Questions and answers


What would be a short version of Lovzen?

If you prefer to avoid answering hundreds of detailed questions, see this.

Also watch Amy Webb's TED "How I hacked online dating" talk for an example of someone who created her own matching algorithm.

Is Lovzen a personality test?

No. Lovzen doesn't attempt to see how people are, doesn't try to explain why people are the way they are, doesn't assign score points to personality traits or to individuals, doesn't interpret / judge results, doesn't try to categorize people and doesn't reference norms.

Lovzen is a personality profile built around the principles that "Similarity equals compatibility" and "Opposites attract at first, but end up fighting". The existence of attraction between two people doesn't mean that they would have a happy and durable relationship together.

Lovzen initially considers that two individuals are fully compatible. Then it checks if they react in the same way to well defined experiences. If they do, there is a compatible personality. Differences are treated as tension points (which appear in a relationship), and therefore decrease the matching score.

This mechanism limits the type of affirmations which can be asked, and also the way in which the affirmations can be formulated, but simplifies everything: creation of affirmations, design of compatibility formulas, design of user interface, interpretation (by users) of affirmation context.

Is there a scientific foundation for Lovzen's matching?

Lovzen was born from the simple observation that the human mind is the synergy of tiny reactions to thousands upon thousands of situations that an individual encounters throughout his / her life, and from realizing that virtually nobody would actively seek a partner who reacts differently to these situations.

Why would they? Why would anyone who drinks tea actively seek a partner who dislikes tea? People might not care what their partners drink, but it's nearly impossible for them to actively want partners who like something else.

If you need a larger scientific base for Lovzen's matching, then assortative mating is it.

Assortative mating refers to the preferential mating of an individual with another who has some similar traits, like: place of birth, ethnicity, age, height, weight, intelligence, education, wealth, occupation, religion.

As an example, is it relevant that you drink tea but your partner doesn't? For you personally, it's likely irrelevant, but on a large scale this difference increases (no matter how little) the chances of the people who live together to argue about it.

Take the inverse situation, that both you and your partner drink tea. This case decreases the chances that you argue about it, and increases the chances that you have something in common, nice to talk about and share in intimate moments.

This is why assortative mating exists: if there is a match in behavior, the chances to share it throughout life are increased, while the chances to argue about it are decreased.

Who is Lovzen for?

Lovzen is for people who are selective and interested in partners with similar personalities.

Lovzen can help people see the differences which could break a good or exceptional relationship.

Lovzen doesn't work for people who are looking for a partner with a different personality, like passive - active pairs.

Lovzen doesn't work for people who are willing to mold around the personality of their partner. This indicates a low tendency to be selective, which in turn means that the answers to the Lovzen affirmations become virtually irrelevant.

The people who have a low tendency to be selective believe that any man and any women could live a happy life together if they just have the proper gender, age and attraction, and if each would adapt to the common denominator by letting a few things slide once in a while.

If humans were machines with binary emotions, adapting to the common denominator would actually work, but as it stands today, people have very complex and different personalities, and they can't be split into just a few groups (like active, passive) whose members are all compatible (given the proper gender, age and attraction).

The personalities of people will intersect and conflict their entire lives, and if they are not compatible from the beginning, their relations will either grow apart or break, will argue regularly and will call that a normal life.

What happens with my personal profile?

Your personal profile (and the partner profile) is saved in a browser cookie. A browser cookie is a small piece of information that is stored by your browser on your computer.

If cookies are disabled (or not persisted) in your browser, your personal profile (and the partner profile) is not restored when you start a new browser session.

The web application doesn't send your personal profile (or the partner profile) outside your computer.

How can I make sure that my personal profile is not sent outside my computer?

Right-click here and choose "Save target / link as" in order to save the web application on your computer. Then you can run the saved HTML file on a computer which has no Internet access, or you can firewall it.

What Internet browsers are compatible with the web application?

All the major browsers (Chrome, Firefox, InternetExplorer, Opera, Safari).

JavaScript is required, but there is no other active content.

Cookies should be enabled and persisted through browsing sessions. If cookies are not persisted, your personal profile will not be restored when you start again the web application.

Firefox is several times slower at loading the web application, compared to all the other major browsers. Be a little patient with it.

Mobile browsers may have some quirks. For example, the default Android browser persists cookies only when you navigate away from a webpage. This means that if you want your personal profile to be restored, you must navigate away from the web application before you close the browser.

What should I do when using an online dating service?

Photos are the fastest and most important way for people to see if they are interested in you.

In your dating profile, add photos of yourself, and a text which describes what you want from your partner, what you like and what you dislike. This will allow people who look at your profile to quickly see if they are the type of person that you are looking for.

You can also add your Lovzen web-profile (without the private answers). If the dating service allows you to add URLs in your profile, you can add the URL generated in the "Send to partners" section of the Lovzen web application.

Your face should be visible in (some of) the photos.

Do not use photos of other people! Aside from showing that you are deceitful, the largest dating services will delete accounts who do this.

See this for how to take a good portrait photo.

If you want to look around to see what potential partners you could meet, it's okay to not have a photo for a few weeks, but if beyond that you still don't add a photo, you are showing that you are not serious about meeting with the other people who are also using that dating service.

Have you seen how many profiles are on a dating service, from your country / region, without photos or without saying what they expect from a partner? Nobody will send hundreds of messages to all those people, hoping that one might be a good match. It's simply unmanageable.

Besides, someone who doesn't say what they want from a partner, or who doesn't write something about themselves, are perceived as not being serious about online dating.

It's preferable to add more photos to your profile because only one photo usually creates a very limited impression about you. You may either appear too good looking or too bad looking.

You might believe that if you appear better looking than you really are, is a good thing, but you should consider that in such a case many people would reject you later (and that could become more and more disappointing).

How do I make a good portrait photo?

A portrait photo means that a person is fit in the frame / photo from the top of the head down to shoulders or chest.

By "good" it's understood something other than a photo like those taken inside (especially in a bathroom mirror) or self-taken from arm's length.

A good portrait photo is a photo where the face and the eyes are clearly visible, that is, they are not covered by sunglasses.

The photo can be taken either in portrait mode (with the narrow side of the camera / photo aligned horizontally with the ground) where nothing but the photographed person fits in the frame, or in landscape mode (with the wide side of the camera / photo aligned horizontally with the ground).

Have a friend take your portrait photo outside, in daylight. If the sun is bright, either position yourself to have it behind you, or move into a (lightly) shaded area; do this in order to void squinting and harsh shadows forming on your face. Have both the camera and yourself inside the shadowy area, not just yourself.

Have the camera 2...4 meters (7...14 feet) away from yourself. The (optical) zoom (/ focal length) has to be changed in order to fill the frame with your head and shoulders.

Avoid using a phone's camera because this will make certain facial features appear bigger than what people see at you, like the nose, cheeks and ears. The reason for this is that such cameras lack optical zooming capabilities.

Make sure that the camera confirms the focus on the face, preferably on an eye.

If the camera shows the hand-shake symbol (or a shutter speed smaller than 200), either manually increase the ISO or pop up the camera's flash. The environmental light should overwhelm the light coming from the flash; basically, the flash should only provide enough light to fill the shadows; avoid using a strong flash directly on the face.

A bit of psychology:

  • A "good" portrait photo will not necessarily bring more attention to you because the people looking at your photo may simply be used with and expecting a different type a photo, like one self-taken from arm's length (which looks more real because of its imperfections).

  • Men like to see photos where the women look at the camera, while women are slightly intimidated by men who look at the camera.

  • You may be tempted to cover your face with something like sunglasses. If you think about posting such a photo in your online profile, you should consider that the people who want to see your eyes may skip you, while those who are more interested in your body will contact you anyway.

  • Smiling is not necessary, but make sure that you don't have a sad face.

  • Add a personal touch. For example, a photo of someone looking like a model in an advertisement is impersonal. But someone taking a self-closeup, smiling, or holding / waving a hand at the camera is going to be perceived as more approachable.

What should I do to find matches?

Browse the list of people who pass through the basic filtering criteria, like: region / country, gender, smoking habits, desired number of children.

Avoid the dating services that don't allow you to browse people.

Some dating services will show you a few people that they think matches you. Don't limit yourself to those. It's highly unlikely that those people will actually match your personality.

You may find out that some of the people that you are interested in, are very picky about their partners. Usually, these people are looking for a long-term relationship.

If they weren't picky, they would have found someone in the physical world by now, and would not be online trying to find a match who they couldn't find otherwise.

These people want a better than average match, someone they can't find in the physical world. Why would anyone get online to waste their time trying to find an average match?

So, if you believe that some of these people are good matches for you, rather than thinking that they should lower their standards, consider that you should raise yours to meet their expectations.

How should I form my first message to someone I like?

When you like someone's photos and profile, don't use the features supposedly designed to break the ice, like "rate" / "buzz" / "wink" / "send gift". Write him / her a message! Seriously! Stop being afraid of talking.

The message should be relatively short, for example less than 1'000 characters.

Use proper grammar and avoid shortcuts (like "u" instead of "you"), unless you are looking for someone who does the same.

Avoid an overly sexual attitude, and avoid talking about sex.

Avoid using extreme physical compliments (like "you are gorgeous") because they may be interpreted as a pick-up line rather than a honest compliment.

Make yourself unique by showing your personality. Ask what you want to know from the person that you're contacting. Don't just say "do you want to get to know each other?"

Talk about (common) subjects that he / she has shared in his / her profile. Ask clear questions whose responses matter to you. Offer the other person the possibility to jump into the conversation, don't wait for him / her to create a subject for a conversation.

Show your interest for that person. Say that you are curious, that you've noticed something in his / her profile, that he / she has mentioned something interesting.

Avoid begging for attention or looking desperate in any way. Do not say "please contact me!"

Avoid sending a second message to someone who has not responded to your first message. If you do send a second message, do it after several weeks and say something like “You may have missed my previous message... Don't worry, I will not send any other messages if you don't reply to this one.”

Honesty is important, but the way to honesty is even more so. For example, a first message that shows your sexual intentions clearly (like "you're hot, I want to have sex with you") would largely be ignored, just like if you were to tell this to someone in the street. Sex is a goal in most relationships, but the path to it is more important and is what makes each person / couple unique.

Don't ask the other person out in your first message.

Should I use a paid or a free online dating service?

They each have advantages and disadvantages.

Paid services may be motivated to make it difficult for you to find good matches, so that you keep on hoping to meet the perfect match and continue to use the service and pay.

But at the same time, people who pay for a dating service are far more motivated than those who are using a free service.

Also, the people who pay for a dating service provide certain valid personal information to the service. This should be enough to assure you that if something bad happens when interacting with these people, you can hold them (legally) responsible.

If you decide to use a paid service, make sure that you pay with a debit card on which you need to constantly put money. This way, if you try to cancel your subscription but the service refuses to do it, you can simply stop putting money on the card.

It's perhaps best to use one free and one paid service.

How can I protect myself when dating online?

The people that you meet online are unknown to you and (probably) to the dating service, and they may be trying to hurt you in some way. You never know, so it's better to be safe rather than sorry.

Your accounts with online dating services must not display information which can be used to identify and track you in reality or over the Internet, like: real name, home address, income amount, real names of friends, phone numbers, email addresses, the names of your accounts from other online services. Stop talking to people who insist that you give them this kind of information about yourself.

Always search online the photos of the people that you are contacting. Save on your computer the photo that you want to search. Go to Google's image search feature and upload the saved image (to their servers); click the camera icon from the right side of the search bar. You will then get a search result with the web-pages where the photo was found. If the photo was found somewhere else on the Internet, use your common sense to see if it really belongs to the owner of the dating account or to someone else, like a photo-model.

If someone seems trustworthy and worthwhile, it's recommended that you create an email address with a random name (like "fapmbtegvy"), and use that email address to talk more privately to that person.

If you want to talk through instant messages, you should also create an account name with a random name.

Some instant messaging programs (like Pidgin) can handle multiple accounts from different service providers, so you can chat on your normal account with your friends, and at the same time also chat with the people who you have met when dating online.

Never send money to people who are not long-time, trustworthy friends.

Do not install computer programs which are sent to you by other people. Computer programs can be infected (by those people) with malicious software which can send information from your computer to them, like account names and passwords, photos, emails, instant messages sent to your friends.

What should I do if I want to physically meet someone who I have met while dating online?

Talk extensively before meeting in person.

Find out as much as possible about the personality of the person that you are talking to.

Ask for the real name of that person.

Ask for clear photos of the face of that person.

Ask for clear photos of that person in a variety of situations at different times in his / her life.

Agree to meet only in a public place with many people around.

Tell to a friend where you are going and when you will return. Give to that friend the real name and the photos of the person that you are going to meet.

Do not agree to be picked up from your home by that person. Go to the meeting place (and return from there) on your own.

Do not let your drinks unsupervised. Drugs can be put into them while you are away.

Do not feel embarrassed by the precautions that you are taking. Some people may try to make you feel ashamed of your behavior / precautions, so that you lower your guard. If this happens, either proudly voice your desire / need to feel safe, or simply walk away.

Predators think that they are smart and can exploit your social behavior. Be smarter! It's better to appear fearful or uncool than end up being hurt by your date.

For example, if someone asks you "But don't you trust me?" just look into their eyes, smile and say confidently "no", or if you prefer a milder way then say "not yet".

Can I suggest an affirmation?

Of course.

You can also suggest a rephrase of an existing affirmation.

Whatever idea you have in mind, remember that your affirmation has to attempt to quantify a (tiny) part of the human personality. If you can come up with affirmations that are deal breakers for lots of people, that would be perfect.

An affirmation like "Do you eat in the morning?" may be interesting to many people, but it's unlikely to be as much as a deal breaker as "Do you want to have children?" Too many affirmations would make many people stop answering them, so lots of insignificant affirmations isn't the way to go.

Avoid affirmations that have a high probability to be answered differently by men and women, like "Do you play football?" or "Do you like shopping?". Be more specific, like "Would you watch big sport events together with your partner?" or "Would you go shopping with your partner for things that are needed for a home?"

Avoid generic affirmations whose meaning may vary widely, like "Are you romantic?" Be specific, like "Would you ever try to surprise your partner with a restaurant dinner or a short getaway to a resort?"

The types of affirmations which will not get in, are:

  • Affirmations which largely repeat an existing affirmation.

  • Affirmations which are too general.

  • Affirmations which are answered differently by men and women. You may have noticed that such affirmations already exist, but they are phrased separately for genders.

  • Affirmations which refer to a fantasy context, like those starting with "Imagine that" or "If it were possible".

  • Affirmations which attempt to evaluate the intelligence of the person who answers.

  • Affirmations to which (the target) people are likely to lie deliberately.

You can see here what affirmations the future may bring.

Is it possible to globally search for matching Lovzen profiles?

No. You should use an online dating service and add your Lovzen profile in the dating profile.

Why Lovzen?

Natural selection is getting old. It has benefited some from the modern digital era in the form of online dating services, but not enough.

It is possible to help people find a better life partner, someone with whom to live a happier life; at least better than what's possible today by meeting physically within the circle of friends. This voluntary combination of two DNA strings which feel good together, would change natural selection.

Every person can fill in his / her personal profile and publish it online. Other people can then compare their personal profiles with the published profiles, using the web application.

Do you accept to compare our profiles?

To whom is this question addressed? Do you know the gender, age and location of this person? Lovzen is an entity which publishes a web application.

What do you mean "you may claim ownership of the work, but not the name"?

A car manufacturer sells you (or gives you as a prize) a car. You now own the car, but not the name / brand. You can now sell the car, but not the name / brand.