a little more pressure. Then (try to) insert two fingers and apply pressure to the sides of the vagina. This whole process can be repeated over several days and even weeks.
If you want to deflower yourself but you can't do it with your fingers alone, you could also use a (thin) vibrator / dildo.
Some women will not be able to do this because their hymens don't have any hole large enough to allow a finger to be inserted. In such a case you should consider even more to stretch the hymen yourself, because being deflowered with a penis could be more difficult.
Whether you only stretch your hymen or you go all the way and deflower yourself, it is only your choice.
Virginity > First sex
The first sexual act is a major step in life, perhaps more physiologically (because of the potential pregnancy or STDs) than psychologically, and it's not always a pleasurable experience.
It can be great if you prepare ahead. Actually, if you find the right partner, it can be the best sexual experience of your entire life and you'll always remember the shivers in your body when you did it for the first time. The problem is that most people have their first sexual experience unprepared, and they will never believe how good it could have been if done after lots of preparation; their mind doesn't fully understand or care for its meaning. After reading this entire book, you'll hopefully realize that knowing a lot of things about sex is not enough to consider yourself prepared for it; you need to have your entire mind prepared. Just because you care for each other doesn't mean that you're ready, but by having your body and mind ready, you can truly have the best sexual experience: your first time.
The first sexual act can be exciting, scary, pleasurable, or even disappointing, for both men and women. Many young couples know they're not ready. Maybe it isn't the right time or the right person, or they don't know each other well enough, or they want to avoid pregnancy and STDs. Or, maybe they just feel too confused and need more time to sort out their feelings. Kissing, hugging, touching, mutual masturbation (until orgasm), can be safe and satisfying alternatives to sex. These types of sexual activity are called sexual outercourse. Discuss sex clearly, to make sure that both of you are ready for any further steps you take.
For a man, the fear about his first time has to do mostly with inexperience (not knowing exactly what he should do). For a woman, the fear is much wider: it is about inexperience, pain, bleeding, and pregnancy. It is very important for both partners to know that the first time a woman has genital sex, it doesn't have to be uncomfortable or painful.
Partners who are clear about what they want to do and don't want to do, and who are comfortable with one another, can enjoy the first experience as a pleasurable one.
Being a good lover doesn't happen automatically. With the right partner, time, care, and practice, you have everything you need to become a great lover. Your first time, for both you, may be fumbling and awkward, but it can be the start of great moments.
When to have sex is a personal choice. Only you can decide. Often, the decisions people make in life aren't perfect. But people usually make better decisions when they think through the possible benefits and the risks. Choosing to have sex for the first time with someone is especially important.
Many people want to know at what age to lose their virginity. Nobody can tell you that! You can't plan all your life saying "I want to lose my virginity when I'll be...". You can't expect to have everything ready at that time in your life, to meet the right partner to give your virginity to. However, currently, the age of 18 is considered biologically proper. At this age, the body and mind are mature enough to handle the first sex. But you can't plan for it to happen... It just does!
For more information on this subject go to: Is it special?.
People get ideas about sex from television, movies, music, ads, jokes, friends and family. You need to sort out your own ideas and values. What do you want from sex?
Sometimes, one partner tries to pressure the other into becoming sexually active. Knowing your values and what you want will help you in this situation: you can accept or refuse. Take the time to communicate your feelings and get to know your partner.
Growing up involves learning to make decisions and living with them. When you begin to care for and be attracted to someone then it is time to take a good look at yourself, your values and goals. How far do you want to go with that person now? It's important to talk about your feelings. Ask yourself why you want to have sex, no matter what kind of sex (genital, oral, anal), or masturbate together or even just petting. You have to take the responsibility for preventing an unplanned pregnancy and the possible spread of STDs.
How do you say "no" without hurting your partner:
In some relationships, people try pressure their partners to have sex. Some lines used are:
Some bad reasons for having sex are:
Remember, no one has to pressure you into having sex. It's your decision whether to do it or not! But no matter what you do, it's your life, so do whatever you want with it. Just remember that no one else will live it for you!
You should never have (your first) sex if you don't want to. Anyone who tells you "if you don't do it, I'll find someone else" is not worth being around. Tell him / her to find someone else.
Say "no" when you mean no; say "yes" when you mean yes. Anything else can only bring you a lot of unhappiness. Respect yourself and insist to get the same respect from your partner.
Knowing and understanding sexual pleasure and desire are critical for a great first sexual act. A body is not born with this knowledge, it has to learn through practical experience. This is why the virgin must know well what an orgasm and sexual pleasures are, before the first act; his / her body has to learn how and what to feel for the first time it has sex. Take your time to learn (or teach) the sexual pleasure. If the virgin doesn't know an orgasm and sexual pleasure before his / her first act, the learning process is more difficult, and the first time might not be a pleasurable memory, but an empty one.
However, the first time is not necessarily about having an orgasm. Actually, if you put this kind of pressure on your mind you may not only miss orgasms but also miss any pleasure.
Give yourself a lot of time to have sex the first time. A weekend is ideal.
You have all your life ahead to not be nervous when having sex, so feel free to be nervous the first time. Still, be careful, anxiety may be the way your mind tells you it's not ready for it. Shivers, sweaty palms, shortness of breath, and other things, you can consider them all sweet and romantic. But you must not let them control you; don't try to control them by forcing them out of your mind, instead, ignore them, let them flow by you.
Undressing for the first time in front of a person of the opposite sex usually feels awkward and confusing. You need to take the time to explore both your bodies. Remember, if you want to feel the pleasure of having sex, you must know what you want from sex, you must know what to expect.
Finding a place where you both can be intimate for many hours can be difficult. A bedroom is the easiest place to have sex in.
For the first time somebody has sex with a partner, he / she may have difficulties understanding the act. There are the following possibilities:
Usually, a man who has never seen a vulva is shocked the first time he sees one. He is shocked by how tiny a vulva is compared with the size of his erect penis.
Also, a woman who has never seen a penis is shocked the first time she sees one; she is shocked by the size (especially the length) of the erect penis compared with the size of her vulva.
There is no real reason why anyone should feel any fear! The average size of an erect penis is designed for the average size of a vulva / vagina, in both length and width.
Of course, if the length of the penis is too big for the length of the vagina, there could be some pain. In such a case, the positions of the bodies, during sex, have to be adjusted so that the penis enters only partially inside the vagina.
Obviously, even with compatible sizes, a clumsy man can hurt a woman.
Many men think that because they're men, they should be in charge of sex, regardless of who has more experience. If you're a virgin and she is not, tell her, and let her lead (if she wishes). Don't be afraid to confess the truth. Women would rather know that your fumbling is inexperience, rather than just sheer incapacity.
If both of you are virgin, he may be even more nervous than you, and his penis may not respond at first or may respond too quickly. Patience, gentleness, and understanding are necessary to "bring his penis to life". That may be hard for you to achieve, but that's what you have time for. Don't expect him to know what makes you feel good. Tell and show him by taking his hands and placing them where they make you feel good. Go slowly!
For some women, losing their virginity may physically hurt a little, but with the right touch and the right partner, there should be (virtually) no pain. Tell him to be patient, use lubricant, and push his fingers into you, opening your vulva slowly. Tell him when it feels good and when it hurts; if it hurts, play with other parts of your body, for a while.
Before everything, take a shower together! Get to know each other's bodies. Give each other an erotic massage.
Take your time! Prelude can relax you both, and prepare your bodies for sex. When a woman becomes aroused, her vagina becomes longer and wider, and it lubricates itself (but you should still use some artificial lubricant). If the partners take the time to allow this to happen, it is likely that the sexual act will feel better for her.
Next, the man should give oral sex to the woman, lick her entire genital area, thrust with his tongue inside her vagina, until she has an orgasm. This would better prepare the woman's body for defloration, and would also relieve both partners from the need that the woman should feel an orgasm after defloration, when it may be impossible for her to feel an orgasm through genital sex. This ensures that the woman has an orgasm during her first time, and that the experience is as pleasurable as possible for both partners.
The man should not expect to receive oral sex from the woman at this point because once a man has an orgasm, his penis loses erection for a while, and while waiting for this refractory phase to end, the woman could lose interest in continuing with the defloration.
After getting more assurance that both partners are ready for the defloration of the woman, the next step is to prepare for the actual genital penetration. Use lots of lubricant, let the person on top to take charge, and go slowly. If it hurst, stop, go back, maybe caress for a while, then try again.
You may be embarrassed by what you (and your partner) are doing, by being conscious of your nakedness, by your partner's intense look all over you body. In such cases, your first reaction may be to cover yourself either with clothes or bed sheets, or with your partner's body (meaning that you would embrace your partner so that he / she can no longer see you naked). This would then lead to taking rush decisions, like trying to have penetration before the prelude (is finished), or like rushing the thrusting. Stop whatever you intend to do when you feel this kind of reactions! Always go slowly if you are not sure what to do!
After the first time, you'll certainly not look any different then you did before (except for the hymen), but you will think differently.
You may find that you have a number of different feelings after your first sex. You may feel very excited, or glow, or you may feel ashamed or confused. It is likely that you'll feel a combination of all, and everything in between.
Give yourself what you need after sex, and ask your partner for what you need from them, and to say their own needs.
For sensitive people, the feelings after the first time are contradictory. The fact that it happened and things will never be the same, is pretty hard to accept. This is why you have to love your partner, you have to trust him / her and know you're going to be together from that moment on. Sensitive people feel like they've closed a door behind, a door that will never open again: their innocence is left behind. But you should feel good about it because you were alone until that moment, but now you are with a partner... for life (obviously, if you want that), and the innocence is now a part of the couple instead of you alone.
See... the innocence is still there! The degree of emptiness you may feel "after", is only determined by how much trust you have in your partner. You may even feel that he / she has stolen something from you, and so you have to blame him / her for it. But it's not so, you have given yourself to him / her and he / she has accepted that, so take what he / she is giving you back, and feel the warmth of trust. Nobody can completely trust somebody else, but you can go a long way. If you don't succeed, don't complain that the experience wasn't as good as you expected. It's nobody's fault. People can't do things perfectly, not the first time, not ever.
Virginity > Is it special?
You'll hear people saying that the first time is not special, that you'll not feel different afterwards. The question here is not how you feel, but why you feel the way you do? You have to understand the cause which comes before the effect.
Just as for anything else in life, you can choose to care or not care. You have different (subconscious) reasons for either choice, depending on context, but have a general tendency to go with only one of these choices.
If the first time was not good for some people, or if the mental energy consumed for caring about the first time is higher than that with which they are used to spend, they would simply give up and claim that it's not important enough for them to care.
So, the people who say that it's not special, say so because they simply don't care from before their first time, or because their first experience was so bad that they need to minimize its importance. If they weren't doing so, their mind would have to care about the one special thing which is lost forever.
If you really want your first time to be special, you have to take control of the course of actions and make it special. If you think that it's too much trouble to do so, then consider why would it be any better later? If you consider that your first time is just an obstacle, if you don't find in you the mental energy to invest in that first time, what makes you think that you would spend energy later to make a sexual act awesome?
The mind needs training, and the first time is a good opportunity.
Being special is a matter of will, not a matter of words. If you believe that life should be "fair" and that gods should provide, why don't you just sit on your ass on the side of a road and wait for the gods to provide food and water and whatever else you need to live? See what happens! If gods don't provide, it should be enough proof to you that if you want your first time (or anything else you want) to be awesome, you have to take control of things and make it awesome.
The way you feel the first time is not a matter of opinion (of various people), it's a matter of personality, of will, of dedication. Certainly, most people have their first time at a young age, age when their personality, will, and dedication are not at their heights. But, whose fault is it? If you really want it to be awesome, you have to take the appropriate actions, you simply have to take control of things and make it happen!
It is possible to fail in your attempt, but success without failure is very hard to get.
Virginity > Is it worth waiting?
There is one human characteristic which is badly treated by most of the society and by some frustrated individuals. This characteristic is the search for purity, or in more sexual and emotional terms - virginity.
First of all, one important piece of information: humans are not monogamous beings. They, as a general rule, will mate with multiple humans throughout their life. But despite this general behavioral characteristic, there are humans who have it in their nature to be monogamous, some even for life (that is, have a single partner for their entire life).
This section is not about people who are simply virgin at some point in their life (since all people are up to a point), or about people who consider virginity an obstacle which has to be overcome, an impediment or a handicap in their life, or about people who are virgin because they are told to be by their parents or by religious groups.
This is about people who are virgin and want to be with a single partner for life, who strongly believe in their inner nature, their inborn need to be with a single person. Such people may also want their partner to be the same, and this is because they instinctually seek someone compatible, someone who can really understand them and with whom they can be happy. This is about people who want to wait for their soul mate.
Life is a constant quest for happiness and the joy of intimately sharing the same behavior, monogamy and even virginity, is a very strong (psychological) attractor.
But here is where many people, including virgins who are disappointed by their first sexual experiences, start interfering with the lives of the monogamous individuals. People who laugh at virgins, people who have become frustrated due to their sexual experiences, people who think that purity is a weakness (because they subconsciously think themselves are dirty and can never be pure again), people who are envious that someone might find happiness in their search and might reach an idyllic place in time, space and mind.
The only thing a virgin should do is listen to his / her heart.
Being virgin is not implicitly being weak. Being virgin actually requires strength, the strength and rational ability that one needs in order to see whether a specific partner is worth getting the virgin's emotional offer. One can't rationally give himself / herself to a partner without first understanding the personality of that partner, be abandoned and then whine about the result.
Being virgin requires responsibility for the consequences. It's like wanting to conquer the snowy peak of a high mountain and being aware that one could get badly hurt and even die. Yes, it means that going that high, one has where to fall from, one can die, not physically, but inside. If one has dreams and those dreams are not fulfilled, one can easily die inside.
Just because you are virgin and you think that you are special because you want to be with a single person for life, doesn't mean that you'll be lucky enough to find what you want. But do not let this discourage you from following your inner nature, your dreams!
You must, however, consider what happens if you meet the partner of your dreams, have sex and then discover that you two don't match, that your relationship is not what you have expected. Do you continue with an unfulfilling relationship, or do you break it? Are you going to get stuck in a bad dream simply because you've always wanted to be with a single person, or are you going to take control of your life and try to find happiness elsewhere? Are you going to die inside, or are you going to survive (psychologically intact) against all odds?
If you are a virgin and you have the ability to assume responsibility for either the good or the bad result of your dream to belong to a single partner (and perhaps to be with a partner who thinks the same way as you), then you are indeed going to be a survivor no matter what happens.
You can either fight to Live Your Way and survive in spite all odds, or die (inside) while bitching, moaning and hollering, crying that the Universe didn't care for you. Yes, it's true: the Universe doesn't care for you, so a survivor can only try to earn his / her place, stand tall, stand his / her ground, follow his / her inner nature.
Natural individuality is about diversity, not about success. Nature does not care if an individual succeeds or fails. It's the individual's responsibility to fight as hard as is necessary to succeed, or die fighting, and it's the individual's responsibility to accept the possibility of failure. The human civilization will benefit from either result and will benefit without giving commendation for the effort required to get there.
The reason why the entire civilization will benefit from this is because the transmission of information, of strength and of ability to further transmit information from generation to generation, is only in part related to DNA. The development and success of an individual generally depends on his mental choices; his DNA only describes the infrastructure, the frame within which a human grows, just like a flower grows in a flowerpot.
There are two large categories of people who are disappointed with virgins and virginity.
One category is that of people who were virgin and waited for their prince / princess, but after they had sex with the person who they thought was their forever partner, were either abandoned or have started living a life of humiliations with that partner. Such people become very frustrated and start preaching that it's not worth waiting for the one perfect partner.
If you have a dream of being with a single partner, you have to choose wisely and must do so before you have sex. Your partner must at the very least understand, respect and follow what you have always wanted, if not think like you.
If you are a virgin who wants to have sex with a single partner and also want that partner to have sex only with you, if you meet someone who you like but is not virgin, you should carefully analyze why that person is not virgin and see whether that person really thinks like you. One crucial thing for most people is happiness, and happiness can be reached only if the two partners understand and respect each others thoughts and ideals.
But if you offer yourself to someone who doesn't think like you, or you don't even know how that someone thinks, how can you rationally complain about the (bad) result?
When you tell to a potential partner that you are virgin, even the slightest indication of laughter or shock from their part is a crystal clear sign that you two are not compatible. This is a sign that the other person is from a different world, a world which considers your ideals and dreams of purity a laughing or irrelevant matter. Such people do not deserve you and your passion.
If you accept such a person in your life and then they abandon you, you'll become a frustrated person and you would start preaching about how it's not worth waiting for the one perfect partner. One can't consider your choice as being rational.
The other category of people who are disappointed with virgins is that of people who have had sex with virgins but didn't enjoy the sexual experience, and in fact consider virgins to be stiffs, that is, they think that virgins are refusing to fully engage in a biologically normal sexual life.
Outside the religious preaching about purity, outside the social restrains and guilt-inducing, manipulative behavior of fake human apexes of coolness, a biologically normal sexual life is described throughout this book. Yes, a normal sexual life may include genital, oral and anal sex, may include squirting and spraying fluids all over one's own body and all over the partner's body, may include swallowing the fluids, and may include various fantasies, like taking photographs and filming the sexual acts.
In trying to convince you that waiting for your soul mate is not worth it, and that your first sexual act at a late age may be a horrible experience, some people will try to make you think that your life's purpose is to have sex. If that is who you are, if that is your goal in life, if that is what is missing in your life to make you feel fulfilled, then you could do it anyway. But if you think carefully to what you want in life, you might find out that other things are (almost) equally fulfilling. Certainly, the sexual instinct is one of the most powerful elements in a human mind, but the question is if it is controlling your life.
Some people will try to make you think that having sexual experiences with more partners is going to make you understand what you want from a partner. Well, if you don't know what you want from a partner before you have sex with him / her, having sex will not open your eyes, will not make you understand the opposite gender.
Seeing how different people behave in various contexts, in time, gives you a very good way of filtering your potential partners, and of selecting just the one(s) who appear to fit your personality in order to go further with them. In this process, sex is just one step and it can very well be the last one to take, at least if the possibility of failure matters to you.
Be aware that some people are very good at hiding their real personality until they get what they want from you, which is usually sex!
Always remember in your most difficult times that the fittest survive. Are you a fighter, or are you a weakling? That is the question.
Can you now understand that sexuality has nothing to do with having sex, but only with how you think, what kind of person you are?
Though relaxation massage is also good for your sexual life, it is not the subject here. Unlike relaxation massage, the erotic massage is done softer and its main purpose is to arouse the person you're massaging (not relax his / her muscles).
The goal of massage is not orgasm, but simply the pleasure, arousal, and release of sexual tension. So, both partners should relax, and not worry about achieving orgasm. This will create greater intimacy and trust, and will expand your sexual horizons.
Erotic massage works well because the animal within you requires a lot of trust in order to allow this to happen, that is, to allow it while in a state of relaxation.
Showering or bathing together is always helpful as it relaxes both partners. Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. It is unpleasant to interrupt the massage to go pee.
An intimate place is desirable, either quiet or with relaxing sounds, pillows, candles, etc. The best place for this is the bedroom, on the bed. Take the time to create a sensual and appealing environment. Start by turning off the phone. Dim the lights, or illuminate the room with either candles or soft indirect lamps, burn incense, and turn up the heat to the point where both of you would be comfortable naked. Keep the massage oils within easy reach, and put some towels on the bed to keep the oil from reaching the mattress.
Allow yourself enough time, and do not hurry through the process. Breathe deeply! Conscious and relaxed breathing makes your mind stop thinking, and be more conscious about your feelings. Relax your abdomen and let go of the tension that most people hold there.
Both partners should remember to breathe deeply and slowly during the entire massage. If any of you starts to breathe fast and shallow, the other should gently remind him / her to breathe deeply and slowly.
Start by hugging, holding, gazing into each other's eyes, say soft words, caress each other's faces and hands. Connect with your partner. When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on the bed.
Start massaging your partner's back. Then massage the back of his / her neck, shoulders, bottom, hips and thighs. After all these things, have your partner turn over. Massage the chest and abdomen, then the neck, legs and arms.
Keep your hands in contact with your partner! Take your time, be rhythmic and sensitive! Change from long gliding slides to deep pushes. The massage has to be fluid / liquid; the movements of your hands must be slow, long and continuous, just like a gel flowing on your partner's body.
Enjoy giving the massage!
Erotic massage > Backbone teasing
Put your partner to lay in bed, face down. Softly slide the tip of your fingers on your partner's backbone, with fingers on each side of the vertebras. Then do it right in the middle of the backbone. You can use just one hand, or both.
Don't limit your workspace! The backbone is the center of your massage, but you have to vary things, so also massage the rest of the back.
Lay both you and your partner on your sides, face to face. Slide your fingers on his / her back, just like you would do with a feather. Look into his / her eyes and slide your fingers on his / her back... from bottom to nape, and from nape to bottom. Touch his / her backbone, each vertebra. Do this with a continuous move or one by one.
Erotic massage > Penis massage
Have the man lie on his back, with pillows under his head so that he can look at his penis and to what you're doing to it. Maybe place a small pillow (covered with a towel) under his bottom. His penis must be clearly exposed. Make him spread his legs to expose his scrotum.
The woman should sit between his legs.
Gently massage his legs, abdomen, thighs, chest, and nipples.
Pour lubricant on his penis and scrotum. Rub it all over his penis.
Begin gently massaging the areas around his penis. Spend some time there. Do not rush! Softly massage his scrotum and testicles.
Massage the penis. Vary the speed and pressure. Take his scrotum into your palm. Start sliding your palm up, toward the tip of the glans of his penis. When you reach the tip, start over with the other hand. And again, and again...
You can also put both your hands at the base of his penis, one on the front side and one on the back side of the penis. Start sliding them up toward the tip of the glans, simultaneously. When you reach the tip, start over.
Massage the glans of the penis and the frenum; keep the area well lubricated.
The penis may or may not become flaccid as you massage it. It will probably get erect, then flaccid, then erect again, and so on... Don't think this is a proof that he doesn't like what you're doing to him! A penis that stays erect too long may get into trouble in time: pain or lack of erection. So, the alternation of the states is normal.
You can use one hand to massage his penis, and the other to massage any other part of his body.
During the massage, the man can watch the woman's moves, or massage her body, with his eyes opened or closed (so that he can focus).
The man should feel how the woman pleases him, and the woman should feel how much he enjoys everything.
The man can tell her how the pressure and speed of the massage need to be. However, you should limit your speaking and focus on the sensations.
If he has an orgasm then continue massaging if he wants. Keep massaging until he tells you to stop. Allow him to just lie there and enjoy the afterglow of the massage. Caressing him after the orgasm is very pleasurable as well.
Learn about the way men masturbate, so that you know what they like to be done to them.
Erotic massage > Vulva massage
Have the woman lie on her back, with pillows under her head so that she can look at her vulva and to what you're doing to her. Maybe place a small pillow (covered with a towel) under her bottom. Her legs have to be spread wide in order to have her vulva clearly exposed.
The man should sit between her legs.
Gently massage her legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, and nipples.
Pour lubricant on her pubis, and let it drip on her vulva. Rub it all over her vulva.
Begin gently massaging the areas around her vulva. Spend some time there. Do not rush! Softly squeeze the labia majora between the thumb and index fingers, and slide them up and down the entire length of each labium. Do the same thing to the labia minora.
Gently massage her clitoris with circular or vertical motions. Softly squeeze it between your fingers. Make sure there is a lot of lubricant on the clitoris!
Massage the glans of the clitoris and the frenum; keep the area well lubricated.
Slowly insert the middle finger into her vagina. Explore and massage the inside of the vagina with your finger. Take your time to feel every part of the vagina. Vary the pressure, depth, and speed (but keep it mainly slow). Search for her G-spot and massage it, but don't drive her to orgasm.
At some point, when she is very aroused, you can also insert the index finger in the vagina, so you can have two fingers inside her.
At the same time with the vaginal massage, you can stimulate her clitoris as well.
You can use one hand to massage her vulva, and the other to massage any other part of her body.
During the massage, the woman can watch the man's moves, or massage her breasts, with her eyes opened or closed (so that she can focus).
The woman should feel how the man pleases her, and the man should feel how much she enjoys everything.
The woman can tell him how the pressure, depth and speed of the massage needs to be. However, you should limit your speaking and focus on the sensations.
If she has an orgasm then continue massaging if she wants. Keep massaging until she tells you to stop. Allow her to just lie there and enjoy the afterglow of the massage. Caressing her after the orgasm is very pleasurable as well.
Learn about the way women masturbate, so that you know what they like to be done to them.
Erotic massage > Uterus massage
The uterine massage is at the edge between erotic massage and relaxation massage.
The uterine massage can be done from two sides: outside (by massaging the abdomen) and inside (through the vagina and the cervical canal). It is more delicate than the vaginal massage. The hands / fingers must be exceptionally clean because, though normally the cervical canal is protected by the cervical mucus from outside germs, once you stick your fingers inside, you may bring in some germs.
If you do stick your fingers inside the uterus, just one finger should be enough for the massage.
The most important part of the massage is the outer massage because it is the easier part to do.
Slide your hand over her abdomen, pressing with the palm.
You can also move your palm and fingers alternatively on the abdomen. Keep the tips of the fingers in one place and bend the middle of your palm. Then stretch your palm by moving the fingers forward. Repeat this as much as you like.
Move your palm (or the tip of your fingers) in circles.
You can use the finger inside the uterus to push it up to meet the other hand, from the outside.
Erotic massage > Breasts massage
Breasts massage can be done either by your partner or by yourself, just like masturbation. Surely, you'll find the massage performed by a man to be much more pleasurable to you.
Have the woman lie on her back, with pillows under her head so that she can look at her breasts and to what you're doing to them.
Slow and soft massage is very good for breasts. It's like it encourages them to be beautiful because you show them how much you love them. This is for both psychological and physical reasons; you actually begin to care more for breasts.
The best massage consists of circular motions, all over her breasts, made with all four fingers (without the big thumb) of one hand, put together. The thumb should caress the lower side of the breasts. Don't follow the same pattern every time.
You can also gently push her breasts in any direction.
You can also grab them softly and progressively with the whole palms, and then release them.
The massage also has to be performed on the areas surrounding the breasts, especially the upper-external side (toward the upper side of your armpits) where the muscles that sustain the breasts are.
A sexual fantasy is a scenario to think about, a story to immerse yourself into, not necessarily something to do in real life, due to safety concerns, shame or feeling that fulfilling it would spoil you (/ your innocence).
A sexual fantasy is about something that you don't have or can't have in your real life. For most people, romance is not a sexual fantasy, but a romantic fantasy, because they can have it without problems. For people who had past experiences that left them unable to ever experience romance again, romance can be a sexual fantasy.
A fantasy brings diversity and novelty to the mind, mind which otherwise gets bored quickly, but without the potential (safety) risks of actually fulfilling the fantasy.
Sexual fantasies and rough sex are like watching a storm from the safety of a solid home, that is, they are pleasurable because they let you observe the roughness of Nature from a safe place. For most people, storm watching and sexual fantasies exist because they want to feel explicitly safe, not because they want to feel in danger. However, people who want to get out in the storm and people who want to fulfill some sexual fantasies, do feel some need to be in danger.
While fantasies can be fulfilled, the uncertainty of whether a fantasy will be fulfilled or not is even more arousing than the fantasy itself, because it creates a slight fear of unknown and danger.
Bringing novelty into a relationship is difficult because there is a limited number of new things that can be done. Fantasies are a good way to explore novelty, but the biggest drawback of (roleplaying) fantasies is that you can see that you're having sex with the same person you always have, so there is nothing new there.
Even if you fantasize about something, there is no reason why you should ever feel that you have to make that fantasy happen. You can very well live with the mystery and not know how it would be. Also, some fantasies are better left alone.
Even if you would fulfill a fantasy, you might find out that it isn't very interesting or pleasant because you don't have the same control over reality like you have over your imagination. Fulfilling a fantasy could even end up making you feel disgusted with either yourself or your partner.
Some fantasies might be so out of your character that you would feel dirty, perverted or disgusted just thinking about them. Fantasies occur in people's minds for different reasons, but not necessarily because people are that way (that is, the way of the fantasy).
Don't let anybody, especially your partner, pressure you into fulfilling fantasies that you don't like.
Remember that the scenarios below are something to think about, not something that you should fulfill.
Fantasies > General fantasies
Role playing is simulating a fantasy, that is, only you and your partner are physically involved in the role play, even if the fantasy includes other imaginary people.
Engaging in rough sex requires the existence of a safety language which allows the dominated partner to direct how the domination must change, by saying simple words. Here are simple words that you can use:
Sex in a secluded public location, like a forest, a corn field, a back hallway or room where people don't normally go into.
Sex in a secluded private location, like a cabin in the mountains.
Sex in a friend's or stranger's house.
Sex at night, in a room with the lights turned on / off, in front of the open window.
Sex for the first time, in a romantic way.
Sex for the first time, in a rough way.
Sex for the first time, with a much older partner.
Having sex at a resort, with the balcony door open, when a person from the adjacent room leans over into our balcony to watch us. Alternatives: that person jumps into our balcony and enters our room to watch closer, that person and his / her the partner jump into our balcony and we swap partners.
My partner telling me that I'm good for sex, but that he / she loves someone else.
Being used by a partner who then abandons me. Alternative: this happens when I have sex for the first time.
My partner talking how good it was when he / she had sex with other people (before the two of us got in a relationship), and implying that it was better with them.
Being tied up, blindfolded, wearing earplugs, not knowing who is having sex with me.
Having several holes filled by penises, at the same time. [Which holes? What positions?]
Seeing several of my partner's holes filled by penises. [Which holes? What positions?]
Being watched while I'm having sex with my partner.
Being looked in the eyes by someone other than my partner, while I'm having sex with my partner. [Do you have someone specific in mind? Should that person be a man or a woman?]
Walking through a remote train depot, among empty trains, when a strongly tanned worker, half-dressed because of the torrid summer, stops me and asks what I am doing there. I say something only half coherent about going to see a friend, not wanting to expose that I wanted this kind of encounter to happen. He starts making lewd propositions to me. I want to say words that politely decline his propositions, but also insinuate that he should continue, all while trying to not be too obvious that I'm looking at the sweat dripping down his skin and muscular body. Eventually, we get in a train and find a dusty compartment where he does what he wants to me. Light rays become visible through the dust particles raised by his vigorous thrusting. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3... He uses my body in the rhythm of a moving train. I can hear the same rhythm in his skin slamming onto mine. He makes me feel like I'm desired with virile passion. He finishes all over me, like the brute that he is. After admiring his work, he ties me up and leaves. As he walks away, he says that he'll come back later to do me another round, and that I should mind the vagrants that sometimes walk around. I am powerless and exposed to him and to anyone else who would walk by.
Being caught by a train conductor when I have no ticket. Scenarios: there are no other people in the train, the train is full of people but the conductor has a private compartment.
Being stranded in a place with no rules and no laws, like a post-apocalyptic world, and either having to have sex to survive, or being forced to have sex because I am powerless.
Being captured as a spy and forced to have sex in order to make me confess.
Auditioning for the first time to be a porn actor / actress, being rejected for not being good enough, and being told that I could be accepted if I went through training (with the same person).
Watching my partner having sex with someone else.
Being watched by my partner while I'm having sex with someone else.
Sex with my partner and another man.
Sex with my partner and another woman.
Sex with other people, like a stranger, neighbor, coworker, delivery person, teacher, nurse.
Swapping partners with one or more couples.
Having sex at a sex party. This includes having sex with several people, watching other people having sex, and being watched by other people while I'm having sex.
Being watched by a large audience when I'm having sex with one or several people at the same time. Alternative: someone dominates / overpowers me and makes me have sex. The audience could be made by: strangers (at a party, in the street, construction workers), coworkers (in the office), college students (in a dorm, in a classroom, during a lesson about anatomy and sexuality).
Being physically controlled by someone, like a stranger or an authority figure, and being unable to make decisions myself. The controller doesn't care about my pleasure and treats me like an object to be used either by himself / herself or by others (like strangers, my colleagues, or his / her friends). Alternative: I resist being controlled (so the controller has to become more dominant).
Being physically controlled by several people who don't care about my pleasure and treat me like an object to be used for the pleasure of others. Those people could be: strangers (at a party, in the street, construction workers), coworkers (in the office), college students (in a dorm, in a classroom, during a lesson about anatomy and sexuality).
Swapping bodies: the man becomes the woman, the woman becomes the man.
Having sex with someone of the same gender.
Fantasies > Fear of unknown and danger
Banality occurs when seeing, hearing, smelling and feeling the same things and people. To avoid banality, all these should feel new to you as often as possible. A powerful way to do this is to create a slight fear of the unknown, of danger. This means that one person should feel dominated (let's say the woman), while the other should feel dominating (let's say the man).
Be sure to choose a safe word which, when spoken by the woman, signals to the man to stop doing anything and release her. This should be something that's not usually said during sex.
The woman should do one or more of the following: wear a blindfold / mask that fully blocks her vision, be restrained (by her wrists, ankles, thighs, neck), wear earplugs that block her hearing, wear a gag (ball). Obviously, a gag would make it impossible for the woman to say the safe word, or to offer oral sex to the man.
Once the woman is blindfolded, there are two main scenarios:
Some women would feel too powerless to participate in such a fantasy since the blindfold makes it impossible for them to know for sure what is really happening, if it's a simulation or it's other men penetrating or even just looking at her; filming the whole act would make it clear, but only after it happens and with no recourse.
To further increase the feeling of unknown and danger, go to a secluded public location, maybe near a road, like a forest margin or an empty field (at the cover of a tree or boulder). A blindfold / mask is also good in such a case because even if the people wearing them are filmed, they will not be publicly exposed / identified. Once the woman is blindfolded, there are two main scenarios:
Fantasies > Exhibitionism
Imagine a night scene, in a room with the lights turned off, having sex in front of the open window, considering that there are people that could see you (at least if the lights were turned on).
Fantasies > Multiple penetration
This fantasy is either about a man and more than one woman, or about a woman and more than one man, so, either the man penetrates all his partners at the same time, or the woman is penetrated by all her partners at the same time. However, there is a way to do this when you have a single partner, by using various sex toys.
People like multiple penetration when their level of sensorial saturation is much higher than the average.
Multiple penetration feels good because it is like blending all bodies in a single one; sensations come from all over the place (where the bodies touch). The act itself (when more than two people are involved) is not very easy / comfortable, but the sensations are maximized by being chaotic and everywhere rather than focused (as they are in single penetration), and thus create a high level of teasing / frustration which needs to be fulfilled.
A man can work on two women at the same time: one with his penis, the other with his mouth.
A woman can be penetrated by three partners simultaneously: orally, genitally, and anally.
Fantasies > Swinging
Swinging means the swapping / exchange of partners for sex, usually done at the same time for all involved couples.
Fantasies > Peeing
Water sports involve the exchange of urine between partners. This exchange can be simple: peeing on each other's body, or extreme: peeing in each other's mouths (or in other body holes).
You shouldn't swallow urine because its purpose is to eliminate toxins from the body.
Don't pee into a woman's vagina, because the urine, once it dries, may become a ground for genital infections!
Fantasies > Violent fantasies
Many people have violent fantasies. Usually, these fantasies exist only if the person who has them can also control them but can't control reality. The mind is trying to explore new power boundaries, but has to be able to control them so that it could have what it needs.
A violent fantasy is not a sexual deviance. It is the way the mind releases sexual and control tensions. Normally, these fantasies dissolve in time, they simply fade away together with the memory of the cause of the fantasy. However, if a violent fantasy continues to be relived over and over again, the mind just gets used being like that, and that eventually leads to psychological damage and thus to the inability of having a normal life. It is also possible for the person who has such a fantasy to attempt to live it in the real world, because he / she is losing sight of the boundary between fantasy and reality.
Men and women have different ways of manipulating the other gender, so they have different types of fantasies. Men try to physically control women, whereas women try to psychologically control men (by using, for example, real or simulated anger to make the men feel shame).
The most common violent fantasies are:
Sharing violent fantasies with someone is a very dangerous thing to do, even with the partner you know for years, because your partner may look at you with embarrassment for having "weird" (or even "sick") thoughts. The worst thing you can do is to share them with someone you don't truly know. You don't know if the person who finds out about your fantasies is someone who can or can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality, and who may think that you actually invite him / her to do those things to you.
You have to understand that violent fantasies occur when there are some exacerbated emotional needs, and not psychological problems. So, if your partner shares such fantasies with you, you should take some time to properly "digest" them before emitting a negative opinion.
The fantasy itself is not important, but the way it ends is essential!
Fantasies > Violent fantasies > Playing safe
If you and your partner together decide to play a physically or emotionally risky fantasy, you will have to establish from the start some ways to end the game:
Fantasies > Violent fantasies > Sadism
Sadism is an instance in which sexual pleasure is obtained by physically or emotionally abusing others. This term is usually associated with a psychological disorder.
A sadist is a person who obtains psychological pleasure from playing the role of an aggressor.
Fantasies > Violent fantasies > Masochism
Masochism is an instance in which sexual pleasure is obtained by being physically or emotionally abused by others. This term is usually associated with a psychological disorder.
A masochist is a person who obtains psychological pleasure from playing the role of a victim.
Most people are slightly masochists, at one time or another in their life. They usually do this when they are confronted with a problem, like being rejected by the person they are attracted to, in which case they tend to constantly complain how tough love / life is.
Things to do during sex
Things to do during sex > Surprise
While your man is sleeping, caress his penis. It's fun when he gets an erection in his sleep, because he may wake up very surprised to find that he is having sex. Do this slowly, and maybe he will not even know what you're doing (at least until he finishes). Try this only if you know he feels good about it!
Of course, the man can do the same to his woman's vulva.
Things to do during sex > Wild thing
Sometimes you two may want to change the way you have sex and do it rough.
Rough doesn't mean that you do it like a vibrator, it means that you use teasing more than the sexual act itself.
Have you ever watched a lion (or any other feline) stalking prey? Well, when you are in front of your partner, ready to have sex (during prelude), try to see yourself from outside your body, how your body teases "the prey" (= your partner).
Mostly use slow movements, stare at your partner's body... to various parts, like: neck, chest, abdomen, bottom, thighs. Move around your partner.
From time to time move suddenly, like when you're behind your partner and he / she is looking at you with his / her head turned, you move quickly to the other side.
A very good method is when your partner has long hair. Put your hands in his / her hair and pull his / her head down to expose his / her neck. Now slowly slide your lips on his / her neck. Use your teeth too: slide them on your partner's neck. Alternate your lips, teeth, and tongue. Kiss, lick, suck!
Things to do during sex > Sex in front of a mirror
Why do it? Mainly because you can face your taboos, but you can also see some of those body parts you can't normally see.
Look at your partner's body, and also look in the mirror to see the "hidden" parts of his / her body; you can also see your "hidden" parts. Don't miss anything: look at everything, see it all!
Mirrors can be placed:
Things to do during sex > Sex in front of a mirror > Mirror of shame
People are ashamed of their own sexuality. If you want to test the truth in this statement, just look to a mirror while you make sex.
Put a large mirror next to the place where you make sex, and look to it during the sexual act. You could look either to you or to your partner, but note that you'll feel much more shame if you look at yourself because you'll feel silly.
But remember: sexuality is an instinct and it acts as an alteration of the reasoning, which means that in the heat of passion you do things you wouldn't rationally do.
This is one of the main reasons why many people don't want to watch pornographic movies. These people feel like they are looking to their own silliness. Basically, their own actions ashame them, they are ashamed of what they do or might be doing, and they may also be ashamed that they might actually like and enjoy those "silly" things.
Things to do during sex > Recording sex
Recording your sexual activities in videos and pictures is similar to having sex in front of a mirror. Beside the fact that you can enjoy seeing the recordings later, you can also see what you have to improve, to do better another time.
Pornography is a mirror of the sexual behavior of humans. It shows what people usually do when they have sex. Of course, most people don't do everything pornography depicts, but the essence is there.
There are two main types of pornography: educational and hardcore. Educational pornography refers to the movies (and pictures and books) which have as goal the sexual education of people, or the simple depiction of normal sexual acts.
Hardcore pornography refers to the movies (and pictures and books) which convey directly or covertly the idea that sex is mainly about domination. This type is considered by many people as immoral.
Educational pornography is good when you want to see specific details about a sexual act, or you want to get new ideas about what to do. It can be used to learn how to masturbate yourself or to masturbate your partner, or how to give oral sex, or how to have genital or anal sex.
If you don't take (long) breaks from watching hardcore pornography in order to love somebody, your mind will likely not be strong enough to ignore its dark side: domination and decadence.
Sex toys, like vibrators and dildos, be they in the form of penises or vulvas and vaginas, are usually made from materials called silicon, TPR (thermoplastic rubber) or TRE (thermoplastic elastomers).
Silicon is much easier to keep clean (than TPR and TPE), but TPR and TPE make a much more realistic skin (than silicon). TPR and TRE are likely to have some sort of unpleasant smell, while silicon usually has no smell.
Silicon is not affected by soap. TPR and TRE are affected by soap, meaning that consistently washing them with soap can erode them, making it easier for dangerous bacteria to find a cosy place where to develop.
If you're using sex toys wrapped in condoms, cleaning the toys becomes very easy. Using condoms is necessary when you're using the toys for anal penetration, or if you're sharing them with someone else (who isn't your long term sexual partner).
If you're using sex toys without a condom, you must wash them after every use, as soon as possible, else dangerous bacteria may develop on them. For toys made out of TPR or TRE, try to use a cleaning fluid specialized for sex toys. If you can't use a specialized cleaning fluid, use normal hand soap.
You should also rinse the toys with water before you use them.
Use warm or hot water, but not hotter than what your hand can handle.
If you want to wash a toy completely in / under water, check the specifications for the toy being waterproof. Some toys are only partially waterproof; usually, the charging port is not, but those with magnetic connectors are usually waterproof.
If you use lubricant with toys, make sure the lubricant is water-based, else the surface of the toys can get eroded. If you wrap a sex toy in a condom, you can also use a silicone-based lubricant (which provides lubrication for longer than a water-based lubricant).
You should store the toys in disinfected boxes.
The biggest disadvantages of sex toys are:
Sex toys > Vibrators
A vibrator is a penis-shaped, battery-powered shaft that vibrates. Some vibrators plug into a socket. Some of them are realistic reproductions of a penis.
Women can insert a vibrator into their vagina or rectum, or use it to stimulate their clitoris or breasts. Men may also find vibrations enjoyable on various places: around the penis, the scrotum, the anus, in the rectum, or on the nipples.
If you insert a vibrator in your rectum, you should use one with a base wider than its shaft, so it wouldn't get lost inside.
If you're using a vibrator a lot, you may experience loss of sensitivity / numbness in the genital area. If you stop using the vibrator, your sensitivity should return to normal after a while.
Some vibrators can help you avoid the loss of sensitivity by thrusting instead of vibrating. Such vibrators are called "telescopic vibrators". They are meant to be inserted vaginally or anally, and have a mobile tip that can move back and forth, simulating a man's thrusting his penis. If you want one of these, make sure that the telescopic function can move the tip at least 3 cm (1.2 inches). Ensure that such a vibrator doesn't have a separate base in which it moves, the vibrator itself must elongate, otherwise it could trap tissue between the vibrator and its base, causing serios harm.
Sex toys > Dildos
Dildos can be found in a variety of shapes, sizes, lengths and styles. Some of them are realistic reproductions of a penis. Dildos have no electrical parts.
Dildos should be long. This doesn't mean that the full length of the dildo should be inserted, but you have to be sure that the dildo can be easily retrieved from where it's been inserted.
A dildo can have a harness that can be worn by a woman around her waist, to give her the possibility to experience what men do when they thrust their penis into a mouth, vagina or rectum.
Sex toys > Restraints
When fulfilling a fantasy where one person feels dominated (let's say the woman), while the other feels dominating (let's say the man), restraints are a way to create a slight fear of the unknown, of danger.
Forget rigid restraints like handcuffs. Restraints can be soft, made from textile or leather, and can be used on wrists, ankles, thighs and neck. Soft restraints can have (adjustable) belts that link the restraints, for example, between wrists and ankles. Some belt-like restraints (with rings from place to place) are long enough to go around the mattress in order to immobilize (to the bed) the person that's restrained.
Restraints with velcro closing are noisy, while those with belt and buckle closing are silent. Restraints with velcro closing can be opened with the mouth (in case the restrained person has to free himself / herself if the dominating person becomes incapacitated), while those with belt and buckle can't.
To find restraints, on Amazon search for "restraints sex"; for inspiration, you can also look for "bondage set".
Sex toys > Dolls
The best dolls are designed as realistic reproductions of men and women. They have mobile body parts that can be moved in different positions.
Dolls may have several holes, located where the mouth, vagina, and anus would be. In male dolls there's a realistic penis reproduction where the penis would be.
Dolls are a lot of hassle to store and clean up, due to their human-equivalent size.
Sex toys > Food
Honey, cream, and liquid chocolate can be spread on the body and licked off. The same is true for any other food that can be spread.
Drinks can also be used as sex toys, like champagne.
Bananas and cucumbers are often compared to penises, and can be used as replacements.
Be aware that any sugary substance placed into the vagina vastly increases the chances of an infection. It is best to avoid putting sweets into the vagina.
When a man's sperm meets a woman's ovum, the ovum is fertilized; the result is a cell called zygote; a pregnancy begins and the menstruation stops. The zygote attaches itself to the thick lining of her uterus and starts to grow. The zygote begins to divide, and an embryo begins to grow in the woman's uterus.
It takes about 38 weeks (266 days) before the baby is ready to be born; this process is called gestation. Some people say that gestation takes 40 weeks because the expected delivery date is calculated from the first day of the woman's last menstrual cycle, even though fertilization must have happened about two weeks later, at ovulation (when the ovum was released).
The maximum optimum age, recommend by physicians, at which a woman should give birth is 35 years.
There should be no rush in conceiving a baby. If you and your partner decide to have sex, but don't want to start a pregnancy, you have to use birth control methods. No method is 100% effective. However, some methods can be very effective if they are used properly, especially if you combine them.
A pregnancy can start almost any time, when the semen of a man gets inside a woman's vagina; sperm can live inside a woman's vagina for several days. This doesn't mean that the pregnancy will definitely start, but the chances are not null. A woman can get pregnant:
There is absolutely no way a woman can get pregnant if the semen of a man doesn't get inside her vagina.
Signs of possible pregnancy are:
Most physicians agree that sex (both vaginally and anally) is safe during pregnancy, even near the delivery date. Of course, the thrusting has to be soft and shallow (that is, don't shove your penis all the way to her cervix). The best positions for sex during pregnancy are:
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods
The effectiveness of any method of birth control depends greatly on how carefully it is used. Without any birth control method, during a year, the vast majority of couples will start a pregnancy.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Condom
A condom is a thin casing of latex or polyurethane which is worn over the erect penis in order to prevent semen from getting into the vagina, thus preventing pregnancy and the transmission of STDs between partners. Condoms may be smooth or textured, lubricated, colored, and even flavored.
A condom is perhaps the simplest contraceptive method, though there may be some frustration about not being able to directly feel the vagina with the penis (and the penis with the vagina).
Condoms should be used during sex because they have the highest contraceptive efficacy (similar with hormonal implants), don't affect the hormonal balance of either partner, make hygiene easier, and protect from sexually transmissible diseases.
Condoms are very effective in preventing pregnancy, if used properly. The problem is that "properly" is not practical in the heat of the moment. For better effectiveness, you could combine it with another contraceptive method.
There is no need to go to a physician for using condoms. Condoms can be bought without a prescription, at many stores. When you buy them, make sure they have a space at the tip; this space is where the semen will collect during ejaculation.
A condom has the proper size if it can be rolled over the penis without having to strech it with the fingers.
To determine the size of a condom that's the best fit for you, measure the girth of the erect penis, in the middle of the penis (where it's thickest). To make things easier, wrap a piece of paper around the middle of the penis and break the paper where it starts to overlap with itself, and then measure the length of the paper that was wrapped around the penis. The advertised size of a condom is actually its width when laid flat, so its girth is twice its width. However, since the condom has to be tight on the erect penis in order to avoid it from slipping, the condom size must be smaller than half of the penis girth. At the same time, a condom which is too tight is difficult to roll on the penis and is much more likely to break during sex. Therefore, the condom size should be about 0.42 multiplied with the penis girth, whether the measurements are done in millimeters or inches; the multiplier can vary between 0.41...0.43.
Each condom is wrapped in an individual package. Every package should have a date stamped on it; don't use the condom if that date has already passed.
Don't inflate a condom to check it for cracks or holes, as inflating it can damage the latex.
Keep condoms away from heat sources, and from anything (sharp) that can break them, like teeth, keys, pens.
Using adequate lubricant is especially important when latex condoms (or latex gloves) are used. Oil-based lubricants break latex. Make sure the lubricant you buy is rated "condom compatible", or use only water-based or silicon-based lubricants.
To use one, a condom must be rolled over the erect penis before there is any contact between the penis and the vagina, anus or mouth, because the fluid that exits the penis can contain sperm at any time, and can therefore start a pregnancy or pass STDs, even without ejaculation.
When you roll a condom over the penis, keep its tip with your fingers in order to avoid air getting trapped there, air which could otherwise break the condom during thrusting (due to the created pressure).
After the man ejaculates, he should withdraw his penis from the vagina before it loses its erection. Hold the condom at the base of the penis in order to keep it from slipping or spilling.
If the condom breaks during thrusting, and you don't want to start a pregnancy, the woman has to go to a physician for a birth control pill that can be prescribed within 3 days. The pill affects the lining of the uterus so that a fertilized ovum can't implant.
To safely remove a condom, put the nail of a finger under the rim of the condom and slowly push it toward the tip of the penis.
After sex with a condom, fill it with water and check if it's leaking. A leak indicates that the condom has a puncture, so the partners are exposed to sexually transmissible diseases, and the woman could get pregnant.
A condom is a one-time use object: use it and then discard it.
Advantages: available without prescription, offers good protection from STDs, easy to carry and use.
Disadvantages: some reduction in genital sensations, taste badly (like rubber) during oral sex, some people are allergic to latex.
Don't flush condoms in the toilet!
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Implants for women
This involves a small tube which is implanted in a woman's arm. The implant slowly releases a hormone called etonogestrel.
Disadvantages: it has to be replaced every 3 years or so.
Known brands are: Implanon, Nexplanon (a slightly improved version of Implanon).
It is the most effective birth control method (aside abstinence), by far, but pregnancy can still occur when implanted improperly.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > IUD
An IUD (= IntraUterine Device) is very effective, but pregnancy can still occur.
There are quite a number of things that you have to watch out for when using an IUD, so talk to your gynecologist. In particular, it must be checked periodically that an IUD can (still) be removed.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Tubal ligation
Tubal ligation is a method of birth control for women which involves surgery.
It's permanent, so choose carefully.
Disadvantages: possible psychological problems for being infertile, fear of surgery.
It is very effective.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Vasectomy
Vasectomy is a method of birth control for men which involves a simple surgery.
During a vasectomy, the vas deferens are cut and tied. This prevents sperm from getting into semen. From now on, the man ejaculates semen, but the semen doesn't contain sperm. Therefore a pregnancy can't start.
A vasectomy is not effective right away. There is still some sperm in the vas deferens. After about 6 weeks, the man needs to go to the physician to make sure that no sperm is getting into his semen. Having unprotected genital sex before the reproductive tract is fully cleared of semen, after vasectomy, may result in pregnancy.
You should have a vasectomy only if you are sure that you will not want children in the future. There is no guarantee that a vasectomy can be reversed.
It's permanent, so choose carefully.
Advantages: minimal health risks compared with the oral contraceptives.
Disadvantages: possible psychological problems for being infertile, fear of surgery.
It is very effective.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Injected contraceptive for women
The contraceptive is injected every 3 months. It changes the menstrual bleeding, so that after 3 or 4 injections most women will have no bleeding at all.
Advantages: decreased menstrual cramps.
It is very effective.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Oral contraceptive for women
Advantages: reliable, offers protection all the time, increased regularity of the menstrual cycle, reduces menstrual cramps.
Disadvantages: requires prescription, can't be used for too much time consecutively, you must never forget to take it.
Possible disadvantages: nausea, weight gain, fluid retention, breast tenderness, headaches, missed menstruations, acne, mood changes, depression, anxiety, fatigue, decreased sex drive, circulatory diseases, gastrointestinal disorders.
It is very effective.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Withdrawal
Withdrawal is also called coitus interruptus.
Advantages: no cost or preparation involved, no health risk if STDs are absent, available even if no other methods are.
Disadvantages: inability to fully relax during sex, frustration created by inability to ejaculate in the vagina.
It has poor effectiveness.
Pregnancy > Contraceptive methods > Abstinence
Abstinence means that you never have sex. You should never let anybody pet you, else you may find it very difficult to resist the temptation.
Advantages: no cost or health risks, no worry about pregnancy.
Disadvantages: sexual frustration.
There are no chances of a pregnancy. If you play some sexual games, then make sure the semen doesn't get near the vagina.
Sexually transmitted diseases
The short term for "sexually transmitted diseases" is STD.
When you have sex with a new partner (and you don't know if he / she has no STD), you are taking a health risk. Protect yourself and your partner! The most effective thing you can do to stay healthy is to use condoms.
Some STDs may show symptoms only after many years from the time of infection. During this time, the STDs may pass to all sexual partners.
Some STDs can't be cured: they are deadly. Sometimes there are no signs, or they develop very slowly, without you knowing that they are there. If they are not treated, they can cause serious health problems or even death. This is why you need to know how to avoid them. Some STDs, if untreated may lead to sterility.
STDs can pass from person to person during sexual contact. You can get an STD from any kind of sex (oral, vaginal, or anal), sharing sex toys, or even by simply getting in contact with another person's bodily fluids. Don't have unprotected contact with sores, rashes, semen, blood, or vaginal fluids. Washing and urinating before and after sex may also reduce the risk of contacting an STD.
There is no way to be sure that someone has no STD just by looking at his / her genitals. However, if you do see a sore or an unusual discharge from the genitals, don't take any chances. Say "no" to sex until a physician says that your partner is healthy. Explain your reasons to your partner, and go with him / her to see a physician.
The more people you or your partner have sex with, the greater your chance of getting an STD is.
If you are sexually active, the best protection is to have only one partner (who has only you as a sexual partner). If you have more than one sexual partner or if you start a new relationship, use condoms.
You or your partner may think that condoms are not romantic and they reduce sensitivity, but no STD cares about that.
If you have any of the following symptoms you should see a physician: bad smell of vaginal fluids, inexplicable weight loss, persistent fever, swollen lymph nodes, sores, reddish spots on the skin (that may ulcerate), painful and frequent urination, severe pain and fever, yellow discharge from the penis, massive vaginal discharge, irritation of the external genitals, pain or burning while urinating, abnormal menstrual bleeding, lower abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, pain during sex, sore throat, headaches, joints pain, poor appetite, hair loss, painful blisters on the genitals, skin rashes, depression, and yellowing of the eyes and skin.
If you have an STD, get treatment immediately. All your sexual partners must also be treated. This is the only way to stop the spread of STDs and the serious health problems they cause.
A negative result of a test for STD means that at the time of the test no STD was detected. A positive result means that an STD was detected.
You might here that circumcised people have a lower risk of being infected by HIV, compared to non-circumcised people. Those statistics might be valid for a large mass of people, but for individuals it's like saying that HIV will not infect them today, but only tomorrow. Circumcision is a fallacious argument in a conversation about HIV protection, as it doesn't protect against HIV. Only (male) condoms can help. Condoms have a general effectiveness of up to 96% if used consistently and reliably, and 70...92% when having sex with at least one HIV-positive partner, but when used only sporadically, the effectiveness drops to 8%.
Sexual problems refer to health problems that extend in time.
Sexual problems > At men and women
Sexual problems > At men and women > Infertility
Infertility is a physiological incapacity to start a pregnancy.
Many couples find that starting a pregnancy is not as easy as they expected. If you want to have children, you should try for at least one year before looking for medical help. Infertility can happen because of a problem in either the man or the woman.
Sexual problems > At men and women > Dyspareunia
Dyspareunia is a condition of difficult or painful genital sex, the experience of pain, especially in the genital organs, during sex. The term is used mainly in reference to women.
Sexual problems > At men and women > Frigidity
Frigidity means persistent aversion toward sexual intercourse. The term is used mainly in reference to women.
Sexual problems > At men and women > Bladder infection
Women get bladder infections more frequently than men because their urethra is much shorter. Also, the meatus is very close to the vagina and the anus. This means that it is easy for bacteria to get from the anus to the meatus.
A first sign of bladder infection is the need to urinate more often. Sometimes the person feels he / she needs to urinate again, right after he / she has finished. There may be blood in the urine, or the urine may smell different. Sometimes urination is painful and difficult.
Sexual problems > At men
Sexual problems > At men > Impotence
Impotence is a condition in which the erection of the penis is lacking, under normal conditions of sexual arousal.
Sexual problems > At men > Premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is a condition of being unable to sustain the pre-orgasmic period, and so ejaculation occurs too soon relative to self-defined or partner-defined criteria. This usually happens because of rushing things during sex.
Sexual problems > At men > Satyriasis
Satyriasis is an insatiable sexual appetite, a compulsive condition in a man for repeated sexual acts with different partners, but not as a prostitute.
Sexual problems > At men > Priapism
Priapism means a persistent painful erection of the penis, usually without sexual desire.
Sexual problems > At women
Sexual problems > At women > Vaginismus
Vaginismus is an involuntary, persistent spasm of the muscles surrounding the outer third of the vagina. As a consequence, a penis can't get in or out of the vagina.
Vaginismus may be either lifelong or recent, generalized to all sexual encounters, or specific to certain partners or situations.
Sexual problems > At women > Vaginal and uterine prolapse
Prolapse means the falling down or slipping out of place of an organ, such as the vagina or uterus.
The genital organs are very fragile. The vagina is not a hole, but an organ, an organ with very thin walls, so you have to be very careful with it.
Sexual problems > At women > Nymphomania
Nymphomania is an insatiable sexual appetite, a compulsive condition in a woman for repeated sexual acts with different partners, but not as a prostitute.
Sexual problems > At women > Amenorrhea
Amenorrhea means lack of menstrual bleeding.
Sexual problems > At women > Vaginal dryness
Many women who lack vaginal moisture before sex, believe that there is something wrong with them. In most cases, low levels of estrogens cause the lack of moisture. Estrogens levels are extremely low after the birth of a child, and are null when the ovaries stop producing it, at the end of the menopause. The most important of all reasons for vaginal dryness is stress.
Statistics say that almost all sexually active women have occasional symptoms of vaginal dryness due to stress.
Sexual problems > At women > Vaginal infection
Vaginal infections are common. Most women will experience this at some point in their life, even if their vaginal hygiene is impeccable.
Symptoms of vaginal infections are itching and burning sensations of the genital organs.
Most vaginal infections are not sexually spread. The most common vaginal infection is caused by yeast. Yeast is normally found in a vagina, but sometimes it may get out of control and cause an infection.
Sexual problems > At women > Toxic shock syndrome
TSS is an infection characterized by high fever, sunburn-like rash all over the body, vomiting, and diarrhea, followed (in severe cases) by shock.
It occurs among some young women who use vaginal tampons (but not in the case of pads), if those tampons are too absorbent.
Statistics should be taken with a grain of salt.
Some of the following numbers refer to the so-called "free world" (free of taboos and fears, free of "traditions").
There are huge regional and temporal variations. For example, it seems that the newer a study is, the more people masturbate (or admit they do).
About 90...95% of men and 70...80% of women have masturbated (at least once in their life). About 30% of people aged 18...40 masturbate at least once a week. About 55% of men and 40% of women above 18 years old masturbate at least once a month. About 90% of boys and 80% of girls below 18 years old do it at least once a week.
About 70% of men and 65% of women have had their first sex by the age of 18. Some studies are not clear (in their surveys) about oral and anal sex and they say that about 50% of people have their first sex by the age of 18.
People of age 18...29 years have sex an average of 110 times per year, of age 30...39 do it an average of 90 times per year, and of age 40...49 do it an average of 70 times per year.
Women orgasm 20...30% of the time during vaginal sex and without direct clitoral stimulation, and 50...60% of the time if the clitoris is also stimulated. 37% of women never orgasm if their clitoris is not stimulated during vaginal sex, and 14% of women never orgasm even if their clitoris is stimulated. The reason for this is that most women need to have their clitoris stimulated in order to orgasm, and this doesn't usually happen during vaginal sex. Over 90% of men consistently orgasm during genital sex. This is why women come first!
At about 80% of women, the vulva is visible (from front) when the woman stands.
Some 45% to 90% of women suffer of dysmenorrhea.
About 80% of breast abnormalities are benign (= not cancerous).
The average period of a menstrual cycle is 28 days; this occurs in about 25% of women.
Menopause usually starts between the ages of 45...55.
Always remember that you make choices, not someone else, and your actions are your responsibility, not someone else's!
What else is there to say? Well, be good , byee and relax .